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Review Requests: OFF
3,212 Public Reviews Given
3,251 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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176
176
Review of Winner  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Odessa Molinari . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

I enjoyed reading this story. It's well-written, comical, and easy to relate to.

So...about the phone call. I read your bio and learned you're from the UK, which answered one of my questions. I've never heard the term 'engaged' used for a busy number. In America, we listen to a computerized voice and wait for 'our turn'. The music is awful, but why was classical music inappropriate for this occasion?

Sheree's personality came across loud and clear. I'll admit to falling in love with actors. (I think that's the point). No men like those in films exist in real life. Good job demonstrating Sheree's size.

I never expected what happened when she arrived at the restaurant, waiting for Fernando. As I read, I thought, of course that's what would happen.

Rather than using the same 'woman in pants' repetition, I wished there had been more description. I'm guessing she's the assistant. That's the only drawback, as reflected in the rating.

Excellent twist, if ironic, at the conclusion.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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177
177
Review of Madam President  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
"Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" 

I have a lot of respect for this story. The first American woman POTUS. Dreams are made of this.

Overall, the story was well-written and followed a believable plot. The characters descriptions where short enough not to be boring, and just enough to create a visual.

Because of TV, I carried on with the image of the room and the car.

I appreciate the effort of the first woman president to find a non-conflicting solution to multiple problems. But she sounded incredibly naive, or unprepared.

The last part of the story was not believable. Too much, too overwhelming. Honestly, if Russia launched nukes against America, a president would return the favor. No time for discussions or lengthy solutions. And I googled for hours to see if SAMS could take out a nuclear bomb. Some SAMS have nuclear warheads, so the world would be dead when those two collided.

Thanks for entering the contest. The author has a pleasant writing style that helped make this a good read.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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178
178
Review of With My Own Money  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

Your title drew my eye. It created an aura of mystique.

What a wonderful and educational story. The plot and characters engaged me as I read. As always, I enjoy reading your stories for the cultural education and the plot itself.

I did wonder why Vishnu's family received the extra special treatment. Gosh, the servants slept on the stairs.

Excellent build-up to the candy-buying scene. It was obvious Vishnu was making some kind of mistake buying the expensive chocolate. And then I was curious about why that candy was so disliked.

What a turn-around for the conclusion. A wonderful lesson is learned and I admired Vishnu's mom for her insight so the story ended on a happy note. She said exactly the right words.

Well done, and congratulations on the second place win!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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179
179
Review of Cooking Dinner  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there. I'm participating in this celebratory event. Anyone is welcome to review.
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Cute story and funny. Expectations from mother to daughter. What if the daughter wanted to be a rocket scientist? Obviously, the mom's assumption rankled her daughter. Adding in the word old-fashioned straightened out any doubt as to why a mom would make such a demand. And it started early in life, as I interpreted it.

Anyone who chooses cleaning the bathroom over learning to cook, really, seriously hates cooking. The stark contrast screamed the message.

I laughed reading this:
You’re welcome Nancy!

Do husbands still expect their wives to cook? What if they both work? What was the wife's name?

Excellent dollop of drama was added in by the ridiculous notion that the wife could replicate a restaurant meal. I would have started with burgers or hot dogs. It's those little details you added they keep the story going.

I've tried several reads, but I can't find a way for the [and] to make sense in this sentence. Hence, the docked 1/2 star.

... and I finally knew the answer.

Excellent and to the point conclusion. All aspects present for FLASH. Nicely done.



It was
My Pleasure tks.
to review your story.

~Nixie

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180
180
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there. I'm participating in this celebratory event. Anyone is welcome to review.

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Hmm. What happened here? Words in sentences are missing. There's no spacing between sentences. If you so desire, email me and I'll point out the various problems.

Other than technical issues, this would be a great story for children. It loses impact without illustration, but visualizing it made me laugh. It's a total mystery as to why all this happened to Hannah. I was hoping for a twist, or some explanation.

I've had random kids point me out and tell their moms, 'she's a nice lady.'How that kid knew, or why he chose me, remains a mystery. So that could apply here, other than the fact that incident after incident occurs.

Descriptions were vivid with strong (mostly) strong verbs. The rescue of the cat really had me laughing. I clearly saw Hannah wiping away leaves (plural) (not leafs).

I wish this story could have a higher rating, but there's simply too many basic errors to overlook. Since you wrote this some time ago, maybe you'd prefer to forge ahead and make sure this doesn't happen again. If there's a reason for the errors that I didn't know about, I apologize.

Best of luck
~Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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181
181
Review of Wiccan Ch. 8  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Piratess. I'm playing.

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The problem with using random is that a reviewer can land anywhere in a person's portfolio. It's clearly stated at the top that this is chapter 8. I read it, and didn't pause to think how confused I would be by not beginning at the beginning.

And confused I was. I got all the characters' names mixed up, because Aisling's friends' names could have been used for a girl or a boy. (Of course by the end, I know who the guy was. *Pthb*

So, what can I offer after squinting to read this chapter? Firstly, I suggest a larger font for easier reading. (I use 3.5)

The beginning of anything works best if it starts with something being interrupted, rather than a person waking up late. Unless, that's tantamount to the plot. And that could very well be true.

Remember to show a person's feelings by identifying body language (clenched fists, confused expressions, picking at a napkin, biting fingers, you get the idea.) adding feeling in a sentence tag isn't the best option. It's a direct no-no.

The reader needs to be completely immersed in your dream world. Try to avoid adverbs, as they indicate a weak verb.

Here's one problem sentence.
Glancing at Bailey, Aisling realized that something was incredibly wrong.

What was Bailey's expression? (Eyes round? lips in a firm line, a furrowed brow? teeth clenched...) to name a few. Also the word (realize) pops up often, and it's a distancing word.

