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228 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Michaelmountain!

I have had the pleasure of reading your short story, and I offer you this Rising Stars Member-to-Member review in the spirit of support and encouragement.

*Note2* Initial Thoughts~
You tell the kind of story that I just love to read! I am partial to children's fantasy stories since they are my personal favorite genres to write. Your story draws in your reader and keeps them hooked until the final word (which leaves them begging for more!). It is the kind of tale that succeeds in capturing the hearts of readers, young and old. I found this tale especially sweet, filled with wonder and awaiting fantastical adventures for your darling characters!

*Note4* What I Liked~
*Bulletg* I loved how wholesome and sweet this tale is. It brought a smile to my face when Catherine's mom sang a lullaby to help the children fall asleep. Also, I really liked the responsibility Catherine displayed when she worried about going into the forest without her parents' permission, and how she chose to follow her brother who she had been left in charge of. *Thumbsup*

*Bulletg* As a fan of the fantasy genre and children's stories, I really enjoyed the plot of this story. I liked the excitement of knowing 'something' fantastical awaits the children down that path in the forest - maybe something even even cooler than a talking chipmunk!

*Bulletg* You have a fantastic talent for dialogue! It was fun reading the dialogue between the children and the talking chipmunk. You've achieved the kind of dialogue that really 'pops'. In other words, you nailed it! I loved how each character spoke in such authentic ways, responding to one another with just the right amount of humor and child-like remarks. Write on!


*Note1* My Suggestions~
I would love to learn more about these young characters. I am most curious about Eliana. Perhaps you might consider telling your reader who she is in relation to the other children. Is she a cousin or, perhaps, is she a friend? You describe her appearance, but what about Catherine and her brother? I suggest fleshing these characters out a bit more to improve their character development for your readers.

She lit up a room as her bright red hair and freckles bound through the door.
This line has a bit of a dangling modifier. The sentence is structured as if her red hair and freckles are doing the 'bounding', not the little girl herself. Perhaps you might re-arranging the sentence like this:
She lit up the room with her bright red hair and freckles as she bounded through the door.

In the following lines, the word 'that' could be removed to improve the readability of the story:
Grandma had to quickly establish the ground rule of closing doors so that the inside cats didn’t become outside cats.
also here:
Catherine and Eliana were so excited that first night, that they talked back and forth until 11:30 at night,

"Be quiet,” said Catherine’s Mom and Dad
Here, 'mom and dad' in the phrase, Caterine's Mom and Dad, should not be capitalized because they are not being used as proper names. If Catherine's or a pronoun such as 'her' did not precede them, then 'Mom and Dad' should be capitalized.

“If you don’t think I can talk,” said the chipmunk, “You should . . .
Because a comma follows the dialogue tag, it indicating the sentence within the first set of quotation marks is not complete and will continue. Therefore, the 'You' at the beginning of the second quote should not be capitalized.

I noticed a switch near the end of the story where the narrator started calling Johnathon 'Johnny'. In order to avoid confusing your readers, I suggest either sticking to one or the other from beginning to end or explain to the reader why you made the switch. For example, perhaps only his sister, Catherine, calls him Johnny for some reason. You could tell the reader why, but if you do, make sure it is for a reason the reader must know. A good rule of thumb for writing is 'don't put anything in the story unless it develops character or moves the story forward'.

Regarding the statues of the gnomes, I suggest placing them in your setting somewhere at the very beginning of the story. Describe them as part of the general cabin setting, have the children notice them right away. It seemed to me that the statues came out of nowhere, because they weren't identified at the beginning of the tale.

*Note5* Overall Impression~
You did a great job writing this tale, and I am really looking forward to reading part two so I can find out what is down that hidden path in the forest! It was a fun to follow these three adventurous children and see the fantasy world through their eyes. Bravo to you, Michaelmountain, for writing a terrific children's story!

Write On!
*Flower3*Noelle
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Phoenix  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Nacira Minan! I had the pleasure of reading your short story today, and I offer you these comments in the spirit of support and encouragement:

*Note1* First Impression
I was intrigued by your story - it being a sci-fi piece which always interests me - and the fact that it is set in post-apocolyptic times, which is one of my personal favorite story settings. This scene has a dark theme with vivid colors and contrasting images. After reading the piece, my attention is piqued and I wonder what happens next for these dismal characters in this frightening and ruined world they live in!


*Note2* What I Liked
I love the imagery and vivid color of your descriptions of this ruined city. Especially this line:
Coals, still glowing in diminishing tangerine spheres, spit steam into the air as they crackle like dry bones amid the silence of destruction. Write on!

*Bulletb*As I mentioned above, I enjoy reading stories about the post-apocolypse - and your story is no exception. In particular, I like how you have incorporated a mythical creature, the pheonix, as an antagonist for the poor souls who are left to find their way in a world that is no longer what they once knew.

*Bulletb* I really liked your description of the pheonix itself. Your words create such a clear picture in my mind's eye. I love the neon orange of its 'scales' and colorful feathers. What an awesome creature!

*Note3* Suggestions
I understand that this a piece of a longer work, but I will still offer some suggestions in spite of this knowledge since I think most of your readers will be left with some of the same questions if they only read this part.*Smile*

First, I suggest giving the man in the story a name. I feel this character is the protagonist of the story, and his character could be developed a bit more. Besides his name, I am left wondering how he got to this particular place. Who is Anne - a family member? Is she still alive? Where is his family? What does this man want besides the obvious being his own survival?

Second, what about the pheonix - is this creature something that was man-made by the terrorist group or had it always existed in this word pre-apocolypse? If it is a pheonix - a fire bird - then why doe the man try to harm the pheonix with a ball of fire? Speaking of the fireball, how did the man get the fire in his hand? Can he summons fire with some sort of cool supernatural power?

Perhaps you might consider expanding on this piece to answer some of these questions for your readers.

*Note4*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling
Ashes fall like snowflakes masking the debris . . .
Here, I believe a comma should follow 'snowflakes'.

He picks up the most recently-unearthed
Here, I don't believe 'recently unearthed' requires a hyphen.

"Citrus Blast" screams from the banana in Mc Caw contrast.
I'm a bit confused by this line. Does this describe a picture on the box? Perhaps you might explain it a bit clearer for your readers. Also, if screams Mc Caw is a dialogue tag, I suggest placing a comma before the end quotation mark.

