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3,207 Public Reviews Given
3,246 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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Review of Thought  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey there, Cursedlove. I found your story through the Read and Review option. Welcome to WdC!

A clear title and brief description left no doubt in my mind. I prepared for the worst. I'm guessing this was written as it materialized through your imagination. However, it reads personally as pertaining to the author expressing themselves.

A few bumps along the way can be easily edited with a few pointers. In the first verse, last line, taking out 'is' loses one passive verb. Then the word 'feel' is called a distancing word. So, the end result would be, using only your words: The night sky makes me lonely. See how it's more direct? Then, consider that nothing can make you feel anything. We choose our emotions. So, 'lonely beneath the night sky' would be one suggestion

But why is she sitting, wondering where she is? A forest in her mind? Is she dreaming? Sorry, if I misunderstood the meaning.

In the second verse, I don't understand why a spider would be bewildered? An do you want to use the word 'lonely' in close proximity?

The next two lines sound perfect, creating a vivid picture of the mental state of the person.

In the following two lines, perhaps a period after 'thunder' since in the next sentence the character is dead inside. I'm only trying to help, not critique. Try losing all passive verbs for a strong impact. Maybe, reordering, not changing your words, 'Dead inside, no hope of survival' might work.

Last line, (nice rhyme scheme) try to resist using the same word in close proximity. In this case, 'hope'. I won't make a suggestion, merely say a thesaurus comes in handy.

So, in the end, I applaud you trying to capture troublesome thoughts on virtual paper. The emotions ran strong, the message was clear. (Mostly)

Pondering this poem and your user name, I'm thinking you must be very lonely. For that, I am sorry. But guess what? We have some wonderful members here, and I hope you find this to be your second home as most of us do. Keep writing!


Me with another persona. Am I a spy?
Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review of Circular Logic  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Ken! I found your story through the Read and Review option.


*Baretree3*
The Hook
Circular Logic? Excellent title for this story. The brief description brought to mind the age-old question. Can aliens attack earth? Did you have to say they were green? *Facepalm* Will we ever leave that perception behind, or was it intentional on your part to make the reader laugh or groan?

*Baretree3*
A closer look
Drawing on my knowledge from sci-fi books and movies, you made me search the effects of low gravity on a person. Yes, they can be taller, but not stronger, according to Steven Spielberg's production of Avatar. I enjoy stories that I have to research to further my knowledge of terms or unfamiliar words. Thanks for the challenge.

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
At first I worried, then I was impressed by Rolf's innovation, and finally laughed in the end. That's Ken, clever as always.


*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
Excellent story-telling and a prime example of creating escalating tension and/or interest without dialogue.



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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Marion


*Baretree3*
The Hook
Not so encouraging.
All I noticed was that 'fire' should have been capitalized and 4 should have been written out as 'four.' Despite the cautious reaction on my part, I chose to read and review this.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
Is this something you strung together with further thoughts of returning to edit? If so, I recommend showing this as a work in progress. The entire piece is nearly one run-on sentence with passive verbs that evoked no emotion. Sadly, what might have been a compelling story vanished word by word. I found several misspelled common words. I was wondering if English was your second language, but looking at your bio, it appeared not so.

Suggestions
Try to imagine the power emanating from the topic of your work. Fire in and of itself is a story. Use active verbs not passive to summon passion and a sense of danger. Show the reader the desperation to escape. Who was screaming and scared? You'll hear it a million times from reviewers. The point of the story is to bring your reader into your 'dream' through showing not telling.


*Baretree3*
Lasting impression
I desperately wanted to applaud your work, especially since you are new to the website. Perhaps if you begin to read and review, the basics of writing will come to mind. Please continue to work here. Members find satisfaction in learning and editing, even though it's difficult at first. People say the least of our writing has to come out first before the magnificent can be found within the author. Remember, this can be a work in progress. Just keep writing and reviewing and you'll be fine. *Smile*


Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

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Review of Exhausted  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi eznn,

Overall Impression
Excellent read!

Hook
Great job choosing your title and following through with an informative brief description. The reader has a sense of what's to come, but curiosity still calls to the brain.