Fiction is immediate. In many places, dialogue would help get a writer out of this puzzle. For instance
Realizing that she must have slept through school, Aisling told the person knocking to come in.

Consider dialogue.

"Oh no. I overslept and missed school." or if you want to use internal dialogue
Oh no, I overslept and missed school.

This one definitely needs to be fixed or avoided in the future.
he whispered worriedly,
I'm not even sure what that means.

Some adverbs I noticed.
[really] didn't bother.

[presumably] Taylor had told...
"Taylor, you told Bailey."

Last example, so I don't overwhelm you.
The familiar tingling sensation [immediately] followed, along with a surge of electricity that flowed straight into his body.

You can skip that first part, and go right to
...a surge of electricity flowed into his body.

As you progress with the chapters, remember less is more. Be succinct. Use action, not passive verbs. Avoid filler words.

I'm not tattering your chapter to shreds. Rather, I wanted you to recognize pitfalls to avoid in the future. You have an interesting chapter here, that asks many questions of the reader. This helps propel them forward.

You can add links to the other chapters, making it a breeze to simply click and read (for example) chapter nine. And you can include links going back to Chapter seven, and so on.
Keep on writing. Don't ever give up! Especially after reading one review. And don't be afraid to ask for help. *Smile*

~Nixie


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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell











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182
182
Review of Outside the Box  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Aubrey. I'm playing.

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Pretty, pretty cover art, and an enticing brief description. You're off to a great start.

I really like surprise or twisted endings. And that's what happened when I reached the end. The girl in the story sounded so innocent. You were spot on to mention her age in the beginning. *Checkg*

I meditate every day, and I'm guessing this was what happened here. Opposite of this girl, thinking outside the box has brought me inspiration and wisdom. It's joyful to look beyond what's in front of us and imagine something different.

For this girl, her parents' message (that I totally disagreed with) thinking outside the box ended up being devastating. So, again, I wonder if this is happening in her head.

A few thoughts. This sentence can by pared down.
Remember, less is more.

I used to have parents before they died in a car accident to get groceries.

Consider:
[My parents died in a car accident.]
You have a decision to make. Does the fact that they were going grocery shopping add to the story? Does it make a difference?

But when they were alive, they always told me to never leave the box, for the world is a scary place, they said.

Two thoughts. ('always' is what we call a filler word, that adds nothing to the story.) Secondly, you don't need to add 'they said' at the end of the sentence. You already told us.

The overall impression of the work fascinated me, because I admired her bravery. When leaving the box the first time, she didn't give up. She tried again, to a disastrous conclusion. At that point, it sounded as if she's no longer in her head. You may want to clear up the confusion.

The concept of the experience leading her back to the beginning is an innovative one, in this story.

I did wonder why you wrote this line by line, and not in traditional story format. Maybe you wanted each line to have more impact. Your choice.

It's a good idea to fill out your bio and portfolio tab. It helps the reviewer. I hope you continue to 'play' here and reap the benefits. We're always excited when someone joins. We like to celebrate. So, a party hat for you. *Partyhatr*

You can click the link under my sig. It's one group among many. Maybe it's not for you, but take a look at some others. Make friends. Be happy.

Take good care of yourself,
~Nixie

New identity for SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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183
183
Review of Love Me  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Aubrey. I'm participating in this activity.

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First, welcome to WdC! You've found a haven to explore your feelings and expand your skills. Mostly, for me, this happens by writing for contests, but especially through reviewing.

I have a wonderful idea for you. Why not fill out your bio, or portfolio tab? Preferably both. Because with no input from you, I'd guess, by the innocence of this poem that you're quite young.

The stanzas have a pleasing lilt to them, each with a subtly different message. The rhymes work well, and keep the flow of the poem even. And you're correct, I'd prefer no promises, only actions to demonstrate love. I wouldn't expect a smooth ride, because that's not indicative of a true relationship.

This is a sweet message, but if you're upset because I deduced you're young, then you definitely need to give us some information. *Bigsmile* There's a difference between a new member who's never written vs. a new member who is seasoned.

I'm rating this a four because of the simplicity of the rhymes, even though I liked the message. Sometimes, thoughts pour from my brain to my fingers, and that's what this poem felt like to me. My suggestion would be to continue from here, and don't worry about editing this poem. (Unless you're so inclined.)

I like to tell new members how beneficial it is to review others, and the extra support you'll receive if you join a group. I belong to the one below, as you may gather. I have reliable friends there, who bring my joy, and prop me up when I'm falling.

Best of luck in all you do. Your presence is appreciated and celebrated. *Balloonb*

Warmest regards,
~Nixie

Damiana Matrix SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell






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184
184
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Aubrey. I'm playing.

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Your work, a light and comforting poem, encourages people to live for the day. With the bright message, hearts can be uplifted. Maybe even a few smiles or sighs of relief from readers will be elicited.

I respect this beautiful piece, even knowing it's not meant for me. Fear of (what?) drives my car. It's an empty, lonely feeling that keeps me tethered, afraid of a misstep, afraid of saying the wrong thing. Afraid of being me.

If I so choose, I can see my life as an unending storm. Maybe instead of "But after the storm,..." "But after any storm" works for me. Who has only one storm in their life? It's fraught with dangers and misleading information. Dissent and disillusion. Will a rainbow shine? It's a lovely thought.

The last stanza is especially poignant. 'December snowflake' created unique imagery, easy to appreciate and marvel over. The closing line, once more (it's repeated several times) we're reminded not to be afraid. And the message is reinforced with the repeated words from the first stanza.

It's obvious this poem came from the heart. People like me prefer to be alone, and weather storms with no expectation of the outcome. Life is what it is. Am I cynical? No, I'm practical.

Hugs and pats on the back for reaching out to others with your words. Maybe a little less repetition and more unique phrasing will make the poem gleam. Your choice, of course.