To improve the readability of the New York Times articles, perhaps you might consider placing them inside a quote box That is, start it with {quote} and end with {/quote} like this:

"Atlantian Terrorist Cult Threatens U. S. with Nuclear Muscles" . . . some say ransom too high" . . . "As the time ticks down . . . aimed at major American cities..."


The man glances up to his right; his eyes trained on the horizon.
Because the second clause is not a complete sentenccce, the semicolon is not needed. Instead, a comma could be used or you could make the second clause complete by adding a linking verb: ; his eyes are trained on the horizon.

He hunkers down into the debris; nesting.
Semicolon should be a comma here.

Its beak, a slash of white, glistens; even with no sun to reflect upon it.
Again, here the semicolon should be a comma because the phrase which follows is not a complete sentence.

"Phoenix, run!" and black slashes, previously unseen, start moving as a half-dozen people scatter.
In this line, I suggest separating the dialogue and the action of the half dozen people into two seperate sentences.

Ash raises in the air,
I believe 'raises' should be rises

He aims and solidly lobs it at the back of her head.
Her head jerks forward . . .

I suggest rewording the two lines to move the phrase, 'her head' to different parts of the lines. They appear side-by-side in repetition which hinders the readability of the two sentences.

He lands in an empty area: devoid of most rubble.
In this line, the colon should be a comma

*Star*I hope you found some of my suggestions useful. I truly enjoyed reading your story. I am impressed by your high merit in writing descriptive scenes with color and depth, as well as your ability to create a dark mood and heart-thumping suspense. Your words stick in your reader's mind and makes her wonder, "What will happen next?" Awesome job!

Write On!
~ Noelle


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of A Mother's Wisdom  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi OutOfTouch! I had the pleasure of reading your short story today, and I offer you these comments in the spirit of support and encouragement:

*Note1* First Impression
Wow, I really enjoyed your flash fiction story! It was a bit shocking in the middle of the piece with Bobby's frightening words to Matt, but by the end of the piece you have left your reader satisfied. I am impressed by your ability to write a story with such meaning so few words!


*Note2* What I Liked
I really liked the twist at the end of the story, and the realization of the protagonist that his mother was not just looking for reasons to get mad at her son. Instead, her words had actually been words of love and concern for her son. Very nice work bringing the story full circle for your readers! *Thumbsup*

*Note3* Suggestions
None. Write On!

*Note4*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling
I found no errors.*Thumbsup*


*Star*Nice job on an entertaining and poignant piece of flash fiction.*Thumbsup*

Write On!
~ Noelle
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
4
4
Review of My Nightmare  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Carla~ I had the pleasure of reading your poem, and I offer you the following comments in the spirit of support and encouragement:

*Note3* Emotional Impact
I have been so traumatized by the tragedy that occurred at Sandy Hook Elementary school on Friday, that I feel as if my heart has been permanently broken. I keep feeling like I wish there was something I could do to somehow help ease the sorrows of those poor parents who've lost their precious children. Now, tonight, I stumbled across your poem - a tribute to the children and the parents of Newtown, CT which brought tears to my eyes. I want to thank you for doing something - writing this poem. It is a touching piece that brings a bit of perspective to the hearts of your readers who just can't seem to find understanding in the midst of such a tragedy.

*Note2* Rhythm & Rhyme
Beautiful rhyme pattern used. I found the poem to flow very well. There were only a couple lines that faltered in rhythm.

*Note1* Suggestions
They’ll lay your body ‘neath a granite stone
The rhythm in this line is slightly off. Perhaps you might consider taking out 'they'll', moving 'Your body' to the beginning of the line, and changing 'lay' to laid and create an iambic pentameter rhythm:
Your body laid beneath a granite stone

*Note5* What I Liked Most
I really like your use of slant end rhyme with the words stone and home*Thumbsup*

I love how the poem ends with a sense of peace and hope, as if the child is now angelic and 'free' in God's Kingdom.
My favorite lines:Rest now and be free in that land above,*Cross1*

*Star* A beautiful tribute poem to the children who lost their lives on December 14th - God's newest little angels in Heaven.


*Smile* Thank you for sharing your work and WRITE ON!

*Snow1* Noelle
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
5
5
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Kaz! I had the pleasure of reading your narrative poem today, and I offer you these comments in the spirit of support and encouragement:

*Note1* First Impression

What a great story! I enjoyed how you wrote this much like a free verse narrative poem. It has a wonderful fantastical appeal for readers who like mystical creatures. Reading this story, running into a dragon in the woods, was quite a heart-thumping experience.*Thumbsup*


*Note2* What I Liked
I really liked your vivid descriptions of the dragon - its green eyes, massive body, and black, leather-like wings. *Thumbsup*

My favorite lines are these two:
I watched in amazement as the beast flew into the sun,
And then disappeared within its rays.

I can see the awesome dragon flying away, into the rays of the sun in my mind's eye.*Thumbsup*

*Note3* Suggestions
Scales rough but somehow sooth,
Here, I believe 'sooth' should be smooth

For one does not lay with dragons,
Unless he is seeking death.

These two lines gave me a slight pause, because of the use of the pronoun 'he' in the second line. Since the narrator is referring to the woman lying with a dragon, it seems the pronoun should be she. If you don't want to use the pronoun 'she' perhaps you might consider replacing 'he' with one in order to keep the subject consistent.

While I enjoyed the full-circle ending, I was a bit confused with what happened. Did the woman die or did she never exist? Perhaps this thought provoking question is essentially what you want your readers to wonder. If not, I suggest adding some information at the end to give the reader a clue as to what really happened to the woman.


*Note4*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling

The woman stirred and I spoke quickly,
To separate the two complete clauses, I suggest placing a comma after 'stirred'.

*Star*Overall, I thought your story was great. I enjoyed the fantasy element of the dragon and the magic associated with the woman's disappearance. It was truly a fun read!

Write On!
~ Noelle
A signature for Simply Positive, Rising Stars, & Circle of Sisters members.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
6
6
Review of Master  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, April!

I really enjoyed reading your poem! There is so much emotion in every line.

*Note2* I really like the form you used for this poem. It has a nice flowing rhyme pattern with three stanzas of ABAB, ending in an awesome couplet.

