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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nourbache
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68 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Nut Tree  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Writer,

This is just my humble and honest review.

First Impression:

I like how you made the scene so lively and easy to visualize. You have truly painted a picture with words *Smile*

What I like: *Heart*

I love the descriptions and words used to give the reader a mental picture of the scene.

Favorite line: Natural goodness, so wholesome and free…
Favorite stanza: 3rd but without the exclamation mark in the end (see below)

What i found confusing *Confused*

"By producing their seeds and the meats they will find"-- what exactly do you mean by meats?

Suggestions *Checkr*

1- In the line above, if you insist on keeping 'meats', or even if you choose to replace the word, i suggest you remove the 'and' for better and stronger flow.
2- Remove the '!' after 'haste'...... no reason for that.. it disrputs the flow of intonnation.
3- 'Mature' at the end of the poem kind of feels forced to rhyme the other lines of the stanza (as each stanza follows a specific rhyme). Mature doesnt rhyme much with stature, maker, and nature; the 'u' in mature has a more prolonged sound than the short u's in the rest of the words. And plus, you've already used the word 'mature' in the 3rd line of the 1st stanza... A suggestion would be to replace it.

*Heart*Overall: I really liked the poem.. otherwise i wouldn't have bothered giving a review. Excellent work in painting an image... Write On!


Best Of Luck,
EnchAnTreSsS *Cat*
2
2
Review of FINALLY ALIVE  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Dear Writer,

*Exclaim*

This is just my humble opinion, so please take it as it is.

*Butterflyb*First Impression: *Butterflyb*

The ending was unexpected....the last two lines in particular contributed to the strength of the poem. The weakness ; the multiple repetitions of the word DAY(s)

*Flowery*1st stanza: *Flowery*
I can understand the stressing of the word 'day' but when it becomes too excessive, it weakens the poem.. For the first stanza, there are three accounts of the word 'day'... it can be done, but maybe slightly differently:

Another day,
Like the others,
It was just another day.
Nothing done different,
Nothing changed,
Time gone, wasted,
On that very day
.

Using 'just', and 'very' will in a way make clear to the reader that the stressing of the word is intentional.. and stressing it in this way like i did, also gives a better flow.

*Flowerr*2nd stanza:*Flowerr*

*Bulletb*Since you ended the first stanza with the word 'day'... the begining of the second stanza, doesnt have to include the word. You can say; After this::After that:::Since then:::...
*Bulletb*The second line in this stanza,,. i'm sorry to say is aweful! *Confused*.... "no more just another days"..?! its grammatically wrong and doesnt sound nice when you say it aloud. You can say:
'Just another day', no more... or something like that.
*Bulletb*If you realize.. 5 lines of this stanza include "day".. read it out loud and see that it doesnt sound right.

*Flowerv*3rd stanza:*Flowerv*

"for now that i am alive, now that i have cancer" was great! I love how you turn such devastating news into a new rewarding start for life... almost as if it were a blessing. Maybe you can hint this in the stanzas before... like concealing it by stressing the concept of the contrast or difference or barrier of the day with the ones before and after.. this will let the reader know that something happened that day... yet will only know at the end. I guess it would be better than the continous mundane repetitions of 'this day'...... i know you did that in the second stanza but i mean give a more poetic picture,,. include some imagery, similies... stuff like that.

*Butterflyg*Title*Butterflyg*:

ANOTHER DAY....!!! .....give a more abstract title like : Rebirth....Break-Even....The Change.... i dont know.. i know they're not that good, but im just trying to give you an idea of what i mean....and most importantly... dont use the word DAY!!

*Butterflyo*Structure/Flow: *Butterflyo*

The first and second stanza were 7 lines each and the last 4.. so there is no set structure. The flow was completely ruined by the number of repetitions. It seems more like a note on your journal than a poem.

*Checkr*Suggestions:*Checkr*

To not make it so... (like a journal note).. follow the suggestions i have given above...; lessen the word use, add some imagery, add some emotion... and i think you'll get a wonderful poem.

*Mailv*Overall: *Mailv*

The ending, as i said before was great... smart...emotional...deep... So all in all, it was nice,, but it has potential to be more than nice. Hope my review was helpful enough. I hope all your days remain positive and full of life...Write On, and keep sharing!

Best Of Luck
EnchAnTreSsS *Cat*
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3
3
Review of Ding-Ding  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: E | (2.5)
Dear Writer,

*Exclaim*This is just my humble opinion, so please take it as it is.*Exclaim*

*Flowerb*First Impression:*Flowerb*

I'm sorry, but i thought this was meant to be a poem?..? I don't mean to be rude, but i dont think this really qualifies as a poem...Although, i do like the idea and the ending,.. but still, you should decide whether you want it to be poem., because if you do, it does need work.

