|Hi, TATSUYAKEMI , I am Prosperous Snow Globe , I am reviewing "I used to sing a song!!!" in response to a request.
First thoughts: The introduction of the diary in the first paragraph and the desire of the speaker to sing suggested the story's plot.
I like: I like the way dates are used the separate the sections because it helped in keeping track of the events in the story. I also like the choice of the first person point of view, because it reveals the main characters personality and attitude.
Suggestions: In this phrase, by flipping pages and pages, I suggest inserting the after flipping and removing the last two words, and pages. The reason for this suggestion is that and pages is redundant.
In this phrase, hiding with my parents and smoking, I suggest changing with to from because the story's speaker appears to be smoking in secret.
In several places Mr. Mori is referred to as she. I suggest changing the Mr. to Miss or Ms if the person is a woman or girl.
There are technical issues in this story, which make it difficult to read. I suggest rewriting this story by starting a second document, while keeping this document the way it is for reference. I suggest printing out a copy of this story, because it is easier to rewrite a printed copy rather than a virtual copy.
I also suggest using different chapters for the different times in the novel.
Final thoughts: This story has a great deal of potential. The main character is sympathetic and intriguing. The flow of the plot is not smooth, because of the speaker talking about different time periods in his life; this method of telling the story revealed a lot about the main character, who is the speaker.
I enjoyed reading this story because of the main character and the lesson this story taught about a person losing their dreams as they grow older.