This is a truly wonderful poem! It tells the story of the lady and the man in a fluid flow, and though you got impatient, it is wonderfully detailed. It’s a great reminder that not every poem has to rhyme at every edge and end, something I should probably try to get in my brain as well, hehe. The story took a beautiful turn as she stood infront of the last least, pondering if it is really all worth it. And she’s right, it is not worth to give up all you loved only to take the love away from someone else. The only thing I’m curious about (and this is not meant as criticism, the detail is not necessary for the poem), is: why Damian was dying? Simply for the story, or is there something I missed? Was it the serpent?
Overall, I loved it, was a great read. Happy to have seen your message, and have a good one! :D
A truly wonderful poem! It tickles the brain in just the right way if you understand what I mean. It‘s neatly organized, the rhyming scheme the same except for the last two verses, which gives them more weight as you talk about a void that no one is familiar with that way.
It reminds me of how silence seems to make the seconds longer and the minutes stretch. That‘s „The quiet“ you talk about for me. Andwhile I may never know what exactly was on your mind as you wrote this, I can say that what I as audience see is magnificent!
This is amazing! And yes, one does get the picture. Your vocabulary is wonderful and your words describe a scene that blooms in my mind with just a few lines. It’s great that you didn’t tell what the picture is about right at the beginning - it gave my silly and fantastical mind the opportunity to paint a picture on its own it could then compare with the solution you’ve given.
Once again, truly wondeful, glad to find a fellow poet!
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