Welcome to WdC, Ms. Newbie. We have lots to offer a new writer, or any writer. I hope you find your time here as happy and rewarding as mine. See? I'm not all gloom and doom. Sometimes a rainbow glows. Especially if I win a contest. *Laugh*

My advice? Review as much as possible. It's amazing how it improves one's writing skills. Join a group and find instant camaraderie.

All the best,
~Nixie


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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell






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185
185
Review of My Son  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jack. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

Should we say synchronicity? Continuing to follow each other? This time, I even waited to see if someone else would post in the forum. I don't mind if you don't. *Smile*

A simple title and applicable cover art demonstrated the author's pride in his work.

I sit heartbroken after reading your poignant words. Why do they grow up so fast? For them, it takes forever. For a parent of grandparent, it happens faster than a goldfish circling its tank.

The excellent first stanza set the scene, exactly as it should. Immediately, the image came to mind and teased memories of my own experiences from my vault. Due to specific word choices, the cold felt real. Especially with the contrast of 'pale white' against 'bright red'.

As the stanzas flowed, the punctuation was consistent, guiding the reader as it set the pace. Words like 'races' and 'jumps' propel the poem into action.

It's remarkable that these simple words created such a strong reaction for me. I haven't seen snow since 2009, but the memories never fade. Mostly, I recall my own sledding experiences, the worst when someone's toboggan slammed into me, fracturing my tailbone. Ouch.

In your poem, the mood is quiet and gentle. The last line in the second stanza established (more or less, yet sufficiently) your son's age at the time of writing this. The sense of pride is heard not only in the words of the third stanza, but in an overall take-away. Merely the fact that you (the dad) are watching demonstrated your love.

My dad was stoic, but he was there for the ice-skating and skiing. His love was shown with action, since loving words just weren't spoken in that WW2 generation. At least in my family. No 'I love you' no kisses or hugs. But the love was palpable, if I could parse through all the bad stuff and suss it out.

In the last stanza, thinking about your son climbing up the hill, I remember my aching legs and huffing to catch my breath. Snow and winter. Both were magical, albeit down right freezing. In Maine, the temps went down to -20 degrees for weeks at a time. I still went to work wearing high heels, despite the frost and the snow.

Look at me, prattling on about myself. When that happens, the writer can take pride in knowing their words, or experiences, evoked emotion in the reader. Well done. *Smile*


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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell






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186
186
Review of I Write In 2020  
for entry "Life's Journey" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Carly. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

*Smile*
What first caught my eye was the presentation. The middle lines are longer than the others, marking the moments of life expanding, or in your words "blossoms." The line below, using the word dimension, also enhanced the reading experience. Most likely because writing of other dimensions is a passion of mine.

*Think*
A bit of disappointment in the line "and the curtain drops". Cliches are familiar, and often serve in writing to make the write instantly relatable. A curtain dropping accomplished that. It sounded a little trite to me.

*Infinity*
Now a bit of my personal reaction. We have directly opposite concepts of life beginning and ending. Here goes. A life begins with a baby delivered from a warm, watery womb into the cold and clinical world. Hardly quiet solace. The middle, expanded lines echoed with agreement.

*Clock*
Time is a concept, and it's hard to get one's head around that fact and still demonstrate passage. Space moves, we don't. To take it one step further, the past only exists in our minds because we remember, and the future exists because we can imagine one. Now, if I ever figure out how to express that without the word time, I'll jump up and down. Nothing in this paragraph takes away the thunder of the message.

*Infinity*
In the last, time shows up again. I'm, not you, stuck with the same problem as described above. Ah, life would be much easier if I could, you know, figure it all out. I desperately hope our time is not a loop.

*Heart*
Even though memories are inaccurate, that's what people leave behind. I try to make remarkable memories. I seek out the audacious, which mostly eludes me. My legacy will probably be that 'wow, she was weird' because I never go with the flow. I fight.

*Questionb* Did you intentionally use the words 'of its own' and 'all its own' in lines 10 and 11?

*Gears*
More about mechanics. Punctuation in poems, at one time, had to be consistent. I'm happy that changed. Your punctuation was minimal. A period after the first four lines created a flowing read, as line after line followed logically. (One can witness the life of another.)

Interesting, the last two lines ended in periods. Was that intentional, to place emphasis one the conclusion? It makes more sense, to me, leaving no punctuation after the honoured, with the only the last line ending in a period. Especially since the two lines are directly related.

*Star*
The reason for the half-docked star? the rating was not a reflection of my opinion vs. yours. However, since I had such a strong reaction to the last two lines, the 1/2 star felt 'right'.

Nicely done!








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187
187
for entry "Body Like A Back Road" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Jeff. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

*Infinity* I've been thinking since yesterday how to review this entry. Nothing new has come to mind, but I don't want to delay the review any longer.

I like to 'know' the authors, because it helps me gain a deeper insight. The last personal information I recall about you is that you're a screenwriter. Reading your port tab answered all my questions. Except for one. Where did your burning desire for music come from?

I've read the blog challenge, so I know you satisfied the requirements. And since you made the guidelines...how could you miss something requested. *Laugh*

Music is poetry. Sometimes, when I start writing, songs come to mind, and I think, well, the lyric writers are the true poets. Some people like the music, the lyrics are what grab me. There's quite a bit to learn from them. Here's my favorite line from the song.

"I'm gonna take it slow just as fast as I can."

It gives a listener pause, as we're free to interpret as we choose. Like an oxymoron, the opposite words 'slow' and 'fast' in the same line attract me. I know there's a better way to phrase that, but it's all I have.

I've seen video clips showing Taylor Swift working out a song. She had one line of lyrics and a the beat she wanted to use. From there, she just kept going.

