I really like the premise of this tale. You included so many types of 'frozen'. I cannot fathom a skate-a-thon especially one outside in the harsh elements. My hubby is a former competitive skater, but he accomplished his feats in the controlled environment of arenas. Alas, I would not be his ideal partner. My feet and I struggle to walk; ice skating is beyond our capability. Here, where I reside in Canada, I'm forced to bundle up against the inexorable chill. It is feasible to not feel the touch of a mittened hand in mine.
Wow, this is one tough, desperate, and determined tooth fairy. No magic fairy dust sprinkled here. I like this new take on a classic. Great descriptions, too. Hmmm, should I be avoiding dark alleys now? Congratulations, you deserve the first place for this piece.
Wow, a dramatic twist! Is this the sad fact for some parks? I cannot comprehend a shooting , or a mugging for that matter. I love the banter between these two characters. They personify curmudgeonly. I like the one old guy describing his "vintage allure." He's still breathing and full of life at that point. Even after being shot, he blusters. The dialogue is compelling. Great writing!
I love this dialogue! Two old farts bond over their similar life histories. I imagine they'd need their senses of humour to survive their large families. Your dialogue is realistic. I not only strike up a conversation with a stranger, I see and hear other people do it, too.I find no fault with your writing.
Hi Ray! Ah, I too have known the love/attention/obsession of a cat. They really seem to stare into our souls, don't they? I love the feelings you awake with this poem. There's nothing quite like a contented cat cuddling and purring. I like the repetition of your line, " the look of love in her eyes." Great writing! Oh, and welcome back to WDC.
Haha! I love the twist of the character questioning the author. This poor man wandered in a mindless, unmotivated fog. He had no clarity, no nuances, no colour. Even the genre did a flip flop. Okay, I noticed a few minor "things", and often they are the result of hitting the wrong keyboard button. A couple of times, the word "if" appeared in a sentence and I believe the intended word to be "of". Commas are a contentious form of punctuation. Many argue as to when and where to insert them. I was taught to place a comma before the word "or". "Let it curl 'round those trees it something." Um, "it"? Do you intend "if something", or "or something"? Strange, the unwitting man did not note that that dangerous piece of fruit had a vivid description! "Did they smack into the stone and throwing off chips?" I think you can ditch the "and" in that line, or change "throwing" into "throw". Sorry, I've messed up the logical progression of your story. I'm remembering the points I'd like to make. "Was she a dangerous old crone to be shone firmness". I believe it's "shown firmness". Over all, this is a creative take on building a mystery.
WHEW! This is one harried mother you write about. I've been there and done all of this and more with "six pairs of feet", but I was not a single mother. You capture the endless chores and responsibilities perfectly. Children do take our breath away, in more ways than one! My only suggestion is to somehow drop on of the "quick's in the third line; it's repetitive. Than again, all the everyday things a Mom does are repetitive...Oh, and it's "too terrified to see", not "to terrified".
This was an entertaining, effortless read. You had my laughing attention right from the start. The fork incident was so unexpected and ridiculous. I like the idea of a misfit creature struggling to fit in. He even fails to impress himself. This was quite imaginative, congratulations. Will there be further adventures for these two friends/ reluctant henchmen?
Ah, yes, the almighty important, and indispensable cell phone. How did we ever function without one? It is considered a lifeline to many. That would be a shock. Imagine saving someone's life, and instead of realizing the enormity of that and thanking the rescuer, the victim misses her precious cellular device? Oh, I believe the "I" is missing in that final sentence.
I love this poem of yours! No truer words have ever been committed to paper. Friends should indeed be always polite. That final line reminds me of the wise Dr. Seuss. I also like that you compare the sniping and back-stabbing to the annoyance of a tick, or a mosquito.... great imagery.
This is a beautifully written story about your obvious love and respect for your grandmother. She did make an impression on you, too! You were inspired to share your wonderful memories. There are a few bugaboos, but this does happen when writing about an emotional topic. Clothing uses a singular verb, so it becomes "clothing that is fashionable". Commonly, a comma is placed before the word "but". I think it should be "somebody's", not "somebodies." Please continue to write.