Personal connection to topic
I was just talking about the theme of your poem the other day. Humans are destroying the earth, and we are all part of it. However, there's no way to go back. We're addicted to all that destroys. The irony of the devastation goes straight to the heart. The wrongs we inflict and also how we can no longer escape. That last line hit the mark and made me wince. Such bald truth hammers the message. It's all so tragic. I rarely say this, but sometimes I wonder if the evolution of humanity was the fatal mistake. Everything we do is cataclysmic.


Technique
The poem flowed smoothly from verse to verse. Free from worked beautifully for your poem. Forcing such passionate thoughts to rhyme would have broken the impact. Since this work is free form, I don't think the general 'rules' apply to poetry. Either consistent punctuation, or no punctuation at all. In this particular case, the punctuation guided the reader, and that's all that counts.

Emotional impact
The overall mood makes me think of grey skies and silent thunder. Footsteps of failure lurk behind humankind's every action. We're on a collision path of destruction, helpless to retreat.

I didn't expect to read anything that echoed my own thoughts. I feel like an outsider, as if someone might not 'approve' of my viewpoint and enforce the sunny side of life. Although the work may be depressing or objectionable to some, I found it enlightening and poignant.

Closing comments
Writing such as yours shows courage. Thank you for the privilege of reading and reviewing your work.

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Review of Emotions  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi lil-queen


*Baretree3*
The Hook
The title and brief description drew me in because reading about someone else's feelings sometimes helps.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
Wow, a tsunami of chaotic emotions, for sure. Chaos and despair carry through every line. If hope appears, it seems as if someone steps in and provides light, only to disappoint again.

I had trouble reading this for a few reasons. With no paragraphing, this is an emotional dump of thoughts, a running account of what's going through your head. I get it. But some spacing would help.

If the next stanza continues the same thought, that first word is not capitalized. Maybe some writers do, but I found it distracting. I see the repetitiveness of the jumbled thoughts while I'm searching for something original. (maybe another word for dark)

*Baretree3*Oops

And disappointment fill (s) your head.
Maybe its (it's) just me

Brought her (e) to help me find the love

Because I cant (can't) become a

As if he never did nothing (anything) in this world

And disappointment fill (s) my head
That you would even thing (k)

Okay, no more editing comments on my part. I'm sure you can fix this piece up by yourself. *Wink*


*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
I'm sorry whatever caused this outpouring happened to you. I'm happy you were able to put words on virtual paper, which hopefully provided a much-welcomed outlet for you.

Written in 2016, I certainly hope your mood and situation has changed. Time doesn't always heal wounds.



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356
356
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hi Melody Cadence Clark

Image for 'The Newbie Welcome Wagon'

Click the image above and you'll arrive at the Newbie Welcome Wagon!


Excellent idea to add the caveat that the romance is clean. And you have it correctly rated. *Checkg*

I liked both your characters and their interaction. The transition from one character to the other flowed well when sometimes it can be a distraction.
The dad added a touch of remorse, giving Laughlan an opportunity to greet and then console Kallee. Their interaction was a bit odd, but I guess Kallee felt comfortable enough with him. Or maybe she was desperate. I'm not sure this scenario is believable or sounds genuine.

All the descriptive passages lit up images in my mind. Good job describing smells. You worked wonders 'moving' your characters through the different scenes. *Thumbsup*

I've never seen a piece written partly in exchanged text. At first the underlining seemed incorrect, but it worked. I wonder if italics would work?

I'm no comma queen, but the comma errors are so extensive in this piece, they're too many to correct. Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you can find a comma tutorial somewhere.

From what I saw in your portfolio, this seems to be an ongoing romance. I have a suggestion. Why not create a folder for all the chapters. You can also put links at the bottom of each chapter to lead the reader to the next.

*Star*
You've got a nice piece here to work with. Now comes the fun part. Editing.
*Pthb*

Reading and reviewing will help tremendously.

I have a few links that might be of interest to you.

"Noticing Newbies"  A wonderful place to introduce yourself. You'll find multiple links to help you.

"Contest Central Station"  has a current list of all WdC contests. Find the Newbie ones (or any other that appeals to you) and enter your work.




