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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/normajeantrent
Review Requests: ON
248 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to give friendly advice that I hope will help, not harm.
I'm good at...
I enjoy picking out spelling mistakes. Bad punctuation also bothers me.
Favorite Genres
Fiction
Least Favorite Genres
poetry, fan fiction, fantasy, anything erotic or about death, gay or lesbian
Favorite Item Types
flash fiction, short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
long stories, novels, poems, lyrics. I don't write them so I don't feel as though I can review them.
I will not review...
Anything erotic or with cruelty to people or animals. I will not review anything dealing with the gay/lesbian lifestyle.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Visitor  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Rewrite ! I am reviewing your short story on behalf of The Talent Pond. The first thing I noticed was your classification of this as Flash Fiction. While usually Flash Fiction is a very short little bit of a story, under 1,000 words typically, this story runs over that limit. The Daily Flash Fiction contest on Writing.com is limited to 300 words.

My Thoughts: An interesting idea to have a bored child entertain a baby with a monster. Was it a dream? Did it really happen?

My Favorite Part: When the baby started squealing with joy at the bright colors, sounds, movement of the monster and brother in battle. Babies will do that.

My Suggestions:
bobby’s sister. You need to capitalize Bobby.
Bobby gaped Not sure what word 'gaped' was to be.
When his hand met the edge of the glowing circle he noticed the circle was elevated above the rest of the creature’s back. He placed his hand on it and pushed down softly. I think there needs to be a comma after the first mention of circle.
“I got done with my call early so you’re done!”Perhaps use a different word than 'done' one of the times. Maybe like this = I've finished my call early, so you're done."
started sucking on a small smooth rock with glowing lines As a mother I shudder to think of a baby sucking on a small rock. Choking hazard and all that.

Flash fiction is all about telling a tight story. Use contractions, 'I'm', 'can't', you know the ones. Take out unnecessary words such as 'and'. Those ideas will help bring down the word count.

Good luck with the story. Interesting concept, for sure!

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Norma Jean Queen *Crown*

"Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink." Stephen King






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2
2
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there! I'm reviewing on behalf of The Talent Pond.

First of all, quite a curious cast of characters! The line about the man from St. Ives reminded me of a poem, or it could be! But I was put off by all the parentheses. I think you could have better results with this without them.

I love the story about Alastor. Funny. Jack's story mentioned 'vaguely starving' clothes. Not sure how that would apply to clothing.

But overall, entertaining. I can envision this group. I love traveling by train and the associations you make that are fleeting.


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3
3
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I found this article while doing a search for new members on Writing.com. I am reviewing your article as part of a challenge for the Wonderland contest.

Let me first explain that I am not a technical writer. I have no interest in the topic you write about. My interest in this article is strictly in the art of your writing.

To be taken seriously, your writing for anyone should be impeccable. Spelling, grammar, all should be proofread before you send it out to the public. You can use a program such as 'grammarly' if you are not comfortable with any part of proofreading.

So, my recommendations:
Take a bowl of soapy water and blow a bit of pure oxygen through it, the resulting bubbles can be pulled across the surface by a strong magnet. If you don't have pure oxygen handy, use hair spray, this time the bubbles will have no oxygen and will be pushed away from the magnet, by the oxygen in the air moving towards the magnet. I find this to be two run-on sentences. So, maybe this could be:
Take a bowl of soapy water. Blow a bit of pure oxygen through it. The resulting bubbles can be pulled across the surface by a strong magnet. If you don't have pure oxygen handy, use hair spray. This time the bubbles will have no oxygen, and will be pushed away from the magnet by the oxygen in the air moving toward the magnet.

wikipedia The correct term is Wikipedia - capital W.
trucksYou should use truck's - showing possession.
throneI think you meant to use thrown.
into the engine. Where it willPerhaps, you should say: ...into the engine, where it will...

Like I stated, I am not criticizing the information you posted, I am reviewing the spelling and grammar. I wish you all the best in your writing.

May your time here at Writing.com be fruitful. Good luck and Write.on.
















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4
4
Review of Armageddon  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Well hello. I noticed you are a new member here on Writing.com. I am reviewing this short fiction on behalf of a challenge for the Wonderland contest.

