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272 Public Reviews Given
272 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I will give you an honest review, straight forward. I believe that we improve when we know what and when to better something or ourselves. I am also learning but through this interaction of giving and taking we will both become knowledgeable. I try and always look at a piece from an artistic point of view and then from a grammatical point of view.
I'm good at...
I like to read poetry, fiction, comedy, educational articles. I also like to read scripts, I also write screenplays and know what the criteria is.
Favorite Genres
Fiction/nonfiction sci-fiction Poetry Comedy Crime Thriller
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica Gore (vampires, trolls)
Favorite Item Types
Short stories Poetry
Least Favorite Item Types
Erotic poetry Anything to do with sacrifices,hell,devil
I will not review...
I will not review anything that has explicit in detail sex scenes and anything that is overly graphic in terms of a murder scene.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 ... Next
26
26
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I love all your artwork, in particular your signatures, but this one spoke to me. I'm an art history fan and my favourite era is art nouveau. I love the entwining of the flora theme in the shape of the butterfly. The colours are also warm, strong in the centre and more giddy towards the edges.

A beautiful signature.

Thank you for sharing.
27
27
Review of Charad's Journey  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Vine2**DocumentBL* *Vine1* Chapter review *Vine2**DocumentBL* *Vine1*

Please note these are some observations I've made about your work from a readers point of view. You are free to use or discard these observations. I hope that with my words I might help you as a writer to improve your writing.

*BoxCheck* First impression:
I enjoyed reading this chapter. Even though it is a familiar concept, you as the writer, approach it with an amazing ability of storytelling and twists. The descriptive layout used is enthusiastic and engaging to me, the reader.
Although another impression I couldn’t help get is that you start with a tremendous introduction, gripping us with every expression and half way through the flow is more of a stop and go situation. I would revise some of the run- on sentences to repair this issue.

*BoxCheck* Characters:
Your story has a strong protagonist. The way you portray him allows us a brief glimpse of what to expect from him. Your characterizations of the primary and secondary characters are coming along beautifully, but I fear we need a tad more. I feel there is some depth missing from them.

*BoxCheck*Point of view:
The point of view in which this story is written is in the second person. The way the story is build-up it follows a logical build up and the sentences flow. Although when writing from this POV we need to consider that even though Charad is feeling, we need to be shown how that emotion is felt by him. In some cases this is overlooked, you have managed to do this in a correct manner. Well done here!

*BoxCheck* Narrative hook:
There is a narrative hook to this beginning of the story, but it is twisted in a form that we receive a lot of information, forgetting easily what that hook is, allowing for it to disperse. Making the hook shorter or rearranging a few sentences, and not revealing too much can help us recall the reason why we want to continue to read more, for rest assured we want to read more. Your descriptive form of writing assures me of this and you‘re off to a grand start.

*BoxCheck* Pace:
The pace of the story moves along smoothly. Some run-on sentences could be shortened for a better impact.

*Vine2**DocumentBL* *Vine1* Conclusion *Vine2**DocumentBL* *Vine1*

You’re a skilled writer with amazing storytelling ability. I enjoyed your style of writing immensely. I could only compare your work to a wonderful glass of wine leaving me thirsty for more.


Greetings,

Natechia dos Reis


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear BIG BAD WOLF is hopping


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*ExclaimR* Firstly please note this is merely my opinion and you should use what you want from this as a guide to better your story. This is still your story!

*Bookopen*

*Info* The story concept:

This is a great first draft. You’re conveying the right amount of comedic character. Your dialogue style allows us to envision the scenes. Well done!

*Dialog*



*Info* Dialogue:

These are difficult stories to write and to convey our message only using dialogue is a craft in itself. You’re doing a great job. I do feel that you need a few lines in between to complete the sequence of events. How your main character reacts to the arrival of the police. I miss a line of dialogue from the police officer before he sees the boy and realizes why he is present at the bank.

*Woman* *Man*


*Info* Characters:

Your characters are interesting and believable. Excellent!

*Thought*


*Info* Story build up:

You have a logical build up. A few more lines should complete your story.


*ExclaimBl* *QuestionBL*


*Info* Language/Punctuation:

I’m not sure of the exclamation marks after ‘daddy’. I would place question marks. The hyphens on line 1 and 5 don’t feel right. I stop when I read your dialogue out loud with these points.