How your entry related to me? As gleaned from your writing, I, too, am frustrated by the repetition and singular subject matter. Yet I can't deny the irresistible tempos and the gentle ease of listening.

From the back halls in my mind, something I heard long ago sprang up. Paraphrased, since memories are unreliable, 'play a country song backwards and the guy's dog, truck, and wife will come back to him.'

The offense taken by Blake Shelton and Jason Aldean makes me think of Taylor Swift, again. For the life of me, I can't dream up the song in my mind, just the overall take on the lyrics. There will always be haters and people who judge. So, might as well do what you want. There's no escape. People are people.

I laughed at the replies from Shelton and Aldean.

A child of the '70's, I miss the intellectual lyrics of protest or social injustice. I remember high school! when we had to write an essay on the meaning of this phrase from the song Eleanor Rigby. "Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door". I don't remember figuring it out, but now I think, well, since we all have to wear masks, women no longer need to use makeup. Covid may bankrupt the companies who manufacture the products. *Laugh*

I really miss 'my' music. *sigh*

Sam Hunt? I confess to relaxing while playing and listening to the video. Repetitive, yes, but an easy listen.

Time to close this review. The entry is well-written (of course). I enjoyed my time here, both for the nostalgia on my part, and for the informational aspect of what you wrote. I bet you're as well-spoken, too. Oh, I agree with your conclusion. *Smile*

~Nixie



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188
188
for entry "~ Jesus Loves Me ~" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Ruwth. Nixie here. It's my pleasure to review your poem for "I Write in 2020" 

What a beautiful tribute. It's fascinating how one specific memory stays crystal in our minds. I remember my Communion, as if it happened yesterday. Not to mislead anyone, I'm no longer a practicing Catholic. But I have miraculous moments to look back on. Life really is a mystery. And maybe it should stay that way.

I don't think I've ever seen a poem written with the beginning of every line capitalized. Your choice, of course, but it sort of threw me off.

For a year or so, I taught Sunday school, and singing played a major part in keeping those darlings in line. When it was time for their snack, and I had to leave the room, I'd start a chorus of "Amen, amen, amen, say it over, amen." They all sang right along with me, and they never misbehaved.

I remember the first morning in our new church, Episcopalian, this time, when the pastor asked the congregation if anyone wanted to teach Sunday school. My hand went up without any conscious thought. Of course, since I'd been Catholic, the kids had to teach me all the songs they knew, none of which I'd heard before. So we all taught and learned together.

To sing is to create magic. Even now, I can't listen to Amazing Grace without sobbing. In my Catholic church, we sang a song with a verse "Is it I Lord?" but my dad, with his incredible baritone voice always sang "It is I Lord." Even when we told him about the wording, he kept singing as he wanted. I miss him.

So, right now, at this moment, if you're singing, then so am I. And somewhere, my dad's probably singing too.

Even though I'm not the same person as before, I thank you for the opportunity to share my memories with yours. *Heartv*

Nice write.


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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell






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189
189
Review of Penguin  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jody. Nixie here. It's my pleasure to review your work for "I Write in 2020"  And what a pleasure it was!

When I finished reading this, a chill ran up my legs. A weird place for the chills, I know. Maybe that reaction was an indication of how closely this story resonated with me.

The opening paragraph showed us a beautiful scene that led to tragedy. You did a wonderful job creating the mind-image. I don't fall off balcony, but my morning begins in solitude with coffee and lake-gazing. I connected with Ellen immediately. That means the story speaks to me.

Expertly expressed, I felt her loss deep within me. And the discovery of the blackbird drew me closer. When I'm watching the lake from my balcony, all sorts of birds fly toward me, alighting on the huge oak that shadows me from the relentless sun. But my special bird is the cardinal. The experiences are internal, and difficult to relate, but every single time I'm sinking, a cardinal shows up. The bird is like my champion. (similar to Penguin). I enjoyed a laugh imagining a bird with that creative name.

A quick oops here.
"Is it dead?” He whispered, his eyes pooling with tears.
No need to capitalize he.

Can a baby bird eat worms? Usually, the mom bird masticates the food before feeding it to her babies.

Eww, but important to the story. The reader had to know the bird pooped everywhere. I can't imagine living under those conditions. And the stink. Ick.

Still, the magic of the bird prevailed. So I will close with my most miraculous moment with a cardinal. And this is no exaggeration. One day, the bird, gosh, how do I explain this, hovered in my window for at least two minutes by flapping its wings. I swear, it looked right through the window at me. That experience heightened my connection not only to the cardinal, but to all of nature.

See all the joy you brought me with your story? It kept me captive and mesmerized. Excellent job showing Ellen's realizations and celebratory recovery. I'm wondering if the last paragraph was personal to you. It seemed an odd ending, a bit abrupt, I suppose. Still, the message rang out clear. Kudos to Ellen, the heroine of this story.

Oh, and such wonderful word choices throughout the story. Nicely written with a few bumps that didn't effect the reading experience.

The past is the present is the future

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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell






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190
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Review of I Write In 2020  
for entry "Embellishment " 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Carly! Nixie here. It's my pleasure to review your work for "I Write in 2020" . This will be a new experience. I don't recall ever 'meeting' you.

When I see the word embellishment, I think of my ex-husband and all his trumped-up stories. It seemed every scene he described from work was too perfect. Everyone said all the right words at the right time. One day I asked, are you embellishing this? Of course, the answer was, yes.

Today, in your words, I've seen embellishment expressed in an about turn for me. The first line soothed me, as I imagined satiny silk draped around me, and from there, traveled with you into your poet world. What a happy place. Now, if my ex wasn't a liar, I suppose these words could apply to him. I'm delightfully uplifted that he can't fit in here.

From your words, I see a loving couple (of any sort) engaged in ungainly steps of love. I want to believe in this couple who share experiences with the wink of an eye. A 'true-love- relationship where each knows the other is brightening the world.

