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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nixie9/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9
Review Requests: OFF
2,989 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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201
201
Review of Guilty  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi flyfihsercatcher. Nixie here, reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020


*BareTree3*

The first thing that caught my attention, even before reading the brief description, was the presentation of this write. Line spaces, even paragraphs, and natural paragraphs created a pleasing visual. (Other than indents. In current fiction, indents are no longer used.) The sentences were succinct and precise, no words wasted.

The mood was subdued and grim.

Had I come across this piece any other way, it would have been skipped over. The brief description didn't appeal to me. It's an accurate statement, however, so readers know what to expect.

What surprised me was how different this story felt than what I anticipated. The use of specific names lent itself to an air of authenticity. The people seemed real in my mind.

And what of the narrator? How tragic to have kindness repaid with accusations and vindictiveness. The reader doesn't know why the people the 'witch' helped turned against her. What made her able to see past the crowd's physical bodies? Was that a clue as to why she might have been a witch? I think she's a gifted individual with an evolved mind and uses more than even her 6th sense to observe the world.

I liked how the story portrayed both the political system and the 'judicial', all in one narration. They played well against each other.

*Questionp* Why is [witchcraft] capitalized in the first sentence, but not in any others?

It puzzles me sometimes, why police officers are willing to put their lives on the line for so little recognition and so much danger. In contrast, I wonder what kind of person can carry out an execution. I agreed with how this character was defined. It makes sense that he's empty inside, but the next part almost negated the first. If he's empty, then why would he recognize himself as someone who could do what no others wanted to? That's a poorly phrased question on my part. And anything clearer is beyond my grasp in this moment. A matter of semantics, perhaps?

The 'witch's' last observation was most ironic. Of course she could have destroyed them all. I wonder why that never came to mind before?

Are you submitting this to a contest? If you find one that fits your story, enter it.
Here's one place to begin the hunt.

"Contest Central Station

Keep writing!

Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOverwatch Guardian



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202
202
Review of Virtual Lifeline  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi, right/wrong. Nixie, here. Dropping off a review. I hope my reaction to this poem rings true. If not, apologies. But I wanted you to know someone stopped by and read your work.

I totally understand the remarks at the bottom. You've found the best option. "Request review only". That's my preference as well. Points are too subjective, if one is sensitive to that kind of thing. I belonged to another website, where we were given two entries on the same topic, and only had to choose one over the other. So here, I try to rate according to my emotional reaction, and in relation to the other works on this website, not the outside world.

Okay, here goes. Your brief description helped me out. Like most people, we're hoping for acceptance or for someone to witness our lives in a meaningful way. However, we want to accept and validate ourselves. And the near impossibility is expressed in this poem. But don't 'they' tell us we must love ourselves first, before another?

'They' are always offering euphemisms. Not everyone understands my writing, which can be painful. But we're all individuals with opinions, and that's to be expected. Take what works, and try to forget the bad. (ha-ha) We're supposed to 'take it on the chin' and move on.

The last line summed it up, and made me feel better, even while disbelieving anything happens after death.

*Heart*
our vista widens into a quiet place.

An incredibly thought-out poem that maybe only makes sense to you.

I hope my interpretation came at least within a yard of your message because I think the words are beautiful.

~Nixie







Me with another persona. Am I a spy?
Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


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203
203
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Holly! Nixie here,
dropping off a review from
A beautiful Simply Positive Reviewing Signature


Okay, this is a cute kid's story wrapped in a poem. Unique too! The rhymes are uncomplicated and easy for a child to understand. If there's any confusion, how much fun would it be to teach children about dinos? Priceless. Hey, I'm a grown-up and appreciated the humour.

Tech: I like how all the lines are balanced and even. It makes a clean presentation.
It's so silly, but I keep thinking dinosaur-er to make the match perfect. *Laugh*

Some authors center their poems so they not scrunched to the left. At least I think that's why they're centering them *Laugh* For what it's worth, I center mine, but only after seeing members writing poetry. (I'm no poet.) Some poets do not capitalize the first word of every line. Especially is it's a continuing sentence. As is my way, poet's discretion, of course. I didn't understand why 'eat' in the fifth line was capitalized.

For easier reading, I suggest breaking this up into some separate stanzas, if that appeals to you.

Extensive extension to include so many types for animals. Otherwise, the poem would probably be tedious.

I fell for the entire poem Ha-ha on the last line. *Smile* At least humans would not be considered food! I wonder what green stuff they offer for Vegans? Hopefully not leaves.

