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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/normajeantrent
Review Requests: ON
97 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to give friendly advice that I hope will help, not harm.
I'm good at...
I enjoy picking out spelling mistakes. Bad punctuation also bothers me.
Favorite Genres
Fiction
Least Favorite Genres
poetry, fan fiction, fantasy, anything erotic or about death, gay or lesbian
Favorite Item Types
flash fiction, short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
long stories, novels, poems, lyrics. I don't write them so I don't feel as though I can review them.
I will not review...
Anything erotic or with cruelty to people or animals. I will not review anything dealing with the gay/lesbian lifestyle.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Wake Up Mama!  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Somehow I knew that was the case with Mom. Only criticism I have is the use of Mom. Capital or not? You have it both ways - Mom and mom. I would decide which I would use and be consistent. Oh, and I think whisky is spelled 'whiskey'.

Sad for the kids, however. Heck of a deal but you know that happens all the time.

Keep Calm and Write On!
Queen Norma Jean *Crown*in Quarantine just a little while longer


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fun. I like this! So anyone who wants to compare you to a weed, well. Weeds have found a way to adapt. They thrive and survive when coddled plants have a hard time.

Thank you for the read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Greyson Dante  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello! Carly I am writing this review on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: I liked the beginning of this little tale, good characters to start.

My Favorite Part: Your description of the old man at the start. I can see that man in my mind's eye.

My Suggestions: I think you had a spelling typo. Should be dog whisperer, not whispered. Also, I think the number 30 should be spelled out. And then there were a few instances where the beginning of statements were not capitalized. Those are relatively minor fixes that can be changed with careful rereading.

There are the bare bones for a longer story here. It says this may become a mystery romance. So I can see that perhaps the little girl at the beginning is involved. You've given us the character. Good luck.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello! Silver Phoenix I am reviewing this piece of behalf of The Talent Pond. I first saw your request for reviews on the Newsfeed.

My Thoughts:So - as I started to read your work, I instantly was put off by this:
'She was close, she stepped forward, she would have to be, she was ready, she had trained she darted to, all she saw…. She, she, she did this, she did that. And then there was Her heart and her fingers and her dagger."

Pronouns instead of descriptions.

The same thing happened as you got down to introducing Leo. He and his are peppered throughout the paragraph introducting that character.

What if it went like this:
“Quickly glancing around to be sure the position was right, Ashrym stopped forward and edged carefully toward the bush, careful to be silent and stay in the cover…..Her heart was racing and slim fingers gipped the dagger’s hilt……

I think reworking this and eliminating some of the pronoun usage would help alot. More use of verbs show action, move the story along.

Another idea, use contractions for I am and It is - I’m and It’s. When I read the conversations aloud, those two words sound better when they are shortened, in my opinion.

From what I read, you have an interesting idea. Tweaking things a bit just may give life to the story. And wake up your muse!

So, that is my humble review. Take it or leave it. Everyone has their own style.

My Suggestions: Beyond what I wrote above, I would also do some editing on the spacing. There seems to be some work needed on the paragraphs. They seem to begin and end at weird intervals.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! Odessa Molinari smiling I am reviewing this story on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: I loved this little tale. What fun! It made me laugh.

My Favorite Part: The ending. Yep - seeing a flying pig will do that to a man! Did you know in Cincinnati, OH they have a park with statues of flying pigs? And I quote:
"They're up there singing the 'Hallelujah' chorus over all of their dead brethren that gave their life to the foundation of the great city of Cincinnati," Leicester said.
This was long before the Cincinnati Flying Pig Marathon or the "Big Pig Gig" art statues graced the streets of Cincinnati.
At the time, people mocked the pigs and questioned why the city would embrace the Porkopolis title.
But public art is about starting a conversation and building a civic identity.
Slowly, it seems, we have all gotten in on the joke.

"Cincinnati has got probably one of the most successful public artworks in the country," Leicester said.