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Review of Love Life!  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi RoyalMQ

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews"  *CakeB*


As I perused your port, this title caught my eye. I figured the plot would be one of those common 'live in the moment' themes. The brief description changed that perception.

For so few words, the plot impressed me. Losing anyone through death causes devastating effects. I can't say my sister is a ghost, but 36 years since her death, I still feel her presence. So once the odd things started happening (right from the beginning, as they should) prickles ran up and down my arms. That happens when I'm reading or writing something that moves me, or just feels 'right'.

I also liked how the story wrapped up. Matt's name was initialized, leaving the reader as quizzical as Melanie. Yes, friends can be like stars unseen.

The only stumbling block showed up in the last few lines. The story went from 3rd POV to 1st. An easy fix.

Enjoy your anniversary day, and thanks for the emotional read. *Smile*



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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi Brittany!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews"  *CakeB*


Cool Title that caught my interest as I wondered what this story might be. The brief description made me think of an automobile accident. Then I read the story and discovered I was wrong. *Laugh*

I do make comments as I read, so this might seem a little out of order.

For a fairly straightforward plot some of the oddities distracted me. Sometimes, wording can be too clever. For example, unless you were going for humor:
All moisture was proceeding with an exodus from my mouth.

(prescribed) is another example of a word that doesn't really make sense in the context of this story.

I had never heard of "Angel Falls" and, my eye caught the word 'metaphysical' in the second paragraph. So now I'm thinking some kind of special world. Wrong, again. I googled Angel Falls and read about it.

Adjectives can cause a reader to pause. (inexorable redolence)
I looked up all meanings of the adjective inexorable and none fit this sentence.

Adverbs indicate a weak verb that needs to be deleted.

Also puzzling:
my “condition” returned with such ferocity that I would later chug a cup of Krakatoa-hot Starbucks coffee in about sixteen seconds.
How did he know in advance this would happen? He can (bet) (imagine) that later he'll chug, but he has no foreknowledge.

very repulsive task
How can breaking a kiss be repulsive? Also, (very) is considered a non-word with no meaning.

This is your anniversary date, so I don't want to blow up your review with multiple comments. All I can say is, maybe in an effort to be clever, a sweet story was told with too much description and words that didn't fit.

This line made me laugh out loud. Nicely done!
... my vocal chords were twisted in a knot the shape of the Oldsmobile logo and refused to move a micrometer.


Keep on reading and reviewing. It's a great way to learn!



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Review of Fall's Fancy  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tinker

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


Happy WdC Anniversary


*Leaf2g* The superb title tempted me. Not so much the brief description, but I think that was more for you than the reader.

After I read your poem I paused, thought it over, and read it again twice more. Living in Florida, we have no leaves turning, no hint of Autumn. But your poem brought memories of all that you describe, memories so poignant I nearly cried. (rhyme unintentional).

*LeafR* Excellent alliteration in the second verse, second line, captured me. Alliteration is one of my favorite techniques. Although, I never write poetry.

spinning spiders play controls the stanzas pace. And it's my favorite verse. Spiders terrify me, but you made me appreciate the beauty with your words. (the last line in that particular stanza)

*Squirrel* The squirrels here are small and sort of a dowdy brown, so I tried to picture grey ones in my head. I've never seen one.

*Fire* I'm still puzzling over "sleep when ere you can". It rhymes pleasantly, but I can't figure out the context. Certainly not squirrels sleeping, and no humans have been introduced. Since I'm not a poet, forgive my lack of awareness. All I can think of is the danger of fires breaking out and consuming dry trees. But that doesn't match.

Nothing left to say, other than congrats on your 10th! WdC anniversary.

~Nixie Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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360
Review of Louis  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Mrs. Whatsit

HAPPY WdC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


Happy WdC Anniversary


*Buttonb* Where to start? I enjoyed reading the story for itself, but found much more. What a wide assortment of remarkable characters. Each one had a specific trait that made the progression of the plot easy to navigate. I've never lived in a small town, but I can imagine an old woman like Mrs. Fangoli. Mrs. Fangoli! I sure got to know as a person. I especially liked her looking with googling eyes.

