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406 Public Reviews Given
473 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to give friendly advice that I hope will help, not harm.
I'm good at...
I enjoy picking out spelling mistakes. Bad punctuation also bothers me.
Favorite Genres
Fiction
Least Favorite Genres
poetry, fan fiction, fantasy, anything erotic or about death, gay or lesbian
Favorite Item Types
flash fiction, short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
long stories, novels, poems, lyrics. I don't write them so I don't feel as though I can review them.
I will not review...
Anything erotic or with cruelty to people or animals. I will not review anything dealing with the gay/lesbian lifestyle.
Public Reviews
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76
76
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
This is great. Thanks for all you do. It should be required reading for everyone.


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77
77
Review of Style Master  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello DANCINGLLAMA9000 . I am reviewing this essay/chapter on behalf of The Talent Pond.

As I read this introduction to your character, Kyle, I tried to envision the person. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough description for me to form an opinion of a real character.

Some things I did see that bothered me:
This sentence read a little 'wonky' for me. 'since' and 'but' don't work well together. Leave out one or the other. And the word 'with'. That is awkward as well. It's a preposition and it's always tricky to end a clause or sentence with a preposition.

Since he couldn’t get a job with martial arts, but he did get a job doing something that he also did very well with, style.

I would perhaps rewrite this as:
'Kyle couldn't get a job in the martial arts, but he did get a job. And he did that job with style.' Or something to that effect.

Don't be afraid to punctuate. Use commas. Use periods. Vary your sentence length. Give us more about Kyle. Make us want to like the character. You will soon find your own style.

Good luck with your writing. Welcome to Writing.com.


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78
78
Review of The Visitor  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Rewrite ! I am reviewing your short story on behalf of The Talent Pond. The first thing I noticed was your classification of this as Flash Fiction. While usually Flash Fiction is a very short little bit of a story, under 1,000 words typically, this story runs over that limit. The Daily Flash Fiction contest on Writing.com is limited to 300 words.

My Thoughts: An interesting idea to have a bored child entertain a baby with a monster. Was it a dream? Did it really happen?

My Favorite Part: When the baby started squealing with joy at the bright colors, sounds, movement of the monster and brother in battle. Babies will do that.

My Suggestions:
bobby’s sister. You need to capitalize Bobby.
Bobby gaped Not sure what word 'gaped' was to be.
When his hand met the edge of the glowing circle he noticed the circle was elevated above the rest of the creature’s back. He placed his hand on it and pushed down softly. I think there needs to be a comma after the first mention of circle.
“I got done with my call early so you’re done!”Perhaps use a different word than 'done' one of the times. Maybe like this = I've finished my call early, so you're done."
started sucking on a small smooth rock with glowing lines As a mother I shudder to think of a baby sucking on a small rock. Choking hazard and all that.

Flash fiction is all about telling a tight story. Use contractions, 'I'm', 'can't', you know the ones. Take out unnecessary words such as 'and'. Those ideas will help bring down the word count.

Good luck with the story. Interesting concept, for sure!

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Norma Jean Queen *Crown*

"Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink." Stephen King






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79
79
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there! I'm reviewing on behalf of The Talent Pond.

First of all, quite a curious cast of characters! The line about the man from St. Ives reminded me of a poem, or it could be! But I was put off by all the parentheses. I think you could have better results with this without them.

I love the story about Alastor. Funny. Jack's story mentioned 'vaguely starving' clothes. Not sure how that would apply to clothing.

But overall, entertaining. I can envision this group. I love traveling by train and the associations you make that are fleeting.


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80
80
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I found this article while doing a search for new members on Writing.com. I am reviewing your article as part of a challenge for the Wonderland contest.

Let me first explain that I am not a technical writer. I have no interest in the topic you write about. My interest in this article is strictly in the art of your writing.

To be taken seriously, your writing for anyone should be impeccable. Spelling, grammar, all should be proofread before you send it out to the public. You can use a program such as 'grammarly' if you are not comfortable with any part of proofreading.