My Suggestions: I was a bit put off by the local colloquialisms - but I figured out the words by the way you used them, so no harm, no foul.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, that is kind of dark. So maybe the first thing I would change would be the rating. Since you mention blood, brains being blown, kidnapped. Those sorts of things perhaps people would not want their children reading. I would maybe consider raising the rating on this poem to 13+.

That being said, I am intrigued by the mystery of this. Did you do it? Or was the brother murdered by someone else? Hmmm. There are clues, but first it says he was kidnapped but at the end I'm not sure.

I don't write poetry, so I'm not sure if this has a rhyme scheme, or if you intended it to be free verse. But you definitely tell a story.

I am writing this review on behalf of The Talent Pond. Welcome to Writing.com. We hope your stay here is enjoyable. We are a friendly group. You will find lots of support and encouragement on your journey.

Keep Calm and Write On!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown* just a little while longer


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Bee* Hello Agape Novels I am reviewing this on behalf of The Talent Pond.

*Bee* Thoughts: I thought this quite an unusual take on a parable. You have reworked the idea of a savior, this time using the Corona virus as sin. Interesting concept.

*Bee* Favorite Part: I guess the last line.

*Bee* Suggestions for You: So I found some errors in this work. Bear with me as I list them:
You start off by indenting the paragraphs, then suddenly you stop, then start again. For consistency, either indent or not.
Here there was vaccine I think there is a word missing.
In this line: They say, “I’m covered today” or “You better get covered for today” I think there needs to be a period at the end of each 'today'.
Numbers should be spelled out: 3 days later
I think here you meant completely? he was completed cure.
Two places you use a capital V- where other places you do not. The Virus
And here a past tense verb able to infected where I think you mean infect.

As you can see, there seems to be some more proofreading needed. I would suggest you read this aloud. See how it flows as you read. See if the dialogue sounds believable. You have the bare bones of a good idea, it just needs some more flesh to make it a great story.
Keep Calm and Write On!


Norma Jean *Crown* Queen *Bee*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Thoughts?  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hmmm - interesting idea. I am reviewing this on behalf of The Talent Pond.

This is a survey asking people to judge you based on no information about you. What a different concept. I found this on the review site.

I decided to answer with 'no thoughts' - since I didn't have any idea about Worker 1398 - just that this writer put out a very unusual survey.

So - I am unsure about how to review this. It is different. It is not a story - or an essay - you have to judge someone based on an arbitrary list of character traits. And you have never had contact with the person. So you throw a dart. And choose an answer at random.

Well - good luck with your survey. I'll give you an A for effort.

Keep Calm and Write On
Queen Norma Jean *Crown* in Quarantine just a little while longer
9
9
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (1.0)
Hello Rich.hi Well - you'll have to give us the owner's manual here. I am unable to decode this without the magic decoder ring.

So - that being said, welcome to Writing.com. We hope you feel welcome here and I look forward to reading your work in the future. And I hope I can understand your language next time. Perhaps you will give us non-native speakers lessons.

I have to give you a low rating because I can't read the story. Sorry about that. So translate for me, repost and I'll be glad to review this for you again.

Keep Calm and Write On!

Queen Norma Jean *Crown* in Quarantine just a little while longer


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Run Away  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Bee* Hello chantelle I am reviewing this on behalf of The Talent Pond.

*Bee* Thoughts: This small little tale seems to be about a traveler finding her way in a post-apocalyptic world. It read easily. It kept my attention, and the ending left me wanting more.

*Bee* Favorite Part: I guess the name of the protagonist. Genesis sounds good - a new start?

*Bee* Suggestions for You: I would suggest that you separate the dialogue lines. Currently you have all the lines bunched together. It might make for a better reading for your viewers. Your characters deserve to have their dialogue assigned their own lines, not shared by others. I hope that makes sense.

I'm always on the lookout for spelling and grammar, punctuation errors. I didn't see any glaring errors there.
These are my opinions. Everyone has their own style.

Keep Calm and Write On!