The consistency of the dialect flowed well. Excellent job demonstrating all the characters in a slow manner, as if a person were really looking at them. The story started off with remarkable insight, giving the reader an instant perception of Louis. Bits of foreshadowing made sense as the story continued. It was awfully disgusting, that paragraph about Louis and the accident.

I wish I didn't have a picture of what Louis and Sheila did in my mind. Again, very specific, with the narrator adding to the reader's perception.

*Buttonb* Seems you were not kidding around with the brief description. As much as I followed along with the characters, the conclusion smacked me in the face. Louis didn't have much longer to live, again made so clear through description, maybe an earlier death was a blessing. So awful though.

Did I forget to mention Seraphina? Her unique name lent a vision of how attractive she was. At least the guys were appreciative, to the point of laughing. Until I read the last part. Very sweet and poignant.

A cast of characters to remember.

A sneak peek:

"He was lucky, at that, that he only lost his legs - he still had his girlfriend, Sheila."


~Nixie Overwatch Guardian

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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361
361
Review of Lost Jax  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Amay,

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


Happy WdC Anniversary


*Fox*
Great read! The journey of reading left me as confused as Jack, so the conclusion came as a surprise. I wondered why the parents didn't give Jax medicine? Or maybe it wasn't mentioned. Lots and lots of sensory perception brought the story to life. Smells. sights, noises. I agree with Jax, everything does taste better when prepared in the woods. The experience, so aptly written, is a 'natural high'.


*Idea* Suggestions: (since you wrote this in 2010, I doubt you'll come back to edit.) This section looks overwhelming, but really, they're just tiny mistakes.

A few words got mixed up.
I wonder if their (they're) twins. There Their momma must be around here somewhere.

Also, editors don't like semi-colons, even though Winnie includes them in her classes. If you really like them, maybe consider using less. It's a bit distracting.

Notice how many sentences begin with (he) or (Jax).

I'm not proficient at giving alternate suggestions, but I did notice lots of sentences using the word (was).

*Fox*
How powerful the description of Jax and the deer. I would want a witness, as well. I'll bet that's something he'll never forget, even if it was fever-induced. Some of my inspirations come while meditating. The story wrapped up with a satisfying conclusion, and Jax's comment explained everything.

It takes bravery to enter a contest. Good on you!

Very clever. Like the *Fox* *Laugh*


~Nixie Overwatch Guardian

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review of Pay back  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Soul sister

HAPPY EARLY 11th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


Happy WdC Anniversary


*Fox* Overall impression *Right* A frightening story of how revenge might take form. She had found several avenues to hurt him, but I didn't see an explanation as to why his clients would drop him.

You effectively made me despise the husband, even though the narrator might not have been accurate. But she seemed fairly specific, although a bit vague in others. I can't help but side with her because I've known awful people. Burning his house down made a strong statement and a bold beginning.


*Burstb*
Watch out for passive and past perfect verb tenses. Otherwise, you end up with sentences like this one after the other:
She had let them believe it all too. She had had do so to protect them.

You can practice by reviewing and see how other authors avoid these pitfalls. *Wink*

Also, I suggest more paragraphing and more spacing for an easier read. I had to squint to read it. lol

I can't edit this entire piece for you, but watch out for changes in verb tenses.
She had (past) found it. It has(present) taken her six months


*Fox* Not a bad start for a first draft. Have fun editing. *Bigsmile* It's a lot of work, but it always pays off. You've built a solid case for the wife. *Checkg*


~Nixie Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review of As It Was Written  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Stu,

HAPPY 13th! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


The story started out strong, and immediately captured my interest. I'm a shoe-in for physics, especially theoretical. I've heard the opinion before, that we are mere mortals effected by different creations of 'god's'. Even so far as to demonstrate a competition between them for the most successful outcome.

Excellent scene setting and character description impressed me and gave me a concrete picture of what was being discussed. *Checkg*

*Bulletb* This sentence distracted me.
He hovered in front of a large, shuttered window that was positioned precisely ....