With final words 'dimension' and pizzazz' the poem stood out among others for unique word choice.

Nice work finding a home for embellish. *Star*


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191
191
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ruwth! Nixie here. It's my pleasure to review your work for "I Write in 2020" 

Most inspirational! A wondrous take on the prompt.

I remember STP, but only the acronym, not the meaning. I can't recall seeing the advertisement. Stop radiator leaks is what popped into my mind. (My old car had more problems than we could afford to properly fix.)

I'm moved by the way you 'remade' the acronym as a message to yourself in times of trouble. Often, we're stuck on a problem that circles endlessly in our minds. The solution or resolution is never revealed. We experience a myriad for emotions, perhaps frustration or panic, depending on the issue.

Until we choose to redirect our thoughts, nothing will change. Let the situation loose and wa-la comes the answer. Not so easily done, though. In those moments, having an escape route to another place, something easy to remember, we find our way. (Your STP).

Years ago, my psychologist envisioned a box with the initials HS written on it. When she couldn't solve a problem, she mentally placed it in her HS (Holy Spirit) box and let it go.

My mantra begins with the first two lines of the Desiderata by Max Ehrmann.

"Go placidly among the noise and haste, and remember what peace my be found in silence."

It's a crazy world out there, and quieting the mind is almost miraculous. We rise above ourselves, recognizing the futility of our conscious minds finding peace.

Whether a person is or is not Christian, your poem speaks to all, which is remarkable.

(I wonder if the direct quote of the serenity prayer—one which AAA uses—should be distinguished in some way, as it's a direct quotation.)

I liked the lead-in, a specific mention of how you arrived where you did. Word clues or associations take us immediately from the moment. The upset is transferred to a place we consider safe refuge.

Thanks for reminding me of how this can be done. Your poem is a gift for all. *Heartv*




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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell






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192
192
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Sumojo. Nixie here. I have the pleasure of reviewing another entry of yours for "I Write in 2020" 

*Shock2*
Wow. Hard to believe I caught this story in the forum and was able to follow up from chapter one.

POV
Excellent set-up skipping from one POV to another. Although this technique doesn't always work, the differing POVs gave me much more insight as each character continued the story. Also, the little lines in between help.

Characters
Once again, I'm dwelling on character development. I'm wondering if Marcus has upgraded his lifestyle. Here, we learn he comes from wealth, but quickly following, Marcus says he only gets a small allowance. I guess that means he's still living the simple life. No fancy cars, homes, apartments, expensive clothes...

*Dollar*
Milly has to work and go to school, an indication her extra money is as slim as Marcus's. That's always good in a relationship. No one wants to be with their 'twin', a person who perfectly mirrors a self-image, but some essential qualities of sameness do apply. Money's a big qualifier.

Back to the beginning.
I can't decide if I agree with Milly or not. With all the tech and info available, she could easily look into his background and ensure he's telling the truth. Seems she goes on her 'gut' feelings. Even though sex has commenced, she's still leery of him. Does he sense this? IDK. After six months, I'd think she'd left this doubt aside. A relationship built on a lie or mistrust never works.

What a convincing write to show how the characters are moving forward. She's been introduced to his family—does she see his wealth, I wonder? And what does she think of that? Is she intimidated?

Escalating the plot
The sexual aspect of their relationship is outlined without being overly graphic. Although, considering the challenge, I'm thinking this will escalate to erotica. When that happens, I won't review any more. It's not 'my thing' Just saying, in case we run into each other again. *Wink* I don't want you thinking that I ghosted on you.

*Hand*
Marcus's thoughts about how he's prepared his apartment had a moment of comic relief. Clean sheets, and then the two words following. [the lot]. A good summary of what he's cleaned up without listing tedious details unnecessary to the plot.

Considerations/oops
Much improvement in this chapter. Not nearly as many tech issues. *Checkg*

I know you’ll be starving...[knew you'd be]?
to keep this sentence in the same verb tense?

Even after all this time, I can’t believe she agreed to go out with me.
This sounded a little odd, considering six months have passed. Maybe [I can't believe we're still dating.]

my family love her > loves

Peering closely
Only a few days ago, I read the chapter one. I apologize. I can't remember what Milly is studying. Maybe another clue for the reader as a reminder? And what does she look like? You referenced Marcus's appearance again in a convincing way that flowed with the story. We saw him through Milly's eyes. But other than the facts that Milly has luscious lips, slim waist, looks amazing, and has a sexy butt, that's all the reader knows. Now that I'm actually typing this, I'm wondering if that's enough.

I'd like Marcus to twirl her hair, or something, to show what color and length it is. . . um .... how tall she is? Maybe her head tucks perfectly below his chin when they hug. How do they dress? Casually? Milly seems like a proper lady, but does she wear sexy clothes? Is this even important to the plot, at this point? That's me, talking (typing out loud) *Laugh*

Milly's nickname for him is adorable, and sums up his appearance. Does Marcus have one for Milly?

Oops. Before I forget (again) let me mention how you move your characters with ease. Especially the scene with the foot massage and the continuing exploration that Milly halts.

*Clapper* That's a wrap
Both characters have similar misgivings. Marcus isn't totally confident, still in awe of Milly, demonstrating a vulnerability. Milly's playing it safe, continuing to question his background, while still moving forward. Right now, I trust Marcus, but she could be in dangerous waters. Men always show women what they want to see.

I liked the last line (Milly's reflection) in this chapter because it sums up the question lingering in my mind.

*Heart*
Love or lust?


Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your chapter. It was fun and thought provoking. I want to know more. *Smile*

~Nix


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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell






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193
193
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Mastiff. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

Wow, that's a great title. I like the play on words.