*stargray* *stargray* *stargray* *stargray**stargray*



*Info* Favourite :

“ Daddy! Where’s the bathroom?”

“It’s over by the two security guards that I knocked out earlier.”




*Idea*

*Info* Suggestions:

I’ve made a few above.

All in all, I believe this is an ingenious story with an noteworthy writer behind it. Try going through it again, and I would love to read the new draft. I hope this has helped you in some way.

I wish you all the best with this piece and look forward to more of your work.
Thank you for sharing your talent with us.*ThumbsUp*


Greetings,
Natechia

I hope this review has been helpful to you and I'm glad I can be a part of your future writing career.

*PointRight* FOR A MORE COMPLETE GRAMMAR REVIEW (PLEASE RUN YOUR STORY THROUGH WWW.EDITMINION.COM FOR MORE DETAILS)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review of Bad Romance  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Teacheroftomorrow ,

Firstly, a warm welcome to our WDC community!!!

You have an interesting story outline here but I feel you we need more information about the characters. Some of your dialogue sequences don't have dialogue tags, which is good, although with some dialogue the dialogue tags add necessary information.
You use the passive voice in certain parts, adverbs in others and end your sentences with prepositions. (Try running your story through www.editminion.com to see where you are using the passive voice and other speech parts that slow your creative writing down).
No doubt with revision and editing you will make this story amazing.

I hope my review will help you in your writing career.

All the best my fellow writer.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review of Night sounds  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This sounds similar to the bush here in South Africa at night. When we go on safari drives these are sounds we hear. I love these types of sounds because sometimes when I can't find a song to inspire my creative juices these sounds help me envision new worlds.

Thanks for sharing.
31
31
Review of Patchwork  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
DearHaliN


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*ExclaimR* Firstly please note this is merely my opinion and you should use what you want from this as a guide to better your story. This is still your story!

*Bookopen*

*Info* The story concept:

You have a good first draft. The plot is a convincing one and so are the characters.Well done here!On another hand, you tend to repeat certain words and expressions which in turn make the plot halt. One of these repetitions is the main characters name. It breaks the flow of your story and I would suggest alternating his name for a pronoun to allow for a better flow. Another aspect I noticed (and we all do this) is jumping to the next piece of the story too fast without making the proper paragraph links. Just try and read the last sentence of the paragraph and the first of the next, and see if these end and start the scenes in a way the reader will understand.


*Dialog*



*Info* Dialogue:

Your dialogue sequences are believable dialogue. This is what we want our readers to be able to follow. Read through your story just focusing on the dialogue parts. Ask yourself: Does this bring out the emotion I want the character to display? Is it forming a logical build up and complimenting the remainder of the story? Do I need certain dialogue tags? This will help you in the logic build-up of your story, and in understanding who your characters are in this story. You have strong characters here and through the dialogue you can reinforce their personalities and give us – the readers- a taste of who they are as people.

*Woman* *Man*


*Info* Characters:

As mentioned before you have interesting and strong characters in this story. We’re not getting to meet them as well as we should, due to sometimes in the story you pass from ‘telling’ to ‘showing’. Now we all do this, and especially with a first draft we need to read through to establish if we’re doing this process. You have passages we’re you ‘tell’ us the story and do this in an exceptional way, on other occasions you slip into the ‘showing’ persona and we lose the essence of the story. When you do your revisions you will no doubt find these parts and I know that the new version will make these characters even more vivid than they are now.
*Thought*


*Info* Story build up:

Your story build up follows a logical outline. I think if you take out the repetitions and revise your paragraphs endings and starters the story will flow beautifully. You have a great skeleton to work on now let’s give it life.


*ExclaimBl* *QuestionBL*


*Info* Language/Punctuation:

You have a few points that I saw (please see my complete DRAFT REVIEW I sent to your email).

*Tools* *PointRight* I use a program called www.editminion.com , after I’ve written a story I run it through this program to help me better the quality of my wording. This has helped me immensely. Give it a try and you will see once you start going through your story, it becomes better every time.

*stargray* *stargray* *stargray* *stargray**stargray*



*Info* Favourite :

“It was as if someone had reached into his body and squeezed his heart with their bare hands. Kieran rubbed his hands over his face and sat up. (Ending with preposition) He slid off the bed and walked toward the kitchen, where he grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with ice water.”




*Idea*

*Info* Suggestions:

I’ve made a few above.

