I really like this! Though the narrator tries to remain aloof and cold to humankind, he lets humanity peek through. The references to Nayera and
Midnight Sun. He also shows appreciation for nature.
Falco's tale leaves just enough hanging that the readers will want to know more about him and his life.
One thing: consider leaving an extra space between paragraphs. It makes so much easier on your readers' eyes.
This had me a little confused. What was the truth Starman was to reveal? Most folks know that celebrities (though not all of them) tend toward drug and/or alcohol abuse, broken marriages and living with other people. I was expecting a major bombshell.
I love music. Musicians are a lot like writers. They tend to feel the world more, I think. This would also make them more descriptive. Adding
description and more depth to his story would really draw your readers in.
I think this has some real potential. It feels rushed. I didn't feel the confusion and frustration Patrick should have been feeling.
While I would agree with there being no family or friends, with his line of work, I would think that he would be well protected.
He would know things that the general public, including hospital staff, shouldn't be privy to.
Slowly revealing his discoveries will keep readers in suspense. They will stay with this and want to know what memories slowly surface.
I would have loved to read more in-depth. Utilize descriptive words, not only for the physical but the emotional as well.
This will help your readers to connect.
There is so much emotion here to be tapped.
Your narrator took his new appendages with more grace than I would have!
I like the story feel of this poem. Readers can follow along with the progress of the wings and the narrator's feelings on such.
Even though the poem looks uneven it actually flows well. The words are well chosen.
I like the idea here but it feels more like an outline. There is so much more to the story and your readers will want to know the details. Who did she meet and why? Describe the setting and emotion using words that help your readers feel the story. Work with this piece. I think you'll
find that your characters have more to say.
This is a powerful story! You cover a lot of ground in just under 2,000 words. Not only do you illustrate family going through the household of a passed loved one, but you cover the dynamic between the sisters and the family "secret."
The story flows well as you cover all this ground, flawlessly moving among the subjects. Your characters, and the dialogue, are believable. Your word choices add to the power of the tale.
I noticed that you had a disclaimer for anyone who might be triggered by the subject matter. Very thoughtful!
This is why I have dogs! I can't imagine moving so many cats without crates. The horror!
This is well written and you definitely get the point across. The description leaves your readers both sympathetic and, yes, even laughing.
I would have loved you to have drawn it out just a bit more. Add to the suspense and the suffering felt. Just a personal thought.