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51
51
Review by NordicNoir
Rated: E | (4.0)
The feelings of pain and abandonment come through very strongly in this piece. As I read it, I meet the child who has so many questions, and who wonders why his father didn't love him enough to stay with him. The poem takes us into anger and bitterness but in the end, saves us through the grace bestowed by a better Father, one who cares and does not leave. Excellent story-telling with an uplifting ending. I understand why the repeat of looking "up to the window" comes at the end to bring us full circle, but I can't help wanting to hear the reason for the change in your life (good marriage, good relationship with children) before we see the evidence of it. That is, I wonder if it might make for a better flow if the last two stanzas came before "I am older now...etc.." That way we see the different father at the window, then the difference in how that father behaves affects the way the child, now grown, behaves. Just a thought, the poem still works either way.
52
52
Review by NordicNoir
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed how the regrets and feelings of futility were expressed through the description of the falling of the leaves. A reminder of mortality, but also the need to feel that life counted and the fear of having no purpose. I understand the feeling of trailing thoughts conveyed through the use of the ellipse(...), but it can be overused, especially as many of the lines already have punctuation.
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