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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/of_fire_born
Review Requests: OFF
136 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Snow  
Rated: E | (5.0)
PERFECTION! Your imagery is reflective of your amazing talent for "painting" with words... and the painting you've rendered is LOVELY! Even the choice of Diamante style is flawless and so lends itself your thoughts and the subject! Your poem has the appearance of a snowflake! By all means, continue writing poetry - it's wonderful!
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I'm sitting at my keyboard, stunned.

There are moments in life when precious jewels are revealed to hungering hearts and thirsting souls; this beautifully penned poem is just such a priceless treasure. There are times, particularly when wandering the wondrous passageways of Writing.com, when kindred spirits introduce themselves and take up a special place in your mind that will forever remain only theirs. For me and countless others, COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME is just such a person. And "The Diagnosis" is a shining example of why that is true. *Heart*

It's a very rare thing, particularly in this era of technologically enhanced nonchalance and anonymity, for human beings to summon forth integrity and fortitude of character required to grant others open access to the deepest recesses of their hearts. By virtue of this poem and in so very many other ways, COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME does just that for every seeking soul who knocks upon her door. I've long reveled in and immensely enjoyed all of the philosophical similarities we share... and far beyond that, held her in highest regard not only for her incredible body of work as an author, but also for her tireless devotion to - and endeavors on behalf of - her fellow man.

In the case of this poignant, lovely offering, 5 stars are simply not enough to convey how much the honesty and depth of love and devotion, even in the face of the mightiest of foes, each stanza shares. Reading it is like touching, with awe and reverence, a mother's open, beating heart of hearts. There is sadness, yes... but it is triumphed over by something infinitely more powerful... abiding faith, love, and hope. Every reader who receives the gift of this poem will be a better person for it.
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In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a GREAT read! This phenomenal poem tackles head on that which strikes the keenest fear and dread of all in the heart of every man... death. Rhyming poetry is, in my estimation, one of the highest literary aspirations to attempt - let alone master - as beautifully as Alexandra Jones has done with this fantastic piece. Alexandra Jones shines bright on every front where penning poetry is concerned... excellent, non forced meter and rhyme that is at once a superb vehicle for vivid imagery and powerful content. Just as she has mastered poetic artistry, so, too, does her message vanquish a foe the vast majority of mankind most trembles before... the end of earthly life. The stone that honed her sword for the battle? Her search for ~ and discovery of ~ the distrilled, consumately liberating, unconquerable truth that those of the Christian faith are celebrating even as I write. Death is not an end... it is, instead, a birth into immortal life. Thank you, Alexandra Jones , for a wonderful experience I will return often to enjoy.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I've a particular fondness for the art of storytelling, and especially appreciate clearly demonstrated talent in the storytelling process where non-fictional life events are concerned. "A Blade of Gratitude" does a marvellous job of filling that bill, deftly incorporating humor, insight, examination of self and others, and realism into one concise, well constructed, highly enjoyable piece. Reading this story leads to an immediate desire to read it all over again, savoring not just its entertainment value, but the applicability of its messages to our own lives, as well.

GodfearingAtheist may be new to the Writing.com family, but his writing is accomplished, talented, and most refreshing. He paints with words and the finished product speaks highly of his literary skills. Only a small number of grammar/spelling issues keep this piece from being a full five star achievement (spelling of 'through', 'sight', mild punctuation issues, etc.) in terms of construction; however its content and presentation far outshine any technical flaws, reflecting the author's great talent for blending short and terse sentence structure to maintain interest and artfully serving up a rich portion of food for thought. Well done and welcome aboard, GodfearingAtheist !
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A superb tale that deftly blends elements of irony, wit, subtlety, and skewered Karma to remind us all how handily and often real life can throw us 'Curve Balls of The Third Kind'. Though some may consider this piece laden with dark comedy, further contemplation draws one to the inevitable conclusion that no matter how aggregious the circumstances at hand, a wry outlook and laughter are often prove far superior to tears in coping with - and healing in the wake of - life's harshest storms.