*Bulletb*
Who is the 'he' in this sentence? 'that was' can be eliminated from the sentence. If you establish who the 'he' was in the first sentence, you don't have to worry about the same issue in the second paragraph. *Wink*
I found a few spelling errors, but they could be simply a cultural difference.

*Bulletb*My problem is always creating over-complicated plots that sometimes confuse. Your words are beautiful, but can the story be told with less? Fewer characters? The plot slowed too much for me.

*Bulletb* Strong conclusion that left a feeling of dread in my throat. Overall, a success!


Happy WdC Anniversary


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364
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Frost. I found your story through the read and review option.

In complete honesty, I have to admit the punctuation errors were overwhelming to the point of me almost giving up. The dialogue and what there is of setting all need paragraphing. Right now, you have a giant block of a story that was difficult to read.

The story has no conflict, other than Sean wanting to see and the cruel kids at school teasing him. Of course, the big question is what's going on? Towards the end, we finally get some answers.

I wondered why the title is not capitalized correctly, yet is accurate at the top of the page.

I worked with a kid who was an albino. He fascinated me and we were good friends. I'm sad for Sean, a kid who no one would speak to honestly.

The conclusion seemed triumphant, if a bit rushed.

Your thoughts are on the page. Step one. All you need is some paragraphing, some scene building, punctuation editing, and a stronger conflict. I applaud you for trying; it's more than I have done in the entire year.

Please enjoy your time here. *Bigsmile*

~Nixie


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365
Review of Olympic Beans  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Image on share

Hi Princess! Welcome to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  October Raid!


I liked the overall theme, and the title drew me in. In the brief description, I suggest including the word [that]. Also, the adverb should come before the noun.

...with the help of some DNA [that] [temporarily] exists *Wink*

Funny, I've worried about characters in works I haven't completed, or works completed I just won't let go off and post. They do have a story to tell. Escaping from the writer inspires the reader to suspend their perceivable reality and stretch their imagination. You've effectively invited the reader into your dream.

I also liked the comedic relief. *Laugh* [Juliette didn't land on the dog's hair.]

Since this is an Olympic event, consider using more daring words. Let Sarah leap or vault off the page, rather then merely jumping. Just a thought.

Along the way, I stumbled over some lapses of attention. Here's a few that interrupted my enjoyment.

*Notev*
The second sentence is a run-on, which completely confused me. I wondered if I should keep reading. Remember, that first paragraph is an author's scheme to capture the reader.

Second paragraph:
Sarah had enough, [and] jumped off the page. Or, Sarah had enough. She jumped off the page. This brings more focus to the action.

Edit the story to shorten all the run-on sentences.

Nothing happens suddenly in a story.
All of a sudden....

All punctuation belongs inside the quotation marks.
Sarah looked and them and said, “Hi”.
Sarah looked at them and said, "Hi."

Who are you? Juliet asked

"Who are you?" Juliet asked.

Throughout the story, punctuation continues to be an issue. I won't point out anymore. I'm sure you can find the rest. *Smile*


In the end, I wondered if Sarah inspired Juliette to continue the story. Sarah was still trapped in the house. Her escapades made sense in light of what the words allowed her to do.

Fun story to read!


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Review of The Threat  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Preet. *Smile* I found your item through the read and review option.


Overall Impression
The title and brief description interested me, but wasn't a strong hook. However, you dropped the reader right into an on-going scene, and that snagged my attention, for sure.


Thoughts
Sneaky, inexpensive business for the narrator. Is the person a man or woman? I didn't see a name. I'm thinking of the narrator as a man. His personality came across as strong and decisive. Good job showing your character. His 'thoughts' worked well in deepening the character's background. Not a guy to mess around with, he gets right down to business.

A few things to consider.

“Dan must pay.” She declared.
“Dan must pay,” she declared.

No need to capitalize [she]. You can use a comma here, not a period.
You only used the word declared once in dialogue, rather than [said], which is the way most writers work. *Checkg* Readers rarely see the [said] part. In this case, [declared] was noted and appreciated.

Here's another sentence similar to the one above. Same rule. Comma, not a period, and the pronoun is not capitalized.

