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356 Public Reviews Given
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Review of Being and Doing  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
What a creative way to consider this conundrum; to be good or do good. Yes, they are interwoven and complex. You've created an upbeat poem here. The rhythm is not perfect, but it flows well. The rhyming words add to this poem's appeal. It rolls off the tongue.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.0)
Is this bit of writing to be included with more? This is not really a story. It's a very good description like a prelude to a bigger tale. Nothing seems to signify loneliness more than a solitary wolf. I like the line, "the sun had given up the day and left room for the night". Night creeps and expands, so it does need room.
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Review of Last Night  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
HAHA!! This is hilarious. I especially like the lines about the rumpled and stained sheets. Haven't we all been there and experienced that? The innuendo is wonderful. I just read an on-line blurb that reports mosquitoes with genetically altered DNA have been created in Brazil. Apparently, their offspring die before reaching maturity. Hmmm.... is this true? The motivator? It wasn't the human need or suffering of the Brazilian populace. The Fifa World Cup trumps everything. Soccer/football players and their rabid fans are considered valuable.
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Review of RUSTY REMEMBERS  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a wonderful story. You tell it well. There are a few presentation/technical issues, but nothing major. You write about Miss fanny missing the children she taught and then the next sentence starts with "always". This sentence doesn't have a subject as it stands. Perhaps writing "She always had a deep interest in each boy and girl and felt that in some way they were hers." The first time Miss Fanny enticed Rusty with some liver might be better explained as "getting out a small package of liver". I feel the moment that Rusty decided to first enter the house is a little confusing. Was the door closed by Miss Fanny or did she leave it open? In describing the initial salve treatment, I think there's a comma instead of a period. I also noticed that the correct "too" isn't used. Rusty jumped "upon her lap". I often do this; miss hitting the space bar. When you write about the aunt visiting and commenting about the love she witnessed you have run-on sentences. Before the aunt is quoted perhaps you could write, "she remarked". There are periods before dialogue instead of commas. I enjoyed reading about Rusty and Miss Fanny. You describe the love between them quite well.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
If only our pets could really talk. They seem non-judgmental, but are they? I liked what Lily had to say; she is wise beyond her years. I agree that the idea of clothing for dogs is ridiculous. This is a great piece of writing. Your rhyming is great and not forced. My only suggestion? Perhaps consider placing the second-last stanza as the final stanza.
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Review of Dance Night  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
First of all, I am partial to the name Sandy. It's a great name and seldom used. This is a funny piece. I like the closing line "tit for tat" especially after a cleavage- enhancement description. I spot only one error. In the second line the correct practise is "practised". The noun form of this word has a "c" and the verb has a "s".
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Okay.... Overall, you have the premise for a good story. Your main character, Jake, is suffering and you attempt to describe it. His life is in turmoil and he questions everything. In trying to do all of this, you seem to become excited and you get carried away. Many of your sentences are run-on style; too long and wordy. Shortening the sentences would make this tale easier to read and understand. Jake's emotional state would show better if his thoughts were written in shorter bits. "Stopped by a piercing pain they came" should be "that came". The first example of far too long sentences occurs when you write "It wasn't a dream". That whole section needs to be shortened into separate sentences. ( Many other places need to be shortened too.) The bit where you write "Tears flowing, the nurses simply stood there in surprise" needs to be clarified. Who was really crying? Try combining the latter part into a sentence: "The nurses simply stood there in surprise until a male nurse walked up to me." Talking about the voice in Jake's head try using the word "saying". "Locking my down on to the bed" should use the word "me" and onto is one word. "Bounded to the bed" should be "bound". "I sunk into depression" should be "sank". "Not breathing a single word": do you mean "believing"? With "near verge", I think just using "verge" is enough. It does mean near. "You're kidney" should be "your kidney". Did you intend to write "but" instead of "by every time I lift my shirt"? When writing about grandma in the car it should be "her backwards to me". After the whipping, Jake passed out NOT "past out". Introducing the new man at the end, I think you should write "stood in front of me" not "lay in front of me". They are in a bedroom and "lay" means something entirely different there. You describe the shaking of hands, but you write "shaking the man before me". This sounds weird and is unintentionally funny because you mean shaking the hand. You have a good story here.
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Review of In the City  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
You've created some wonderful imagery here! Reading this poem, I'm transported to a teeming city street where I feel the squeeze of strangers. The idea of a bruised shadow is intriguing. I really like the description of the storefronts as being seductresses. How true that a window display is not as it would seem. Everyday little things can spur a memory even in the most unlikely of places.
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Review of All Wrapped Up  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a cute and somewhat funny story, but there are grammatical issues that make it a little difficult to read. "House steps" seems an awkward wording when writing steps or stairs would do. There's a typo with couch being "crouch". I don't think you need to specify "lay down " on the couch. "Lay" is enough and you've already used the word "down" in that sentence. To keep the verb tenses matched in that passage, I think It should be "until her mother provided breakfast". The sentence first describing the cat could use commas. The use of commas is also needed elsewhere. I find the sentence describing halo snuggling to be awkward. "For the two years they've had the cat" doesn't read well. Perhaps it could be re-worded. "Sophie, come see. Laugh-Attack is trapped." A period and separation. You've lost your train of thought by writing both Sophia and my in the ponytail whipping. It's also a long sentence.
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Review of I Come From  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like the different and random memories you've managed to weave into your poem. These golden memories have shaped you and served you well. This is a clever poem and well-written.
