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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/normajeantrent
Review Requests: ON
397 Public Reviews Given
464 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to give friendly advice that I hope will help, not harm.
I'm good at...
I enjoy picking out spelling mistakes. Bad punctuation also bothers me.
Favorite Genres
Fiction
Least Favorite Genres
poetry, fan fiction, fantasy, anything erotic or about death, gay or lesbian
Favorite Item Types
flash fiction, short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
long stories, novels, poems, lyrics. I don't write them so I don't feel as though I can review them.
I will not review...
Anything erotic or with cruelty to people or animals. I will not review anything dealing with the gay/lesbian lifestyle.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Caught  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
The word I think you need is 'garters' - in the US we used to call the clips for the stockings 'garters'. Perhaps in the UK you call them something else.

When I read suspenders, I think of the elastic things men use to hold up their pants. So, a bit of a cultural disconnect for me.

Plus, when choosing a genre, I'd choose anything but 'contest entry'. It will not let your work qualify for the Quills. So even if it is the greatest story ever written, if it doesn't have a good genre choice, you won't be eligible for that award. A word to the wise.

The story is written decently enough, but too much emphasis, for me, on the logistics of putting on all the armor we women used to wear.
Thanks,
NormaJean


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2
2
Review of 132256  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
This is a chilling tale. I don't want to think about what is in the basement, but I hazard a guess as to what is in there. You've left a few clues.

I think you need to check the spelling. 'Natzi" should be 'Nazi', in my opinion.

Write on.
NormaJean


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3
3
Review of A Dog's Christmas  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for asking me to review your work. I am reviewing on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I found some grammatical errors:

Gracie's ears stood tall
At the faint scratchy sound,
Then she was off of the sofa Take out this "of" = not needed here
With an effortless bound.

The boxer accelerated Since you capitalized Chihuahua, capital letters needed here also. But perhaps that was auto-capital for first word in a sentence? Hmm.

But the story then ended
All too sudden you see
Because Gracie the boxer Here again I see that boxer is not in caps. So I wonder...
Clambered right up the tree.

With broken ornaments and one light For a change, I perhaps would leave out this 'and' and put a comma after ornaments.

But those little problems did not detract from the humor in this poem. I liked the rhyming, it seemed to follow somewhat of a pattern. You told a story. Children will like the idea of a mouse escaping two tree-climbing dogs.

Thanks for letting me review this.

Write on,
NormaJean


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4
4
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)

I am reviewing your work as per your request and on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I note that this is a poem, with the first line of each stanza not rhyming with the remaining two lines. Since I am not a poet, I am not sure if this rhyming scheme has a name. It does seem to be consistent throughout your work.

I noted this line Asking, “Am I the real cause” and wondered why you didn't insert a question mark, since you prefaced it with the verb "asking"???

You do seem to be praising a friend, although a bit clunky in places. It's almost as if you're trying to hard to make the rhymes fit the feelings.

Thank you for asking me to review your work. I think this could do with a bit of reworking. But the basic framework is there, just polish it a bit more.

Write on!
NormaJean


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5
5
Review of A Starhawk Tale  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)

First off, sorry for any delay. There have been a number of problems here. Not an excuse, just an explanation. Check my BLOG if you'd like any details.

Okay - for my notes on your story.

I did find this an enjoyable read. It had a good mix of humor, derring do, adventure. and then there is the whole 'who's on first?' 'Keystone Cops' vibe going on. I liked the pace you set.

There were some spelling inconsistencies. And then some words were in italics, not sure about that.

So, a few ideas:
'glaring with impatience' - perhaps change that just to 'glaring impatiently'. That to me sounds more active.

Then it was:
'Foster' 'Forster' 'Forester' Spelling was three ways. Intentional? Or was this in error?

All considered, you kept my interest to the end. I didn't see the switch coming. Good job.

Write on!

NormaJean


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6
6
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (2.5)

I am reviewing this poem at your request and on behalf of The Talent Pond.

Just so you are aware, I am not a poet. I rarely write poetry. So I will review this from the point of view of a reader, not a poetry expert.

As I first glanced at the poem, I see immediately that you chose as one of the genres 'contest entry'. As a word of advice, if you ever want any of your work on WDC to be considered for an award such as the Quills, don't use that genre. Use for this piece, animal, or emotional and experience as you already have. Few will search to read a poem with that genre.

Alright, on to the poem itself. It is free verse, as you state. There are three lines that rhyme in the middle, and then two lines that rhyme at the end.

I was confused as to what was happening at first read. Then I read this a few more times. Is this describing someone's death in a forest?

