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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ocanada
Review Requests: ON
9 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
i'll tell you what i liked and didn't like in an overly nice way. in other words i will give you a compliment sandwich.
Favorite Genres
sci-fi (big surprise), historical fiction, but i'll read anything
I will not review...
erotica. i know nothing.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Kate Connors
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
interesting situation you’ve set up here! the idea of selling stars, to me, is very cool and unique. i’d be interested to read more stories set in this world, especially since it hits so close to home. your main character comes across a little arrogant, self-important, and intelligent but out-of-touch, which i think is what you were going for. i like your descriptions of his alien love interest, too. nice work!!

2
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Review of A Self Portrait  
Review by Kate Connors
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
reading just in time for Halloween!! a spooky story indeed. you have beautiful prose and i definitely wasn’t expecting that twist. my heart started beating a little faster toward the end, lol. to me this is a story about how much an obsession can take from your life. nice work overall. your work had the satisfying ending a short story needs.
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Review of Dylan and Sophia  
Review by Kate Connors
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
hi there! i’m a sucker for a good love story, and this is a good love story. you made me root for the characters and it’s always nice to see a happy ending, especially these days. this story is short and sweet and leaves the reader happy.

while i think their relationship is very nicely written, there wasn’t enough conflict for me, which is just personal opinion. i would consider making the husband more of a bad guy, and would really enjoy watching Dylan fight for Sophia. just my two cents though! still really enjoyed your story! :)
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Review by Kate Connors
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there! i got busy with university so unfortunately i couldn't complete my review until now, but hopefully this makes up for it. anyway.

i liked your story! it's not often i find a story that grips me all the way through. your characters were likeable and i found their dynamics interesting. i think you have the potential for a longer story here if you wanted, maybe a novella or even a full-length novel with some more plot points.

while i enjoyed your story overall, i wish you had included some more description and taken the time to develop your characters more fully. Bella and Ashley have an interesting rivalry that, given some more exploration, could be an engaging plot point in a novel or novella.

nice work! this is already good as a short story, but could also be a great concept for something longer! :)
5
5
Review by Kate Connors
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
i've really liked your story so far! though i feel that i would have enjoyed it more as a fan of Yu-Gi-Oh!, your dialogue is dynamic and your characters are well-developed, enough that i was interested in their daily lives after just a couple of chapters. there's also a great sense of humor to your writing that makes it fun to read. nice work! :)
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Review by Kate Connors
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Nice opener! I would continue reading. I'm interested in the main character and the world and magic system you've developed drew me in too. Your action scenes were well-paced and easy to follow. You also ended on a hella cliffhanger so I kind of have to keep reading, haha. I'm curious to know if this first chapter is a prologue (it's giving that impression) or this is the inciting incident.

I just have a couple suggestions. Your first sentence, while gripping, sort of threw me off. Here's how I would change it: Rain droplets and strands of long silver hair fell into Cateria Belmaunto's face as she ran through the forest.

Of course, take this with a grain of salt since I'm admittedly a minimalist and a sucker for concision when it comes to writing . . . anyway. Your prose, overall, is really nice. The style is easy to follow without giving too little information. You're also great at showing instead of telling--the reader has already seen how powerful Cateria is. By the way, super cool name.

I hope you write more! Your first chapter kept me on the edge of my seat. :)
7
7
Review by Kate Connors
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a sweet love story. In just a few pages, you made me care about characters I've never met before. I get the impression the king is a damaged man and I'm happy he found happiness at the end. I'm a sucker for a happy ending, haha. Your descriptions were also clear and well-written.

I have a couple suggestions. Personally, I prefer concision in the stories that I read. For example, this sentence, "He was good at hiding it behind the indifferent, carefully-poised expression of the royalty in front of the ministers, and a mask of false happiness in front of his mother and sisters," could become, "He was good at hiding it behind the poise of royalty, a mask of false happiness for his mother, sisters, and ministers."

Overall I enjoyed your story! :) It was a cute romance between two interesting characters. Nice work!
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ocanada