“Sorry for being late. Thanks for squeezing me in.” She said with a heavy Middle Eastern accent.
“Sorry for being late. Thanks for squeezing me in,” she said with a heavy Middle Eastern accent.

Check for more instances.

*Right* The last line is dialogue and needs to be in quotes. An oversight. *Wink*

I wonder what contest you wrote this for. Obviously, it had a word count. You did well with that. No wasted words.

It's of benefit for the next reviewer to see a link back to the contest at the bottom of the story. That way, they know right away what the prompt and/or restrictions were. Those factors can make a difference when considering what's been written.


In closing
Clever write! *Checkg*



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Review of SONG OF FREEDOM  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Babette. *Smile* I found your poem through the 'read and review' option.


Overall Impression
Your poem made me smile. I understand this is the experience of a fulfilled dream. It's what my instructors always told me. We're one, horse and woman. That never happened for me, that's why I'm so happy to have read and now reviewed your work.

I'm not a poet, but, great job with the 4th stanza. The rhythm in the words complimented the lilting flow of the work. It created a sense of excitement.

Tone/Mood
Pure harmony, as the last few lines proclaim. The poem is a celebration, uplifting and joyous. The rhyming pattern flows so majestically, I can imagine the 'ride' itself.

As a side note, horses do not like me, so I'm envious. At last I can have the thrill of riding, if only vicariously.

*Idea* A few thoughts
In the first line: I think it's natural for a person to use 'men' when referring to humankind as a species. Some, however, take offense. 'Men' definitely works, though.

Also, consider changing [men kept] to [men keep] because we're still dreaming of flying, metaphorically. You can just ignore me, *Laugh* because you're writing literally in that first line.

Lasting Impression
My last thoughts are for you. I hope you're enjoying your time here. You definitely have a gift to share. *Smile*

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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368
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi SandraLynn! I found your story using the 'read and review' option.


Overall Impression
What a delightful story, due to your sense of humor and irony. Not due to the actual predicament, although that in and of itself was impressive.

I liked the contrast between the tight quarters in the tank and then the larger picture, as it were, of what was happening on the outside. You made it easy to imagine that sight!

Thoughts/Feelings
I see this is classified as a short story, but it reads like the truth. I'm curious.

I also have a son and two daughters. No accidents with the girls, but many weekends were spent in various ERs. My son found more ways to get himself hurt. But hands down, I doubt anyone could top this story.

You have an excellent story-telling voice. One that encourages the reader to join in on the adventure.

Good grief! Power tools to saw? That's awful. Oh, that's where I noticed one tiny slip up. Just a silly extra space. *Wink*
Someone , fired up an air chisel and an attempt

Lasting Impression
Given the same situation, I'd probably die of embarrassment. And I would have been the one to apologize to the EMT's as well. I can easily relate to your confusion in the ER with the nurse telling you to clean up, and the words just not registering. But that's my sad story.

You've noted this as a rewrite. I can tell you the effort was worthy of my admiration. Nicely done.

Thanks for making me smile, and cringe.

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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369
369
Review of Under the Skin  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Graham. I found your story here. "Invalid Item" 

Overall Impression
Fascinating story!

Characters
Both Tamara and Barnaby are well defined.

I can see Tamara from Barnaby's observations. Since he's the one telling the story, I don't know what he looks like. But through his dialogue and actions, I can discern the type of man he was.

Setting
The third paragraph was so descriptive, it was as if I were sitting in the room. Nicely done! The attic nearly breathes life.

Excellent gradual build-up to the conclusion. In the attic, I 'saw' so many possible items, wondering which ones might be red herrings. That mannequin was terrifying. *Thumbsup*

Oops
The adverb [slowly] is used twice in the same paragraph. An oversight, I'm sure. *Wink*

She stopped, then slowly turned, photo still in hand,
Slowly, she reached up and turned the lamp on.

A lapse of attention. I'm guessing you won't be coming back to edit this, but reviews always help me when I write another story.

The chain? It pulls down by itself, and the lamp [come] on." [comes]

Consider including a link back to the contest for other readers who might want to check it out. Just a thought.

Closing comments
The black ribbon received for a first place entry says it all. Excellent write.

