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Review Requests: ON
1,125 Public Reviews Given
2,497 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of On Mother's Day  
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

I can feel the love and respect when I read this. What a beautiful poem to your mom.

Comments:
In the first line, "my" should be "me."

Try to rework this without using "me" and "my" quite as much. It trips up the reader and causes them to focus more on the repetitive
words than the meaning of the poem.

No matter old I am you will look after me
*how old I am

Just a little work and this poem will shine. The sentiment is beautiful!

~Nikola
27
27
Review of Fun With Felines  
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

This is why I have dogs!*Laugh* I can't imagine moving so many cats without crates. The horror!

This is well written and you definitely get the point across. The description leaves your readers both sympathetic and, yes, even laughing.
I would have loved you to have drawn it out just a bit more. Add to the suspense and the suffering felt. Just a personal thought.

~Nikola
28
28
Review of Freebooters  
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

This is a fun lament to a lack of pirates! The poem gives readers a variety of popular groups all the while pointing out that we lack pirate culture.

It did read roughly in a few spots but overall was fun and entertaining!

~Nikola
29
29
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as the judge for "I'll Give You a Sentence Contest"   by Nikola~Loving Her Gracie Girl! . Thanks for entering!

I like the fantasy as well as the romance elements in this piece! I also like that the girl, Angel, is not aware of the other world that surrounds her until the telling of this. It gives a very modern perspective.

This flows well, the dialogue is good and the characters believable. I hope you plan to expand on this. There is much more to tell.




Comments:

But that didn't seem *possibly.
*possible

So, you're not in league with *you father?"
*your

he relied,
replied

In the story, you mention that the dreams wouldn't occur unless one is one is in danger of losing the other. If the story is to stand alone, you will need to either expand on this or omit it.

Keep writing!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review of Sugar for Blood  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as judge for "I'll Give You a Sentence Contest"   by Nikola~Loving Her Gracie Girl! . Thanks for entering!

This is not what I would have expected from the prompt! Nice!

I love the way you wove the story with sensory words. My mouth is watering for sweet goodies!

I would have liked just a little clearer explanation behind the whole soul thing. I felt a bit left out there.

Otherwise an enjoyable story!



Comments:

The music was never *to loud,
*too

French Macarons!
macaroons

I'm not about to let anyone ruin *by post cupcake experience!
*my

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Review of Don't Look Back!  
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

I think there is more to this story than meets the eye. Obviously, Roger is too preoccupied to talk to the old man. Perhaps his entire life is spent in such fashion. This is something that you could explore more closely here.

Spend time with your characters, especially Roger. Let your readers get to know him so that they can relate in some way with him, otherwise when his end comes, your readers will just feel some unknown man was killed but have no sympathy for him. Give some story and background to him.

The old man we don't need to know as much about. He has a purpose in the story and it is served.

Keep writing!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
Review of Never Look Back  
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

Now you have me curious. Just who are these guys? There is obviously something more going on than meets the eyes. I know there is a word limit but this may be worth going into more detail later.

I like the set up and the story itself. It flows well and keeps my interest. The characters are interesting and their is a dynamic that is going on, not only from an emotional standpoint, but a much deeper place as well.



Comments:

That led to me wondering how in the world he knew what I was thinking, it wasn’t as if I were trapped in the stupid Twilight books and he could read my mind or something.
This should be two sentences.

Nice!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review of With the Tide  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"   by Writing.Com Support Thanks for entering!

You tell this story well. The setting, characters and dialogue feel believable.

Comments:

Like an ox cutting *of its own tail, we leave our past behind!” he bellowed.
*off

“I would never dream of insulting a mountain on legs, but you have to admit he is a dullard!”
Love this!

The longship brooded like a great black whale against the pier.
Love this!

I enjoyed reading this!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
Review of Osiris Vacations  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is an entertaining entry! I never would have thought of the afterlife in a travel genre.

This is well written. It definitely sounds like a travel brochure, selling the consumer on the location. It is written in a manner that makes the reader want to experience such a place!