Norma Jean *Crown* Queen *Bee*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Why in the World?  
Rated: E | (5.0)
God did create the world to share with His creations. I like your take on God. God as a loving, kind being.

This reminds me of an old joke:
So a person tells God it isn't so hard to create a man. So they start. The person tells God he just needs some dirt. So God tells him, make your own dirt. Only God can create something from just thinking. That is why God is God.

I review this work on behalf on The Talent Pond. I see no glaring errors in spelling or punctuation or grammar that I would change.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Keep Calm and Write On!
Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of silence  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hi sherry6 I am reviewing this on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I like this little monologue. It speaks to me, as someone who is also a quiet person. I usually like my company better than most people. So sequestering during this pandemic is no big deal for me. We introverts are like that. But, as you point out, we need to get out and be among others at times. We are social animals.

So, that being said, on with what I saw in the nuts and bolts of what you wrote.

Spelling is a big deal for me. I noticed this = Threw - through. Usage in English is tricky.
Also, are parentheses at the end really needed? Just add the line. With my dogs. That would be a good way to end this, in my opinion.

But overall, I liked your little piece. Good job. Welcome to Writing.com A fun little place to meet people passionate about writing.

Keep Calm and Write On
Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! AJW I am reviewing this on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: You seemed to hit all the prompts. Good job there.

My Favorite Part: The ending. Got to say, I didn't see that coming.

My Suggestions: I think I would change the wording on the first line to match the noun, i.e. there are a lot of odd things versus there is a lot of odd things.

Then perhaps separate the lines of dialogue where the shop keeper and Mark are interacting. As it is now, they are on the same line. Even though the punctuation separates them, it seems like the same person is talking.

So, good job making a fun little story. Take my little hints or not. Everyone has their own style.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
How did you read my mind? I have naturally curly hair and it IS the bane of my existence. I have hated it since childhood. It is only since being a mature (ahem) adult that I have grown to accept it. Never had a perm, never used rollers, never had to spend hours in a beauty parlor. My aren't you lucky,.....Yeah heard it all.

So I too now keep it short. Easier. Wash and dry. Just like your story.

Thanks for making me smile. But I think the term I would use, if I could change one thing about this, is 'naturally curly'.

Write On!
Queen Norma Jean *Crown*

(Quoted to me as a child: There was once was a girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very, very good, but when she was bad she was horrid.) Ha!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Earthset  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love it! Give me a real book any day! Good luck in the contest.

Keep Calm and Write On!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! Soare

My Thoughts: Welcome to Writing.com. I am reviewing this piece on behalf of The Talent Pond. It seems like this is a tale of Charlie who is trying to deal with some bad memories.

My Favorite Part: The image "sleep was miles away from Charlie's eyes". I like the sound of that.

My Suggestions: There were some problems with spelling. the silver picture fra,e. = I'm sure this was supposed to be frame. His heart was aching and he wants to cry = I think this might read better if it was he wanted - past tense.
Then when it says the distance between them increase. = perhaps you meant increased. When the old man says "You might have watching horror movies in night. = it seems like a word is missing.

These are just some points I noticed as I read your piece. I am a nerd when it comes to spelling and grammar. I view those as important items to correct before I send out a piece, especially for a contest.

But those are just my personal opinions. Take them or leave them. Everyone has their own style.

Welcome to Writing.com. This is a great site to explore and post your writing. I know I love it!
Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! blueflowers777 I am writing this review on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: This little tale states that Dad tells stories that keep Judy up past her bedtime. But from what I read, the story is way too short.

My Favorite Part: The way Tommy turned colors. Some people have a fondness for M&Ms of different colors. Same idea but you took it in a different direction.

My Suggestions: Perhaps the paragraphs could be neatened up, the spacing seems to be off. A small thing I know but it threw me off when I read it. I think maybe you could insert something about the story going on and on, and then Mom asking what time it is. As it reads now, that comment is just inserted and doesn't seem to fit. But these are just my observations. Perhaps you ran out of word count, since I see this is a contest entry.