I like short fiction. I participate often in the Daily Flash Fiction contest. Not to brag, but I've won my fair share.

This is fun. I don't know if there were prompts, but it has drama. A story all wapped up in 26 words. You gave us the problem, then we wait for the end. We know it's coming, but hope somehow it won't.

I don't think I would change anything. You could enlarge it a bit. But if this is length you were going for, it has enough merit to stand as is.

Write on!
Queen Norma Jean *Crown*


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5
5
for entry "Queen Alice: Endgame
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations on finishing! I did this challenge last year and so enjoyed it I am doing it again. I love all the challenges. But I have to say the Madlib was the one I had the most trouble with. It was just so fiddly.

I am not a chess player, so chess references are lost on me. But I will continue on. I take the same strategy you advise - one task at a time. You can get overwhelmed with all the assignments. But if you take them a step at a time, suddenly you are at the end. Voila! Game over and you win!

Again, congratulations. Job well done.



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6
6
Review of March 1st, 2056  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing this piece on behalf of 'The Talent Pond'.

Some items I noticed on a first read-through;

These lines:
1.It has come to the attention of several reputable world leaders that the parasites are indigenous to North America specifically, and originated here.
Per internet dictionary: Originating or occurring naturally in a particular place; native.
So why did you add the information: originated here? That's the definition of indigenous.
2.All work on a potential cure has been scrapped, as it’s been rendered ineffective. The new estimated release date is February 20th, but that may be delayed.
. If the cure has been scrapped, why is the new release date mentioned?

I like the way this reads as a journal. I would add a few bits of the plan Natalie has formed. But not enough to give away the entire idea. Leave a little mystery. I would stop right before she institutes the plan. Let the readers use their imagination.

A sequel could maybe take place later, if you find enough interest in this. If not, let it stand alone on its own merits.

Thank you for letting me read your work.

Write on!


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7
7
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey! Great little puzzle. This was fun. Thanks.

Queen NormaJean
8
8
Review of Oakwood House  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Triker_Si ! I am reviewing your entry on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: I see this is Chapter One of what you perhaps want to have as a bigger work. It might work with some more 'work' on your part.

My Favorite Part: I have to say, I didn't have a favorite part. I was still wanting a favorite part but I reached the end of your story.

My Suggestions: I had a hard time reading this.
For example:

The house still showed signs of the original grandeur, although the paintwork was now faded and flaking.
The over grown grounds, had more in common with the countryside meadow, then the well kept garden it had once been.
The formatting seems to be off. The sentences need to follow each other. Then, a comma after grounds seems to be out of place.
The gates that lead marked the end of the grounds, were rusty and had a large chain and padlock upon them.
I was confused by the statement: "the gates that lead". It didn't seem to work. And again, the formatting seemed out of whack.
In front of them stood Charles Rothschild, Perhaps a period is needed here? he just bought the house at auction with out seeing it.
A house like this would normally sell for a million plus.
And yet this house went for his maiden bid of two hundred and twenty thousand pounds.
. These sentences need to be formatted, like I said.

Let me redo this for an example.

Chapter one - The house

The house still showed signs of the original grandeur, although the paintwork was now faded and flaking.
The over grown grounds, had more in common with the countryside meadow, then the well kept garden it had once been.

The gates that lead marked the end of the grounds, were rusty and had a large chain and padlock upon them. In front of them stood Charles Rothschild. He just bought the house at auction with out seeing it. A house like this would normally sell for a million plus. And yet this house went for his maiden bid of two hundred and twenty thousand pounds.

All I did was group the sentences into a paragraph to make it readable. So this is the advice I have for the story. Go back over this and rework it. As it reads now, it seems choppy and disjointed. Perhaps that is the way you intended it?

You have your own style. I have just suggested some redos.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Norma Jean Queen of Grneyes *Crown*

"Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink." Stephen King





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9
9
Review of Paranoid Farmer  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reviewing this story on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I found this little tale amusing. Fun read.

However, I would work something into the story about the potatoes and corn working together. You mention that in the beginning. That would add additional humor. And I think you have the words available. You don't mention your word count, but I'm pretty sure the Writer's Cramp allows 500.