So, my recommendations:
Take a bowl of soapy water and blow a bit of pure oxygen through it, the resulting bubbles can be pulled across the surface by a strong magnet. If you don't have pure oxygen handy, use hair spray, this time the bubbles will have no oxygen and will be pushed away from the magnet, by the oxygen in the air moving towards the magnet. I find this to be two run-on sentences. So, maybe this could be:
Take a bowl of soapy water. Blow a bit of pure oxygen through it. The resulting bubbles can be pulled across the surface by a strong magnet. If you don't have pure oxygen handy, use hair spray. This time the bubbles will have no oxygen, and will be pushed away from the magnet by the oxygen in the air moving toward the magnet.

wikipedia The correct term is Wikipedia - capital W.
trucksYou should use truck's - showing possession.
throneI think you meant to use thrown.
into the engine. Where it willPerhaps, you should say: ...into the engine, where it will...

Like I stated, I am not criticizing the information you posted, I am reviewing the spelling and grammar. I wish you all the best in your writing.

May your time here at Writing.com be fruitful. Good luck and Write.on.
















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81
81
Review of Armageddon  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Well hello. I noticed you are a new member here on Writing.com. I am reviewing this short fiction on behalf of a challenge for the Wonderland contest.

I like short fiction. I participate often in the Daily Flash Fiction contest. Not to brag, but I've won my fair share.

This is fun. I don't know if there were prompts, but it has drama. A story all wapped up in 26 words. You gave us the problem, then we wait for the end. We know it's coming, but hope somehow it won't.

I don't think I would change anything. You could enlarge it a bit. But if this is length you were going for, it has enough merit to stand as is.

Write on!
Queen Norma Jean *Crown*


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82
82
for entry "Queen Alice: Endgame" 
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations on finishing! I did this challenge last year and so enjoyed it I am doing it again. I love all the challenges. But I have to say the Madlib was the one I had the most trouble with. It was just so fiddly.

I am not a chess player, so chess references are lost on me. But I will continue on. I take the same strategy you advise - one task at a time. You can get overwhelmed with all the assignments. But if you take them a step at a time, suddenly you are at the end. Voila! Game over and you win!

Again, congratulations. Job well done.



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83
83
Review of March 1st, 2056  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing this piece on behalf of 'The Talent Pond'.

Some items I noticed on a first read-through;

These lines:
1.It has come to the attention of several reputable world leaders that the parasites are indigenous to North America specifically, and originated here.
Per internet dictionary: Originating or occurring naturally in a particular place; native.
 So why did you add the information: originated here? That's the definition of indigenous.
2.All work on a potential cure has been scrapped, as it’s been rendered ineffective. The new estimated release date is February 20th, but that may be delayed.
. If the cure has been scrapped, why is the new release date mentioned?

I like the way this reads as a journal. I would add a few bits of the plan Natalie has formed. But not enough to give away the entire idea. Leave a little mystery. I would stop right before she institutes the plan. Let the readers use their imagination.

A sequel could maybe take place later, if you find enough interest in this. If not, let it stand alone on its own merits.

Thank you for letting me read your work.

Write on!


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84
84
Review of Oakwood House  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Triker_Si ! I am reviewing your entry on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: I see this is Chapter One of what you perhaps want to have as a bigger work. It might work with some more 'work' on your part.

My Favorite Part: I have to say, I didn't have a favorite part. I was still wanting a favorite part but I reached the end of your story.

My Suggestions: I had a hard time reading this.
For example:

The house still showed signs of the original grandeur, although the paintwork was now faded and flaking.
The over grown grounds, had more in common with the countryside meadow, then the well kept garden it had once been.
 The formatting seems to be off. The sentences need to follow each other. Then, a comma after grounds seems to be out of place.
The gates that lead marked the end of the grounds, were rusty and had a large chain and padlock upon them.
I was confused by the statement: "the gates that lead". It didn't seem to work. And again, the formatting seemed out of whack.
In front of them stood Charles Rothschild, Perhaps a period is needed here? he just bought the house at auction with out seeing it.
A house like this would normally sell for a million plus.
And yet this house went for his maiden bid of two hundred and twenty thousand pounds.. These sentences need to be formatted, like I said.

Let me redo this for an example.