It stretches the imagination to draw a vision in they're head picturing any of these critters with the dexterity to cook, but it's a fun concept to entertain. It's something my grandsons like to do with their stretchy plastic lizards and frogs.

All in all, the poet delivers exactly what was expected. Nicely done.

~Nixie












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204
204
Review of Hold on Tight!  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Ice Cube. Nixie here,
dropping off a review from
A beautiful Simply Positive Reviewing Signature


I'm happy my eyes skipped over the brief description. The puzzlement encouraged my mind to engage. A long time I sat here, wondering. The thought of my dad in a wheelchair came to me. It was awful. They parked everyone in a room with a tv, alarms set to screech if the person tried to stand up. To see my strong dad in such a horrible light crushed me. Not much later, he died.

Now, a positive spin to fill my mind. Of course I understand the personification, but it did my heart good to imagine wheel chairs having a personality. I hope my dad's was happy to ferry him about.

My favorite part was the one wondering if anyone one would take it for a thrill ride. And I still didn't make the connection. What a joy for it to fulfill a wish. Did it always think all kids were plastic dolls? That would make sense in light of the chair's limited perception.

Her eyes were giant, pale moons that shimmered with excitement.

I struggle with commas. A comma replaces the word 'and'. Adding and to the sentence: Her eyes were giant and pale moons that shimmered with excitement.'

My preference is without the comma, but it's a grey area. Author's discretion.

A lovely and vivid scene concluded the story with positivity. Thanks for the read. *Bigsmile*

~Nixie








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205
205
Review of Pink  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi D.M.
Nixie here,
dropping off a review from
A beautiful Simply Positive Reviewing Signature


Thanks for my review and for sending me the link I asked for.

The title is perfect for the topic. Such an uplifting message and reminder. I never thought of those things before.

The Rosicrucian are considered the earliest form of worship. I use the color pink when meditating. It' really quite amazing. It helps me and others when I cast the aura in their direction.

Is that a little weird? I meditate every day, otherwise thoughts overwhelm me. Keeping track of my mind makes a huge difference. Mine, and everyone else's, is strong. It's astonishing how much we can use it to 'control' events.

Okay, no one has control of anything, but our world can be urged in one direction. It's difficult to explain. Both the meds and the meditation create a somewhat balanced mine. I'm trying not to think of myself as disabled. Politically correct is 'a person with a disability'.

I like poems with no punctuation. It's a cleaner look, but sometimes punctuation is needed to guide the reader. Not so in your work.

"Cherry blossom's' was my favorite Not so much salmon. I appreciate the beauty of the stanza, but as a vegan, I can't eat them. That's a negative on my part, nothing to do with the absolute clarity.

I promise to look for the joy. Does flowing (figuratively speaking) with the howling wind fit? It's been bending trees all day. The lake is grey and moody with ripples. Squirrels and birds are hidden.

You've given me an idea for something to write about. Thank you! *Heartv*

~Nixie for
GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive
*Bigsmile*










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206
206
Review of Cryptic Case  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi D. Dev.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. You are the last ingredient in my dessert. *Laugh* Click the image and that remark will make sense.

I'm as confused as Claire. Can you help me understand? Is this a time travel piece? I apologize for the copy/paste.*Down*

"I'm sorry. If you ever get the chance, please meet me in the same place. I'll explain then."

I think everyone is in some kind of school, where a student has been shot. Is Wheeler the one holding the gun? Are they on another planet?. Why does someone have glasses that could cut through glass?

The back and forth of (accidental) verb changes from present to past needs to be straightened out.

The reader needs more information before the story can be comprehended. According to the brief description, friends are trying to help another. I didn't capture any moment of a 'beloved' friend. Is there more to the story?

I guess the teacher (?) entered and put all the kids in separate rooms while waiting for the cops to show up. That part I understood. *Smile*

Apologies, but helping to edit your story would take too long. I feel sad for not sending props. I'm sure you have the idea in your head, it simply didn't translate to virtual paper.

We have lots of readers and reviewers here. I hope someone else can make sense of this. Please keep on writing. *Smile*

If you'd like, here's a link to click on where you can meet other new members of the community.



~Nixie


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207
207
Review of This is the UFO.  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Nobody learns. I hope your handle isn't the truth. *Pthb*
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.


Haha is my first reaction. Subtle humour is entertaining, though I didn't plan on reading all the way through. Once I started, the hook was in me. So, humans are captives of aliens and expected to go fight...wars? Certainly dropped into unspecified locations.