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370
370
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Percy! I found your story using the read and review option.

Hook
Okay, I'll say it right up front. The 'Tier One' in the title made this a no contest read for me. I'm growing weary of stories with similar plots, testing teens for warfare or games. But yours was different. *Hand1*

Overall Impression
You have a gift for writing vivid battle scenes. I found them frightening and exhilarating. Excellent idea, to pair the 'misfits' together. The comment about Rudd not being graceful as elves are struck a familiar chord. Not that I read a lot of fantasy, but after watching Orlando Bloom in The Fellowship of the Ring, I'll only see elves as his character. That's good, though. A good way to set your character apart.

The slow build up of Rudd and Bedelia's relationship felt authentic. You demonstrated both characters' personality traits. They both had vulnerabilities that led to further bonding. And their quirky dialogue added spice and slowed down the action when necessary. The word play was excellent.

Thoughts of an uncertain nature

Rather than two consecutive 'ing' sentences, consider re-wording the second. But I really liked the dramatic effect of "one last time", so it's a conundrum. Author's decision, as always.

[Putting] on her diminutive helm she adjusted the chin strap. [Reaching] back she felt for the quiver of arrows, one last time.

I found a few instances of misplaced quotes, but after all this time I doubt you're going back to correct a few small errors. *Wink*

Closing comments
Often in stories of this nature, authors forget to space out the paragraphs. This is a deterrent for me, and, contrarily, another solid reason to begin the adventure of reviewing your story.

Thanks for the great read!



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371
371
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello again, Petra! I found another one of your stories using the read and review option.

The Hook
What drew me in? The title a little bit, but the brief description made this read irresistible. Learning about places I've never been is always enjoyable. Especially the stories with vivid descriptions, like yours.

As the story unfolds
I noticed the genre, and trust me, I didn't want this to be a dark story. The setting was so lovely, and I felt the warmth of the love and, oddly, the fireplace.

Special Moments
The last two sentences in the second paragraph were show-stoppers. Something in those words made me pause and draw in a deep breath. So beautiful, slightly haunting, lovely prose.

Characters
I can only guess at the characters. A married couple? B is the husband? or wife? Was the character ill and hence the apparition? A mystery, indeed.

Oops
suite cases should be > suitcases [unless you live outside the states, where spellings and punctuation varies. I can't remember who lives where all the time]. *Headbang*

*Questionb* This part of the sentence set me off. Maybe the [in] coming so close together?
spinach and different kind of cheeses in puffed pastry in the oven.
Maybe baking or crisping in the oven? Just a thought.

Could this flow more smoothly? I don't want to copy/paste the entire section.
I hurried to the child, turning [his] back and looking [it] in the eye. [It] was a boy.
So, here's my confusion. He's already identified as a boy when the sentence states the character is turning [his] back, so the next sentence "It was a boy" seemed redundant.

Closing comments
One absolutely dead-on way to add in the creepy factor is to include a child. You nailed it. Great conclusion.


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372
372
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Neva! I found your story using the read and review option.

Overall Impression
Catchy title caught my attention. *Laugh*

I'm always interested in members brave enough to enter contests, especially this one. 300 words and 3 mandated words. *Shock2*

Wow. What a juicy tale told in less than 300 words. Nothing in the story shouted surprise! as I read along, following Gloria's travails. It's no easy feat to grab a lunch in a rush. The nerve of someone stealing her sandwich!

Setting/Conflict
Time is the conflict. Setting is clear, except her order at Starbucks didn't appeal to me at all. lol I liked that added detail though. Small matters make a big difference in stories, and as in this story, they often lend authenticity.

Characters
That was quite a conversation between Mrs. Overbee (great character name that created a mental image of the wife) and Gloria. That wife must have been super-mad to accept the frank words Gloria spoke. It was fun to imagine them sitting on the stairs, waiting.

*Question* No big deal. I think 'hand off rule' should be
handsoff rule

The first paragraph was a bit wordy, I got confused with the verb tense differences. In the second sentence, using 'sandwich' one time would have been sufficient.
(Even though the bag had her name on it, someone has [had]? taken her ham and cheese sandwich.)