I have to admit to total confusion. Maybe if I knew who the narrator was in the beginning, the story might have made more sense. So, this back woodsman has found paradise, and he's walking to the store for supplies? The first paragraph contains his observations? Maybe we could hear the story from him as he's approaching the store.

The story had an off-balance feeling. Blocks of text with dialogue interspersed. In the second line of dialogue, is Mike speaking to himself in the first line? It would make more sense. Also, it's a bit of a clumsy sentence, and you really don't need it. If Mike simply stares at the guy and asks who he is, wa-la! the reader can infer the meaning.

I could easily relate to Mike's message. Now, I don't live off the grid, but I am happier with fewer possessions. It took me a few years to figure that out.

After the dialogue about Bezos, the following paragraph isn't in quotations. It took me awhile to realize Mike was still talking, not narrating his life. Also, that's a big block of dialogue. I wonder if, in real life, the reporter would have interrupted him here and there? It would bring the passage to life, and the dialogue would sound normal. Of course, I don't know your reporter. Maybe he's the kind who listens forever.

So the big story was that Mike moved off the grid and lived in the woods? It was the reporter's luck to have tracked him down? It didn't seem like much of a story to me. What am I missing?

I really liked the part about Kindle. *Laugh* I must have 400 books loaded on mine. I do miss holding a book, though.

The stories I come across with mention of Covid are interesting. I wonder how this time will go down in history. Authors who write stories with a mention of Covid are smart. They'll have a reference point to look back on years later.

The final paragraph wound the story down, and let the reader, along with Mike, fall into a contemplative mood. It is good.

Thanks for the opportunity to read your work. It was my pleasure. High five for entering the contest!


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194
194
Review of Take Us to Orange  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Hooves! Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

First impression
What a beautiful and pessimistic poem. The images you painted were extraordinary and unique.

The form
Technically speaking, the lack of punctuation allowed me to read at a pace personalized to me. I don't mind when the author guides me with punctuation, but without those little marks the presentation appears cleaner. No punctuation enhances the flow of the words.

The poetry form itself sounded challenging enough. No need for me to count the syllables. I liked the way you introduced the poem, making no apologies if somewhere along the way, a line popped up without the precise syllable count.

Hauling in the reader
The first line set the theme, creating a feeling of uncertainty. A sense of foreboding.

Delving deeper
As the poem progressed, I fell deeper into your dark well of negativity and was very much at home there. The dark and dismal words echoed my own thoughts. Where all this will end remains unknown. Surely, our society will be changed forever. We all have concerns, caught in the whirlwind of chaos.

Emotional reaction
No point in looking back. It is what it is, and we'll all have to adapt. Hope is a strong emotion, and yes, merely the thought of hoping is frighting. Your words spoke to me; I've read this several times, each read broadened the range of my reaction. Sometimes I nodded my head, others I cringed, aware of the truth unfolding.

My thoughts
Which is better? Hope or nope? I tend to go from point zero to ten-thousand when speculating. Nothing in between. I'm a drama queen in my mixed up mind. I merely say the worst is awful x 1000, but those who know me understand it's just my way of coping. I back down from the dire predictions after proclaiming my negativity. I don't know. Maybe it makes situations more bearable when the conclusion is exaggerated. A time to laugh in a time of fear?

Continued speculation
Humans need to be touched. In the fourth stanza, I carried the thought one step further. Humans need to be touched, even beyond childhood. It's simply too weird to keep a distance from my family. I suspect we'll see extreme emotional ramifications from this restriction, necessary as it may be.

Strength in words
The second sentence in the same sentence had the word 'bloody' chance. I think that's a British 'swear' word, and it always shocks me, which worked to great effect. Although I was already entangled in your web, that word startled me. It's a strong and emphatic word. No prisoners taken.

*Questionb*
I did have one question. The first line sounds like present tense, 'seems like' and the second sentence sounds like past tense, stolen and changed. It's possible I read it wrong.

*Heart*
The best I saved for last. The title made me think of America's state of response. Next from orange would be red. I admired the way you used the a color to paint a different image than one splashed on canvas. Fall was personified. I've never heard anyone write the word sing in relation to falling leaves.

Evocative write. You caught me unaware and left a lingering impression. Beautiful pessimism that resounds in me.


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195
195
Review of Painter of Dreams  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Zelphyr. Nixie here.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*




Awesome title. I sure wish the brief description hadn't given away the meaning of the story.

Although the plot and conclusion were determined from the beginning,except for the final revelation, Maya fascinated me. I continued reading, wondering what had happened to her and how she came to such a tragic fate. Where was she from? How did she end up as a science experiment?

The puzzle of Maya chugged along at a steady pace. I was relieved when the new psychiatrist at least inspired a limited response. He was the only person in her life who saw her as a human being, not an object. That endeared me to him.

But neither character gave me anything to relate to. I couldn't engage with Reil or Maya, other than in an abstract way.

I liked the supernatural theme, especially as expressed in the sentence below. The word [sector] initially triggered that response. I was thinking a different dimension. On the second read, it was clear the setting was of the scientific research center. Correct?

"You can see for yourself that the dimensions of this sector would not accommodate this garden.

The glaring mystery wasn't Maya and the way her paintings come to life. I'm comfortable with that theme and enjoy writing similar stories.

*Heart*
My favorite sentence.
The word was so sudden and hard that, for a moment, Reil wondered if perhaps he’d simply heard a rock fall.

What a shock when I read the last two paragraphs. Finally, a few of the puzzle pieces came together. Then the story threw me off a balcony, where I'd been reasonably sure what would happen.

As I mentioned from the beginning, I knew Maya would be painting someone's death. As I read, since she hated everyone, I wondered if she would paint their deaths. The story reminds me a bit of an episode from the 10th Dr. Who.

Maya found a way to gain freedom. I bet she was relieved.