The beginning, preferably the first line needs to be clear and crisp. The second statement in the second line is a run-on and super confusing. Of course the info item is for information. And what else would one do with information, other than learn? I guess they could ignore at their own peril.

Maybe the aliens consider humans stupid. I didn't get the sense (as expected) that signing up would not be mandatory. I wonder why anyone would volunteer. I get it, really. Everything is set up to make a person laugh, not scrutinize. The whole situation is bizarre. *Laugh*

How about adding some additional spacing for that large paragraph. Right now, all words are cramping the others. Maybe this is an indication that humans will be cramped when transport arrives. Hey, the reviewer can have fun, too.

Looking at the genres you chose, is educational correct? No big deal, it just caught my eye. Article and educational do not add up to humor. Unless that's your intent. You do explain it all at the end.

I've been looking for that subtle sign flashing with the auto weapons engaged. Where can I find it?

~Nixie
Spain dessert


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208
208
Review of Brick Walls  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Fyn.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.


I for one am happy you wrote this. I found so many intuitive lines it's hard to pick only a few. The theme reminds me of something I heard once. 'You can't make your candle shine brighter by snuffing out someone else's.'

Of particular interest was the line about how giving a person praise or props who really doesn't deserve the attention pushes her out on an already creaky limb.

I know this isn't quite your theme, or message ...It brought to mind how one person puts another on a pedestal and sees them fall. But that's on the person who put that person up. People can't be framed in a picture as we see them.

I'm also reminded of saying 'just think. you only have to put up with that person for a little while. That person has to spend their whole life with their miserable selves. And one more. *Pthb* Girls who bloom early don't continue looking better as the years pass.

So none of my thoughts equal your elegance and anger-fueled phrases. Yes, people are that clueless. I know from looking at the genre this was a personal piece. I'm sorry someone angered you in this way. But we're writers, and we work through our stuff by crafting words. Spinning magic from nothing.

The ultimate point the last two lines created the heaviest blow of all. That person would not like people to ignore her when she crashed. And she will. But you'll still be standing. *Star*

~Nixie
spain/desert


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209
209
Review of Expression  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Nixie here. I found your story in my draft reviews.

*Vignette2*
From the top
I was taken aback by your unique plot. What an odd society, trying to heal the earth by limiting talking. It was so ridiculous, I could only shake my head. That's not to say the writing has a problem. The story is good, at times confusing,though.

*Vignette2*
Emotions evoked
I wasn't sure whose side to take, as both kids sounded equally disruptive. First, I had to adjust to the concept of the chip in the arm warning people they'd nearly reached their limit of talking time. What happens if someone exceeds it? Incredibility set in when the girl attacked the boy. Surely physical violence created more discord than words. And that girl was vicious.

*Vignette2*
suggestions/Thoughts
The unusual shift from dialogue to narration stopped the story completely. I wonder if those words could be sprinkled about, would make the transition easier? Perhaps some of those facts could be added in between the dialogue for a smoother read. The paragraph below the dialogue is an information dump.

I'm hoping more details are coming because as I reader, my mind is in a quandary. Why were two arguing in the first place? And how to words fall to the ground?

*Vignette2*
Wrapping it up

I liked the concept, but the execution not so much. It would be wonderful if you worked on editing this a bit and ironing out the wrinkles. Honestly, it takes a second or third pair of eyes to see what's really written. Authors have the concept in their mind, so sometimes errors pass the imaginary complete test.

Come join us here and have fun.


Damiana Matrix SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann


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210
210
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Nixie here, back to reading the second chapter.

*Vignette2*
From the top
Once again, your talent shone through. How do you think of this stuff? I write similar stories, but lack the details needed for a clear read. You have no extra words, or blunders. Every word was gobbled up and retained. I'm happy you gave me the opportunity to review chapter two.

*Vignette2*
Emotions evoked
First I was fascinated by the descriptions and comings and goings of how the gate worked. The gadgets were as unique as this story. If you ever finished writing this book, I'd be the first one to buy it.

Time jumps can be messy, and although he was angry with Chicago Control. Gabe's not a guy who gives up. He reads the map and proceeds.

Jeff Clement took me totally by surprise. I expected more trials and tribulations as Gabe conquered challenges. What a shame Jeff's not interested. Excellent advice from Control helped Gabe gain the upper hand. But Jeff was't about to back down. Gabe snapped off those instructions like he'd been doing it forever. Wait. Time's not present when jumping gates.