*Flowerv*What I didn't like*Flowerv*

Its too 'told' or more like a short story or flash fiction than a poem. There is no flow... no imagery, nothing really tha would make it qualify as a poem. A poem shouldnt be too narrated like a story... full sentences with that much detail is not really neccessary.
(see suggestions below)

*Flowery*}Suggestions*Flowery*

Oh..I can’t this weekend, what time will you be home? Don’t you want to come play for a bit tonight?
I can’t, I’m not feeling so well..Maybe next week?

……………………………..Ding-Ding
Ah, what a shame some friends are going to come over right now anyway. Maybe if you feel better later you could come.
I wish I could, it is something that I cannot control. Maybe another day?


The sentences are too long... too much of dialogue going on...If you want to change this into a poem such long sentences cannot be used... there must be a certain flow.... for example:

Ding-Ding,
"Friends are coming together,
A shame if you can't,
Try and feel better,
Maybe you can."
"Another day perhaps,
My feelings i can't control,
Ask me again some other time,
Maybe I will, maybe not at all"


I dont know,, just trying to work with what you have written already... just trying to give you an example of what i mean... You can portray your message without changing the meaning, but by changing the structure and flow so that it can be qualified to be a poem! You can also maybe play with some imagery and lessen dialogue, give it a certain rhyme, flow, and structure.

*Flowerr*Overall*Flowerr*
Don't be offended that i gave you a 2.5 rating...instead take this to be a challenge... fix it up... make it a poem.... and let its potential grow.. I didnt hate it but poetry is poetry and there are essentials you can't runway from...but the overall idea was nice and thats why i reviewed it with giving as much help as i can to make it work!

Write On!
Best Of Luck
EnchAnTreSsS *Cat*


4
4
Review of Invitation  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Writer,
Grat poem! i have no criticism here...

This is truly a wonderful poem...
Flow/structure : *Checkr*
Word use : *Checkr*
Imagery: *Checkr*
My favorite lines:
" Become one with the grass
And teach me to speak
My voice in your garden
And yours in my dream"


Keep up the nice work! It was a great read... thanks for sharing!!
Best Of Luck
Freedom Writer
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5
5
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Dear Writer,

*Exclaim* This is just my humble opinion....I mean no harm, just a helping hand.

*Thumbsup* First Impression: How cute! what a nice read!

*Heart* What I love:
*Bulletr* using the word silly while talking to the bird.
*Bulletr* the way you are talking to the bird and wishing you can fly like him. (i imagine him as such a cute fluffy yellow bird}
*Bulletr* the whole thing was really cute... it felt real and down to earth.

*Checkr* Some suggestions:
There was nothing i disliked, but i do have a few suggestions.
*Bulletr* I dont know why 'the way you do so gay' put me off a little... it seemed a little forced... maybe you can use: 'as u do all day'.
*Bulletr* the last line was nice but i guess without the 'the' would be nicer.

*Butterflyv* Overall: it was a really cute and sweet poem. Thank you for sharing, and keep up the nice work... !!!

Best Of Luck,
Freedom Writer *Bird*

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6
6
Review of glass circles  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Writer,

*Exclaim* This is just my humble opinion.. no harm intended.

*Thumbsup*First Impression: Wow.! I really adored this poem.

*Heart* What I loved:
*Bulletr* The words and expressions wer beautiful.
*Bulletr* The imagery was great. I could really feel myself envisioning the whole scene. It was really inspiring.
*Bulletr* Tha last two lines *Inlove* I love the contrast in words...very poetic, very enchanting.

*Sad* What I didnt like:
*Bulletr* The presentation could give a nicer feel. (see below)

*Ornament4B*Flow/structure: The flow was great... However, regarding structure, there is no pattern in structure (number of lines in stanzas...some were 3, then 2, then 7)...but thats not a problem... poetry should have no rules...the beauty is just writing whatever comes to mind without trying to adhere to structure and rules..

Mistakes: found none

*Flowerv*Suggestions: Maybe you can present it in a nicer way... like capitalizing the first letters in each line...maybe centering the text and also a soft color would be nice. I know this is all not really neccessary, but it adds to the lovely feel of the poem

*Butterflyb*Overall: It was a great read! I really enjoyed it! Thanks for sharing and keep up the nice work!

Best Of Luck
Freedom Writer *Bird*
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7
7
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Writer,

This is just my humble opnion.