I especially enjoyed the sound of the slant rhyme of lips/eclipse*Thumbsup*

My favorite line: My eyes leaked tears as their salt scorched my lips I like the way you've applied the sense of taste to evoke emotion and provide wonderful imagery for your reader.*Thumbsup*
*Note3* Suggestions
Tread lightly I must, and make it an art
While I understand that punctuation usage in poetry is subjective, perhaps you might consider removing the comma in this line, because there is no subject doing the action in the second phrase.

I think you've written a wonderful poem whith some great word choices. I do think the poem might benefit from a bit more imagery through some devices such as simile and metaphor. These types of poetic devices could really drive home the meaning of the overall piece.

*Note4*Overall
A well-written poem loaded with emotion about love and the fear of getting jaded by that love. Very nice writing!

*Flower3*Write On!*Flower3*
~ Noelle
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7
7
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Susan!

I have had the pleasure of reading your short story, and I offer you the following review in the spirit of support and writers helping writers hone their craft.*Smile*

*Note1*What I liked
I really enjoyed this story about a street character with a heart beneath the toughness. Your talent for storytelling is evident throughout the story, written with so much style!

I liked the main character right away. The voice of the piece -- his voice -- is awesome. No doubt in the readers mind: this guy is tough, not to be messed with.*Thumbsup*

Your word choices create rich images for the reader's senses. Amazing job writing your story's descriptions! My nose wrikled at the smells in the alley, and I had the complete opposite reaction with the sweet scents described in his grandma's kitchen. I could see the run-down city neighborhood and even hear the street sounds. Bravo!

Great job building suspense in the story. I loved the dark shadows in the alley, the eerie, paranoid feeling evoked by the character's reactions to what's around him, and the body. I was on the edge of my seat, reading to find out what would happen next!

*Thumbsup* By the end of the story, your reader can't help but care about the character, and your ending does not disappoint! Wonderful writing!
*Note3*Punctuation & Grammer Suggestions
*Check1* In the second line, In my life you either excel at it or die, it’s as simple as that. the comma after die should be a semicolon since what follows could stand as a complete sentence on its own.

*Check2* I am the predator, they are my prey, I can never let them forget that
In terms of voice, I like the way this line reads, because the character is making quite a firm statement here about who he is and how tough he is. However, the punctuation used creates a bit of a run-on sentence. Perhaps you might consider replacing the comma between predator and they with a semicolorn and instead of the comma after prey try a dash. If not a dash, I suggest ending the line there with a period and starting a new sentence with I can never.

*Check3* it’s rhythm
Here, it's should be its.

*Check4* I pass them, not everyone is
Perhaps you might consider adding and after the comma here to avoid a run-on sentence.
*Check5* august should be capitalized.*Smile*

*Check2* I didn’t want to leave her there to rot with the garbage, it didn’t feel
Here, the comma after garbage should either be a semicolon or end with a period and start a new sentence with It didn't . . .

*Note4*Overall
I found your story to be a very enjoyable read. Your skill at creating vivid imagery and developing the character with heart and an awesome voice each help your writing style shine. Great work!

*Flower3*Write On!*Flower3*
~ Noelle
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8
8
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Blainecindy!

I am really excited about your new group. My blog has had crickets in it lately, and it is a huge relief to know there is new hope for it with the Blogging Circle of Friends!

I think you've done an excellent job in writing the group description, explanation, and rules. I like the way you've numbered your points and written them in a concise and easy-to-understand manner. I like the insignia, and I've already added it to my own blog.*Smile*

Your group promises some great inspiration and incentives for bloggers to write daily blogs and visit fellow members' blogs, which is just awesome. Finally, maybe WDC members will start getting a little more traffic in their blogs.

Great job on creating an awesome new group! Good luck with it, and if I can be of any help, please just ask me!*Smile* Eagerly anticipating the first blog prompt on November 19th!

*Heart* Noelle
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9
9
Review of My World  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Dave! After reading "My World, I offer you these comments in the spirit of support and encouragement:

*Check1* First Impression
What a very interesting setting you have described in such detail! It reminds me of when I was a litle girl and my dad was on a kick to move our family into a log cabin out in the country. It never happened, but it was always a wonderful dream to imagine what it would have been like. Your vivid descriptions bring the dream to life again!

*Check1* What I liked
*Star* I love the opening line! It is very well written and encompasses the entire writing. *Thumbsup*

*Star* I could picture your world in my mind's eye so well because of your great use of sensory imagery! I could smell the wood smoke, feel the winter's cold outside, see the log cabin on the vast land, and hear the truck's engine of today and the sound of horses' hoofs from the past on the same trails. Bravo!

*Check1* Suggestions
Only to write more about this fascinating world of yours!

*Check1*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling
*Bullet* forth generation
Perhaps “forth” should be fourth here?

*Bullet* years.My skills
There is a needed space missing after the period to separate the two sentences and improve the readability of the lines.

*Bullet* are all part of daily routine.
I think a pronoun is needed before “routine” to give it possession. Perhaps my?

*Bullet* An old log house,heated from the winter's cold by a wood-burning stove is called home.
I love the imagery in this line! I just wanted to point out a space is needed after house,

*Bullet* Along with the old,there
A space is needed between old, and there

*Bullet* to be paid,in one form or another for the future
Two points I’d like to make about his line: 1) a space is needed after paid, and 2). I believe a comma is also needed after “another” because “in one form or another” is a parenthetical phrase, which should be surrounded by commas if not in parentheses.

*Bullet* after a long,fought battle the computer made it's way into the family.
Rather than a comma between “long fought,” I suggest placing a hyphen. However, I do think a comma should appear after “battle.” Also, “it’s” should be its.



*Star* I thoroughly enjoyed reading your writing! I hope you one day decide to add to this, maybe writing about an event that happened here in this fascinating place unlike the world most of us live in. Write On!

~ Noelle
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10
10
Review of I've Been  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Sarah! I read "I've Been and wanted to offer you this review in the spirit of support and encouragement:

Emotional Impact:
I was instantly drawn into the poem with the feeling that the speaker offered me, the reader, empathy and compassion, along with answers on how to cope with everyday problems. Very well done!

Effectiveness of Form:
*Star* I really like the way this little poem flows. I think it reads so nicely because of its rhyme pattern, a combination of both perfect rhymes and slant rhymes. I especially like the slant rhyme combination of friends/end.
*Star* I liked the simplicity of the poem, keeping the lines brief, yet giving them strong statements. *Thumbsup*

Suggestions:
I liked how you chose to keep the piece void of punctuation except for placing a simple period at the end. This creates a very poignant statement, in my opinion!