Was the description of her eyes as cloudy meant to show her dying? Sort of an oxymoron. She could only see with clouded eyes. Hmm. Something for me to ponder after the review is concluded.

Most likely, I stumbled in a few places. I read carefully, as this kind of read requires. It's not a story to be rushed through. I'm frustrated when any reviews are received where it's glaringly obvious the reader skimmed the page. Hopefully, I avoided that.

Thanks for the read. I enjoyed the entire experience.

~Nixie *Smile*



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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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196
196
Review of Noah's Ark  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Shannon. Nixie here.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Gorgeous cover art.

Yikes! What a dangerous read that crept up to me with no warning. The title drew my curiosity, the plot tore apart my heart.

The beginning made me both comforted and then frightened. That last sentence in the first paragraph destroyed my mind while propelling it further. I had to find out what happened to Mary and her child.

Words hold readers transfixed. I was a victim caught between Oh, I can't keep reading this and Oh, but I can't stop. I continued reading. Just now, I flipped back to your portfolio, positive you were a published author. If not, you should be.

I hated (related to) the burial scene of Noah's little body. No, coffins shouldn't be that small. And they should't be occupied by someone's big sister, taken too early in life. I threw a rose on her coffin so it could die, just like her. We buried her yesterday, we buried her in 1983. Noah's mom is caught up in that warped window of memories. At this point, after all these years, I smile, rather than cry when my sister comes to mind. She was the talented one. The true author.

Even though she was in her 30's, my mom's face never lost that haunted look. For ten years, she wouldn't even say her name, nor was anyone in her presence allowed.

I meant to mention in the beginning how the tree drew me in. Call me weird, but for me, they're wise and magical. I think of all the hundreds of years rooted to one place. What if they absorb knowledge? Every time I walk, each tree I come across is caressed until their peace and unity become mine.

Good grief. I've turned a bright anniversary review into a sea of tears. I marveled at all your descriptions. The characters moved through the plot. This word about the father brought me up short. 'migrated' Fascinating word choice.

My dad died in 2014. I find no comfort in visiting graves. But two of my brothers went a few days after. Similar to Noah's Ark, they saw a silver balloon float gracefully straight up from my dad's grave into the sky.

This couldn't have been an easy story to write, having to tap into emotions that are real for me.

Thanks for the fantastic, but heartbreaking read.



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197
197
Review of ZANAMON  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Angus!

HAPPY 9th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Unbelievable and unique opening paragraph. No one's ever written that before!

You have a distinct talent for at least two (opposing) genres. Mostly when I visit, my determination to read a horror story carries me through the scary parts. I'm careful though. My brain's full of its own terrifying thoughts. Should I laugh or cry?

On this fantastic day, your 9th anniversary day, I'm here laughing. The plot built slowly like Livingston's idiot ideas that carried him to success. The tongue in cheek parts had me shaking my head. It seems, according to what his family had been eating, he was already at the top of his game.

The upside down humor continued throughout. His unfair treatment of workers and family evaded him. A selfish man, at best.

His creations? Boxes and bottled water from the tap? I can't decide which is worse. His nonsensical success or the intellect of the people falling for his scam.

And that was another weird part. Livingston didn't seem at all concerned, or had a guilty conscious. He believed in his products.

Life is perception. Livingston had only one vision of himself. Rising up. Excellent job showing both his mental state (the other buildings are falling) and the actuality. You couldn't resist adding the Trump Tower to the story, could you? *Laugh*

We harp on each other for using the verb [was]. Despite the entertainment, every time that verb appeared I winced. However, in this write that verb didn't detract from the story. Action carried the reader forward.

I zeroed in on the many excellent word choices. Cool going.

Since this is an anniversary review, no editing points shall be mentioned. *Heartv* It's pointless anyhow because the story didn't overly suffer from an unspoken rule here or there.

I can't see your name anywhere, or stop the thought when I look at review pages. 4000+ reviews. You'd best stay right here and keep inspiring the community and entertaining us. Today, you can wear a *Crown*.

~Nixie


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198
198
Review of Hat trick  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! Nixie here. I found your flash via random review. What a challenging contest.


*Baretree3*
The Hook
I liked this read! It had a catchy first sentence. Remember using contractions lessens word count and creates shorter, punchier sentences.

Always shorten sentences for dialogue. No one speaks like this.

“This is unlike any other room in the library,” Jess exclaimed.

Example: "Weird room," Jeff said.

Passive verbs (was) (were) should be avoided. Show vs. tell. that's what we aim for. So, why were they drawn to it? be more specific. Show the fascination. *Wink*

I can't resist reading flash. So much has to be included in flash. All aspects of a short story in 300 words. It teaches writers to choose words carefully and remember less is better. Let the reader be drawn into the vision.

A library comes easily to mind.
Consider adding more.
Were the lights dim? or not working? Did they bring flashlights? Brush aside cobwebs? Hear something skittering? Shortening dialogue and using contractions gives the writer room to show more.

*Baretree3*
Thoughts

"A peculiar looking hat that looked out of place. It was the shape of a palm, but with six fingers. I counted."

This was the only sentence that seemed out of place. If your character is far away, as indicated in the sentence above this one, how could he discern the details?

“J-Jess, I’m not so sure…” I said weakly."

Ah! no words ending in (ly) allowed. *Laugh* But seriously. Adverbs are an indication of a weak verb. And definitely do not use them as sentence tags. Since the character hesitated, one possible alternative would be [I stuttered]

“Jess?” I was terrified."

Imagine being terrified. What would your actions be? Trembling hands, sweat on the brow...

I began searching the room for something to help him. And that’s when I saw it.

Stronger sentence. Fiction is immediate. Nothing begins...
I searched the room for something to help him. (him) is unnecessary. We know who he's searching for.

