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Wow! This story wound and twisted right until the end. Very nice job!
I loved Trace. Poor guy trying so hard to do right in a changing and confusing world.
I sympathized with Erin, at first of course. One question--how did she know her name when she couldn't remember anything concrete? Just a thought.
You did a great job of keeping your readers in the dark, teasing them along, feeding them nibbles of information. I like how you brought the story to a complete conclusion right at the very last.
This is a very well written piece! Even though I chose not to have children of my own, I often look around and ask myself these same questions. There seems to be no set and right answer on parenting well adjusted children who become productive adults. There are so many factors that come into play.
You raise these issues in a clear manner, even pondering on them. The ultimate question is "why."
Well done! Best of luck and thanks again for entering!
I love this piece! When I learned that I was a judge for the genre contest and the subject was parenting, I was a bit worried. Having no human children of my own, I wasn't sure I was qualified. Now dog parenting I understand. I have three furbabies of my own.
Even though I am a single parent, I often have these kinds of conversations with myself. Your writing and subject are so relatable. Of course I love the humor that is sprinkled throughout. Great work!
Thanks again for entering! Best of luck and give Boo a pat for me.
This is a very powerful piece to me. While showing your mother's love and dedication and your family dynamic, you also give an insight into Asperger's. That is a great larning tool for those who aren't familiar with it or those who don't understand.
My heart goes out to your family. I was in tears by the end of this piece. I believe there is a reason and a lesson in everything that happens in life. It may take a long while to see it but eventually it will come.
I felt your emotion and pain as you chronicled Caleb's story. Your writing brought out the pure honesty of what your family went through.
Fear can have a powerful impact on us. It is ultimately our decision whether to let it rule our lives or to defeat it. It sounds like after a rough upbrining that you have mastered yours.
While I agree that grammar is important, I feel it doesn't really follow the prompt of parenting. Education perhaps.
Schools anymore set their curriculum in order to pass state's test in order to get more funding. Our kids are not even learning the basics now which I think is a shame. Just my two cents.
This is an intriguing and different idea for a story. I enjoyed reading it. I have to say I'm not a kid person myself so I completely sympathized with Jesse in the end.
Your story flowed well. You didn't cram a ton of information at your readers. It allows them to take it in pece by piece.
Dialogue is believable as are your characters. Loved the demons and angels working together!
The reason I rated a four is that the prompt was Comedy and I really didn't see that in this piece. Well written but I just didn't see humor in it. This is only my opinion.
Love this, Sonali! My best friend refuses to celebrate her birthday so we call it our special friendship day. I buy her a friendship card and we let it go at that.
I love the way you led me along the journey of the previous birthdays and your decision to make this one different. I also completely related to the logic of cooking the pizzas in such a manner. It sounds like something I would do.
I did catch the names of your guests. Very clever.
melodious strains of Sheryl Crow's "Strong Enough" sounded from the *bowls of Elle's purse as she loaded groceries into the back seat.
*bowels
This story hits home for many in the current economic crisis.
I know there is a word count but I was left wanting more. While I did see how Elle was handling her situation, I wanted some kind of closure. Did she get the job at the fancy boutique? That angle alone would have been a great entry. I was also hoping the man who gave her the bike would come back into the picture. I admit I'm a sucker for fairytale endings.
Your characters are very believable as well as your dialog. But, as I said, I wanted more. I think you could go wild with these characters once you are freed up from a word count.
This is a realistic view of how those who have loved ones who commit or attempt suicide deal with the situation. Guilt is big on that list. Wondering what we did or didn't do or say. You covered those bases well.
Mick is believable in both thought and action. You definitely showed how he dealt with one of the worst events in life that a person can be faced with.
You write well and the story flows and is easily followed. You show us one chapter of this character's life and leave us perched on the beginning of the next chapter. Nicely done.
The way you blended the action of the game with the inner turmoil that Charlie was going through brought to mind the movie For Love of the Game, which I loved for that same blending of game and character turmoil.
I also loved the way you tease your reader with drawing out the final pitch and result. Good work!
The reaction of the team and fans reminds me of the Dallas area sports fans. They love their teams when they win and turn away when they lose. Charlie realized that very thing as the game ended and the same people who had berated his playing were now lauding it. It's a false sense of praise when the team/ or a player isn't "up to par."
