Hi! I live in Canada, where I experience snow every winter. I imagine it was quite the new experience for you! I like the rhythm of your poem. No, snow is nothing like rain! I noticed one spelling error; "surley" should be "surely". Oh wait..there's an "i" missing in the word "outside".
I really like this poem about bullying. It is incomprehensible, yet it exists. The first few lines ring so true. I must admit I don't understand the word "thrown". Did you intend for it to be "throne"? Remember to capitalize the word "I". I noticed another misspelling: it should be "etiquette". The word "something" is missing an "e". Typos happen.
Hi! I like the concept of your story. It sounds so believable. After all the wonderful excitement of a birthday, being the victim of a theft would be terrible. A clown thief is so unexpected! I am partial to the name Carrie; it's my daughter's name. Okay, there are a few issues with your writing, but nothing serious. You tend to write in run-on sentences. There are many places where a period would give the reader a chance to pause and breathe. The sentence "I was furious" could end with a period after the word furious. "he said hi" could be "He said,"Hi." Words of conversation need quotation marks. You have a few typos. in which the complete word is missing a letter like "the" and "in". You need to capitalize the word "I". Party guests should be plural with an "s". Like everything, writing improves with practice, so keep it up.
Firstly, I agree with you, a smile can be so deceptive, and difficult to interpret. It is such an integral form of communicating and acknowledged in any culture. Yes, a smile is a sweet gift. Okay.. now to the technical aspect of writing English... It may be a typo, but in your third line you unnecessarily capitalize the word "a". Also, in that line, you have a run-on sentence. After the word "more" you should use a period and then the rest becomes a new sentence. I do not know what you intended with the word "delouse". Do you mean "delude"? There are several areas that are not complete sentences or are run-on sentences, but I realize you are invoking thought and your ideas are meant to be representative of an open-ended conversation. In your last lines, it should be "handicapped". Perhaps try a semi-colon after the word "buds" and a period after "hide what the other shows". Get rid of the "and". "That's why they are" is a new sentence.
HAHA!!! You are so correct in your observations. Too many 'writers' seem to believe that spelling and grammar are unimportant. What has become of proof-reading? The unintentional humour that often surfaces can be very entertaining. Unfortunately, too many students here in Canada are taught with a whole language approach. Basically, phonetics are ignored and new readers are encouraged to guess at what a word may be. Do not try to sound out a word; just react to the first letter. English is a complicated language with far too many words that share a common first letter; never mind the words that sound alike, but have totally different meanings. High school students are graded according to 'possible intent'. If a teacher thinks they understand the general gist of a piece of writing, it's deemed acceptable. With cell phones, communication, especially texting, becomes all about the speed. I like the lines 'verbal incontinence' and 'Add verbs. Stick them in there with glue'.
Modesty and decorum don't seem to be welcome in a hospital. I consider myself lucky if I'm given a gown still in one piece to wear. Often the ties are missing or the snaps no longer snap. They also seem to be available in one-size-fits-all only. Too often we're in pain and just miserable enough not to care what we're forced to wear. Your poem is funny and you seem to indulge in the one hospital sport that makes a visit worthwhile; people-watching. The rhyming is solid, but the rhythm is not. This is okay because the subject matter isn't perfect either. Fate placed you outside an x-ray department and fate teased you as well with your near-sighting.
What a heartfelt tale! How true that what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. You survived your first matrimonial home and lived to tell the story. I can't imagine not only co-habitating with creepy crawlies, but living with the knowledge that they'd come back at any time.
I love your writing, it is so natural and effortless. I imagine you sharing this as an oral story. This was obviously a very personal self-history. Sadly, not everyone will admit to their pasts and their life-lessons learned. You were an irrepressible young man; you spun gold from straw. If only more people retained their innate ingenuity and imagination. I noticed in one line when you're mentioning about how poor you were you write " truth be know". I think you meant to type "known". Typing is far different and more finicky than handwriting isn't it? Can you imagine an eight-year old in this time and space having the wherewithal to not only cut down a tree, but dig a hole for it too?
Oh how true! Every politician can and does make promises. Too many just employ smear tactics now; forget a platform. It really is mind-boggling! Voting is necessary, but it's never easy. The rhythm in your poem is uneven, but that doesn't matter. It still flows well and the rhyming is good. I like the wording and placement of the line, "evading most the facts".
You describe the frustrations and irritations of commuting very well. A working mother is never off duty, is she? There will always be the unforeseen, the unplanned. I like your sense of humour. Only a mother would still try to salvage something that has been smashed in her pocket. At least the egg was not all over your face!
Ah, yes, the bane of a writer; too many characters and ideas! New clashes with the old. How does anything fit if at all? Rewrite and rewrite; when is enough enough? I like your concept. Your imagination is your muse; a person, a fallible person. Your rhyming is good. I only notice that in the line " But why does that character still looks like zero?", that the word "look" doesn't need an "s".