All in all, I believe this is an inventive story with a remarkable writer behind it. Try going through it again, and I would love to read the new draft. I hope this has helped you in some way.

I wish you all the best with this piece and look forward to more of your work.
Thank you for sharing your talent with us.*ThumbsUp*


Greetings,
Natechia

I hope this review has been helpful to you and I'm glad I can be a part of your future writing career.

*PointRight* FOR A GRAMMAR REVIEW (PLEASE RUN YOUR STORY THROUGH WWW.EDITMINION.COM FOR MORE DETAILS)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
Review of Shawlyn.Dragon  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed viewing this signature due to the dragon being green. I'm used to seeing it in a brown colour. And this works out beautifully with the background being in sepia colour accentuating the dragon and the name. The font is curve like and I love how the tip of the "y" draws our eyes to the tail of the beast.

Well done in this composition.
33
33
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This poem shows two sides of this tragedy. We can follow the sentiments conveyed by both mothers. This is a great pain that parents fear everyday, that their children will leave this earth before they do. I feel that we weren't built to endure such a loss.

Your poem captures this sentiment in a profound and yet still beautiful way. Every word chosen in a careful manner.

Thank you for allowing us to read your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Vine2**DocumentBL* *Vine1* Chapter review *Vine2**DocumentBL* *Vine1*

Please note these are some observations I've made about your work from a readers point of view. You are free to use or discard these observations. I hope that with my words I might help you as a writer to improve your writing.

*BoxCheck* First impression:
I enjoyed reading this prologue. Even though it is a familiar concept, you as the writer, approach it with an amazing ability of storytelling. The descriptive format used is enthusiastic and engaging to me, the reader.
Although another impression I couldn’t help get is that this reads more like a short story rather than a prologue. You give us readers a lot of information in this prologue, perhaps a little less would be better. We need to want more. As it is we do want more, but this should be a tasting of what should come.

*BoxCheck* Characters:
Your story has a strong protagonist. The way you portray her allows us a brief glimpse of what to expect from her. She reveals so many aspects of her persona to us in this prologue, as well as, the primary characters that interact with her storyline. The emotions come across as real; this is our primary function as writers to sound truthful to our readers. I applaud you for the depth in which your character’s emotions are brought to bear. We can relate to those emotions.

*BoxCheck*Point of view:
The point of view in which this story is written is from the eyes of the protagonist Abby. The way the story is build-up it follows a logical build up and the sentences flow. Although when writing from this POV we need to consider that even though Abby is feeling pain and sorrow, we need to be told how that pain is felt by her. In some cases this is overlooked, you have managed to do this in a correct manner. Well done here!

*BoxCheck* Narrative hook:
There is a narrative hook to this beginning of the story, but we receive a lot of information that we forget easily what that hook is, it dissipates. Making the hook shorter and not revealing too much can help us recall the reason why we want to continue to read more, for rest assured we want to read more.

*BoxCheck* Pace:
The pace of the story moves along smoothly. Some run-on sentences could be shortened for a better impact.

*Vine2**DocumentBL* *Vine1* Conclusion *Vine2**DocumentBL* *Vine1*

You are a gifted writer with an extraordinary storytelling ability. I enjoyed your style of writing immensely. I could only compare your work to a feast of well spiced words leaving me hungry for more.

Greetings,

Natechia dos Reis


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
35
35
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear AutumnS ,
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*ExclaimBl* Please note these are my thoughts and can be used by you or not.

To me, this poem depicts a world in turmoil with its belief system. You bring this forth through your 'chaotic rambling', which in turn, everyone can extract actual truths. I enjoy this approach and believe you've done a wonderful job in this unique free verse form. BRAVO!!

*Medalgold* TITLE

The title is engaging the readers and this is important when we choose our titles. You've also used your title in this piece. If possible the title should be incorporated in our work, so that we can explain to the reader our choice of title.

*Medalgold* TONE/DICTATION

The tone is, to me, both of reflection and judgement. The dictation is strong in bringing this to the reader's attention. Your usage of strong words to incite these emotions in the reader, allows for your message to inscribe itself on their minds. Words like weep,mindless. WELL DONE!

*Medalgold* IMAGERY/SOUND

Again an outstanding achievement in engaging our senses. Here you've done extremely well.