My only suggestion would be to consider incorporating some metaphor or simile involving the five senses to create imagery for your reader, add interest, and to really "show" the poem's message to the reader.

*Star*Closing comments:
This was an inspiring poem, and I am very pleased to have had the opportunity to read it!

Write On!

~ Noelle
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11
11
Review of A Possum's Story  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi J.A. Buxton! After reading "A Possum's Story, I offer you these comments in the spirit of support and encouragement:

*Check1* First Impression
Oh wow! I have to know- is this a TRUE story? Wow, I am absolutely amazed by this story. I have such warmth in my heart right now for the precious animal kingdom after reading about sweet little Possy!*Heart*

*Check1* What I liked
*Star* Your writing kept me completely enthralled from beginning to the very end- it was suspenseful, too! I kept waiting for the little critter to bite her!
*Star* I was recently told that possums are "vicious" animals- so glad to know that's not necessarily the case.
*Star* Your characterization is fantastic- and the speaker is absolutely hilarious! Very funny!
*Star* I felt like I was there, feeling the soft fur of the animals beneath my palm. Write on!

*Check1* Suggestions
I have just one suggestion which pertains to a few places where word repetitions were noted. For example:
Moving ever so slowly as to not scare him even more, I moved toward the windowsill I suggest choosing another verb for "moved" since the sentence begins with "Moving"

*Check1*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling
*Bullet* ... forward to a quiet and peaceful evening alone with a good book in the company of my animals.
Perhaps this is nitpicky, however, I wonder if the readability of this line would improve if you would take out the adverb "alone" since you then state she is in the company of her animals.

*Bullet* "Come on, girl. It's just a little animal. Do something and don't just stand there".
I spotted this a couple other times in your story-- the punctuation should appear before (inside) the end quotation mark.

*Star* I cannot express how much I enjoyed reading your story! It was so good, and I sincerely hope (if it is a true story)there was an answer to the question at the end and a sequel might be written! Such a sweet story. Thanks for the great read!

Write On!
~ Noelle
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12
12
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Cappucine! After reading "Pearl of Wisdom - a Collage Poem, I offer you these comments in the spirit of support and encouragement:

*Note1* First Impression
I LOVED this! What a colorful read. You have a very unique style which is displayed in this short, yet profound piece of writing.

*Note1* What I liked
Wet and wild. Sparkling coloured flower
open seven days, red carpet,

I love the visual and tactile imagery here; it is very colorful and evokes a very happy feeling. I'm not sure what the significance of the "seven days" was, but I like the assonance of the short "e" sound in that line. *Thumbsup*
*Star* My favorite phrase: belly intelligent
*Star*I like the imaginative freedom this evoked in me. It seems to suggest the notion of a change in the speaker's life brought about by a difficult decision for a new education and a shift in the way s/he sees the world.

*Note1* Suggestions
None- write on!

*Star* I really enjoyed this thought provoking piece of writing. It is vibrant in imagery and poetic in flow, style and readability. Wonderful word choices!

Write On!
~ Noelle
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13
13
Review of The Beast  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Loti! After reading "A Plant Without Water, I offer you these comments in the spirit of support and encouragement:

*Note1* First Impression
A fun, suspenseful dialogue only story that sets the tone for the spooky Halloween season upon us! Very enjoyable read~ *Pumpkin*

*Note1* What I liked
I liked how you gave the reader clues about the story's setting within the dialgue. I could picture the scene! *Thumbsup*
*Star* I especially liked the suspense of the story- a necessity for scary Halloween stories! *Thumbsup*
*Star* I was very impressed with your ability to tell an entire story, not only in under 500 words, but also through ONLY dialogue- something I've yet to attempt myself. Wow, Great job!

*Note1* Suggestions
*Bullet*But last year, on Halloween, George came up here and his body was never found.”
I believe it would benefit the reader if you explained a little more detail about George. I paused for a moment because this was the first mention of George, a character I knew nothing about. Rather than stating his body was never found, it might be clearer if you stated he never returned and his body was never found.


*Bullet* Whatever it is is breathing heavily.”
I like this dialogue line, however, the appearance of the consecutive "is" words caused me to have to re-read the line. To avoid potential confusion in your reader, consider placing whatever it is in italics or use hyphens to set the two is's apart: Whatever-it-is.

*Bullet* In the line that begins "This door seems to be locked.., I like your style of using the dots to indicate a pause in the speech of this character. It adds suspense to the read. Perhaps you might consider using only traditional ellipses- in my humble opinion, only a series of three dots is needed to bring about the same effect while also adding to the readability of the piece.

*Star* Very cute story with wonderful characterization! I enjoyed the unexpected ending. Very well crafted and fun to read!!! *Ghost*

Write On!
~ Noelle
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14
14
Review of Sidney's Poetry  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am a proud graduate of Love Reviews, New Horizons Writing Academy!


Hello Sidney and Nicki! I read "Sidney's Poetry and wanted to offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:
*Shock* I am in amazement that a person of only NINE year of age wrote these WONDERFUL poems! *Thumbsup*
Both made me *Smile*
*Bigsmile*Sidney, I'm more proud than ever that you're myniece! *Heart*

*Flower1* First Poem, "Life" ~
Your poem made me feel so good. I love how you called the fly "sparkling"- what beautiful imagery your words painted in my mind of rippling water and a sparkly fly- you're right, flies are sparkly! Not only are your words descriptive, but also symbolic. The fly is lovely, as are people. A lot of times, I feel like that fly you describe and life should be this simple and pain-free for all people (and flies!).

*Flower2* Second Poem "Imagine" ~

This poem made me feel happy because it inspired my creative side!*Thumbsup* I just love the feelings that were evoked by the things that were "imagined" in your poem- mad, sad, happy. I enjoyed how your words helped me "imagine" non-living things as alive. It was fun to read this poem!

Effectiveness of Form:

*Flower1* First Poem ~
I enjoyed the rhythm of this poem, with the repetition of the words "can be" and the slant rhyme of be/needs ~ Very nice!

I also am very impressed with your use of poetic sound devices which make your poem sound like music *Smile*:
Hovering over invincible water.
Here, there is an example of consonance in the words hovering/}over/water ~ Awesome!