Chapter one - The house

The house still showed signs of the original grandeur, although the paintwork was now faded and flaking.
The over grown grounds, had more in common with the countryside meadow, then the well kept garden it had once been.

The gates that lead marked the end of the grounds, were rusty and had a large chain and padlock upon them. In front of them stood Charles Rothschild. He just bought the house at auction with out seeing it. A house like this would normally sell for a million plus. And yet this house went for his maiden bid of two hundred and twenty thousand pounds.

All I did was group the sentences into a paragraph to make it readable. So this is the advice I have for the story. Go back over this and rework it. As it reads now, it seems choppy and disjointed. Perhaps that is the way you intended it?

You have your own style. I have just suggested some redos.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Norma Jean Queen of Grneyes *Crown*

"Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink." Stephen King





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85
85
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
First of all let me say congratulations for beating the beast. Glad that you are better and now now on the mend.

About your essay. These are my opinions:

I think I would use the correct term for this - Covid-19.

This line: We used precautions in the car (masks, open windows, and coughing my brains out into my jacket) Perhaps I would not use the parentheses. To me they are not needed, commas are enough.

Another item that kind of bothered me were the exclamation points. You should save them for strong feelings. You used them twice in one sentence. I understand how terrible it was to not taste food. I had that same experience after brain surgery for a few months. I couldn't smell, so as a result I couldn't taste. Weird. But anyway, perhaps one exclamation point is enough? Just a thought.

Those are my ideas. You have your own style.

Good luck in your recovery. We look forward to more writing from you coming our way soon. And don't worry about your house. Cleaning is highly overrated, in my opinion. *Smile*


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86
86
Review of Going Under  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Okay, you state this is a poem. Is this the form of a poem? Seems more like a short, short story, or monologue to me.

So I am reviewing and I see that your usage of the word "loose" seems a little wonky. "I feel my lungs loose air" Did you mean "lose"? Then before that "it's such a bare". What is meant by ""bare"?

Sorry to be such a nudge, but when reading something this short all the words really need to correct, as does all the punctuation, grammar, etc.

You have a good idea, just work a little on the execution. Those are my thoughts, you have your own style.

Welcome to Writing.com. Write on!


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87
87
Review of The Mirror  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a very strange story. I'm not sure I understand it. But then, sometimes you don't understand an author's intent or message.

I don't note anything about this I would change. I don't love this but then again, I don't hate it either.

So there you go. You have your own style. Keep on writing.



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88
88
Review of Him and Her  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found your poem on Read and Review. I am reviewing on behalf of The Talent Pond.

First off, let me tell you I don't often review poetry. I don't write it or usually understand the stanza rules, the sometimes nonsense of it all.

But your poem somehow spoke to me. This to me is about two damaged souls finding each other, and trying to make it work. They understand neither of them is perfect, but somehow they will make their pairing the best it can be. First they have to let go of some baggage, so to speak.

I think you did a good job of expressing the emotion of a complicated relationship.

Thank you for letting me review your poem.



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89
89
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing this article on behalf of The Talent Pond. Let me first state that I am reviewing the writing skill here, not the technology. I have no expertise in electronics, electricity, wireless workings or physics. However, I do like to write.

So here goes:
I the first paragraph, you used the word 'would've' twice. Maybe change that up. Perhaps the second use could be changed to 'might have' ? And the parentheses I don't think are necessary.

The second paragraph has two exclamation points. I would save those for really important information. Did they need to be there? Twice?

In the third paragraph you again use a parentheses, needed? I don't think so. Commas are just as good here.

The fourth paragraph has C.E. in parentheses, it needs to be as I wrote it. C.E.

In the final paragraph, I personally think that sentence is too long. I would break it up. Perhaps like this: "I want this to be a reality. Someone who works at NASA, please tell the appropriate department to start working on this. Start using artificial space satellites to harness energy from the sun, then transfer that energy back to Earth." But that is just my style.

So interesting read. I never knew this information about Tesla. He definitely was a man with interesting ideas.

Good luck and Write on!


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90
90
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Well, I have to say I didn't see that ending coming. Pretty evil little guy.
To review:
I would start new lines with each new character. The breeder gets attention that way. The mother gets attention. It also lets the reader know who is talking and makes for an easier read.

