*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/norbanus
Review Requests: ON
3,035 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of Roller-skates  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an exceptionally well-structured story. There are issues of repetition that need attention. For instance, the word "along" appeared three times in the first two paragraphs "road" is misused. I should be "rode."
In this sentence: "You're right! I bet that that Harry would like them," the word that is repeated.

MInor issues but a reminder that editing is important.

Well done,

Norbanus

2
2
Review of The Passport  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think you did an excellent job of laying out your story in a smooth-flowing fashion. The order of the tale was such that I didn't want to stop reading until I got to the end. Even then, I was hoping for more. Alas, there will be no more. You gave us all that the story had to offer.

Nicely done

Norbanus
3
3
Review of Freezing  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You have done an excellent job of showing the confusion that surrounds the whole faux gender drama intrigue. It's amazing how standardized the issue has become. Is there a published guideline for what thoughts are permitted on the transgender routine?
4
4
Review of Why am I here?  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
Where will all the writers go?
are they all in passing?
Where have all the writers gone,
A long time ago?

Searching for a home that's right
where word reside and held me tight
while stirring up the tangle of my mind.

Word inspire and motivate
even when the time is late
and no one gives a damn.

There is no attempt here to critique your delightful Rose Lee intrigue. I just wrote the first thing that your piece inspired.

Nicely done

Norbanus
5
5
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like the storyline you've told
to lead me down the path
The devil still held back his old
and never used his wrath

Temptation fly around you
denial holds the line
While Satan tells you just what's true
You feel you must decline

But there's more to what's here
than just what's on the page.
You've got a wife who's listening in
just off of center stage

No critique is attempted here
just rolling with the punch.
It's safe to offer up a cheer
the devil's gone to lunch.
6
6
Review of Failed Experiment  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
That was no failed experiment. They just approached it from the wrong side of the bed. What they got was succeeded with was a human who could not talk. Or at least didn't dare talk. Buddy now has to figure out how to put a leash on John. Laurie knows how. Just watch her for a while.
7
7
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (3.0)
Shat a delightful concept for a story. It's too bad that the tense switches are so glaring that they distracted me from the potential of the story. That is a nice use of the Easter Egg buried in the word "crush". This could have been a 5-star yarn with just a bit of planning.
8
8
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dark Light shines with thoughts akimbo
earing one gigantic sound
Could Prideland be left here in limbo
or has full respect been found?

There is no attempt here to critique your one-liner. I just wrote the first thing your piece inspired. That's pretty deep stuff, Dark Light.
9
9
Review by Norbanus
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Once again we have a well-crafted story with threads hanging all over it. Just as does Bobby's gift to the story. We see the hidden gem of the story stand with her special child to receive the blessing, while those who know all things are oblivious to the delightful resolution.

Nicely done

Norbanus

10
10
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (4.0)
You're on the right track, Jack. To build a bio of an action thriller we need to know the character. inside and out. We know that he is 23 years old and living in Russia. Could he have abandoned the US in favor of the Communist system? Or, could that be a ploy to get him into the good graces of the party powerful. And what about the scar on his right shoulder that no one can see but that extends all the way to his sullen attitude?

We know, but he does not that the girl he thinks he left behind in Des Moines is also in Russia planning her revenge. Can They survive the Russian winter and still come across to the reader as a plausible red hot couple?

11
11
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
Who wants to leave the stress of life behind?
To do so might let boredom rule the day
Stress is the price where situations find
you turning smiles and frowns in every way.

You plan ahead and know you’ve got it nailed
until the moment truth presents its face.
blushed with nerves affray, you know you’ve failed
to skip the learning tool of your disgrace

But all in all, you’ve shared the story well
Now, take a nap and do it all again
Dream once again of truths you'll never tell
and give that interview the proper spin

But this far down the path, you may have guessed
with all that preparation, you’re still stressed

The is no attempt to critique your fine verse. I just wrote the first thing inspired by it.

Cheers,

Norbanus
12
12
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (4.0)
You certainly have a smooth flowing, short opening chapter. We've met someone we think might be a main character but we don't know yet. That is quite an interesting chapter hook to toss in that "Why do you think he was following you?" line.

Frankly, if I pick up a book dubbed 'A thriller' I prefer a little more action in the opening.

But that's just one opinion.

Cheers,

Norbanus
13
13
Review of Our World Alive  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)

Nicely done, those shakes and shivers
on those trails lost long ago.
Fireflies dance along the rivers
leaving hints to what they know.