No feeling or needs
Here, is a nice example of assonance in the repeated long "e" sound.

Helpless and harmless
I really like this line because not only does it have an internal rhyme with the "-less" ending sound, but it also has alliteration in the beginning "h" sound- WRITE ON!

*Flower2* Second Poem ~

This poem is also very lyrical, with the repeating word "imagine" and your use of other poetic sounds:

Over a mad, terror-ridden forest
This line works great to evoke that mad feeling because of the use of consonance in the "r" sound of all but 2 words in the line. *Cool*

Imagine a sad apple
I like the assonance in this line with the short "a" sound!

Imagine a laughable daffodil
And here is my favorite line- love the internal slant rhyme of laughable/daffodil!

Punctuation and Grammar:
No mistakes found! *Thumbsup*

*Star*Closing comments:
Sidney, I cannot express to you enough how impressed I am by your talent in writing poetry! Your poems are just amazing! I wonder, did you write these the other day when you were "border than the bordest girl ever"? *Laugh* If so, you should always write poetry when you're bored- I want to read MORE of your poems! Write on Sidney!*Heart*

~ Aunt Noelle
15
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In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1512371 Unavailable **


Hi Alexa! After reading "Benefits of Imaginary Friends, I offer you these comments:

*Check1* First Impression:
As a reader who is also a mother, I found this argumentative-type essay particularly interesting! Not only was this essay a persuasive piece on children and their expressed imaginations, but it was also educational- Excellent!

*Check1* What I liked :
*Thumbsup* I found the points you made on this interesting subject most informative- very important information to have for any parent of young children!

*Thumbsup* I am impressed with your approach on the subject, using expert statements to back-up your position. Writing the essay in the third-person point of view was a strong choice because this type of narrative gives the essay a professional tone.

*Thumbsup* I really appreciated your detailed supporting data used to build your case. Great use of citations! I would have been interested in reading a testimonial statement by a parent of a grown child who talked to an imaginary friend- that would have been really interesting, too!

*Bullet*I thought you did a great job at addressing the opposing views and discounting them with facts. I thought the essay was well presented and persuasive!

*Check1* Suggestions:
I offer the following suggestions in the spirit of support. Please take from them what you find useful and disregard the rest.

*Bullet*In your introduction (under “Problem”), I suggest saving the direct quotes used for the body of the essay where you argue for your position on the subject. The introduction should be the place where a well-defined thesis statement, in the author’s own words, tells the reader what the subject of the essay is about and what position the author has on that subject. The quotes in the “problem” section are great persuasive statements for why it is healthy for a child to have an imaginary friend; they would work appropriately further down in the body of the essay.

*Bullet*I appreciate the organization of the essay, however, in my humble opinion, I believe the use of sub-headings (problem, solution, opposition) are unnecessary in essay writing.

*Bullet* I suggest double-spacing between paragraphs for easier readability.

*Check1*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling
*Bullet* Betty Smith said in her novel A Tree Grows in Brooklyn,
I suggest either underlining or italicizing the title of the novel.

*Bullet* Experts have declared parents meddling with a child's imagination is a huge no-no.
This line reads a bit informal for this style of essay. Perhaps you might consider something like this:
Experts have declared parental meddling with a child’s imagination can be harmful.

*Bullet*Says Karen Majors,…
Be careful of verb tense shifts within a single writing. The above line uses the present tense with the word “says.” However, throughout the piece, the past tense is predominately used. I suggest being consistent with the essay’s verb tenses, except for the verb tenses within the direct quotes used.

*Bullet*Parents who push for their children releasing of their imaginary playmates have got it all wrong.
This line reads slightly awkward. I suggest changing “children releasing of” to children to release”

*Bullet*…and permanent trip, or ‘die' in a horrible accident (Holmes np)."
I believe there is a typo here- the end quotation mark should appear at the end of the direct quote (before the citation).

*Star*I liked how you presented your position in a professional manner, not presuming your reader thinks one way or the other. Your strong supporting data and statements are successfully persuasive- Great job!
Write on!

~ Noelle
A signature for Love Reviews class, created by my talented sister, Nicki!!
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In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1512371 Unavailable **


Hello Nicki! I read "The Call of a Whale and wanted to offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:
What an impact!!! At the very first glance, this poem’s shape, an amazing image of a whale’s tail just above the waves, evokes emotions- “thalassic” thoughts.

The poem itself is a fantastic narrative piece that draws the reader to the ocean shore with the auditory imagery of “seagulls screeching,” the tactile and visual imagery of the sea breeze through the palm trees and a boy playing on a sandy beach. The feeling I got is one of freedom. But the narrator’s failure to appreciate the beauty of what he has takes him to a far away place, and there, I felt a great sense of loss, sadness, and feeling displaced. These emotions were drawn from these powerful, symbolic images:

Neath empty skies and
cacti's harsh embrace


*Thumbsup* The narrator’s return to the sea was represented so beautifully by using the metaphor of the whale—a creature, just like this man, who is in the sea’s “net of wonder forever,” to quote Jacques Cousteau. While reading the end of the poem, I felt a sense of “home.”

Effectiveness of Form:
This shape poem is artistic genius! It is truly AWESOME! I love it *Delight*, and cannot say enough about it! I’m amazed at how much time it must have taken to arrange the lines and spaces and font sizes to achieve this wonderful whale tail shape. I love how it isn’t completely symmetrical, because it adds interest in that artistic way. I like how the shape of the whale corresponds to the metaphor within the poem. I LOVE the wave effect you achieved at the end of the piece by manipulating the font sizes. What’s really cool is that the waves, which are made up of the lines that conclude the poem, are also symbolic of the narrator’s return to a life by the sea. Just SO GREAT!!

*Thumbsup* The poem has a lovely rhythm; it flows perfectly in iambic pentameter- I counted 10 syllables per line with each foot unstressed, stressed. Perfect!

*Thumbsup* Your use of assonance added a wonderful lyrical flow. I especially liked palm fronds. Also, great use of alliteration and consonance – was the whale compelled w’s and l’s repeating sounds – *Thumbsup*

*Thumbsup* You have not stated it in your description, but this poem is actually a Heroic Couplet, which requires, traditionally, iambic pentameter and pairs of rhyming lines. Your poem does just this- with the exception of one pair (born/shore), each pair of lines ends in perfect rhymes, giving the poem an elegant flow! Write ON!

