This is outstanding! Such a bouquet of description, and a host of references (the Madonna of Czestochowa!) putting an unorthodox spin on the graceful manatee.
This is worthy of publication in a newspaper or regional magazine, in my humble opinion. Exquisite!
I enjoyed this poem a lot. It's simple and direct, and yet it covers a lot of ground. Loss of hope, the simple yet meaningful trappings of love, and the reigniting of hope and passion are all covered in these subtle, succinct seven lines.
Sometimes the simplest poems are the ones that satisfy the most!
A witty and vastly entertaining look at a far-from-ordinary woman living an ordinary life in the middle of England.
Scarlett has the enviable talent of taking the otherwise humdrum monotony of daily life and turn it into something humerous or poignant, and frequently both. A slice of daily living delivered with classic British humour, as dry as a James Bond martini, that I never miss savouring.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: This is a straightforward, by-the-numbers story of a drug dealer and his girlfriend.
WHAT I LIKED: The story makes an attempt to link the dealer's occupation to the consequences of the story.
AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT: The story has a too-simple plot, and the characters are barely drawn. The dealer exhibits little to no remorse over the outcome of the story, with an "oh, well" ending.
Technically, there are numerous errors in spelling that further the impression of a piece hastily written.
This is the second Vietnam story I've read in as many days. Interesting how the subject seems to be popping up more frequently these days.
Your story had meaning for me. I identified with the narrator, as I held similar views during the war, just from the opposite side of the gender divide.
I've visited The Wall on several occasions, although I didn't lose any buddies over there that I know of. Just 55,000 casual acquaintances...
Aside from a handful of comma errors, and the typo "use" instead of "us" in the line where Billy's parents were in the pew in church, I saw no errors.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:[/b} This is a dark, moody, and descriptive piece, reminiscent of Stephen King in setting and atmosphere.
WHAT I LIKED: The rich description of setting is first-rate. "The winds howled and the windows rattled as the flames of the fire danced, warming them with its heat" is but one example of the poetic passages setting the mood and sense of place. The secondary character of Edwin the caretaker is drawn perfectly, right down to his flannel shirt and amused contempt for "summer people," as Mainers refer to the vacationers who crowd the state in summer and hastily retreat at the first sign of September cold.
AREAS OF OPPORTUNITY: There really is not much to quibble over in the piece. "... the winds slowed and became less frequent, and the snow lessened" might be a little stronger without the repetition of "less," but that is hardly an issue. The ending struck this reviewer as just the slightest bit rushed, but, absent any suggestions to improve it, I will withdraw the observation.
This is a strong read, and well worth the time. Bravo!
OVERALL IMPRESSION: Unless one was directly affected by the Selective Service Act, either by being draft eleigible or, like the narrator of Constellation, in love with someone who was, it is difficult to comprehend the terrible nature of the apprehension that the draft lottery invoked.
I was a university student at the time of the first lottery. I held a student deferrment, a coveted "2-S", and would hold it as long as I remained a student in good standing. The lottery, however, would determine my susceptibility to being drafted as soon as my deferral expired.
I remember with clarity the unbearable tension that was palpable on the whole campus as each number was drawn. Lives were literally being disrupted and placed on the chopping block by a random drawing of birthdates. You have captured the conflict of emotion, the sinusoidal wave of tension, exultation, anticipation, and tension once again as each date was selected.
WHAT I LIKED: In a word, everything. The descriptive tone of the setting and of the oppressive weight of anticipation is first rate. The plot pacing and the character development showed a deft touch.
AREAS OF OPPORTUNITY: There are no errors in spelling, punctuation, or grammar. I would be hard pressed to see a way to improve this piece in the slightest.
Outstanding work, and an excellent accomplishment. This is one of the best stories I have encountered on this site.
A personal note: I still remember the relief that surged through me when by birthdate was selected at number 266. My draft office stated that they would not be needing to go deeper than 195 to fulfill their manpower requirements. Thank you for spurring me to recall that selection day.
This is a classic blog. It is interesting, highly literate, multifaceted, and artistic.
There is something contained in L'Aura del Campo to tease anyone's palate. Reflections on the Baha'i faith, recipes, poetry, news about other bloggers: anything and everything is likely to show up as a topic, and everything is treated with an articulate and artistic touch.
For anyone who wants to know what a blog can be, a trip to L'Aura del Campo is mandatory.
Overall Impression
This is a sweet piece about the loss of a lover, and how that loss affects the protagonist's everyday life.
What I Liked
The sense of loss is palpable. The description of the scene in which the protagonist smells the perfume and holds the bottle is strong.
Areas of Opportunity
I felt that the saleswoman's role was rushed and incomplete. She serves to vocalize the feelings of the protagonist, but her part could have been more fully developed to improve the piece.
There were quite a few surface errors that disrupted the flow of my reading.
"gentle show her impatience should be "gently."
"New Years dresses" should be New "Year's."
If she where here" should be "were."
"christmas music" should be "Christmas."
"than I being to inhale" should be "begin."
"right there and then" should be "then and there" in common usage.
"melonchony" should be "melancholy."
"while I moured" should be "mourned."
A little more work on this piece would turn it from good to excellent.
This article will be of great help to me as I continue to grow as a member of this fascinating community.
Your comments have been very helpful in refining my technique of reviewing, and in making me more willing to spend time reviewing.
I think I've done an anonymous review once, after I had been savaged by a writer of a piece I'd given a low rating to. To avoid that, I just don't review works that would earn a rating of less than three. That reaction almost poisoned me on reviewing at all.
This is a lengthy read, written in several rhyme patterns, and at least two different voices, but well worth the read.
As you point out, the poem is in two different parts, yet unified at the end. The message(s) are fundamental, positive, and uplifting, and deserve to be read and remembered by all.
Darling! How did I ever miss putting the NWWF on my social calendar this year? I've completely forgotten all about it, and I shall be in Monaco this weekend! Please be a dear and tell that darling Emeril "Bam!" for me!
You make an excellent point. Why folks who are living on the fortunate side of the street can't share their wealth with the less privileged without making a conspicuous consumption event of it is beyond me. I guess the noblesse oblige tradition must live on...
Excellent poem, with an excellent point made. And, all kidding aside, I wouldn't mind being in Naples right now. As for August...
I enjoyed reading this poem. The emotion is strong and well-expressed.
The opening stanzas put me definitely in mind of the songs "Tears of a Clown" and "The Tracks of My Tears," both by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles, and most likely, both before your time!
As an American baseball fan, I have tried to understand cricket, but, I must confess, to little avail.
I enjoyed your sporting tribute. Even though I don't know anything about these men besides what you've written, I can see the affection and pride you have for them, much as I do for baseball heroes who've retired, like Cal Ripken.
This is an excellent poem, and a moving one as well.
You've done a superb job of capturing so many things in the piece: the fear, the setting, the determination, the concern over what her tour may wind up doing to her upon her return.
Please thank your daughter for her service to her country during an unpopular war for me, and thank you for telling her story so eloquently.
I will keep your daughter, and all her fellow servicemen, in my thoughts and prayers.
The "travelog" aspect was very interesting. As a fan of travel documentaries, I always lament the fact that they explore the big cities like Dublin or Belfast, but no one ever takes a look at life in a small town. You've afforded the reader a glimpse into this kind of town.
But perhaps the best aspect of the article was the descriptive quality of the people that populate the story. We can all see Molly Ryan as plain as the nose on our face. As a one-time smoker of Player's when I was an affectatious college student, I smiled as I remembered the picture of the lifering and "Hero" on the pack.
Thanks for quite a unique glimpse into the soul of an "ordinary" little Irish village.
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