This is a short and sweet bit of poetry. Your words are stretched in the air of a storm. You describe the intensity of an electrical or thunder storm. It is an awesome display of nature's power. By the way, I like your nom de plume; creative. Continue to write!
Okay,, without spacing and punctuation this was a little difficult to read, but just a little. I found the rhythm and the rhyme. This is like a rap; it flows. Your mother is blessed and she sure should be proud of you! It seems as if you appreciate your mother and view her as your ally. Your sentiments resonate with me. Continue to write!
WHEW! You have indeed ranted here, but what you've written is your strong opinion. Yes, you needed to share this and by doing so you've demonstrated that you know sentence structure, grammar, and usually spelling. Near the end of this bit you misspelled "know" as "no". Sometimes, this is simply a typo. because the fingers don't actually do the spelling. I find typing is more of a bugaboo with me and this is my main reason for editing. My handwriting, however, is atrocious with perfect spelling. I agree with many of your points. Schools really need to update their required reading lists and why is Shakespeare stressed? ( I realize you are stressed, but in a different way!) High school is blessedly but a brief blip in your life. You obviously are still creative; hang on to it! Unfortunately, too many people have never grasped the real foundation of writing like spelling and grammar; it's important. Essays alone are not an effective learning tool. Reading and writing should be pleasurable.
What is "CID"? I realize you are writing about the mysteries of life. It is wonderful and perplexing. You've used the word "a" incorrectly in a few spots. "A mystery" or "a question mark" is correct because the "a" is before a noun. The other use of "a" is before descriptors or adjectives such as "miserable" and "gorgeous". A miserable what? Life is miserable. "Prision" is a misspelling. Is it meant to be prison? The sentiments you've expressed reflect how complex life can become.
Well, speaking as a writer, I don't think I like to play detective or psychiatrist. It's not my way or my right to tell you how to liv e your life. This is your personal journey. I can't imagine wanting to die and hoping that my actions would finally be successful. You are correct; "actually everything comes from somewhere". Somewhere you want to live. You want something better for yourself. Your writing style is a little garbled, but then thoughts tend to bounce around. You wrote as you were feeling; conflicted, confused, agitated. Your lack of punctuation and spelling errors reflect this. Every effort on your part is a victory.
There are some beautiful and profound sentiments here. Unfortunately, you've chosen to present this as if it were a quick Facebook or Twitter post. There's no organized punctuation. The spelling is sometimes sloppy with slang and short forms. Why not write in complete sentences with full actual words? Communication, effective communication, takes effort.
How sweet and wonderful of you to honour your wife in this fashion! I had many incredible teachers and to this day, I remember their names and some specific lessons. Good teachers are worth their weight in gold. The imagery in your poem is fantastic. I like the idea of your wife pollinating young minds. Comparing knowledge and lessons learned with launched rockets is wonderful imagery. I like this poem.
BRAVO!! You have made a bold and brave step here. This is very well-written; concise and easy to understand. Your writing certainly isn't manic. It is logical and well-planned. Perhaps this will be a saving grace for you. Communication is vital and you have no problem doing so via writing! Mental illness or not, asking for support isn't always easy. Please continue to share.
Congratulations for not only battling Cancer, but writing about it too. You have proven yourself to be strong and resilient. You described your treatment as both frightening and necessary. You have waged war and survived. The Big C is so prevalent. My mother is a breast cancer survivor, my mother-in-law was not. Continue to fight and create.
HAHA! This is indeed very funny. I've never considered Barry Manilow as a weapon. Several lines caused me to laugh. I liked the Colonel's comeback to the wounded foot soldier; British decorum is so important even on the battlefield. "Good God, man, pull yourself together!" Your rhyming is effortless. Some might say it's sacrilege to refer to Monsieur Manilow's singing as eerie, horrid, tuneless, screeching, awful, and piercing.
Yes, communication has evolved and is forever re-inventing itself. Texting has led to a "different" language based on short forms and letters. Unfortunately, people have become very lazy with this newest craze. Mis-communication is perhaps more accurate! Auto-correct provides fodder for laughs. Imagine a machine trying to anticipate your message and people in too much of a hurry to compose their own letters or proofread what they send. Interpretation is flexible. Your writing is humorous.
This was very well written. It has a logical flow and the action follows the dialogue. Unfortunately, accidents can and do happen anywhere at any time. Some landscapes are more remote and harsher. Imagine knowing you are beyond saving and about to die. This reads as scenes from a movie.
This is indeed a memory worthy of a Lucy moment. You've described your family's efforts vividly. It's amusing that as they plotted to capture someone/anyone you enjoyed your seaside respite. Your family obviously liked to take care of their own and solve their problems creatively.
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