Another point - appolagised - is misspelled. Apologized is correct. It's one thing to spell dialect differently, but this word needs to be spelled correctly.

This story has even more potential to be really very funny.

Thank you for the read.

Write on!


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10
10
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
First of all let me say congratulations for beating the beast. Glad that you are better and now now on the mend.

About your essay. These are my opinions:

I think I would use the correct term for this - Covid-19.

This line: We used precautions in the car (masks, open windows, and coughing my brains out into my jacket) Perhaps I would not use the parentheses. To me they are not needed, commas are enough.

Another item that kind of bothered me were the exclamation points. You should save them for strong feelings. You used them twice in one sentence. I understand how terrible it was to not taste food. I had that same experience after brain surgery for a few months. I couldn't smell, so as a result I couldn't taste. Weird. But anyway, perhaps one exclamation point is enough? Just a thought.

Those are my ideas. You have your own style.

Good luck in your recovery. We look forward to more writing from you coming our way soon. And don't worry about your house. Cleaning is highly overrated, in my opinion. *Smile*


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11
11
Review of What's in a Word  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ha! This is great. I love the word play. You deserve the win.

I saw nothing in this I would change. Good job with the prompt.

Write on!


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12
12
Review of Newlyweds  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The usual routine is run out and 'buy bread, milk and eggs'. I think everyone in storm mode thinks they will make French toast. Weird, since the power usually goes off. Love this.


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13
13
Review of Going Under  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Okay, you state this is a poem. Is this the form of a poem? Seems more like a short, short story, or monologue to me.

So I am reviewing and I see that your usage of the word "loose" seems a little wonky. "I feel my lungs loose air" Did you mean "lose"? Then before that "it's such a bare". What is meant by ""bare"?

Sorry to be such a nudge, but when reading something this short all the words really need to correct, as does all the punctuation, grammar, etc.

You have a good idea, just work a little on the execution. Those are my thoughts, you have your own style.

Welcome to Writing.com. Write on!


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14
14
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ha! More relevant now than when you composed it!

I like the rhythm. Kind of a catchy little tune if you sing it!


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15
15
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hellos Daniel Johnston - I am reviewing your work on behalf of The Talent Pond.

The first thing I noticed when I started reading was the abrupt change in formatting. I would keep the article all in one font. You evidently started in one font and then added information in another font? It is easy enough to change by just doing a copy all and applying the new font in an edit.

You mention '50 per day'. I think you should define the amount paid. Is it more or less than us Westerners would think a child should earn? I know what the answer will be, but you perhaps need to present the evidence.

The mention is made of young women with their midriffs exposed. And they were pure muscle. I would extend that observation to the males also to not make that a remark that might seem purely sexist, as though you were looking only at the females. That is my opinion based on the fact I am female.

Voluble is perhaps not the right word in that context: (of a person) talking fluently, readily, or incessantly.
"a voluble game-show host".
That is the definition found online. You used it in reference to hammers. Hammers are of course inanimate objects.

I like this article. It gives good information, good descriptions. I have given my observations. You have your own style, so change it or not. It is up to you.

Write on!

Queen NormaJean

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.



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16
16
Review of Turkey Day  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your give and take dialogue. If I could change one thing about this, it would be the formatting.

I would up the font - try 3.5 - it's above the box when insert your story. And then another problem is the words seem to run together. I would insert a line between the speakers. That would separate and make it easier to read, in my opinion.

But this sounds like an actual phone conversation. Well done. Good luck in the contest.

Write on!


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17
17
Review of The Mirror  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a very strange story. I'm not sure I understand it. But then, sometimes you don't understand an author's intent or message.

I don't note anything about this I would change. I don't love this but then again, I don't hate it either.

So there you go. You have your own style. Keep on writing.



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18
18
Review of Him and Her  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found your poem on Read and Review. I am reviewing on behalf of The Talent Pond.

First off, let me tell you I don't often review poetry. I don't write it or usually understand the stanza rules, the sometimes nonsense of it all.

But your poem somehow spoke to me. This to me is about two damaged souls finding each other, and trying to make it work. They understand neither of them is perfect, but somehow they will make their pairing the best it can be. First they have to let go of some baggage, so to speak.