Punctuation and Grammar:
I found no punctuation or grammatical errors~! However, I have a thought regarding the punctuation of one line:
But I, unwilling student,
would not hear and dreamed instead of arid west frontier.


Because the poem is written in iambic pentameter, each line should have 10 syllables per line, as you know. I noticed you’ve marked the end of the poem’s lines by placing a period or comma or semicolon at the spots where the line would end in a non-shaped poem. There is no such punctuation separating the 2 ten syllable lines (between “hear” and “and”) in the line above. Because of this, I read the line without a pause, not quite matching the flow of the previous lines, and I found the pace was just slightly off because of it. Also, I could be wrong, but I am concerned these lines might not be considered iambic pentameter because they have 20 syllables combined without marking the line break.

I suggest placing a punctuation mark after “hear”- perhaps a dash or maybe a period, but that means you’d have to start the next sentence with “And,” which I’m not sure you’d want to do.

*Star*Closing comments:
This is just a phenomenal piece of poetry, presented in a most artistically symbolic manner. I am placing this poem in my favorites so I can have easy access to a piece of writing that will continue to inspire me. Best of luck in the contest- I cannot imagine another competing poem impressing me more than this one has!
Write On!

~ Noelle
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Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Nikola,

I know first hand the devastation you write about in this wonderful essay. I live in Northern NY, where 2 ice storms hit in the 1990s, The second was far worse than the first, yet both destroyed thousands of trees, old and new. The wrath of the ice was heart wrenching, leaving the area's landscape changed forever.

This essay is written beautifully with vivid imagery of the ice and the willow tree. The speaker's voice was sad and the story emotional.

I knew the speaker's dear aunt had previously passed away (before the ice storm) at these two lines:

She loved that willow. So do I.

I found not a single grammatical error in the entire piece.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your work- thank you for sharing and Write ON!

~ Noelle
18
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In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1512371 Unavailable **


Hello Nicki! I read "The Empty Fish Tank and wanted to offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:
While reading this poem, I found myself giggling with the water in the fishless tank! I find it especially humorous because I know the empty tank you speak of- *Laugh* I admire the narrator’s comedic tone and her determination!

Effectiveness of Form:
*Thumbsup* I thoroughly enjoyed the rhythm of this poem. It is simply fun to read because of your fantastic use of alliteration.
Giggling water gurgles
from a guppy's ghost town tank

Fun alliterate words beginning with “g” and the “t” sound in town/tank.

*Thumbsup* The description of this poem noted you wrote this as you explored assonance- well, I’m here to tell you – you found it! Great use of this poetic device:
It sits fishless in my kitchen; Love that short “I” sound!!

*Thumbsup* The simple rhyming pattern of end-rhyme words in lines 2 and 4 (2 & 5 in the last stanza) add to the wonderful flow of the piece. I especially like the rhyme of disappear/id austere- Great word choices!

*Thumbsup* I got a kick out of the subject matter of the poem- an eye-sore empty fish tank in your kitchen and husband who likes it there to cover a bare spot on the wall- too funny!!! I laughed right out loud the first time I read this!

Punctuation and Grammar:
I like how you use only the punctuation that is necessary for the poem’s readability. I did notice that you used periods to end sentences within the poem, except for one- should the second line of the first stanza also end in a period?

*Star*Closing comments:
I loved the imagery of the tank “giggling” in the opening stanza- this set the tone for an amusing poem. I appreciate how a poet's muse can take something frustrating and create such a fun and creative piece of writing- your talent is ever-inspiring!
Write On!

~ Noelle
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Review of Clowning Around  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1512371 Unavailable **


Hi Fyn ! After reading "Clowning Around, I offer you these comments:

*Check1* First Impression:
This story is wonderfully entertaining! I got a real kick out of it. I especially enjoyed the comdic tone in the first section where the narrator questions why nurses always "talk in plurals." Too funny~ and so true! I like clowns, and now, after reading this, I like them even more! A really cute story- one that I will not soon forget. *Smile*


*Check1* What I liked :
*Thumbsup* Your beginning line was a fantastic hook! I woke up to a fuzzy dark room in a bed that I knew instinctively was not my own. Your reader is left wondering, "Well whose bed is this character in?" and "Why doesn't she know where she is?" and "How did she get there?" You hook the reader in the beginning and keep her enthralled until the very end!

*Thumbsup* I love how you describe the setting of the story. The comfortable hospital bed, the nurse, the children's ward, and then the elephant's stall and the circus. You dropped clues about the setting and characters (the flower on the showe, the hay in the stall) to add to the overall imagery, giving your reader a vivid picture of the scene.

*Thumbsup* I think the central problem facing the protagonist is that there are many things in her way of doing what she loves: to be a clown. She finds herself in the hospital with a broken leg & concusion after a friendly elephant tramples her during an act, and she has to take time off to heal and then think of a new act to do on crutches. She describes her conflict with her family members who she thinks disapprove of her choice to be a clown in the circus. But, she is determined and the story unfolds in a logical chain of events that ultimately resolve her problem and she continues doing what she loves and her relationships thrive. A very cute story!

*Thumbsup* I loved the happy ending. It was as if everything happened for a reason- the elephant crushing her leg led to the new act that everyone loved and led to her family's visit which brought them understanding and acceptance for her "clowning around" and her relationship with her clown partner blossoms with a baby clown on the way! A cleverly thought out ending!

*Check1* Suggestions:
I offer you these comments in the spirit of support. Please take from them what you find useful and disregard the rest.

*Bullet* I woke up to a fuzzy dark room in a bed that I knew instinctively
I believe there is a comma missing after “fuzzy”

*Bullet* That’s what the lump was; the foot that I couldn’t move.
I believe that where the semicolon is placed, there should instead be a colon. First, the clause that follows the semicolon is not independent, which makes me think the semicolon is not needed. As in this example, the colon may be used to introduce an explanation or definition of something. If used here, a colon will introduce an explanation of what the lump was.

*Bullet* No wonder I hadn’t been able to roll over earlier. I never sleep on my back.
While these two lines are technically correct, I think a semicolon would be useful to join these two lines: both lines are independent clauses, and the second line is a continuation of the thought of the first.

I was down there clowning around with my one shoe on my good foot, half my costume on and my red nose firmly in place.
Because “clowning around” is a parenthetical phrase, I believe a comma is needed after “around.”

*Bullet*
Maybe you’ll come see me someday.