The last line I would perhaps change alast to 'at last'. I'm not sure what 'alast' means. I can't find a meaning in a dictionary that would apply to your poem.

I had no real feelings either way about this poem. It didn't excite me or anger me. It didn't make me sad. I guess I didn't care enough about the person, if this is what the poem was about, to care about these moments in the forest.

I saw no spelling errors, which I focus on. I assume that the structure adheres to the free verse structure.

My opinions are that of a writer of fiction, as I stated. Good luck with the poem. Good luck on Writing.com

Write on,
NormaJean


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7
7
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

I am reviewing your work on behalf of The Talent Pond.

This is an interesting Science Fiction concept. I had to read this twice to get some understanding of where you were headed. It did seem a little disjointed.

Then I went to the title and tried to find out what Argus and Archimedes had to do with your ideas. So searching about Argus, the Greek mythology is all about 100 eyes and Mercury and all that. So perhaps that could be translated to the telescopes. But then the Archimedes Priniciple about a body immersed in a fluid experiences an upthrust equal to the weight of the fluid displaced - Hmm. I don't see where that is discussed. But perhaps I overlooked the reference.

I saw no big problems with spelling or grammar, those are items I usually look for.
Good luck with your writing.



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8
8
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Per your request, I am reviewing your work on behalf of The Talent Pond.

As per a definition, a parody is an imitation of the style of a particular writer, artist, or genre with deliberate exaggeration for comic effect.

I didn't see any exaggeration nor did I see any comedy here, other than the fact you were singing about a candy bar. Perhaps others might find it amusing, but not funny, in my opinion.

Another fact I found online: The lyrics of the song are written in five stanzas of seven lines each. Each stanza begins with a couplet describing the setting of the scene, followed by a couplet driving the action forward and another couplet expressing the climactic thought of the verse, and closes with a one-line refrain referring to "the sound of silence".

I found this song amazing when I was growing up. It is one of those iconic songs that cannot be duplicated and will stand on its own for generations, as it has.

Now, to my criticisms:
I would change up some of this. I think you are trying to stay too close to the original words in places.

What if you used ‘taste’ of candy instead of “Sound of candy”? Candy to me doesn’t really have a sound, per se. It can have a crunch or the wrapper can have a rustling sound. But when I think of candy I don’t necessarily think of sound.

Then I would use “needs” instead of ‘seeds’ in the first stanza. ‘Needs’ to me hints more to a craving, as candy would be craved.

Instead of ‘blinding my eyes’ I would change that to ‘blinds my eyes’.

Then try ‘for the drink he was…' as a change from your original.

I also would change ‘opened up the wrapper’ not the wrapping. I wouldn’t use the word wrapping. I would say candy wrapper. I wouldn't say 'Hershey bars have a brown wrapping.'

And one last change: ‘he began to open…’ To me, that just flowed better.

Try to find just an instrumental version of the song and then sing the words. See if the new lyrics work. See if they flow as well as the original.

Then since you state this is a parody, work some humor into this.

Good luck with your writing.


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9
9
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I am reviewing your story on behalf of 'The Talent Pond'.

First of all, you are entering this in a contest with a word limit of 300. So, I can see some chances to pad this story a bit. That being stated, let me tell you my immediate impression.

"We have a problem."
We crossed half the city.
we sat down
We changed our clothes,
we sat down
We were good

Do you notice how many times you used this combination? This what I first noticed when reading your story.

Perhaps 'on the other side of town' 'crouching behind a tree we changed clothes, then pretended to be young lovers perched on a park bench. Our act was so realistic, we almost convinced ourselves.' I think you get what I am trying to explain.

You still have so many words at your disposal. 300-154=146 words you could still use.

Good luck in the contest. I have fun with this contest. It is a real challenge to write a story with a 300 word limit

Write on!
NJ


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10
10
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing you on behalf of The Talent Pond.

Since you are new, there is really not a lot of information I can glean from this little bio you've posted. I read that you are a Taylor Swift fan, like comics and now are starting to read.

I applaud the fact you are reading, as any great writer has to first be a reader. Reading other writers is a good way to find out what and how to write. You find what you like, what you don't. You learn how to write, how to write well.

Other than some inconsistencies in that introductory sentence with capital letters, I find no real faults with your writing.

Take some time to explore Writing.com. Enter some contests. Enjoy your time here.

Write on!
NormaJean


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11
11
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

I am reviewing your work on behalf of The Talent Pond.

Congratulations on winning 2nd place in the contest. I like the characters you created. And the children had the right amount of indignation with the woman butting into line.