I think you did a good job of expressing the emotion of a complicated relationship.

Thank you for letting me review your poem.



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19
19
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing this article on behalf of The Talent Pond. Let me first state that I am reviewing the writing skill here, not the technology. I have no expertise in electronics, electricity, wireless workings or physics. However, I do like to write.

So here goes:
I the first paragraph, you used the word 'would've' twice. Maybe change that up. Perhaps the second use could be changed to 'might have' ? And the parentheses I don't think are necessary.

The second paragraph has two exclamation points. I would save those for really important information. Did they need to be there? Twice?

In the third paragraph you again use a parentheses, needed? I don't think so. Commas are just as good here.

The fourth paragraph has C.E. in parentheses, it needs to be as I wrote it. C.E.

In the final paragraph, I personally think that sentence is too long. I would break it up. Perhaps like this: "I want this to be a reality. Someone who works at NASA, please tell the appropriate department to start working on this. Start using artificial space satellites to harness energy from the sun, then transfer that energy back to Earth." But that is just my style.

So interesting read. I never knew this information about Tesla. He definitely was a man with interesting ideas.

Good luck and Write on!




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20
20
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Well, I have to say I didn't see that ending coming. Pretty evil little guy.
To review:
I would start new lines with each new character. The breeder gets attention that way. The mother gets attention. It also lets the reader know who is talking and makes for an easier read.

So -
“Heh… ummmmm,” intoned.......

Mother devoured the sight......

Billy looked through the.....

The breeder shivered.....

I think you get the idea. Each character is introduced and once they are finished, the next is introduced with a new paragraph.

I like the fact that the breeder had a sense that this boy was a little weird. He somehow knew this puppy would come to no good end. Like I said, you created an evil Billy.

So those are are my suggestions. You have your own style. Write on!

Queen NormaJean on behalf of The Talent Pond


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21
21
Review of Desperate Days  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello jaya ! I am reviewing your piece on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: You've written a third person narration of a lady going about her chores during this Covid-19 pandemic.

My Favorite Part: The annoying routine some of us now are forced to perform. Removing masks, removing clothes, cleaning every item as we enter our homes as if everything were radioactive.

My Suggestions:Did you deliberately misspell 'corona' for the virus? I would stick with the correct spelling, it would be less confusing. 'Clean swept' seems like an awkward term. If the gold was stolen, perhaps use that term instead. Or choose another: purloined, lifted, swiped, pilfered, looted. I perhaps would write this from the first person POV, add some dialogue to make this more animated.

These are just my suggestions. You have your own style. The main thing is to write!

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Norma Jean Queen of Grneyes *Crown*

"Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink." Stephen King





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22
22
Review of Hospital Buddies  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice little story. Amazing how this scourge is no longer with us because of vaccination. And no one wants to vaccinate anymore for it?

Well, the story was well-written. I see that you missed some quotation marks. But a quick review will indicate to you where those are needed.

Good job. I see you won the contest that day. Congratulations.



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23
23
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very nice. I like this poem. I usually don't review or write poetry. I never understood the rhyming, the message you were supposed to find in them.

But you have given us a little gem.

Since this is a review, I have a little problem with this:
You killed it's spirit = it's should be its
If you write it out, it would be "you killed it is spirit" or "you killed it has spirit" and I don't think that is what you want. Common mistake; we want to make that a possessive contraction, but it doesn't work that way with that word.

Well done, thank you for letting me read this.




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24
24
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Ahhhh.....some evil carnie person perhaps? Those that take your ticket on the rides that look like they haven't bathed in a few days, the only clothes they own are the shirts the owners of the carnival provide as uniforms....those sort of people. I've worked with a few like that. They live on the fringes, so to say. Not really homeless but not really members of society, if that makes sense.

I still like where you are heading with this story.


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25
25
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Congratulations on your win! Now you are a step closer to NaNoWriMo success!

But since this is a review, I have a few suggestions:
To me, this sounded awkward. I know what you meant. Passing out tickets, giving traffic tickets, that sort of thing. reputation for ticket handing.

First you use the term '70s then later the 1920s and 1930s. I would do either one way or the other.

So, just a few little niggly items that caught my attention. Nothing major.

Best of luck going forward!


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