I would have loved to read more but this works on its own.

Good luck!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
35
35
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as one of the judges for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

*Laugh* I so didn't see that coming! What a great ending!

This struck home for me. I've felt stuck in a ho-hum life lately. To travel with Ralph was a treat. I love the Hemingway references. There is a hotel in Cimarron, New Mexico where I want to visit. Zane Grey wrote Caravans West there!*Smile*

This is well written. I envisioned the water, islands and local flavors and color. I related with Ralph and found myself excited for him.

Nice!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Review of Starwake  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as one of the judges for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

This is an enjoyable story! I never would have thought of a crow travelling on a boat!

I would guess you either own or closely watch birds. Your description of Ryn's movements and character seem spot on. I liked the detail on opening and closing the cabin door. Those kinds of things make a story come alive.

Scuttle creeped me out. I'm not fond of spiders.*Laugh*

Well written, the dialogue and description are wonderful.

Nicely done!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
HI!

I'm reviewing your entry as one of the judges for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

*Laugh*I'm terrified at the thought of flying so I could easily relate.

I love that this is told in the first bovine. This makes it a fun read.

The narrative is great and perhaps a testament to good advertising (or asking for donations!).

The words, "life and death" and "important" caught my attention and my ears perked. These are not words you want to hear on an airliner dangling over the Atlantic Ocean.
I love this!

*Don't forget his latest film, Nonstop! Terror in the air!

Also got a chuckle at the word count. Priceless!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
38
38
Review of Sneaky Kemosabes  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

I really enjoyed reading this!

The description of habits and places brought back many fond memories for me. Some I had even forgotten, such as putting sugar on my cornflakes.
I related with Sass. I was a tomboy and related better to guys than gals. I still do.

The twist of Tony's circumstances and his plan to leave brought the warm fuzzies crashing down. It brought a sobering and tragic
slant to the sweet days of childhood.

Well written, the dialogue is great, the flow nice and characters believable.


Comments:

Mom probably wanted me to find girls to play dolls and read Nancy Drew books, but I had other ideas.
Reword this to make it clearer. (I can relate to this! I was a tomboy.)

We *wondered back to claim our bikes still pressed against the only shady tree.
*wandered

Nice work!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
39
39
Review of The Briefcase  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

I like how you used the briefcase as a travelling companion. While I know we writers like to keep our work close, this one takes it to
the extreme! Carrying a notebook and pen is about as close as I get to taking my writing everywhere.

I felt so sad that the narrator had cancer and that he was wrapping up his life in a neat package when that call came. How fortunate that he answered it!

I would love more detail, perhaps some of the actual writing that went into that case. I feel it would bring readers closer to your narrator.
Writers will understand but those who don't have the compulsions that we don't may not.


Comments:

Nor *where my memories that it contained.
*were

briefcase across one the other seat.
You don't need the word "one" here.

Nice!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
40
40
Review of The Passage  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"   by Writing.Com Support . Thanks for entering!

I enjoyed sharing this journey! I love seeing new places and learning about their history. In all honesty, I haven't had much chance to do that.

I love your style of writing. It brings your readers in and keeps their interest.

This flows well, the description and word choices are great. You have a colorful way with description that makes one feel they are right there.



Comments:

I remember the huge spotlights weaving across the sky as if trying to focus on some particular point in the heavens but never quite succeeding.
Love this!

They marked the entrance to the development beckoning us to come in and buy into the Great American Dream. Which my folks did.
Perhaps a comma and connect these sentences?

Enjoyable!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
41
41
Review of DEAR IRS  
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

Fun poem! I imagine the IRS would frown upon all the spending excuses along with a request to extend paying. It is a valiant try.
I can only imagine what excuses they get on a regular basis.

This is fun and the rhyme is nice. I like your word choice as well.

This left me smiling.

~Nikola
42
42
Review of Freefall  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi!

You requested a review form me and here it is.