I really like the narrator's voice-- it reads like she is "telling" the story. However, this line sort of caught me by surprise because it addresses the reader directly. Perhaps you might consider addressing the reader earlier in the story, so this line doe

sn't give your reader a reason to pause.


*Star* Overall, I truly enjoyed this story about a clown I'd love to see in person! A great read~ Thank you for sharing your wonderful talent!

~ Noelle
A signature for Love Reviews class, created by my talented sister, Nicki!!
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Review of SUCCESS!  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1537878 Unavailable **


Hi Jennyj ! After reading your poem, "SUCCESS!, I offer you the following comments:

Emotional Impact
This poem is one of encouragement to the reader. It reminds of the school of thought found in the book, The Secret, in which positive thinking leads to personal success. *Thumbsup*

Rhythm & Rhyme
I really like how each last line of a stanza is repeated in the first line of the next stanza, and how the first line is repeated as the final line. This form of poetry really drives home the meaning of these lines!

Suggestions
*I hope you find my suggestions helpful; I offer them to you in the spirit of support and writers helping writers hone their craft. This is merely my own opinion. Please take away from it what you find useful and disregard the rest!
*Bullet* Success is true gift;
I suggest adding the preposition a before "gift", mostly so that the first line matches and repeats the last line exactly.
*Bullet* Perhaps you might consider adding another stanza or two, containing a metaphor or simile that would provide your reader with some rich imagery to spice up the piece and drive home the message a bit more.

What I liked Most

My favorite lines:It's on the table;
ready and waiting for you
I like these lines together because it uses the long "a" sound and the "t" sound in "waiting" and "table," giving them a nice flow. *Thumbsup*


*Star* I really appreciate the empowerment behind this piece- it is supportive and really gives the reader a lot to think about: his or her fate is in his or her own hands. Nicely done!


*Smile* Thank you for sharing your work and WRITE ON!

*Flower2* Noelle
21
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Review of April Summer  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
** Image ID #1537878 Unavailable **


Hi Harry ! After reading your poem, "April Summer, I offer you the following comments:

Emotional Impact
This poem gave me much more of a physical response than emotional. I think I started to sweat a little reading it, although it is a cool 50 degrees up her in NY! I found some of this piece also humerous, a direct result of your light-hearted voice in this piece. I really enjoyed this poetic story!

Rhythm & Rhyme
Ah, free verse done well! I loved it- While it is free, your lines are written each with approximately the same length. While there is no rhyme or specific meter restrictions, your poem has rhythm through alliteration and consonance:
Pull in, park, and step out into blindingly
the "p" sound in "pull" "park" and "step"
Heat waves radiate from the hot cement
the long "a" sound in "waves" and "radiate" and the "h" sound in "heat" and "hot" and the "t" sound in "heat" "radiate" "hot" and "cement" GREAT rhythm in this line!

Suggestions
Just one ...the branch of a small tree, his wings raised
half-way and his beak open gasping for air.

Perhaps you might consider placing a comma after "open"?

what I liked Most

My favorite lines: 93 sultry degrees in the shade!
Again, great rhythm with the "s" sound, the long "e" and the "d" sounds! *Thumbsup*

*Star* I really enjoy poetry that tells a story. I liked the humor you added about the black bird wearing black on a hot day and the proverbial question posed to the narrator. They gave me a good chuckle!
*Star* I really enjoyed the imagery your words provided me- a vivid picture of a hot parking lot, the narrator with his bald head and the beads of sweat and the funny-looking black bird. Great job, and I hope it's not global wraming!


*Smile* Thank you for sharing your work and WRITE ON!

*Flower2* Noelle
22
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Review of Kayla  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1537878 Unavailable **


Hi Sophy v.2021 ! After reading your poem, "Kayla, I offer you the following comments:

Emotional Impact
Oh! Being a dog owner for eleven years, this poem really hit home for me. The unconditional love a dog gives its owner(s) is wonderful and heart-warming, often bringing suppoet to the owner at the most trying times in his or her life. This poem evoked that special feeling for me and reminds me of how much I put up with having a dog - the messes she made, the extra expense in vet bills etc.- just for that love. It was all worth it.

Rhythm & Rhyme
I liked the simplicity of this poem. Your use of alliteration and consonence added to its wonderful flow and readability: the "s" sound in "sadness" and "pieces"; the "o" sound in "knocking" "off" and "cofee"; the "t" sound in "tears" and "try" and "table" and "tail" ~ Wonderful!

Suggestions
heart and all I can offer is to
While punctuation in poetry is at the descretion of the poet, perhaps you might consider adding a comma after "heart"

what I liked Most
*Star*I like how the poem consists of a single sentence, a pause, then the final thought by the loving pet- one line, "I hope that is enough" It is always enough, isn't it?!

*Star*A wonderful little poem!


*Smile* Thank you for sharing your work and WRITE ON!

*Flower2* Noelle
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Review of Stopgap  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1537878 Unavailable **


Hi NickiD89 ! After reading your story, "Stopgap, I offer you the following comments:

First Impressions

OMG, OMG! Nick, this story is AWESOME!!! I didn't want to stop reading- *Cry*why did it have to end?!!*Cry* You so rock as an author, you know that?! How cool is this story- so cool- and how it yanks at my heart strings- it's got it all!!!!

Plot & Theme
Holy suspense! This ttory draws the reader in and keeps a tight grip on her until the very end (it didn't want to let her go!) I love how you used the prompt image- the old car & the cool-looking characters wearing black & those happy-evil grins- very appropriate storyline having them bank robbers.*Thumbsup*

You give your reader plenty of background information to offer reasons why we should sympathize with Van, the protagonist, and understand his actions. Your words bring about great tension and suspense as the reader wonders if Van can trust Liza and if they will escape so he can get a fresh start.

I was shocked at what happens in the rising action of this story! The mean father on the cell phone was enough to make me want to reach through the story and punch that guy! Then, when Van did nothing and said nothing, I felt mad at him, which kind of made the ending okay with me.

Then, your unbelievable description of the crash scene blew me away! I had such stress over Van's decision to stay behind & Liza's insistence not to stay- such conflict!!!*Thumbsup*

Character(s)

That Liza, man, she sure is a liar! The reader knows she is lying every time she does that quirky thing with her finger & her hair- too cool!