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Review of Too soon  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
First of all, there's a typo in the title, or I assume it's a typo. The word "to" should be "too", as in "too soon". In the third line perhaps adding "of stone" makes more sense. When writing about "taking her hand in love", the word "ghost" should be plural. I like the rhythm to your poem and I like the line, "passions crowded with three in the room". "Passions" should have an apostrophe as in "passion's". I'm wondering why you use "they" at the beginning of the poem, but later use "she"?
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Review of Berserk  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Aahh, the overworked and under-appreciated clown, always in demand. This clown certainly has a rich fantasy life and it prevents him from reacting violently. It's realistic to think that a clown has a breaking point as does everyone. This was well written and catchy.
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Review of Laundry Bluer  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was clever and witty! You wrote of the laundry blues in a different and very plausible manner. I like the line, "inducing,"O my gosh!" You did well to create this from the two required words, "pen" and "foresight"! Too often carelessness does prevail.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.5)
First of all, I like your nom de plume. This poem is certainly contemplative. You describe wondering and searching very well.
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Review of Alone  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.0)
There's some lovely imagery here. Some punctuation, maybe commas wouldn't hurt, so the reader knows where to pause or breathe or consider a different thought. The word "tree's" doesn't need an apostrophe. This denotes possession and makes no sense. Imagination can be a true and constant friend. Books feed and encourage that friendship.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Thought-provoking.
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Review of Incognito  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a nicely paced piece. Curiosity can be all-powerful. The line "she shrugged to herself and determined continue to be friendly" seems awkward as if connective words are missing. The line describing the elusive neighbour's press conference has a typo. I'm assuming you meant to write "none other"?
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.0)
I'm sorry, I'm confused. I understand a loft to be an upper room of a building. I know it as being an open concept type of room, but still it's indoors, under a roof. Cabins and barns have lofts. How can Esmeralda be covered in snow or need to wear winter clothing in such a place? Also, how can she do all of this plus pick up a letter from the ground while in the loft? There are a few unfortunate typos such as "now" instead of "know". The word "felt" is unnecessarily capitalized. The connective word "a" is missing in spots. "While taking in a few things to the cabin a saw"; I think you intend to write, "I saw". It's just me, but it seems awkward to write "camera picture" in place of photo. I now you are stressing that it's not another type of picture. I'm not so sure " a smile of contentment" can come over a person. I understand you are trying to describe a feeling of contentment. This is a sentimental piece dealing with a difficult emotion that has the power to completely rewrite a person's life. Your story has a good premise and Esmeralda deals with her grief in her own way. I like the ending in which her brother not only communicates with her, but urges her to carry on living with his memory.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.0)
Your story has a logical flow. I can follow the main character. There are several long sentences that perhaps could be shortened or divided with punctuation. "As well as a painful look, hiding in the smile". Is that what you intended? The "other's" should be "others". "I'm sorry for springing up no you": could be "springing this on you". The next long sentence could be split at "sympathy" and "feeding" with a period. Again, "words" and "I" should be separated by a period. "She reached out her own hand...". "I'm so sorry that did this have to happen". ??? "I'm so sorry this did happen" , or "I'm so sorry this happened". There are other such bits throughout this piece. It needs proof-reading. "All that remained were the hospital equipment, I and the Boy"...."me and the boy". There are missing periods and commas...perhaps typos? When you are writing about the boy discovering the monster's name you write "supposed family". Supposed in this sense means not or maybe. Did you intend to write "supposedly killed", referring to the monster as an alleged killer?
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Review of Red Dog  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.0)
You've captured the exuberance and constant movement of a puppy with your descriptions. The rhythm or syllables don't match, but it's not a huge difference. I really like the final verse in brackets. Here, too, the two lines are not matched with syllables: the first line has nine syllables and the second line has fourteen syllables.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this memory piece of writing. It's strange what sticks with us as we age. My mother would tell me and my siblings that kids were starving in Africa. Sibling rivalry/competition is a great motivator, isn't it? I spotted an unfortunate typo. I'm assuming "blanked" is really a "blanket"? I like the imagery at the end. You've tied in your memories with the idea of diving into the waters of school life.
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Review of lovin me  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
First of all, I like your attitude! Self-love is important. I like the idea that birds and their colourful plumage don't compare to you. Even without all your finery, you are fine. I have a feeling that you know your grammar and lack of capitals are lacking. This could be intentional.. an attempt to be real and present some bravado.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.0)
Your piece of writing is straightforward and succinct. The message is clear. I found only one glitch: "when they began to walk". You are "talking" about a baby, so it is a singular subject and it needs a singular verb. Also, it shouldn't be "they", but "he" or "she". "He is like a natural baby who stumbles when he/she begins to walk". Also, it would become, " he/she must get back up and start anew". Throughout your writing you've used "they" and it is okay elsewhere in this body of work, but it also means "they" as in more than one person.
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Review of Untitled  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.5)
"Breathe" could/should be "breath"? The first is a verb not a noun. "My finger through yours"---- do you intend it to be plural? This is a stark and honest poem. I agree----sometimes there are not enough words to describe something, especially emotions. You've covered most of the senses that are involved in making our sensory memories.
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Review of Granted  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.5)
What a heartfelt message! Yes, life passes quickly, too quickly. Your rhyming is good. The lines have a flow although they have different lengths. The correct "too" is "too", as in "too precious". I like the line, " Don't always look down". That stance, that attitude, that perception will drag a person "down" and they will, as you write, miss so much..
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