| Are you a new writer, and how old are you? I wanted to get a few facts from you so I know where you are as a writer. You put a valiant effort forth with your story. I want to encourage you to review authors that you like. Take special notice when you read or see dialogue between characters.
A lot of your character dialogues were running together. Each character dialogue starts a new sentence. I'm not sure if this was just an oversight on your part. I would suggest that you go back through your story, and separate your dialogue lines. Your story will flow much more smoothly, and the reader will know who is speaking.
Going back to revise this part of your story would be an advantage to your efforts. This is what one of your sentence dialogues looked like:
So here is how the virus goes you get bit, you get sick, you die and then you wake up lifeless and reanimated. "How many days since he was bit? I ask with a tone of uncertainty. "Two the frightened boy squeaks out."You otta just shoot me now." the man groans out. "Don't be silly grandpa." the boy replies.
This is how it should look:
. "So, here is how the virus goes, you get bit, you get sick, you die, and then you wake up lifeless and reanimated." I said with a tone of uncertainty. "How many days since he was bit?"
"Two days." the frightened boy squeaks out.
"You otta just shoot me now." the man groans out.
"Don't be silly grandpa." the boy replies.
I'm not wanting to tear your efforts apart because I feel you did try. I saw quite a few other issues which I would like to share with you, but I'm cut for time. If you feel I can help, let me know. Keep writing and you will get better.