This story absolutely broke my heart. I understand that having children can be everything to some but Delores
is missing out on something just as important, love.
I think that using first person is perfect for this. It allows your readers to feel the pain of the narrator. It is palpable in each word. I was devastated that he chose the end that he did.

I love your use of description! Not only did it bring to life the setting but also the emotion of the husband. Your word choices are very nice!

Since you requested the review, I went more in depth than I normally do for contests.



We met in Athens, Etienne is great pilot with a plane modified for sky diving and Auguste is a rather shy, sky diving instructor extraordinaire.
Etienne is *a great pilot...

I brush my teeth with minty fresh toothpaste and hope for the best.
"with minty fresh toothpaste" is probably not needed here.

I said, “We will have a two hour delay before we can fly,” repeating Etienne's message, sensing that it might be a long difficult wait.
I said" is not needed here.

"What am I, Dolores? "Tell me."
You don't need the quotation marks before "tell."

When we reach the airport we have more coffee and silent conversation.
Perhaps silence rather than "silent conversation?"

Etienne breaks a long and rather awkward silence. “If you have your cameras ready we can take off in a little bit. I retrieve my case with two Hasselblad cameras, four lenses and two motorized backs loaded with film and take it to the plane.
Place quotation marks after "little bit."

This is well written and engaging. I felt a great deal for your characters. You have a wonderful writing style!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
43
Review of Mik and Nick Show  
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

What a creative entry! I love how you used the prompt.

I have a friend in small town radio and I would bet he could relate well to this.

I loved the announcements and the eccentricities of the callers. It was enjoyable to read.

Well done!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
44
44
Review of PELICAN POEM  
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

This is a fun poem! I enjoyed the story of it.

Using the idea of thieving pelicans to cover a pickpocket is interesting. I guess since I live inland
that I don't consider such things.

The flow is nice and the story well told.

Nice!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
45
45
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

I really like this poem but it does need some work.

I have a soft spot for tales and songs of the seas, especially times of old. I like what you did with that here.

Watch those "I's". Remember to capitalize!

There were several rough places and at least one place with no rhyme. Read your poetry aloud. This will help you to
catch those places and correct them. It's one of the best writer's tools!*Smile*

Keep writing!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
46
46
Review of No pelicans  
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

I think, with some work, this could be a good story. I like the idea of it but it needed more.

First, the prompt addresses the captain as "sir" but your captain is female. This doesn't work.

I was confused by the turn of the crew all being animals. Give your readers small hints during the course of the story if you wish
for this to remain a surprise at the end, otherwise make it clear from the beginning.

Perhaps tell the story in first person. This will allow your readers to feel the situation.

Keep writing!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
47
47
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

*Laugh*I definitely chuckled as I read this.

The flow is great and the word choice adds to the ambiance of the poem. Guys for sure will relate while us gals will
get a good grin out of it.

Fun read!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
48
48
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
HI!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

Ah, classroom pranks. I remember those days!

I like the setup and execution for this story. It caused me to recall my school days and that's been
awhile!

Always capitalize the beginning of a sentence even when in quotations.

Fun story!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
49
49
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as today's judge for "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy . Thanks for entering!

I can see how that prank went wrong! Oh my!

You could have gone crazy with this. Adding more suspense to keep your readers wondering what happens.
It reads choppy. Read it aloud to find where it doesn't sound quite right and play with the wording. It's work but
fun too!

When entering poetry in "The Writer's Cramp"   by Sophy , you only need to post the line count. You don't have to count the words. *Wink*

Keep writing!

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
50
50
Review of Through The Door  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi!

I'm reviewing your entry as the judge for "I'll Give You a Sentence Contest"   by Nikola~Loving Her Gracie Girl! . Thanks for entering!

I really like this! There is danger in the form of her father and his overbearing nature. There is suspense in his threats. In the end,
Liz made the right choice. Freedom beats money-based tyranny.

This is nicely written. I believed in your characters. I loathed the father while rooting for Liz.

The happy ending is a great lesson in making one's own choices.

~Nikola


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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