At this point, I feared Gabe would be compromised. I wonder if Gabe would have used the needle gun. Does that knock people out and take away any memories of Gabe's presence? I wanted Jeff to go away. The chance meeting evoked another obstacle for our traveling agent. Gabe sounded like a nice guy, and I doubt he'd use the needle gun.

*Vignette2*
Hot spots
What? Gabe has to take Jeff on as a partner? He didn't have any other choice, and the sexual urges sealed the deal.

Fracking is an awful procedure and not well-thought out at all. Where's all that water supposed to come from? Oh, are they still on earth?


*Vignette2*
Wrapping it up
Another five star winner for me. Gabe is thrown off his feet with Jeff. Lucky Gabe. Are they sealed in? I'm sure there's a way to escape, but how will it play out? Seriously, try writing another chapter. *Wink*


Damiana Matrix SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann


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211
211
Review of The Notice  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi Carly!
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. You're an ingredient in my dessert, Tiramisu


I remember this contest! Wow, what a crazy time, all those stories to turn over in 24 hours. Strangely, some of my best writing popped up under all that pressure. And I remember this particular prompt, but that story stalled on me.

Character names at the beginning help the reader grasp the story right away. Presenting the notice the way you chose was most effective in delivering the gravity of the tradition. In fiction, we rarely see full capitalization. I can't imagine what that demand would have looked like not in caps. Not nearly as emphatic and frightening.

We didn't learn Marlene was the mom until the flashback. Her time spent off-planet was horrendous. I wonder if that's where she met her husband, since they were together in the same mining colony. I can't imagine any scenario where love would blossom under hostile circumstances.

It's hard to imagine 2013 was so long ago. It seems all we did was turn one corner. In 2020 I don't see the point in going back to edit anything. Just take what you learned and go forward, which I'm sure that's what you did. And I bet you picked up some tricks for active writing, rather than passive verbs.

All parents want their children to have the best as possible. Marlene and her husband were dedicated to this cause. It's not always possible, depending on finances, but I was happy this couple could offer a better off-planet experience for their son.

Good write for the challenge!

~Nixie



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212
212
Review of Gnome Sweet Gnome  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Hi Beck
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. You're an ingredient in my tiramisu.


*Heart*Favorite phrase: Now she reminded me more of a Stephen King character
How telling and clever!

Gnomes in the house come to life? Now that's an original direction for the prompt. This read just keeps better and better.

Ick. I can see that living room in my mind. It's so funny to hear her talking about what's happening and then all of a sudden bringing her up short. Everything she was seeing and hearing was repeated in italics. Very effective for ensuring the reader had the whole situation in their head. And it also reinforced her reaction to the disaster.

Nice touch, mentioning Sleepy. When I read he watched over the Irises I knew he would be a gentle gnome in one way or another.

A few things caught my eye for possible edits.
two weeks ago she pulled a prank I was sure was again blocking
Not sure what happened here. two instances of [was] in the same sentence.

Oh, I'm so frustrated with myself when things look out of place. How could she eat and drink if one of the gnomes had already tipped back the recliner?

A few missed spaces needed in between words or parentheses.

Must be the gnomes talked to the dog and got her to understand what bringing the slippers meant. At least that was my take-away. Then an elf comes in to put her slippers on? At this point, I think the lady of the house just gave up and went with the whole insane situation. As long as the fairies were coming in.

I rarely to back and fix small edits for older pieces. You won the ribbon, that's the main point. *Bigsmile*

Comical title by the way. Thanks for the entertaining read!

~Nixie


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213
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Review of The Library  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Purple Princess
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.

Aw. cute story.

The title of the story didn't draw me in, but once I read the brief description, I absolutely had to read it. Back when they were young, I brought all three of my kids to the library every Saturday. They all had library cards, ten books per child. I read to them every night. The next Saturday we'd find new ones.

My parents read, I read, and the tradition still carries on through my grandchildren, who are all avid readers. We all have books that dwell in our heart. I appreciate the cleverness in the brief description. That's why I borrowed your words. But only for his review, I promise.

I wondered what book he would choose from the pile. How cool to fold the boy's favorite color into the plot. Then the color became part of the plot, and somehow made my heart squeeze a bit, thinking about Sam and his kindness toward Adam.

Bluebirds are rare and an amazing sight. But with the bird in the same sentence as 'he could get his hands on' I pictured him capturing one. Just an observation. But maybe the bluebird doesn't belong in that sentence. And can he get his hands on cars? I surmised the boys were both preteen, but maybe Sam was eighteen or older.

A few hiccups.
and he pulled it out of the pile smiling.
The book isn't smiling. A comma is needed. In the sentence before this one, the word [pulled] is also used. Words in close proximity reduces the impact. (That's what the non-fiction books on creative writing advise.)