I really like the definition of 'vege-terriers'. Clever. People really do not know much about where their food comes from these days.

I found no critical errors in grammar or spelling, which I usually hone in on. A good job with the challenge presented to you.

Write on!
NJ


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12
12
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (2.0)

I am reviewing this article on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I'm not sure your motive for writing this article. Your bio is incomplete, so I'm not sure if the English monarchy is part of your heritage. As an American, I find the Royals fascinating. Perhaps dysfunctional at times, but always interesting to know of their comings and goings.

I had to actually look up the term 'pegging'. Hmm. Why would you even go down that 'rabbit hole'. Sorry, pun unintended.

Frankly, the entire article didn't appeal to me at all. Camilla got her prize, King Charles. She did not get the ultimate reward of being the Queen. But she will be well taken care of for the rest of her life. But what kind of life is that really.

As I see it, there are bigger issues at stake in the world. Perhaps addressing homelessness and gun violence and inflation would be a better use of writing talent than beating up the Royals 'across the pond'.

There were a few formatting issues. I would also appreciate perhaps a larger font used for easier reading.

Good luck in your time on WDC.
Write on,
NJ


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13
13
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)

I am reviewing your work on behalf of The Talent Pond.

This is a scripture reference directly from the Bible. If I could make some recommendations,
*Make the quotation marks at the beginning and end of the reference. Currently you only have them at the beginning.

*Don't write in all capital letters. It is hard to read, and on the internet, it is perceived as 'yelling', or at least it used to be.

*I think you have enough room to keep this all on one line. It would look neater if all were contained all in one line.

Thanks for referencing the Bible. Good luck going forward.

Write on!
NJ


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14
14
Review of Old Route 33  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)


I am reviewing your story on behalf of The Talent Pond. I have read your story, sort of a 'haunting', if you will.

I have a few ideas that might help this read a little smoother.

*The first few lines, you mention 'after school', and 'school out'. To me, that seemed redundant. You've already established that fact with the first mention. Perhaps a rewrite by placing this line they hopped on their bikes and headed for Old Route 33, a now defunct road that was a shortcut between the boy's two homes. before the mention of the work on the
go-kart. Now you put them on the road and headed to a destination.

*sore leg, which was now pounding from the impact. In my opinion, perhaps "throbbing" would be a more powerful adverb and a better word picture than pounding.

*Mom's statement "you were supposed to be home early tonight?" would be better served with an exclamation point at the end. I'm sure Billy knew, you made that clear, it wasn't a question. She is irritated.

*This entire sentence should be broken up, in my opinion: "Billy, why did you throw your bike out on the lawn, get down here and put it away; supper's ready.” Perhaps such as Billy, why did you throw your bike out on the lawn? Get down here and out it away! Supper's ready. Dad is just as miffed as mom.

*I'm sure this is an auto-correct problem: the home of his finance I know you meant 'fiancé'.

Some items for you to consider. This is an interesting ghost story. Thank you for letting me read.

Write on,
NormaJean


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15
15
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing this poem on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I am not a poet nor do I write poems that often. I found your work on the Read and Review site.

I like the work images, the hint of a storm brewing. An argument not quite settled, hints that it could be building, much like that thunderstorm that comes with the building of heat in the summer. I can smell the lilacs and coffee, feel the breeze that soon will be a gale.

I found nothing I would change.

Thanks and write on!


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16
16
Review of My Scars  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing your poem on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I am not a poet and don't often write poetry. But I found this little poem on 'Read & Review'. I found it touching, and so true. I also have many scars, physical and emotional. They are with me forever, unlike some people in my life that have come and gone.

You have said much in few words. Good job.

Write on!
NormaJean


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17
17
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I am reviewing your tale on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I see you entered this in the Magic Words Contest. It seems this piece reads like more of a planning piece than a work of fiction. I don't see any dialogue.

You have outlined some characters. You have worked out a timeline. You have described some settings. Now you need to flesh out a story, get the characters interacting, get them talking and living.

Why do we want to care about your characters? Why do we want to read about them and what they do, where they be at the end of their journey?

Good luck in your journey with this story.

NormaJean





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18
18
Review of paleo  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I will be reviewing your work on behalf of The Talent Pond

I was interested in your work when I saw you entered the Daily Flash Fiction contest. This story caught my attention when I checked your portfolio. The title intrigued me. 'Paleo'. Hmm. Let's see where this goes.

I found no problems with grammar, spelling, or form. I was led like a 'lamb to the slaughter' with this little tale. You sucked me into this right to the end.