As I mentioned above, I really felt for Van. I was completely relieved by his choice at the end with the sweet little boy. I think he did change, just like he wanted to in the beginning.

The only character that I still wonder about is the little boy's father. I wondered if he was in cahoots with Liza when he was screaming into the cell phone (who was he talking to?) then when he sped up behind them on the mountain. I concluded that he just represented Van's father & his past, with all of its bad choices & bad karma that keeps creeping up on him. Great symbolism!

BTW, I liked how you foreshadowed the Studabaker breaking down with the desciption of the old engine struggling to climb the hill just before the SUV appeared. *Thumbsup*

Suggestions

*Bullet* She beamed back, and he thought what a gorgeous portrait she made framed by the lake rushing by in a blur behind her. When they started sleeping together a few months back he hadn’t known she was in the “business,” and he marveled at the asset she turned out to be.
It seems a couple commas are missing above:
- after “made” she made, framed by…
- after “back – together a few months back, he…

*Bullet* She was a natural planner, real detail-oriented. She approached a job like a stage director planning opening night.
Here, there is nothing wrong with these lines, but I thought I’d offer an idea to help you reduce your word count:
Take out the “She” that begins the second line & combine the 2 sentences using a comma & changing “approached” to approaching
Also, you use the words “planner” and “planning” in these lines. Perhaps you may consider taking out the first phrase “She was a natural planner”:
She was real detail-oriented, approaching a job like a stage director planning opening night.

*Bullet* Van glanced down now at the instrument panel.
This is probably just a personal issue *Rolleyes*, but I believe the word “now” is not the best choice when writing a story in past tense. I understand that this is the point when you switch back out of the background, but I don’t think it is necessary. As your reader, I understand, just from the “instrument panel” that we’re back out of the backstory & back into the moment in the car.

*Bullet*As Van pulled up to a service station pump he watched the attendant through the plate glass front.
Comma is needed after “pump”

*Bullet* Liza stepped out of the car and Van watched her pushed a strand of hair away from her eyes
“pushed” should be push

*Bullet* “So, they promised to let you off for turning my ass in?”
To help you reduce your word count, perhaps you might consider changing “promise to let you off” with promised you immunity


What I Liked Most


*Star* EVERYTHING! Just a fantastic story!
*Star* I liked how I sympathyzed with the characters and how I distrusted Liza.

*Star* I love your descriptions- they provide such vivid imagery- from Van "folded into the car" to the windshield "biting" the victim in half to the headlights "bathing" Van and he "shielded his eyes with a heavy arm" WRITE ON!


*Smile* Thank you for writing this amazing story- it was a phenomenal read!

*Flower3* Noelle
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Nicki! I had the pleasure of reading your article, "How To Write an Encouraging Review and I offer you these comments in the spirit of writers helping writers hone their craft. *Smile*

My First Impression
I am SUPER impressed with this article! What a fabulous guide and source of reference for members on Writing.Com- especially for newbies! I appreciate how you break down the process of reviewing into simple sections and explain them in understandable terms. You make reviewing sound so easy!

Spelling/Punctuation
I found just a few editorial points I thought I should mention. Please take what you like and disregard the rest. *Smile*

*Bullet* I very well may be wrong, but I believe the commas are unnecessary in the following lines:
What if you really didn’t like the story, or actually did find it boring?

Commenting that the character’s thoughts and actions seemed unrealistic in a precise moment of the story will help the writer take a harder look at the scene, and get a sense of how to improve the character.

Here after “review”If you find a story boring, you can discuss pace in the review, and express to the author how the pace seemed slow in specific scenes.


*Bullet* Here, “characters thoughts” should be character’s thoughts:
Look for erroneous shifts in POV narrative, when for example, the reader hears a secondary characters thoughts.

*Bullet* “is” here should be it:
Does is flow easily off the tongue?

*Bullet*Here, I believe “you” should be your:
But, it is not the only place to access you templates!

Suggestion
*Bullet* I just thought I should mention that there are some WDC pages where the site navigator is not visible. They are the “store” items and WDC webpages (I think). Perhaps, you might decide to mention this in the article to avoid possible confusion for Newbies.
The Review Tool is located below the Site Navigation bar found at the top left side of any Writing.com (WDC) page.

What I Liked the Most

First, I have to say I just love how organized this article is- so easy to follow, so explanatory, so simple! Write On!

Also, I just love your suggestions on how to turn those potential negative comments into helpful and professional comments that will help sharpen the skills of the author being reviewed. I most like your suggestion to tell the author the “pace” is slow if the story dragged for the reader/reviewer.

I thought it was so cool that you gave so many wonderful, helpful links after each section of the short story and poetry elements- very helpful! *Thumbsup*

I thought your poetry section was very informative! Great job explaining meter- Excellent!!!! Oh, and I LOVE your rhyme example! (I think I remember that stone!) *Thumbsup*

Lastly, I think your step-by-step description on how to utilize the review tool is going to help so many people who have never used it before. Write on!

Overall

Overall, this is a fantastic article with tons of great information for newbies and for seasoned WDC members who are unsure of their reviewing skills. Bravo to you for writing this helpful article for the community!
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Review of Espial  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Ken!

What an amazing poem! I really, really liked this one. It is very well written and so intimate. I am very impressed with your talent! *Thumbsup*

*Note1* Emotional Impact
This piece evokes the most intimate and spiritual connection between man and woman in the moments of passion. Successfully putting to words this feeling, this sensation of the heart – the most intensely passionate kind of love – in such a beautiful, artistic form was remarkable and a thrill to read! Write on!


*Note3* Suggestions
There is not a thing that I would suggest changing! Write on!


*Note3*What I found most impressive

*Star* I was super impressed with the flow and perfect rhyme pattern of this piece. *Thumbsup*

*Star* Your careful word choices were fantastic, offering your reader a vivid picture of the woman in the image of the moon. *Thumbsup*
She rises above me, pale in the night,
reflecting our passion as light from the moon.
Her eyes, like the stars, are silent and bright
and dance with the magic of two hearts in tune.
GREAT Writing!!!
*Star* The discovery of a love so amazing, it is incomprehensible to the narrator, and the characters need “to confirm to each other they still exist” – whoa, that is deep and so beautiful!
we touched on a moment of transcendent bliss.

*Note5* Overall
*Star* I really enjoyed reading your work. This is a wonderful display of your obvious talent!


*Flower3* Noelle
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