*Heart* My favorite phrase.
a book he knew would take him to a place he'd never been before

When I'm lost inside the book, it's as if magic were taking me away. When I read for a long time in school, my friends would say 'pick your head up and breathe.' *Laugh*

With the word count at the bottom, looks like you had a limit of 300 words. And you took advantage of all those words, writing a story complete with all 'requirements'.
No conflict, though. No biggie. Congratulations on the winning the ribbon!

On point conclusion. *Checkb* The reader has an opportunity to be in on the secret.


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214
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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi IceSkatingCube! Nixie here. I'm reviewing your story for the activity represented below. *Smile*

Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Frightening, yet informative, even though it's partly fiction was well-written. It held my interest throughout. The 'article' had authenticity that gave me pause. Great idea to include drop notes to show what was and what wasn't fiction.

So funny, or tragic, now that newspapers are rare. We read news off the internet, hear it through social platforms. What frightened me was my impatience. So many words to read. But Facebook is mentioned here. I won't have one. What's on the internet stays on the internet. People have gone for job interviews and not been hired due to what their social profile shows.

I was sad for the family, having to take the brunt of negativity. I hope they take down their Facebook page. The back and forth between news and quotes from community members kept the story going.

What surgery will correct a person who is paralyzed? Just curious. $1,500 isn't much to bring in. I hope the family has good insurance. That amount will cover the hospital room for one day.

You touched on all the controversy that still surrounds vaccines for children. It's an ongoing question, and a tough decision for a parent to make. Both sides for and against were equally balanced. When my son was an infant, I couldn't wake him for 24 hours.

When I read this prompt last year, I thought, no way can I tackle that. I couldn't even think of a front page article. You figured it out!

Haha on the comedic relief in the last line. Although it seemed too insulting after all the seriousness.

Great write!

~Nixie


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Review of Silence  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Lovina
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm cooking up a Lebanese dish now. That means you're an ingredient. *Laugh*

You tricked me. I should have been able to suss out the mystery, but I was too engrossed in the story. Like TV. One can enjoy the show or try to follow along and figure out what was going to happen. You gave me no choice. Your words captured me.

One word titles are loud. No other words distracting from it, the one isolated word draws the attention. I wondered if you wanted to change the brief description to further entice a reader. Oops. Contest entry. No touching before judging. I'm waiting, as well.

You showed me all around Hank's lively neighborhood full of characters, sounds, smell, loud voices. Yet not one bit of it was tedious. Each character received brief mention, enough to paint the picture.

Oddly, I thought about my dad's heart attack a million years ago. He was pushing the snow blower and stopped to come inside for some water. My youngest brother was there, and he watched our dad go down on one knee. My brother saved my dad's life using CPR. When the paramedics finally arrived, my dad had no heartbeat, no blood pressure. But my brother had kept him alive. If I'd thought about that memory, I may have guessed the conclusion.

*Heart* My favorite phrase: [Using the shovel as a walking stick]
That phrase told me everything I needed to know about Hank. The vivid image in my mind, 'seeing' Hank up close, his vulnerability showed.

And another
sounding as only a whisper in a storm.
Such a keen statement of the sound of silence.

OK, for what it's worth, no big deal, just things I noticed.
Time seemed to be at a standstill.

Seemed to is a distancing word. The sentence could be shortened by writing it this way. [Time stood still.]

Hank's voice seemed to seep into the nothingness around him,
Hank's voice seeped into the nothingness

straining for the slightest of anything,
I wonder if you needed another word in there. [slightest sight?] [sign of life?]

There was a car in front of his house, it wasn't there before. Looking closer, he realized it was his son's car.
Lot's of [was] in this sentence. [realized] is another distancing word.
[His son's car was parked in the driveway.] We know it's wasn't there before. But I see the tension you're trying to mount.

The Hank on the couch did not breath [e], his eyes were open and empty.
breathe

I think you have to keep the verb tense the same here.
He has found that extra part of him that has been missing
[had found] [that had been missing]

Promise, my last two cents. It's a good idea to keep as many sentences as possible active. Watch out for that tricky [was]

I tear myself down for weeks if someone reviews my story right after the deadline and there's an error. So frustrating. For this work, I doubt any of the edits I suggested will make a difference when it comes to judging time. Good luck!

Good plot for the picture prompt. Now I feel cold. *Laugh*

Thanks for the read!