OOOH, this is a great concept for a horror story! This is literally every parent's worst nightmare, the abduction of their child. Too many things are enticing to a child, and thus possibly used to lure them. You describe the reluctance of a constantly weary mother to forgo sleep. Any sleep is fleeting and welcomed. I would recommend shortening your sentences, so that they have more oomph.
Greetings fellow Dialogue 500 contestant, and welcome to WDC. Is there any one more contradictory than a mother? Even in her right mind, whatever that is, she can frustrate and aggravate. She is our lightning rod. Her love is fierce, and unwavering. It is difficult to express the depth of our feelings at the best of times. A wandering mind is elusive. Great dialogue. Congrats on your win, this piece deserved it.
This is a lovely poem which highlights your love for your Mother. She must have been quite the woman. She obviously taught you to both accept and give love. I like the repetition of the line, "I'll see you in the morning." With your great belief, you will be reunited with your Mom.
Wow! Great imagination to make a James Bond from a hamster. Who would look at him twice, or suspect he had a mission? This was a fun read/romp/. Harry is similar to human heroes, he had his doubts and fears to overcome. He wasn't above accepting a bribe, or food award.
Hello, and yes, isn't Spring a marvelous season? The entire idea of renewal and rebirth is palpable. We see, hear, and feel it with awe. After snow, it is such a miracle. I like that you mentioned puddles 'cause they are an integral part of Spring. A smiling sun evokes feelings of warmth and nurturing. I like that you have personified the sun. Yes, the flowers do seem to appear instantaneously in a riot of colours, too. Bravo!
HAHA! I like the obtuse, yet fateful horoscope. This tale has a great surprise/twist. A double burglary... Only one suggestion: "He seemed like nice guy" could use an "a", as in "He seemed like a nice guy."
Bonjour! I was compelled to read your poem because of its title. No truer words have ever been presented than these, " Doctors probed and couldn't gauge what he wouldn't show", "They weighed what they misunderstood and called him slow", and " they feared what was different and clung to what they knew." How is intelligence ascertained? What is intelligence? The human brain is complex. Who makes the assertion/ assumption that someone is "slow"? Why must we all be the same? I believe we should celebrate our children's uniqueness. No one should have to justify their interests and talents. My cousin, Paul, lives with a diagnosis that categorizes him as being on the broad spectrum of autism. The emphasis is on the word "broad". He doesn't fit neatly into any pre-conceived notion. He is wonderfully, and sometimes maddeningly , complex. Paul does not live with the usual conception of logic. Oh, he too is blunt, and seemingly oblivious to manners, the social graces, the feelings of others, accountability, the concept of time, consequences for his actions, and more. He is somewhat impulsive, and compulsive. He seems to create, or adopt new behaviours and mannerisms weekly. Perhaps this is how he copes? I like that you repeated several key lines, and this creates an emphasis. For the most part, your rhyming is great too. Thanks for the trinket! Your quote is awesome: "God created Autism to help offset the excessive number of boring people in the world." There is never a dull day when I am in the company of my cousin.
Hello! Okay, I understand what you are writing, I think. Yes, we do have choices. They may be poor, or good ones. They do affect our lives. May I suggest you restructure your sentences, and make them clearer. Your ideas are tumbling all over each other, and should be highlighted in their own separate sentences.
hello! Okay, I do realize that English is not your first language, or it appears this way. You have the bones of a good story here, but it is disjointed and fragmented. You need sentence structure, and proper periods and punctuation. There are a few spelling errors, too. First love can be sudden, and mind-boggling, this is so true.
Hello! This piece of writing is whimsical, and vibrant. Yes, there are times we do wonder about the people we see on our periphery. Who are they? What do they do? Your descriptions are beautiful. I especially like your depiction of this mystery woman on a porch as a butterfly/gypsy who is content to sit amongst her flowers.
Hello! Yes, reading about the past exploits of others seems so magical because our lives differ so greatly. You hint at past life memories, too. I like this, It's intriguing.
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