Thanks for the request of reviewing your work. I take that as an honor. Perhaps the first thing I would do would be to make this more readable. When you 'create a new item', you can change the text size and font. These are two options at the top of the blank space your work is inserted. A box with "SSS" is the 'size' and the box with "F" is the font. I try to always use size 3.5 and font Verdana. Those make things easier to read. Also spacing between each paragraph, each character's speech makes life easier for the reader.
Okay, now, to the nuts and bolts.
First few lines:
Ben, is coming down the stairs in a white bath robe, "morning. Busy day?"
"Yes." I garb my keys. "I'll be in and out of the office all day. I've got to see about that trip. Herding cats."
I also use Grammarly and it spotted three errors. Ben should be capitalized. Bathrobe should be one word. (Maybe, I'd argue that one.) and grab is misspelled.
How many will you kill this time." Is this a question? If so, there needs to be question mark at the end.
reread the tender I'm not sure what tender is. Probably a paper by the information given so far, but I don't know for sure.
Then I read further:
Leave a card." settling down with my feet I am confused as to how you got from the conversation on the phone, and I am assuming it's one of those 'speak and the phone dials' deals, to your feet on the desk. A few more verbs maybe are in order.
Possessive of Venus is Venus' since the word ends in an S. I think you can safely leave Carbon Dioxide as carbon dioxide.
Two professors, eight taught masters students, three PhD. Students one lab tech/specialist, and two undergraduates.. I am not sure what this sentence is doing here. And Grammarly states it should be Ph.D.
collogues Did you colleagues? As in co-workers?
not wast peoples time." that did not put her on the defensive as much as I would have liked.
'wast' should be waste. Peoples time should be people's as time belongs to the people, a possessive. And 'that' should be capitalized after that quote, I believe.
"tell me professor, when you inspected the ship, did its KATE number match all the safety documents? Do you even know where to find a ships KATE number? Have you even seen the ship. A big part of the role of a SESO is to do all of this boring but essential safety work for you." I could have added you need me, but that would be a bit much.
"I'm sorry about the cat herder quip, I meant nothing by it, You must know that, that you are refired to in academic circles." Alright, tell should be capitalized, ships should be ship's. Refired is curious. Did you mean 'referred'?
Have you even seen the ship. Perhaps you need a question mark, and perhaps even to ever?
Now as you can note, we are not even halfway through your story, and there are many errors. But continuing on:
That it is like him planing and then taking his class on an unsupervised trip to a third world fireworks factory." thinking I might have over done it I added "You're a good scientist. Wide open to all the possibilities, but still able to focus on a minute detail to the exclusion of every thing else. But If the thing you are ignoring is a leopard, you will need someone watching your back. Whilst you watch the butterfly's."
'planing' is planning? Grammarly won't pick that up because it is spelled properly, but used incorrectly.
'thinking I might have over done it I added : I would work on this little bit between the statements:Thinking I might have overdone it, I added,
Butterflies is the plural of that noun.
their professor. How long have you been speaking for? Their is not the word you want, often confused. You want there. And I never, ever, end a sentence with a preposition. Unless you think your character would do that.
Toward the end now:
I am seeing again: not capitalizing the first word in a conversation. The word 'planing' instead of planning, Seamed instead of seemed.
She hung up on me, "Tony. Do you believe that? She hung up on me." Suddenly there is another character in the room. Where did he come from? Previously you stated she went to the com unit.
So my advice, and I know I was very specific on many things, is to go over this again. Change the spelling. Change the punctuation. It has a good basic premise for a story. But the fiddly little problems make it annoying for me to read.
Try reinstalling Grammarly. The corrections it suggests are usually spot-on.
Thanks for asking me to review this. Good luck.