*Medalgold* FLOW/RHYME

The flow is good, I think this a perfect flow for the message you're trying to relay to your readers. Some will say add more punctuation --I say-- do two versions one with and one without. You will benefit from this exercise and also helps you understand your own writing style.

*Medalgold* FAVORITE

"Soldiers in a row
No course to change no path to stray from
Only the mindless response to the call
Of the machine, the bodies twisted and
Mangled in the gears so much fodder for the
Masses."

*Medalgold* REPETITION

 There is some repetition but this doesn't interfere with the flow of the piece.

*Medalgold* SUGGESTIONS

Perhaps adding some more punctuation. I enjoyed this rambling from a gifted writer.

WELL DONE!

Look forward to reading more of your work in the future.*ThumbsUp*

Keep writing!

All the best,
Natechia dos Reis


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Review of You Look At Him  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear


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*ExclaimR* Firstly please note this is merely my opinion and you should use what you want from this as a guide to better your story. This is still your story!

*Bookopen*

*Info* The story concept:

Firstly let me just say*BalloonR* WELCOME TO WDC! *BalloonR*

While reading your story one can feel a familiar tone ,in terms of the concept, I could also feel the realism. A reader wants to feel that. He wants to know that what his writer is saying is truth.Well done here!

*Dialog*



*Info* Dialogue:

Even though there aren't definite dialogue tags indicating dialogue, one can see a dialogue is present. I enjoyed this format. I myself enjoy going against conventional form. Taking the 'it must be this way' and sometimes trying the 'but it could also be this way' approach - how else can we evolve as writers.

*Woman* *Man*


*Info* Characters:

These are strong, well portrayed 'everyday' individuals.
*Thought*


*Info* Story build up:

Your story build up wasn't a definite A to point B plotline. I felt it went in various directions. Present is a lot of raw emotions and some little bits that tease our other senses. Try adding a little more in this aspect.

*ExclaimBl* *QuestionBL*


*Info* Language/Punctuation:

You have a few points that I saw but with revision and editing you will square these out.

*Tools* *PointRight* I use a program called www.editminion.com , after I’ve written a story I run it through this program to help me better the quality of my wording. This has helped me immensely. Give it a try and you will see once you start going through your story, it becomes better every time.

*stargray* *stargray* *stargray* *stargray**stargray*



*Info* Favourite :

“There were moments, glimmers where you were sure he felt the same.

He would grab your hand and hold it for all eternity"


*Idea*

*Info* Suggestions:

This is a first time reading a one liner story. I enjoyed this format but others might not. What I have learnt is to write a few formats for my stories this helps me better tell this particular story, but also allows me to explore different story telling methods.


All in all, I believe you are an amazing writer in the making. Try going through it again, and I would love to read the new draft. I hope this has helped you in some way.

I wish you all the best with this piece and look forward to more of your work.
Thank you for sharing your talent with us.*ThumbsUp*


Greetings,
Natechia

I hope this review has been helpful to you and I'm glad I can be a part of your future writing career.

*PointRight* FOR A MORE COMPLETE GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION REVIEW (PLEASE RUN YOUR STORY THROUGH WWW.EDITMINION.COM FOR MORE DETAILS)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Dear Anujmathur


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*ExclaimR* Firstly please note this is merely my opinion and you should use what you want from this as a guide to better your story. This is still your story!

*Bookopen*

*Info* The story concept:

The concept of your story is refreshing and enticed me immediately.Well done here!

*Dialog*



*Info* Dialogue:

You excel in this aspect of your writing. Your dialogue flows in a natural sense, there is no breaks allowing the reader to follow the different characters. Your usage of dialogue tags are well placed and these help your story to flow.

*Woman* *Man*


*Info* Characters:

I enjoyed your portrayal of all your characters. You describe them enough for the reader to gain some knowledge of who they are, and yet you leave enough for the reader to want to continue to read the story.

*Thought*


*Info* Story build up:

I enjoyed how you build this story up. You introduce us, the readers, into a new perception of what a writer is and wants to become.The people -- secondary characters-- add interesting insights to the protagonists search for his muse. I love how you give a strong beginning and you conclude with an equally strong ending. This rounds the story up nicely.

*ExclaimBl* *QuestionBL*


*Info* Language/Punctuation:

You have a few points that I saw. When you do your revision and editing you will pick up these small issues. For now focus on writing your story.