Thank you for letting me read your work.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of God's Back Yard  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! Penny I am writing this review on behalf of The Talent Pond. Because you wrote such a kind review of my Flash Fiction, I thought I would visit your portfolio. And I found this little jewel!

My Thoughts: I thought this was lovely. I lost my beloved dog, Bonnie, last year. So this touched my heart. It is hard to lose a pet.

My Favorite Part: Dillon's last sentence. Great line.

My Suggestions: I always look for spelling, grammar and punctuation. But perhaps I would add some tears - this is a bad event - would this child be crying? Should this child be crying? Did you have enough words left to do this? But then, I am emotional and I cry buckets just reading about someone else's dog dying. This is just my opinion, take it or leave it.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Enrichment  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kudos for winning the Writer's Cramp.

I am. therefore, I think. Ah.... if everyone could only do a little more thinking.

I have no criticisms of this piece. I see nothing I could do to make this better. Good writing.

Thank you.

Keep Calm and Write On!

Queen Norma Jean *Crown* in Quarantine









*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of New Places  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Thanks for letting me review this little tale for The Talent Pond. I see that this is a Flash Fiction entry.
Since this is constrained by the contest to less than 300 words, it was not really allowed to be developed to its full potential, in my opinion.

There was a disconnect in the action and the resolution at the end. I'm not sure why the family had to find a new place to live. Not enough information is given to the reader. It seems like you had a few more words you could have used to perhaps given us a few clues. And in my opinion, the line about 'toast' just didn't ring true. It was there for a reason but what was the reason? Was it a clue? A secret message?

I always look for punctuation and spelling. I didn't see any glaring errors in your work. These are just my opinions, so use them as you see fit. Thanks for your time.

Keep Calm and Write On
Queen Norma Jean *Crown* in Quarantine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Smells Like Paint  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! Jacky I am reviewing you on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: I am sure this was an entry for the Flash Fiction contest. I like the references to movies, popular culture.

My Favorite Part: The last line is perfect.

My Suggestions: Perhaps I would change the line "It smells chemically.". That doesn't work for me. Paint can't smell in the sense that we can smell is how I read that. I would maybe write it "It has a chemical smell" or for a work count "It's a chemical smell". That's just my opinion, take it or leave it. That is the only criticism I have in an otherwise wonderful little piece of writing!

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of MARCH  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing this poem on behalf of The Talent Pond.

Seems like you did a good job with an Acrostic poem. I like the images.

Boy, didn't March come in like a lion this year! It surely did throw the world into a tailspin.

Thank you.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Mystery At Dawn  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello! AJBurchell Thank you for letting me review this little tale on behalf of the Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: This started out innocently enough but sure did take a dark turn!

My Favorite Part: Your surprise ending. Didn't see that coming.

My Suggestions: I can't think of anything I would change. Except I want to know what was in the satchel......

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello! Official Malfunction I am reviewing this piece on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: This is considered a prologue. I'm not sure what the final work is to be. There is really not enough information about what is coming after this little bit of a tease.

My Favorite Part: The mystery that leaves the reader wanting more.

My Suggestions: I am a stickler for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. I see there are some mistakes in this piece in several areas. Perhaps you should proofread again and correct a few errors. If you would like to know the specifics, I would be glad to let you know what I saw on my first reading. Again, this is my first impression. There is potential here for an intriguing prologue.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! Bubblegum Jones I am reviewing this chapter on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: It seems we've stumbled upon a feud in the widget factory. Interesting idea.

My Favorite Part: The Undertaker's method of obtaining cigarettes.

My Suggestions: I have a hard time with the possesive being used in error - "to be the Undertaker who's nick-name" - is one example. I'm sure you meant 'whose'. Also, sometimes you capitalize Undertake, sometimes you don't. There are also some other errors you will find if you reread this carefully. Once again, these are just my opinions. You use this information as you see fit.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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