VERY minor technical suggestion: Edit and fine tune your piece a bit for grammar, punctuation, avoidable repetition of phraseology, and spelling (Examples: in Line 6, you may wish to change "appropriately" to "appropriate", and in lines 13 and 14, you night consider eliminating close-proximity redundancy by altering Line 14 The first embarrassing moment occurred when my sister Shannon...to something like, The first of these reared its ugly head when my sister Shannon.... Once again, these are VERY minor points you might wish to consider in polishing this piece even a bit beyond its presently near- perfect state!

You are immensely talented, WildPigUK - DO write ON!

This piece Reviewed as a Round Two Entry in:
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Review of Xavier  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a very compelling, multi-facetted, and evocative piece sure to incite animal lovers to anger, passion, and and even tears. I suspect that the talented author of this well told non-fictional short story, Nizza , is quite young, and if so, she is indeed a rising star in the field of authoring! Keep writing and polishing... and sharing your talent with a seeking world!!!

This non-fiction Short Story Reviewed as an entry in Round 2 of:
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Rated: E | (4.0)
A superbly penned, short story; an immensely poignant tale told from the perspective of unconditional love that only parents can truly know. In her artful and immensely skilled telling of this story, amer reminds us all of just how little biology has to with being a wonderful parent - and how much more, instead, true parenthood has to do with our capacity to love. Absolutely beautiful, amer - Write On and I hope to see your marvellous work again in future Rounds!

This Non-Fiction Short Story Reviewed as an Entry in:



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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
An adorable Christmas Eve tale and a delightful read! You have immense potential as an author! Generically speaking, my only suggestion would be that you continuing honing you skills in terms of imagery and "polish"... which I've no doubt you will, given the talent evident in this piece!

This Non-fictional short story Reviewed as an Entry in:
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Rated: E | (5.0)
What a tremendously thoughtful,inspirational, and beautifully set forth Memorial Forum this truly is! I commend you wholeheartedly, stomper, for gathering here eternal memories of WDC Family Members who've gone forth from our midst to forever soar on wings in the Life Beyond. You include in this wonderful Forum not only your own words of tribute for each of these beloved Members, but examples of the words they left behind to touch each of us for all time to come. Here, too, others can gather and leave remembrances of their own. Beautifully done !!!
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
An EXCELLENT MAD-LIB!!!! Ravenwand, Rising Star! has a wondrous sense of humor, and is quite the Mad Lib Artist. But her talents are certainly limited to that genre... not by a long shot. Treat yourself to a visit to her port!
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Rated: E | (4.0)
This a lovely tale told first from a child's limited point of view... then that of an adult ~ that same child, now in the fruition of maturity and thus equipped with the acquisitions of perspective and thoughtful contemplation. The story's abiding message is one of hope; its mission to express hope's far-reaching, intrinsic purpose and potential in every human life... and the author's gratitide for those who infuse the gift of hope into others' lives. Well told, 1002, and may you always possess the grace and insight to continue "paying it forward" in the deft manner this story exemplifies. *Heart*

This Non-Fitional Story Reviewed as an Entry in:
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Rated: E | (5.0)
What a "DELICIOUUSLY" good time I had with this Mad-Lib! This is the hardest I've laughed in AGES, and I thank you for that beyond measure, Ravenwand, Rising Star! . I'd HIGHLY recommend your holiday cooking techniques to EVERYONE within earshot... friend OR foe!*Wink* *Laugh*.