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
I was thinking Please don't pick up the hat! Jess. Of course, the character has to do the wrong thing to create the tension and conflict.

This was a hopeful sentence. And also led to scarier mind sets.

"For a moment, nothing happened."

I thought, just for a sec, maybe nothing would happen. *Rolleyes* See? You drew me into your story.


*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
My suggestion would be to learn (if the review helped) and move onto another write.

The conclusion was inevitable, but still a good read. The last line made me shudder. *Checkg*

A decent write for a newbie. (no offense intended) We all start somewhere.

*Idea*
I only offer advice if the story has potential.

*Heart*
I still hold dear a member who helped me in the beginning. She's no longer here, but I'm forever indebted to her.


Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

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199
199
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Odessa. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

I really liked the repetition of the reference to walking alone. It drove home the point and wrapped up the story of the narrator satisfactorily. At least she/he would try to help. (I didn't see the narrator's name mentioned anywhere.)

If you work on the dialogue, Suri can mention the narrator's name, which would make the story more personal.

The way the story began and the progression to the next paragraph confused me. Were they children when Suri said "I am to marry." Is that why the narrator didn't understand the implications? Seems to me most are familiar with this situation.

I've never watched the TV series you mentioned, but because it was in the story, I wondered if this was non-fiction.

All the salient, cultural points were covered. Suri's fear was real and that came across as authentic. Excellent job showing her in the Burka with downcast eyes. How sad.

This little bit had me puzzling over the timeline.

What I got were excuses.

I ran into Suri last week in the supermarket.

How did the narrator hear excuses before she saw Suri? What were the excuses? Or had the narrator seen Suri before? A plot misstep? Or am I reading this incorrectly?

Each new line of dialogue from a different character requires a paragraph break. I can think of one way to solve the mystery of the timeline. If Suri's statement was shown in italics, the reader would deduce (most likely) this was heard when both girls were children. Either way, a paragraph break is required after "I am to marry." statement.

More questions. Sorry. Who arranged the marriage and when? How old was Suki? Still a child?

In the beginning, the narrator understood the basics of the marriage. But if the narrator only learned the exact nature of the arrangement by watching TV, that leaves a non-watcher like me in the dark. (Except I know from my son's tours in Iraq what was happening.) I figured the narrator would, as well. If the two girls were best friends, why wouldn't the narrator understand all the implications before the marriage? I'm confused.

The preponderance of the word [was] dragged down the pace and created the need for unnecessary words. Remember, less is more in fiction. The reader's looking for a way to connect.

Although the overuse of the passive verb continued throughout, the story picked up some momentum after the narrator received Suki's cry for help. Since this arrangement is cultural, the narrator's plan to free her friend would never succeed.

Suki's character and her actions broke my heart. Excellent description of her appearance in the supermarket.

What happened to those bright almond eyes I had known all these years.

Did you mean almond-shaped eyes? The way it's written sounds as if her eyes were almond in color. And from the description of her eyes, it sounded like Suki was from the Middle East and would know what an arranged marriage meant.

I don't ask questions about stories that confuse me, unless I see potential behind the words. A cultural clash is a fantastic obstacle for characters to overcome.

Give yourself kudos and a pat on the back for entering this challenging contest. You've more confidence than me!


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200
200
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Snow! Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

*Checkg*
First off, what a wonderful idea for setting up a blog. Collections and the like can be overlooked, and get cumbersome.

*Reading*
I've been thinking ever since I read this how it could possibly be reviewed. Then I read the prompt and it all made sense. The ride was a little bumpy, mostly because of me. Symmetry and rhyming. That's what's captures my attention.

*Idea*
So, I focused on the content, which was my first impression. Trying to go deeper and ferret out more than my feelings ended up a fruitless and unnecessary journey. Do most ignore that little voice in their head, or brush aside what first comes to mind?

*Pantsr*
Every facet of clothing appeared here. From shoes, to pants or skirts, from fashion conscious to relaxed and enjoyable. You're comfortable with where you are right now.

My problem with being at home, especially with being a Covid Captive, is my tendency to slump and forget proper posture. That habit I am sorry to have lost.

*Woman*
My mom raised me to dress up all the time. Heels and dresses. That was me. In school, we weren't even allowed to wear pants until the 8th grade. Funny, how stories or poems speak to the individual reader.

*Sneaker1*
I'm on the borderline. Around the house, it's whatever goes. That must be true of everyone. But I'm still hard-wired to skirts and dresses. No more 3 or 4 inch heels, though. *Heel* Mostly, I pair my attire with low-heeled sandals or sneakers in the summer.

Since I live in Florida *Sun* where the norm is sandals and shorts, or something super-sloppy, I draw unwanted attention. Like you, I can't change who I am at this point in my life. In a few years, though.

*Snow4*
In the winter, I cling to my high-heeled boots.

*Angry*
How true about men looking for older women with insurance! Years ago, someone warned me and suggested I stay aware.

*Clock*
A long time ago, I found a 2nd-hand store where rich, super-rich women traded in their clothes after wearing them once. I was the best dressed woman at work. I miss that opportunity.

*Heartv*
My favorite part was the 4th stanza, and I bet you know why. Those WdC clothes are mighty comfy. Hoodies never appealed to me, but I have the shirts. A few times, I've sent one of my grandson's home in a WdC shirt, but now I can't remember why. *Headbang* They looked so darn cute.

*Thinker*
Look what you dragged out of me! Sometimes I worry that the best is in the past. I hope patched up memories stay sentimental, not forefront in my mind.


Some writes bring out these memories and make it easy for me to relate. I also enjoy the opportunity to 'chat with the author' as if we were sitting down together enjoying some alcohol coffee or tea. *Laugh*

In the end, here I am, smiling. *Bigsmile*

~Nixie




Me with another persona. Am I a spy?
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