*Tools* *PointRight* I use a program called www.editminion.com , after I’ve written a story I run it through this program to help me better the quality of my wording. This has helped me immensely. Give it a try and you will see once you start going through your story, it becomes better every time.

*stargray* *stargray* *stargray* *stargray**stargray*



*Info* Favourite :

"As he walked away, Vikram was still as determined as ever to get his writing career off the ground. He believed that he had found the easiest gimmick to get rich quickly – a writer was always only one best-seller away from becoming a millionaire, after all. And even though he didn’t know much about writing, he believed that 'researching the character’ was absolutely essential. And since he was writing a mystery trilogy with a chef as its protagonist, he needed a chef!"



*Idea*

*Info* Suggestions:
This is an interesting start to your story. I can't wait to read chapter two.


All in all, I believe this is a fantastic story with a crafty writer behind it. Try going through it again, and I would love to read the new draft. I hope this has helped you in some way.

I wish you all the best with this piece and look forward to more of your work.
Thank you for sharing your talent with us.*ThumbsUp*


Greetings,
Natechia

I hope this review has been helpful to you and I'm glad I can be a part of your future writing career.

*PointRight* FOR A MORE COMPLETE GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION REVIEW (PLEASE RUN YOUR STORY THROUGH WWW.EDITMINION.COM FOR MORE DETAILS)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
38
38
Review of The Battle  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear April Desiree-I'm back! ,


*ExclaimBl* Please note these are my thoughts and can be used by you or not.

This is an intriguing format of poetry. I enjoyed learning about it and I take my proverbial 'hat' off to you for writing this poem.

*Globe* TITLE

I love the title. It's strong and alluring which helps to attract all sorts of readers. I found a connection in your poem to the title through your words. The story you convey throughout the piece leads the reader to your title. This you've done in a crafty manner.

*Globe* TONE/DICTATION

The tone is of mystery as to future events,you emphasize this point through your characters reactions. The dictation is strong in bringing this to the reader's attention. The way in which you connect your stanzas allows for the reader to move forward with the story. The tone stopped for me at stanzas 4,5. I understand what you are trying to say but the wording used isn't allowing me to reach the necessary point.

*Globe* IMAGERY/SOUND

The way you depict your characters - the winter witches -allows us readers to follow your story and the setting in which it takes place. You engage our senses throughout your entire piece.You do this extremely well!

*Globe* FLOW/RHYME

The flow is good. I find the rhyme is difficult in this format but you do it well. In my opinion, stanzas 1-3 flow and rhyme perfectly. Stanzas 4,5 don't. The wording describing the Knights and the use of the adverb broke my reading and my chain of thought. Stanza 6 was perfect.

*Globe* FAVORITE

"The shadows dance across the pale moonlight,
and winds of change are blowing; lo! The storm!
For ‘tis the hour to bear arms and fight."


*Globe* REPETITION

 There is the repetition but this is necessary for this form of poetry.


*Globe* SUGGESTIONS

Only to have a look at stanzas 4,5. They are not connecting the previous stanzas and the remaining one to the story you are relaying to your readers. This is a beautiful poem. If possible,try and add your title in there, in an alternative version. ALL IN ALL, I LOVE IT!

WELL DONE!

Look forward to reading more of your work in the future.*ThumbsUp*

Keep writing!

All the best,
Natechia dos Reis


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
39
39
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Firstly there is no words I could possible say to make you feel any better in this unfair loss, that life has made you go through. I've worked with families who loss their loved ones to cancer, and I know on a personal level the hopelessness of not being able to save the ones we love. My grandmother is dying of cancer and so is one of my older brothers. I find it unfair that you can buy a raffle ticket for almost anything, but you can't buy one to take someone' else's place in situations like these.

I won't tell you how what your feeling is normal and part of a process, because that's not why you wrote this letter. I believe in why you wrote the letter and the only thing I can say to you is this: you will learn to live with this situation, but you will never stop missing your loved one nor will you forgive the people who could have saved her for being late.

You will learn to breathe again and expressing yourself through your writing will help you do just that -breathe again.

This much is clear - you loved your sister and she loved you. Cherish this gift that life has given you, and try, to forgive life for taking your sister away. This will take time and no amount of words in any language will ever convey how precious a human being your sister was and the beautiful mark she left in the world. Only you can tell us about her and by doing so, she will always remain your anchor.

I say : you will learn to breathe again.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
40
40
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*ExclaimR* Firstly please note this is merely my opinion and you should use what you want from this as a guide to better your story. This is still your story!