~Nixie



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Review of In the Hotel  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi Dawn.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. Have you seen Brooke's activity? You're part of the entree. *Laugh*

Aw. What a sweet story. And what a set-up. I doubt I'm the only reader who made the wrong assumption in the beginning. I wish the characters had names, so I could identify them in this review. The inner dialogue of the one who was nervous struck me as innocent and sweet. His reluctance, and his use of the word 'shouldn't' clued me in. Of course he was going to the hotel with his boss.

The younger one did a wonderful job of describing his boss, from the driving skills he possessed right down to where he put his tie. I smiled when the younger felt it unfair that his boss's tie should still be straight after the meeting Those little details remain in my mind and breathe reality into the plot. It can be a bit boring when the guy is drop dead gorgeous, but the way you described him, through the younger guy's eyes, wasn't ordinary or boring at all. Yes, he was most likely Adonis but it felt right. Truth be told, in the beginning I feared the boss would be some old guy with a stogie and beer belly.

Everything you wrote flowed. No bumps, rather an intriguing read.

I wondered why you left so much spacing toward the end. It gave me the impression that the story was going to switch scenes, or POV. I bet it wasn't intentional on your part. Or maybe I'm wrong. Usually, I am. *Laugh*

Thanks for the pleasure of reading your story this evening. Odd, no one has ever reviewed this.

~Nixie



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Review of The Horn  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Jacky!
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. Your name is familiar. I wonder if I've been in your port before? Well, I'm here now on a mission to complete an entree for a meal I'm preparing. Confused? Interested? Click the image and check out the activity.

Now we come to a bit of flash. Can you give your reader's a true brief description rather than identifying it as flash? Never mind. This was written in 2016. I'm guessing the time to change that has passed.

I think old people are wise, but others think they're senile or no longer of use to society. Just like the grandpa in this story might have been. Wrong! The mom and Kevin were kind and caring. Smart mom, that one. She gave the best advice possible to her son. And Kevin obviously loved his grandfather, wanting to hear him laugh. What a tender moment.

Dumb me. In my mind, I pictured a horn like a French horn and wondered how Kevin was carrying it around. *Headbang* I accidentally smashed mine into a wall and squished the horn part. A long time ago.

~Almost forgot to mention the cat. The description of her running was my favorite part.

Now I see a horn like one on a bike, and that's how Kevin carries it around so easily. Not one to favor fantasy, somehow this rang true. And then you still got me in the end! I won't give away the surprise. Did the part I'm leaving out resemble the cat? Did the grandfather know about the cat?

Questions, I always have questions when I find an enjoyable story. I linger a bit with the author. Thanks for the read this evening. *Smile*

~Nixie


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Review of The Memory Girl  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi Ms. Meowcaron
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.

Wow, that title and brief description snagged my attention from the listings of new writer's right over to your story. I couldn't wait to read it.

And then, uh-oh. What happened? Is this merely an introduction to a larger work? Some sort of sci-fi mystery? Would scientists uncover how the girl's brain worked? Could her abilities be transferred to other brains? How miserable would her life be? Locked up in a scientific facility, just as she feared.

So, I made all that up because the next thing that happens is the maid coming in, telling Solie she has an interview? Was Soile dreaming or fantasizing? Was the fairy real? Or did the appointment have something to do with her being studied?

I'm left in quite a quandary, although I had fun thinking where this story might be going. I hope what you have written blossoms into a full story with plot, setting, characters, conflict, the entire package. Otherwise, I'm lost.

The story has so much potential. It wouldn't be an easy write due to the specifics of the topic. Please don't be discouraged by anyone's review, including mine. Authors have to keep on writing and writing until their dream materializes.

Here's a place where you can stop by and meet some other new members. Just click the link below.

"Noticing Newbies

All the best,
Nixie


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Review of The Rose  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi Rosalyn

Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.


I read this several times, trying to discern if the story was a metaphor for a young woman afraid to venture into the world. The thorns would have been her confidence, which one can only take from themselves.

The title and brief description were clear, and this was meant to be taken literally. So a fantasy of sorts. Time to shift gears *Gears* and rearrange my thoughts.

I fell in love with both the character and the rose. The rose's vulnerability touched me, and the tender narrator treated the rose as if it were her child. So precious the moment she put the rose next to her. And how tragic when the rose took its' final and last breath.

What an imagination you have, to personify a rose. The story was tender and gentle, almost like a whisper on the wind. In fact, I think everything you wrote became clear to me, because I was using some of the words as in the story. Excellent job pulling me in to your dream while I contemplated if the story was really the story. Gosh, that sounds idiotic. *Laugh*

Yours is a story to cherish. It speaks of inevitability as everyone, especially a creature of nature dies. At least the rose didn't die alone.