So -
“Heh… ummmmm,” intoned.......

Mother devoured the sight......

Billy looked through the.....

The breeder shivered.....

I think you get the idea. Each character is introduced and once they are finished, the next is introduced with a new paragraph.

I like the fact that the breeder had a sense that this boy was a little weird. He somehow knew this puppy would come to no good end. Like I said, you created an evil Billy.

So those are are my suggestions. You have your own style. Write on!

Queen NormaJean on behalf of The Talent Pond


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91
91
Review of Hospital Buddies  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice little story. Amazing how this scourge is no longer with us because of vaccination. And no one wants to vaccinate anymore for it?

Well, the story was well-written. I see that you missed some quotation marks. But a quick review will indicate to you where those are needed.

Good job. I see you won the contest that day. Congratulations.



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92
92
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Ahhhh.....some evil carnie person perhaps? Those that take your ticket on the rides that look like they haven't bathed in a few days, the only clothes they own are the shirts the owners of the carnival provide as uniforms....those sort of people. I've worked with a few like that. They live on the fringes, so to say. Not really homeless but not really members of society, if that makes sense.

I still like where you are heading with this story.


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93
93
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Congratulations on your win! Now you are a step closer to NaNoWriMo success!

But since this is a review, I have a few suggestions:
To me, this sounded awkward. I know what you meant. Passing out tickets, giving traffic tickets, that sort of thing. reputation for ticket handing.

First you use the term '70s then later the 1920s and 1930s. I would do either one way or the other.

So, just a few little niggly items that caught my attention. Nothing major.

Best of luck going forward!


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94
94
Review of Camden Falls  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congratulations on your win! I want to be in this location. It brings such a wonderful picture to my mind.

I did have a problem with a few things, since this is a review.
"left tourist season with bad taste" tells me the season tasted bad. I know what you mean, but maybe something like "bad impression" or "bad feelings".

You had a few misspelled words: nieghbor should be 'neighbor' and gird should be "grid".

I know there is going to be a mystery here. I can tell by the trees and the lake and the cottage. You've set the scene well. Good job.


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95
95
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oh my friend. Touching. Haunting. I have no criticisms. Wonderfully done. Thank you.


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96
96
Review of Twenty-nine  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great idea. Unusual premise. I saw nothing in this I would change. Good work.

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


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97
97
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hmmmm......how long is the trailer? Sounds like a lot of stuff going on. And where do they go to use the toilet? And to wash hands and such? They would need paper products, or hand towels etc.

I lived in an RV for several years. Is this a renovated RV or just a regular food truck?

I would interested to know how they lock up at night. Do they secure everything with a padlock, do they remove the contents of the safe, does the safe stay in the trailer, things like that. What happens to the food? Are the leftovers donated? Or are there none? And is the cooler locked up at night?

Have you worked in food service before? I have, and know there are so many little things that go on behind the scenes in a kitchen that could add to your story.

Just some ideas I had as I read this. Good luck in the contest. I like where this is going!



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98
98
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This sounds like a fairy tale. I did see some areas that could use some work, however.

You use the word "and" quite a few times. In a flash fiction work especially it adds to the word count while taking away from the actual story. Perhaps if you worded it like this:
They opened the door and found the place......
becomes They opened the door, found a place .........
Eliminating the 'and' frees up an extra word. You could do this many times in this story.

Then you misused a word "they're expressions" should be "their" as "they're" is really saying 'they are'.

I would also put dialogue on a separate line. That would give attention to who is speaking, not hide it in a paragraph.

So, those are my suggestions. You can take them or not. You have your own style.

Write On!
Queen NormaJean

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


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99
99
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A nice ode to the service vest, I presume? I always admire the work of a true service dog. I don't like when people think they can use a vest on a dog and pretend it's a service dog just so they can cart around a little dog as a toy.

Thanks for the read. I see nothing I can criticize.


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100
100
Review of 26 Symbols  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wonderful. Did you purposely not capitalize the beginning of each sentence? I am a spelling and grammar geek, so ignore my criticisms if you did these errors on purpose.

Alpha to Beta - Alphabet.

Write On!


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