You followed the prompt very well and your characters are very real. I enjoyed reading this story.
This is a well told story! Your characters are believable and the dialogue is realistic. It flowed nicely...until the end. I read it a couple of times yet still didn't quite get it. Perhaps it is just me but look at it again and see what you think.
I do hope they found what they were searching for in the end. I realize the story wasn't dependant on that detail but I thought of it all the same.
What an inspiring story! It's amazing what love, and a new baby, can achieve.
Being a fiction writer, at first I was thinking, "This isn't consistent with the prompt." Then I realized that non-fiction "characters" are very relevent.
I thank you for sharing your story. It made me smile and left a good feeling in my heart.
Wow, I didn't see that coming! I read this twice because I was confused a bit the first read through. After the discovery at the end, I reread and it made so much more sense.
The writing comes across in a rush and a sense of urgency. It fits well once all is revealed.
First, leave a space between paragraphs. It makes reading much easier.
I like this. Kana and Linear are interesting characters with an interesting past. You could run with this story once the word count restrictions are lifted. There is much to tell here. Not only the sisters but there is a slight glimpse of Ray and Sam.
Dialogue is great and the hint of the story behind this particular scene kept me interested. Nice work!
I really enjoyed this piece! I love fantasy as a rule.
I felt you did the genre well. Language is believable as are your characters.
I really liked the back and forth to the present action and the past action that brought the brothers to this moment. It kept me in the story and kept me informed as to the brothers' relationship.
I also liked how his words, and his father's words, came back to haunt Aelrik in his final moments. Well done!
In one paragraph, you didn't use the right punctuation marks for indentation. My only notice of any mistake.
You have the beginnings of a good story. Readers can easily identify with the loss of a loved one and will feel sympathy for your characters.
However, the words come across as a report. You tell your readers what is happening rather than showing them. Description and action verbs draw readers into a story.
Also, you need to leave a space between paragraphs. This will make it easier for your readers to follow your story.
It just needs some work. Rewrites are a part of a writer's life.
I always look forward to reading your work, Bill. I love the way you write! You do your craft proud.
“My whole life, Poppa, I’ve always tried to fight for what I loved. I love you.”
I've fussed at other entrants for not elaborating more on the past decision that affects the character's present. In this one simple line, you managed to do that satisfactorily.
Your work flows well, your description is vivid, your dialog is spot on.
An all-too-common, sad tale. You brought Danny to life by sharing his past and the action he decides to take with the priest. Readers will relate to feelings of hopelessness and the need to stop abuse from happening.
Your characterization and description are very good. Dialog is easy and believable.
I very much like this story! It is well told and the complicated relationships of not only Jared and his brother, but now the new relationship with his orphaned niece are strong.
Great plot and dialog. I liked and felt for both Jared and Cass.
You doubled up on the contest theme of past affecting present. Jared is dealing with his past and Cass with her own recent past, both of which will affect them.
The idea of this contest is to get a total picture of a character through an interview. Not necessarily what they look like but the gist of the character behind the physical description.
I feel you did this to a degree. You dwell a lot on Zena's sexual preferences and her abuse as a youngster. Yes, I agree it shaped her character as she is in the present. I wish that you had dwelt more on the workings of her career and life on this planet that is unfamiliar to your readers. I was able to envision vague pictures of those things but would liked to have had a clearer picture.
Bring your readers into her world more. This will engage them into your character and make them curious about her and her life in what is a strange place to them (your readers). As a writer, I believe you would also discover more about her than you realized. Characters tend to be forthcoming with details if you let them run wild a bit.
The writing itself is very good. I found nothing out of place there. The interviewer didn't ask a lot of leading questions but prompted Zena to elaborate quite often.
I think that Zena is probably a very interesting individual. She probably has an endless supply of stories to tel. Let her tell them and your readers will want more!
A very engaging tale! You kept my attention to the end.
The dialog was believable. The interviewer did a great job of asking questions in order to let the subject tell her story.
Deirdre told her story in detail and kept the suspense building nicely.
Nice job!
Thanks again for entering!
~Nikola
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