Closing comments
Fantastic last line. Ha! I'd like to see the look on Mr. Overbee's face when confronted with his own indiscretions.

Just an odd question. Did the contest require a word count in the story? Also, a link to the contest might be of interest to other readers.

Excellent write

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373
373
Review of The Accident  
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Scarlett! Nixie here with a friendly review. I found your story by using the read and review option. *Smile*

The Hook
I'm not sure which brought me in more. The combination of the title and the brief description did the trick. Mostly, I enjoyed the laugh when I read "No Problem" *Laugh*

I was wondering . . . why is there a period after Accident in the title?

So, what can be done in 100 words? With your skill, something unusual and creative.


As the story goes
A bit of misdirection had me visualizing a traffic jam. Then at the end, she wanted to ram her wheels, which really had me guessing. Ah, so clear in the end. And absolutely adorable. For such a short piece to evoke this much emotion in me? Well, that means someone (you) has a lot of talent to share.

Thoughts/Feelings
Is there a mom out there who cannot relate to this story? I seriously doubt it. If a mom has a shred of dignity left after raising children, it's a miracle.

Lasting Impression
Excellent tie-in with the title. It was only after reading and then thinking a bit I realized the connection. Again, way to make me *Laugh*

Keep writing!

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Overwatch Guardian


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
374
374
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Asten! I found your story using the read and review option. And I'm the first to review it.

Overall Impression
I won't leave you in suspense. I really enjoyed your story. Although I'm not a YouTube person like Millie, her character was easy to relate to, and worry about. Yikes.

The plot thickens
Great job, slowly ratcheting up the suspense, while the reader is as clueless as Millie. I wouldn't have told my friends, either. I'd probably never want to sleep again.

*Questionp*
I've read this sentence over and over again, but I can't sort it out in my head. Who is saying [I was going to reply]? It looks like Millie simply says no because the quotes are closed. So I wondered how the rest of the sentence worked out. I hope my question makes sense. *Pthb*

I was going to reply, "No..." but I didn't think they would believe me.

In the sentence below, did you mean to type [he] not [they]?
"Unspeakable things, believe me," [they] replied.

A stand out moment
..."to not go digging too deep into the rabbit hole of the Internet."

Even though the rabbit-hole analogy is overused, I still found it effective in this sentence. The thought worked for the character you created. I would consider using only once, though. *Wink*

*Questionp* What is the significance of the words at the top of the story? Did you originally write this for school?

Closing comments
Simply having a child in a story often grabs readers. Kids are so innocent. So when they're shown as demons, the images conjured are quite upsetting. Gave me the shivers. Well done!

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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
375
375
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #2163178 Unavailable **

Hi SandraLynn. Welcome to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Summer Cookout Raid!


This is Nixie dropping by with a friendly review. I found your story using the read and review option.

The hook
The extensive title stood out; I don't think I've ever seen one quite so long. The brief description cast a gloomy spell as I was drawn into the story. As a mom, I have no choice but to read and commiserate.

Is this short story a true one? It reads as if it really happened.

The plot thickens
Ugh. Rain on Christmas. Wonderful descriptions that brought the scene to life. Snowballs of rain had me laughing and nodding at the extent of your creativity.

Lots and lots of telling in this story. I wasn't put off by it, I read it all. But, really, the story needs dialogue. Verbal exchanges would sky-rocket the connectivity between readers and characters. This sentence was very confusing. Who's talking? The grandmother?

"Do you know where you're going? Do you have your car keys? Wait, you both need a jacket. Just breathe."

Carrie was a well-rounded character. Vulnerable and brave. Kudos to the mom for explaining the process so well. I've always found it best to tell my kids what will happen in advance. Dad's in the background, and there's no doubt as to who has imbibed.

Crazy with the loss of power at the hospital. That added another layer of tension. But Carrie was quite the trooper. One time, I was directed to three different hospitals to find my daughter, after her car accident. My stomach still flips, remembering that night, so long ago.

The conclusion
I have a strong feeling that you're done with this story. I have a few written that I know won't be edited again. At any rate, thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. It was my pleasure. *Smile*



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