So here's the final comment. Some reviewers take off a half point for no reason I can discern. I guess if a writer receives all five stars, what else would they strive for? Would five stars bring expectation that might lead to disappointment? I didn't find anything wrong with your story, so I'm giving all five stars.

The writing was clear and spaced out for an easy read. The 'dialogue' didn't ramble on. The simple exchange was just that. A lovely piece of work.

Thanks so much for the read and for being part of my entree for the activity shown above. *Laugh* Keep writing!

~Nixie


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi NorahMae!
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm cooking up a meal and you're an ingredient in my Entree.
*Laugh*

Excellent idea to capture those wandering ideas. Must be the head below the feet stimulates the mind. When I meditate all sorts of stories and thoughts are revealed. But when the hour is up, everything disappears. I wish my speculations could be captured like yours.

The main theme is focus, as expressed in bold. That's an exercise in frustration. We need our strong minds to take control and shut out unhelpful thoughts. Sometimes before I meditate, I write everything in my mind on a piece of paper. Then it's out of my head.

The imagery created here is powerful. Simple things like fans, music, words turn magical when written as you have.

A few unrelated thoughts. Why don't you choose a genre other than other? *Laugh* Maybe personal, emotional, let your mind dream. You have the ability.

Members like to read authors' bios, or at least I do. Tell us a bit about yourself. It helps when people are trying to relate to your work. Some members live outside the states, probably lots of members, and their cultures differ from Americans. Yesterday, I didn't understand someone's meaning, When I asked he was kind enough to tell me it was a Hindu practice.

Keep dreaming, contemplating, writing! Oops. I forgot to mention you found the perfect title for this poem.

Okay, last thought, I promise. You may want to meet some new members here:

"Noticing Newbies

Nixie *Smile*



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Review of Memories  
Review by Nixie
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Aster
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.

Huh. Your poem was one I had to read a few times over. Are the last two lines asking if we're looking at a reflection of yourself, or an out of body experience (peeping through a windowpane)

The mind is complex and we don't understand how it all works together.

Memories are not accurate. We forget and our minds fill in the blanks with bits and pieces it finds in the brain. However, what you're listing isn't specific to one single memory.

I don't think the brief description matches the content.
In the poem you're talking about sounds, smells, emotions, nothing specific that is 'an integral part of who we are today.'

At any rate, poems are subjective. Another person may glean something entirely different. I understand the main message, but not what I mention in the review.

*Down*
You should probably look at a dictionary for the meaning of these two words.

amalgamate refers to merging chemistry or structures.

Aghast is an adjective not a noun.

Some [t]o scared to recount, > [too] sacred

I wish that one typo wasn't there because that line is my favorite. *Heart*

I wanted this to be the sweetest review ever. The concept and the way you're trying to express it is precious. I was unable to overlook the errors. *Sad*

Good news: You can edit this, or learn and move on to something else. *Bigsmile*

Would you like to meet more newbies?

You can check this out!

FORUM
Noticing Newbies  (13+)
A warm welcome to our newbies; come meet new and not-so-new members of Writing.Com!
#126963 by The StoryMistress



~Nixie


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Review of Mum was Cranky  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi Greg M. Nixie here. I found your story using the read and review option.


Overall Impression
I can't move on with any commentary when one question is burning in my head. Who/what is Muppet? A dog? A cat? A gerbil? If it's an animal, I hope the paint wasn't harmful.

Characters/Setting
Great job showing Mom's anger and Billy's suspicious responses.

I wonder where this action took place? The kitchen? Was the mom cooking and the air smelled like (cookies)? Indulge the reader. Let them see,hear, and smell. Were they in the living room? (Mom stopped vacuuming.) Silence.
If my mom stopped vacuuming, I'd rather die than face her wrath. (a slight over-exaggeration)

Oops
All punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. One example, there's several more.
Neville did it.
*Down*
Neville did it."

*****

Full capitalization is not used in fiction. Italics work!
JUST TELL ME WHY MUPPET IS COVERED IN WET PAINT!.
Just tell me why Muppet is covered in wet paint.
You can 'show' the anger, as you've done before. Through description and actions.

Let me demonstrate you how accomplished you are. Here is a textbook example of your writing conveying feelings.

I put my hands in my pockets and kept looking down. There were bits of red and blue paint on my sneakers.


I can see Billy's guilt.