Never saw that end coming. Good job. Gruesome, but interesting. I would perhaps change a small thing - #1, #2. Makes the numbering stand out better.

Thanks for the read.

NormaJean


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19
19
Review of Lab Rats  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reviewing your story on behalf of The Talent Pond.

This is a contest entry, with a very limited word count. So, that being established, every word has to have a purpose, a reason for existing in your story.

I think the reaction from the get-go is underrated. "One stretched and looked up from his work." To me, if there was a breach in the lab, there would be a greater reaction.

So, I thought of these: 'He leapt from the stool and yelled," Whoa..."...' Or Mark jumped off his stool and cried "Whoa!"

You've established a fun little scenario in just a few words. Other than the understated initial reaction, I found no errors.

Write on!


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20
20
Review of blog #2  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hi there. I found your Blog on the Read and Review section. Unfortunately, I think you are not alone when you state you feel anxious in a store. Perhaps it is the price increases, lack of staff, lack of choices, and then you state you were still pregnant in March. Well, that is not that long ago. Add all that to the fact we're getting into the Holiday season and dark days, everyone is a bit edgy now.

If I had to mention one thing, your use of this term: makes my anxiety just SORE through the roof. Anxiety cannot be sore. But anxiety can SOAR. Soar is perhaps what you mean. As in, out of control. off the charts.

I don't watch holiday movies. I don't do holiday anything. I wish I could go anywhere else this time of year. So I'm not the best one to comment on that part of your blog.

Good luck with your writing. WDC is a wonderful place to be. It has helped me through some tough times.
Write on!


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21
21
Review of Rhea of the Moon  
In affiliation with October Novel Prep Challenge G...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hmm, interesting. I saw that Rhea has a girlfriend, Mabel. But Mabel has a fiancé, Elijah. Well now that love triangle will be something to work on, lots of tension could be had. Unless Mabel is just a friend, and not a love interest. You mention a 'Rooklyn'. Is Rooklyn a male or female? Could Rooklyn be an alien or some other alternate life form?

I like the possibilities.


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22
22
In affiliation with October Novel Prep Challenge G...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Your 'What ifs' are interesting - but what if the church is that in name only? Find a goofy name for the 'church' which is not really a church. They have the tax-exempt status of an organization, but give the illusion of a church. And the 'nuns' are not really women who have taken the vow of celibacy and dedication to God as their husband.

Just some ideas I had as I read your ideas.

Write on! Keep thinking these good thoughts.


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23
23
Review of October prep sig  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love it! Be sure to use it during the OctoPrep challenge.
NJ
24
24
for entry "~Me and Food~" 
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing your blog. I am reviewing on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I too have a problem with eating while watching videos. Seems like I have to have something munchy, something crunchy. So If I limit myself to a bowl of the favorite snack of the week, usually crunchy chips, I try to not refill it. Or eat out of the bag.

Several years ago hubby and I started eating 2 meals a day. Breakfast then a main meal at 2 PM. Then a snack about 5 pm and nothing after 6 PM. I can do the main meals okay, but I often find myself eating a snack at 8 PM, 9 PM or later. Not good.

I also went gluten free, for the most part, several years ago. We eat very little gluten in our house. That helps with eight sometimes.

So, giving up for Lent. I'm a Christian. I don't see the value in that. Sacrifice should be daily, all year round, not just a 6 week period before Easter. But that's my opinion. People give up things for Lent then after Easter binge on what they gave up. Makes no sense to me. Jesus never asked us to do that. He asks us to change for the better.

I pray you have victory over your food issues. It is a hard battle, but it can be won. God Bless.
Norma


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25
25
Review of That Chair There  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Axton Gard ! I am reviewing your poem per your request. This review is affiliated with the Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: I find the rhyming amusing. I am not a poet, so I'm no expert on the rhyming structure.

My Favorite Part:

My Suggestions: There were a few points where I would make changes.
Chairs in all colors: red, blue, white and green. White is not a color. I like the sound of 'red, blue and green'. I'd delete white.
“That chair over there, that big chair that I see Too many 'thats'. Perhaps omit the last one.'
“That chair over there, that one that’s so wide.” Again, too many 'thats'. Maybe change or omit one 'that'.

My Favorite Part: The realization there is no turning back from decisions sometimes. I could see a fun illustration of a little child, boy or girl, turning into a chair.

You have an amusing poem. Reminds me vaguely of a Dr. Seuss rhyme, in a way. I don't know if that is intentional on your part. I would rewrite a few items, take out the repeated words, but other than that, not much else I would change.

Thank you for letting me review your work.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

NormaJean Queen *Crown*

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” Ernest Hemingway


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