*Info* The story concept:

This story is brilliantly crafted with a devilish twist. The characters are vivid and the reader can understand the entire concept from A to B. EXCEPTIONAL!

*Info* Dialogue:

The dialogue is engaging and grabs your attention, it doesn't slow down in the story. It continues the momentum, flowing all the way to the end.

*Info* Characters:

These are energetic in their behaviours and with interesting personalities. All the characters, primary and secondary are well described.

*Info* Story build up:

I enjoyed how you build this story up. You introduce us, the readers, to Jack a loving man who brings his wife who is already running away from a terrible husband, and then add the twist at the end that Jack is of the same kind as her husband bringing her home for his father. This story had me hooked from beginning to end and the pictures in the story gave it more credibility. Enjoyed that artistic touch.


*Info* Language/Punctuation:

I didn't see any points regarding punctuation. (I use a program called www.editminion.com , after I’ve written a story I run it through this program to help me better the quality of my wording. This has helped me immensely. Give it a try and you will see once you start going through your story, it becomes better every time.)

*Info* Favourite :

He said, "Now, now, Darling. I told you nothing was ever going to bother you again, and I meant it." Jack's hands slid over his wife's body until they were on either side of her jaw. He held her face and kissed her once more. While he did so, his hands moved down around her neck. They began to tighten softly, gently, and Michelle started to relax with the weight of his body and comfort of his kisses. Until she felt his hands get tighter, and the hard firm grip twist around her neck. She opened her eyes to see Jack on top of her and tried to scream but nothing came out.

"Shoooosh ... now, Darling, just relax. All your worries will soon be gone."

Michelle resisted, but it was too late. As she lost consciousness beneath her husband's grasp, the door pushed all the way open.

Jack looked up at Edgar's drooping face as he stood over them. "Hello, Father, look what I brought you for supper. Doesn't she look delicious?"

All in all, I believe this is an original story with an incredible writer behind it. Try going through it again, and I would love to read the new draft. I hope this has helped you in some way.

I wish you all the best with this piece and look forward to more of your work.
Thank you for sharing your talent with us.*ThumbsUp*


Greetings,
Natechia






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
41
41
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well done!

When I chose to review this article, your point of view was not what I was expecting. I would have gone a completely different direction with this writing prompt. You wrote this piece with such enthusiasm that made it feel believable, and that is our main goal as writers - to make our readers believe. So I say again WELL DONE.

Your approach to this prompt was original and positive.

I enjoyed reading your work and hope to read more in the future.

Also: WELCOME TO WDC!

Keep well,
Natechia dos Reis


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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42
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Byron Dean,


*ExclaimBl* Please note these are my thoughts and can be used by you or not.

*Globe* CONCEPT

This is a thought provoking poem. The concept is brilliant and well executed!

*Globe* TITLE

The title is interesting and is worked into the poem which I like. It has an intriguing quality to it, that allows the reader to imagine all sorts of things, before reading your poem, and upon conclusion of your poem, is given a meaning that they perhaps didn’t think of when first reading the title. This is always good to keep in mind when you are writing – keep in mind your audience and their needs. Don’t give everything away for free let the reader come meet you half way. One way of doing this is your choice of title. So BRAVO!

*Globe* TONE/DICTATION

The tone indicates some despair and anxiety about life. The dictation is strong in bringing this to the reader's attention.

*Globe* IMAGERY/SOUND

You do this well! BRAVO! The emotions are clear in your choice of words. We feel and see what is happening. Excellent job here!

*Globe* FLOW/RHYME


The flow is good, I think this is a perfect flow for the message you are trying to relay to your readers. There is a defined a/b/c/a/b/c flow to this construction. You build this up in a manner one can flow with the words, leading us, readers, to a strong conclusion.

*Globe* FAVORITE

“And Davy Jones soon shall gloat:
Another dream for me to find,
discarded by a youthful mind,
left empty, tired, burst and blind.”



*Globe* REPETITION

There is repetition but I believe this is necessary for this poem.

In terms of language the word choice is excellent.


*Globe* SUGGESTIONS


NOTHING, keep it because this is a beautiful poem. I ENJOYED IT!


WELL DONE! I don’t think I’ve had the chance to say this so here goes:

*BalloonO* Welcome to WDC community!*BalloonB*


I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.*ThumbsUp*

Keep writing!