*Confused*: Who gave you a one star rating? That person obviously has no taste for good wiriting!

*Smile*First Impression: I think this is honestly a lovely poem.. I liked the sadness reflecting the destruction of nature, it felt real, honest, and from the heart. I myself also have a poem entitled 'Apology To Nature' which also talks about the loss of gratitude and hasty lives we live amidst a beautiful gift. So i understand where your feelings come from and i appreciate people like you.

*Thumbsup*What i loved: The imagery was great... i can almost envision it. The words were well used and descriptions fitting.

*Butterflyv*Flow/structure: The flow was nice and structure was good too. Everything was intune and all in proportion.

*Laugh*What I didn't like: There was nothing i disliked.

*Check*{Suggestions: maybe you can remove some of the 'the(s}' and 'thats'....this will give it a certain strength (in a poetic sense)

*Heart*Overall: I really enjoyed it and truly appreciate it. I'm sure the one-star rating was a mistake because i cant believe anyone in WDC would have such a harsh and wrongful opinion! Thankyou for sharing and keep up the nice work!

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8
8
Review of Words on a page  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Writer,
*Butterflyv*This is just my humble opinion, I mean no harm , nor offense, just a helping hand.

*Thumbsup*First Impression:
*Bulletv*Nice! I really enjoyed it, especially that i myself have a deep appreciation for the written word of history. It was beautifully written and well expressed, clear, and straight to the point.

*Heart*What I liked:
*Bulletv*You have chosen your words perfectly
*Bulletv*You have expressed the timeless vale of the essence of the written word through wonderful lines.
*Bulletv*I tried to choose my favorite stanza, but actually i really liked them all, except the last one (see below)
*Bulletv*How 'remembered' stands alone

*Confused*What I didn't like:
*Bulletv*I think that it was already clear that you were talking of the written word, through the title and the expressions themselves...so i think that with the last stanza, you were trying to stress and already obvious idea, and that kinda weakens the poem and undermines the reader's intelligence

*Checkr*Mistakes:
*Bulletv*No spelling mistakes, but i guess you should capitalize the "i" in "imprinting".

*Exclaim*Suggestions:
*Bulletv*Removing the last two lines and keeping the lonely 'remembered' as the last would probably give a stronger end and make the whole poem as a whole stronger and better.

Overall: It was a great read! I'm really glad i took the time to read and review your poem. Your talent is inspiring so keep up the nice work and keep sharing!! *Pencil**Smile*

Best Of Luck,
Freedom Writer *Bird*
"Let's help each other grow- Closed
9
9
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Writer,
** This is just my humble opinion, I am no expert nor here to doubt your talent! I'm just lending a helping hand!

Not really the kind of poem I'd usually enjoy,, but this one was really nice!
I liked :
- The story line:: it was cute, amusing, fun, and kind of like a short fairy tale.
- The pattern of rhyme:: this is one of my favorite patterns of rhyme...I don't know why but it just gets me every time, and u got it just right in this poem....EXCEPT the 3rd stanza: the flow felt off and kinda forced.
- The names of the characters were real cute:)

I didn't like:
Just the 3rd stanza! All of it was off and that damaged the flow. The end rhymes felt forced and meaningless...so plz do some justice to the poem and fix this damn stanza!! I like the poem so much that its botherin' me! :)

Overall: u have a way with words and ur talent is obvious..so keep writing, and keep sharing!!

Best of Luck,
Freedom Writer.
10
10
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
**This is just my humble opinion, don't mean any harm nor offense, just a helping hand!

This is the first time I review a small fictional story.. (I usually do poems)...So please bare with me! *Smile*

I don't really know what to make of this. I think it does have some potential but I guess it needs some work. So here is my review:

First Impression: Honestly, from the title, I thought it was gonna be a little more interesting and some more witty lines expressed by Satan. It seems it was intentional that you made Satan this boring, bored, depressed, and un-amusing caharacter...so at first i thought he was remorseful, saddened by the consequences he has to bear, but i didn't feel the same way at the end.

What I found confusing *Confused*:
Why does he not like being called the light-bearer? Is it because he knows he's at fault and so would rather not being given such an honorable name (out of ironic goodness)? Or is it because he'd rather not be the giver of light/wisdom but rather the opposite? It seems at times that he himself is looking for truth (when he stares at the sun)...but still didn't get a strong feeling about that.
There are some places where its not sure who's speaking, and there's a line that really bothered me:
"It's just... people used to think they, this, was the center of the universe, then they used to think the sun was... they think, now, that they're all that is again... they're back at the center..."..........I'm not sure whether this line is just full of linguistic./grammatical mistakes or you just intended it that way.
The part were he asks about The Silence of The Lambs was also confusing as well as the queen of diamonds in the end. (the queen of diamonds often can be seen as someone who has known the true meaning of value....but I don't understand its use here reletive to the story.)
*Cry*****I'm so sorry that I didn't quiet get what you were getting at! I just felt that the whole thing was not cohesive or stressing a certain point! I mean no offense at all...i hope this will help if you decide to try and fix it.