Notions ripple 'cross the water
message safe and on its way
No ink dries upon the blotter.
Crickets chirp out what we say.

Now lulled to sleep by softest song
the world is settled for the night
The stars will glisten, not too long
Each creature has its part just right.

There is no attempt here to critique your delightful verse. I simply wrote what your poem inspired on the fly.

Nicely done

Norbanus
14
14
Review of Sounds of Autumn  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (4.0)
You did an excellent job of following your title by showing us the sounds of the season. Except for the missed opportunity to show other senses when you mention smoke. How about 'smoke in your eyes.' or the 'acrid aroma of burning leaves.' or if you are sticking with sound. 'the crackle of the flames producing the...

A nicely done verse, Marie

Norbanus
15
15
Review of Crap  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
We've learned to expect the best in flash fiction from Jacky. Here, we get to enjoy a step from the usual, great. We see a plausible interchange between brothers and it's all dialogue culminating as we might think two brothers would end their mild dispute with the titular word "crap"

Nicely done

Norbanus
16
16
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)

If you are setting about to find a career as a sportswriter, I believe You have taken a step in the right direction. Not that I would know what publishers are looking for in a summary of a sporting event, but from a sports fan's view your piece is clear, concise and touches all the elements that I'd expect.

Nicely done

Norbanuslk
17
17
Review of Simple Adoration  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)

The Simple Adoration stokes her flames.
We listen to the upbeat soulful sounds
while shuffling through that list of royal names.
That's not the way; we're clearly out of bounds.

Could we have missed the simple course tonight?
Our thoughts turn to a Queen of iron will.
No. It must be one to give her pure delight.
With expectation high, can she fulfill?

But then, we find the parchment’s final page
and touch a moment’s truth. The music soars.
We’re left in awe at what's left on the stage.
Upon their feet. The crowd's ovation roars
18
18
Review of The Key to Fame  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It's a good thing I had my seat belt fastened when Charise took that turn. But then, it should not have been a surprise. We already knew where her loyalties were turning. Dante's last thoughts must have been that she had more imagination and initiative than he thought.

Nicely done

Norbanus
19
19
Review of Dinosaur Thoughts  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a nice job of letting the scene build while the reader is reading on just filling the blanks as you let the cat slowly out of the bag. We don't get to know who the dinosaur is, but we do learn that the advisor is the maternal grandmother.

Nicely done,

Norbanus
20
20
Review by Norbanus
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The salty words of faith erupt and spray
a sheen of resurrection, cold and hard.
These massive turns of verse have shown the way
from painted over truth to standing guard.

The open casket makes us wonder why
the makeup hides the pallor not the roil;
as husk and guests reach upward for the sky,
the last resort just waiting for the soil.
21
21
Review by Norbanus
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC, Tarasankar. After reading this piece. I think you will find the site interesting and that we'll find the works you post interesting.
the heart's door is a fascinating passageway. Perhaps a direct approach is the best way to go.

Nicely done

Norbanus
22
22
Review by Norbanus
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You left no doubt that Kenna Kitada wears the white hat in this tale.

He's a spot you might want to check Inconsistent tense.

She grabbed a thin file folder from the kitchen counter; the only thing out of place in the otherwise compulsively clean and tidy house. Plucking a set of keys from a side table next to the garage door, Kenna locks up and heads to the gray Ford Explorer.
23
23
Review of Blank Page  
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
Once when I was younger
and doubts came crowding in
I pondered these same gnawing fears,
the paper blank as sin.

Six times I stared at nature's wrath
and tried to find my way.
Six times my flagging certainty
was lost with naught to say

I offered possibilities
for my misguided ways.
But absence in her arrogance
dumped me like all the strays.
24
24
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
Three words we know can warm us to the core
and turn the gloom to an unbranded smile.
The prize of lies no longer brings the chore.
of searching for the sunshine --for the while

And even when a fragile shard is broke
with hesitation clearly holding sway.
There moves that satisfaction we can't cloak
even with the games some people play

In true form of denouement at the end,
you hold the sunshine's mission by a thread.
The loving POV slips ‘round the bend
and turns the smile on. It is not dead
25
25
Review by Norbanus
Rated: E | (5.0)
Writing screenplays is surely the place to write if one wants to earn their livelihood with a pen (or keyboard) as that is clearly where today's market is for the writing craft, whether fiction or documentary.

Thanks for letting us know of "The Screenwriting Group." If I ever try get serious about writing I'll want to be a part of that.
1,861 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 75 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/norbanus