In the same sentence, consider changing the word order to avoid the passive verb [were]. Try to avoid all passive verbs.

Example: I put my hands in my pockets and kept looking down at the bits of red and blue paint on my sneakers.

Closing comments
I understand this is a humorous short story. I figured out where the plot was going and what the conclusion would be. (I don't like it when readers tell me that.)*Laugh*

I'm guessing this is a one-off since there hasn't been any editing. Perhaps it's for a contest? At any rate, my comments are not meant to discourage you. Just take what you (hopefully) understood and keep on writing!!



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Review of Premonition  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Normajean.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I hope you don't mind being an ingredient in my appetizer recipe.

Title's okay, and brief description was enough to snag me. The cover art was the real thief of my mind and fingers. My heart belongs to children.

Since my mom always called me overly emotional and dramatic, my sympathy was for Jolene. I was angered by the way her family treated her. Perhaps she couldn't express what was wrong, but she should not have been ignored.

I get Jolene's mom's reaction. From the dialogue and mention of another doctor, I surmised that this family lives in the country. All the dropped [g's] were another indication. The reader was further clued in when the family had to go to the free clinic. I had to do that once, during a horrific time in my life. The scene you presented lined up with mine.

Outstanding portrayal of the family. I heard the song and the baby crying. A bit about what the characters looked like would have been beneficial and interesting. Also, try to work in some noises, other than crying, to fully immerse your reader in your dream world. Smells engage the senses as well.

The doctor's examination was also spot on. I would (and did) react the same way. Silent and compliant. Mine was not a miserable feeling like Jolene's, but someone should have asked the right questions. Maybe then my life would have turned out differently. No matter. I've moved on.

From this line it sounded as if Jolene has had similar complaints before.
This girl never is sick so when she says somethin' is wrong, well then we bring her here to see Doctor Ben."

I hope it's obvious how closely I connected to your story. I practically walked right into that family's house and watched them. You made that happen. *Bigsmile*

The last line could be interpreted in two differing ways. Due to my 'dramatic' personality, I believe in Jolene. *Heart* At least she finally got some much-needed attention.

~Nixie


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Review of Alone and Sad  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Connieann!

Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. It's been a long time since I landed in your port. Maybe you even forgot me.

I cannot lie. Sad titles or expressions of emotional pain yank me so there's no way to move on without comment. Your title and brief description caught me.

Without your (or the character's) experience, I can't completely connect with the writing. I do understand pain and loss. Have I'm moved on? Not the same as your poem extols. (which is encouraging and uplifting)

Rather, I chose a combination for my retreat, different from this beautiful spread of matching words. I retreated, dropped out from society, other than WdC and prefer being alone. Yes, sometimes I am lonely, but not as often as being alone works for me. I do have family members dear to me. They'll always be in my heart.

My absolute favorite line *Heart* was the last. Not everyone has reached that realization. As my mom paraphrased phrase, slightly different from the original part of a poem by Ella Wheeler: Laugh and world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone.

As a kid, the words stung and depressed me. It's such an isolation expression. An island among the joyous people.

As an adult, I now understand. We live the life we created. Our minds are strong. We only have to exercise them.

Lovely poem. Perhaps my interpretation wasn't your precise message. If that offends you, I apologize. For me, words from a writer's heart flow into mine, morphing along the way. What you wrote helped me in ways I cannot express. *Smile*


~Nixie


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Ken.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. Random review dropped me in your port again! Just so you know, you're an ingredient in the appetizer.
*Laugh*

You never fail to delight me. Especially when you make me laugh. The title and brief description are perfect. The cover art was totally misleading. If someone reads a Valentine poem, they expect to see a couple. I had to peer at that image to see what I expected wasn't there.

The term soulmate is getting old and losing its meaning. Or I'm cynical. Take your pick. *Laugh*

All the rhymes are even, and the punctuation guides the reader so the poem flows gracefully. Even if someone is doubling over with cramps while laughing. Lots of lines began with [she's] but unlike a short story, the same words in close proximity are not an issue. In fact, it enhances the reading experience, with each stanza drifting into another.

I suppose what you're proclaiming could be true, but only if a person likes a certain animal. Dogs are stinky and need too much care. Cleaning up after them in the grass is disgusting. Some may argue a litter box is worse. No way. I watch people walk around with plastic bags full of warm excrement while they look for a disposal receptacle. Disgusting. I bet you guessed, I'm a cat person.

Oh, the final lines. Haha. *Laugh*

*Right* Ken, it's your duty to keep amusing readers.

~Nix out.



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