What I liked: I liked how you began the story with the description of the weather. I also liked a lot the idea of sitting with a normal looking man who was actually Satan at a table in the middle of the road. The idea is nice, and thats why i think it does have real potential.*Delight*

Mistakes: There were a few spelling mistakes, so i think you should go over it and make a spell check. *CheckR*

Overall: As I said, the idea is great, creative, and interesting. I just think it should be a little more cohesive and all in tune with one point. It's obvious you have awesome writing skills and creative skills as well as a sense of wonder, and so i encourage you to fix this up a little, and to keep on writing!!

***Please, concerning what I found confusing, enlighten me with what you meant!

Best of Luck with the rest of your reviews,
Freedom Writer *Bird*

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11
11
Review of Drowning  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Writer,
**This is just my humble opinion. I don't mean any harm, just a helping hand.

First Impression: What's the name of that piece of art that inspired you? You've made me really wanna take a look at it! *Wink*. You described the drowing moment perfectly. Your poem gave me the chills as i read through it.

Flow/structure: It does have a nice flow to it. In some lines it rhymes, in others it doesn't, but i guess that was intentional, and i loved it!

What I liked the most: The "nothing in the nothingness" line was great! I like how you repeated it in a pattern (one stanza yes the other no). I liked how real the poem felt...very haunting and chilling. *Ghost* *BigSmile*


What I didn't like: Nothing! I liked it all ! *Laugh*

Suggestions: none

Overall: That was a great read. Kepp sharing your nice work!! After reading this, i can say: Yup! You're a Poet! *Smile*

Best Of Luck,
Freedom Writer *Bird*

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12
12
Review of I Lost My Way  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Writer,
**This is just my humble opinion, I mean no offense or harm, just a helping hand.

Way to Go! Since this was your attempt at poetry, I applaud you for this nice poem and willingness to try.

What I liked: It was a nice read; It felt real and honest. I think the closer it is to writer's heart, the more special it becomes. The last three lines were my favorite including the 'prodigal son' line.

Flow/structure: The flow and rhyming was kinda off...here and there....as for structure, I guess if there was a pattern concerning the number of lines in each stanza, it would have been better. (see suggestions below for flow and structure)

Suggestions: Aside from equal or a structural pattern, you can also remove the spacing and disregard stanza use all together, or you can set a specific pattern (3, 2, 3, 2..)
As for flow, there are some places which 'put off' the flow a bit. For example: Of me His child will he make...its a little heavy on the tongue.. Try reading it aloud and see where the flow is off. Also, maybe it would have been nicer if the word 'wide' were not used twice.

Overall: Only because i think this poem does have potentional did I give suggestions and point out the faults. I believe if you fix it up a little, it would be great! I enjoyed it, and I encourage you to write and share more poems!

Best of Luck with your other reviews,
Freedom Writer
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13
13
Review of Floating  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear writer,

That was a wonderful read.

flow: it has a very good flow to it, the rhyming was nice.

meaning: I think you're talking about the superficiality trend of nowadays. I love the way you described it. From what i understood, the sea was the trend of modern day society (sweeping all our girls away to the same end), land was the safe haven or the state of refusing to be superficial, naive, dumb, vain and in which you stay, refusing to be swept by the deterring trend (sea), and that although they know the emptiness of that particular way of living, they stilll follow willingly and happily into the bandwagon effect. Loss of depth in today's society, superficiality, vanity, and the bandwagon effect of today's society are the main issues this poem describes i think.

Excellent way of putting it... beautifully written... i found no mistakes....
so keep up the nice work!!! (and i hope u stay on land *Laugh*)

Best of Luck
Freedom Writer
14
14
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I saw your poem posted in this weekly poetry newsletter (mine was too *Smile*).. so first of all: Congrats!
Second of all... i would like to praise your for this poem. It was a beautiful read and really reminds me of myself as i write always at night under the star filled sky. The inspiration of wonder and philosophy was felt throughout, and i found no mistakes.