All the best,
Natechia dos Reis


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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43
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a useful poll. It is always good to know if people are enjoying the site and in my opinion -I don't only love it, I'm addicted to it. Great people in the communities and great writers to learn from.

This site is a blessing!
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Review of For My Dad  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Firstly, I would like to convey a big hug to you for having the strength to write about this difficult moment in your life, I've been there with my brother and it's a painful enemy you battle.

Secondly, your poem was beautiful from beginning to end because it was 'you'. Many writers spend hours, months and years looking for their inner voice but this experience was so personal for you and it also revealed the amazing writer you are on the way of becoming (which I know your dad would be proud of you).

A beautiful job that will emblazon your fathers image for always!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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45
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is an interesting question, one I had never thought of even though I have done extensive research into giants and their existence. I was actually torn apart between eaten and other because usually Hollywood has shown us that it can be torn apart, rolled up into a ball and then dropped kicked. Then I was also thinking what if the giants digestive system is slower than ours, and I would be stuck inside of her bowels with others awaiting death.

Excellent job on provoking my inner writer to search for the different methods.
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Review of Pearls  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear April Desiree-I'm back! ,

Here we go:

I’m considering this poem written in free verse format. Please note my opinion is merely an observation and can be adopted by you or not. My objective is to better you’re writing technique.

This is a unique poem both in its theme as well as composition. To me, a sensual sentiment is conveyed here- one of elegance, as pearls are associated with elegance.

TONE/DICTATION

I feel the first stanza doesn't flow with the second. In the first you introduce both the main character of your poem as well as the way you want your poem to go. I didn't feel the connection. They are two good stanzas but, to me, two different stories. Perhaps try and make it more clear between the two, the who, what, how connections. The construction of the second stanza for me is an interesting one and you should not alter this format:
' Pearls,
they fall...


...so they fall,
the pearls.'
This allows for an interesting conclusion and wraps up the thought without sounding repetitive.


IMAGERY/SOUND/TASTE/MOVEMENT
MOVEMENT- pirouettes and the usage of the expression 'pointe' are associated with ballet, which in turn made me think of the ballerinas shoes and their colour is similar to that of pearls.
IMAGERY- 'all the rays of moonlight lustre' is a beautiful expression only the moon doesn't emit rays it reflects light from the sun. I would seek an alternative word for 'rays'.
'their song plucking heartstrings' exceptional! Keep this phrase in this poem. Strong and central to your story.
SOUND- 'melody of the night birds' is a beautiful expression but there are a few kinds of night bird species, not knowing which one leaves the expression "night bird" a little empty for me.

FLOW/RHYME
There is some flow, although I believe if you connect the two stanzas better than the flow will be more evident.

FAVORITE

 "'their song plucking heartstrings"
REPETITION
There is the repetition of a few words "pearls" ,"pointe", "pirouettes" but this is necessary to make your message. Once you work on the correlation between stanzas it is possible those expressions will be vital, or, you can alter them slightly to emphasize your message.

SUGGESTIONS
Only the above mentioned!

I enjoy your theme and it is a unique format so I'm absolutely rocking on the edge of curiosity to see how you will make this already amazing poem - a melody for writers ears.

Keep writing!

All the best
Natechia dos Reis


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Multivalence  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Well this was an interesting read for me. I can relate to this theory seeing as I studied art yet I have never seen it be applied to the art form that is writing. Although you explained it in a consist manner making reference to Einstein and Amadeus which makes me think this is a theory one should investigate. And as a writer I believe I will do just that.

Thank you for writing this interesting article.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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48
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for placing this article online for those of us who are new to reviewing other writers work. I cherish when I receive an in depth review from a writer and I have tried myself to become better at reviewing other authors work not only to understand the story but the author themselves and of course better my ownself as a writer.

Once more thank you.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Collapse (1)  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very strong composition. The charaterization of the characters is done well. The scene transition is equally done well. Your use of imagery to describe both the characters and the setting is excellent. Although short and brief, I enjoyed your method of writing.

Well done and I will try and read the next chapter.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
50
50
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well in my opinion this should be an ode to writers. You captured here all the different challenges I feel as a writer. This article is well written and every paragraph correlates with the next perfectly. You have a brilhant introduction and develop this article in an excellent manner, only to end it by connecting your last words to both your beginning and to the title.

Excellent work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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