Excellent Job.....keep sharing!
Best of Luck,
Freedom Writer
15
15
Review of Going Home  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear poet,
The imagery was great, it felt so real. You've done an excellent job at making it sound like a real soldier's thoughts ( a loyal one). I'm really impressed by how the great imagery and mood of the poem were proportional to the concept and meaning. I have nothing bad, or better yet no criticism here. It was smartly constructed, greatly described, and every word chosen seemed perfect.
This is my honest opinion and honest rating. Well done and keep it up!
Good luck with rest of your reviews,
Freedom Writer
16
16
Review of Our Soulful Union  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great work!
Having found my soul mate, I can relate so much..I guess love creates the same majic all around the world, for those lucky enough to have found it.
What I liked: The feel and overall mood is very romantic and evokes lots of emotions for those who can relate. The flow is nice and in tune with the meaning.
*There was nothing I disliked.

Suggestion: play with how its presented (center the text and play with color/font..
I think this adds to the romantic feel,though beautifully expressed already:)

Best of Luck
Freedom Writer

17
17
Review of Burn the City  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like it a lot.
The second stanza, last two lines is a good thought. The third stanza too is powerful. What i like a lot is that the poem embelmed the soul of that city so well, and that it stimulates the mind...meaning it can offer many questions, topics of debate, and sense of wonder.
what i dont like honestly: the last line! Maybe you can keep the meaning but change the way its put or add smthn at the end. ...its your choice!

Best of Luck!
18
18
Review of Scent  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: E | (4.5)
Change nothing !

Interesting and pleasant, it gave me a smile:)

Best Of Luck!
19
19
Review of The star, chosen  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Personally,..I really liked it...its mysterious,haunting, enchanting, and deep.
I adore how u say ur plagued by the darkness and yet u embrace it...this is what makes u a real philosopher. U have an appreciation for contrast and the dual nature of things,,u have a sense of wonder my dear poet philosopher, thank u for that lovely read.

Best of luck
Freedom writer

20
20
Review of Retreat  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear SamK,
I liked the lyrics, i liked the meaning... its relatable, meaningful, and concrete.
I found 2 mistakes though:
1. spelling mistake: convinient must be spelled Convenient.
2. grammar mistake: at a wall that never exist... should be existed or u can play with it a little, like saying at a wall that does not exist, may not exist.. i dnt know ur choice at the end.
"I could sit in the dark
and let everyone assume I was asleep
But the blackness was my hideout
it was my retreat." ----------- this was my favorite part.
I'm sure that with music, it would all sound great

Nice work! Best of Luck,
Freedom writer



21
21
Review of The Shift  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: E | (3.0)
Im not really sure about any 'hidden meaning'.. from what i understood its just a simple poem about school break / spring. Its cute, fun, and an enjoyable read.
If i have missed its 'true' meaning, plz let me know :)
Good luck with your other reviews.
22
22
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: E | (4.0)
Its only good to lose yourself a little if he is worth it and if he also loses himself with you! Love is great, Love is epic... Theres just one point i dont like.. the fact that all women are somewhat classified under a one woman type and all men too under a one man-type by feminists. Remember that characteristics of power, tenderness, toughness, kindness...etc are shared by both men and women and so always judge the other not by his sex but by his traits!
Other than that, the poem was a nice read, straight to the point, honest, and from the heart.
Write on!
23
23
Review of Words of Wisdom  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The last stanza is my favorite among the rest. i think its a great poem reflecting the author's doubts and wonderings on beliefs/religions. Its well written, well organized. Although, I'd like to point out that the line 'As the devil emerges that had once been held in' seems a little heavy to the flow of the poem. Besides that, it was a great read, i applaud you for your sense of wonder.

Thanks for sharing.
24
24
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: E | (5.0)
You do seem dedicated to yourself and that gives you the courage to ask to be pushed to the limit... i respect that. As people try to knock you down, you surely will always end up standing, for you have strength, courage, power, a sense of wonder and anticipation.
Beautiful poem.. well written. i enjoyed both your poems and encourage you to list some more.
Keep wondering, keep challenging yourself.. you are my fellow philosopher :)
Tell me now.. what do you think of how the world has become? you know that you are like a needle in a haysack.. so rare to find.. so an idea would be to descibe what you think of those who have not been blessed by this sense of wonder? its a shame that wonder has become so rare, right?

25
25
Review of to know the moon  
Review by EnchAnTreSsS
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nice, very profound, nicely described, well written.
I love the imagery.
It made me feel relaxed and safe in such an otherwise creepy night.
i love how the moon is decribed with its colors and how it creeps silently into the night.
You are definitely right when you say it fills our eyes with every memory.
The night, my favorite time of day... you have given it justice.
Good luck in all your other reviews.
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