Stop by this hysterical Mad-Lib and have a ball!
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Rated: E | (4.5)
This exquistely set forth tale is one I will forever treasue ~ and return to time and time again as the years before me unfold... perhaps because it so artfully and deftly transports even the most elderly of hearts instantly back to the innocense, magic, and wonderment of childhood, particularly at Christmas time. Having been privileged to read this lovely tale AND visit its author, Ravenwand, Rising Star! 's Portfolio, I must candidly express my surprise that she is not yet a Preferred Author here at WDC ~ for the quality of her work and the measure of her talents is indeed, outstanding. I'm certain her "Case" is soon destined to take on a saffron hue! Beautifully penned, Ravenwand, Rising Star! ~ thank you for an absolutely priceless read!

This Non-fictional Story Reviewed as an Entry in:
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Review of Bye Bella  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A powerful and very moving non-fictional Christmas tale... told from the perspective of a wonderful author's tender heart. I was moved to tears, and am eternally grateful to you, gilly , for gifting me ~ and all  of us here at Writing.com ~ with this excellent reading experience. Though it may bring tears to other readers' eyes, as well... they'll be the kind of tears that cleanse the soul and leave it fresh and renewed. NEVER abandon your pen, gilly ... you possess immense talent and potential in the field of authoring. *Heart*

* This piece was R & R'd as an Entry in Round One of...
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This moving letter, penned by one of so many amazingly courageous Soliders currently serving in Iraq, is simply a MUST READ for EVERY single citizen of not just the United States ~ but all around the world. In beautifully chosen words that shimmer like gold with sincerity, richness, and unassuming humility, this courageous and noble author speaks to us all about what it means to be a good soldier, no matter how great the task or heavy the burden his country asks him to bear. This soldier's dear words bring us a profound message that every ear must hear... and every heart embrace. I urge EVERYONE within the WDC Community to take a few moments to read and contemplate this most moving piece... and then pass this brave Soldier's message along.

We are, each and every one of us, graced and deeply honored by your presence among us in the Writing.com Community, Boo Warren (Joey). May God and all His Angels keep you and your brave comrades safe until you return to the embrace of your loved ones... and a grateful nation... waiting for you here at home.

*Heart*

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Review of What is Poetry?  
Rated: E | (5.0)
One of Writing.com's most talented and revered authors, Vivian , offers fledgling AND established poets powerful insight in this concise, beautifully presented article introducing and explaining what poetry is truly all about. A plethora of "How to pen poetry" articles and commentary already exists; Mrs. Zabel laudibly opts for venturing past its skeletal structure in this superb examination of poetry's heart... and the rhythm with which it beats. This is a MUST READ for everyone who has written, anticipates writing, or has ever read ~ and wondered why they so enjoy ~ the love child of prose... poetry.

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Review of It Was So Hard  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a beautifully written, very sobering short story, written from the heart and infused with great compassion. It is indeed powerful and compelling, bringing it reader face to face with true cost and attendant consequences of soldiers fighting in a lonely and savage conflict. Your piece is truly moving and deftly set forth.

My only suggestions are purely technical in nature, dealing primarily with changes in punctuation to reduce run-on sentence structure and/or redundance and improve flow, aligning tense, imagert, and in a few instances, spelling/grammer. Please bear in mind they are ONLY suggestions ~ minor technical changes that you may find render your piece even more powerful than it already is.

As to content, it is, in this case, superb. My only suggestion in this area is that you may wish to clarify you and your husband's role in the story. In the first four paragraphs, one gets the impression that you, yourselves, may be a military family associated with a nearby base. Paragraph 5 makes mention of warming up your bike, but we do not get and inkling you are part of a Motorcycle Group that performs escorts for KIA solders until Paragraph 5. To facilitate better reader understanding, consider starting your story with the first two sentences of your last Paragraph, "I've done many rides before and since, standing for hours holding a flag in freezing weather, rain and snow. But this was the hardest ride I've ever made..."

- then allow your ensuing Paragraphs to illustrate whyit was the hardest ride you've ever made, and in your last Paragraph, weave all of the story's Paragraphs together by emphasising ... "Yes, this was the hardest ride I've ever done. So why do I subject myself to something so physically and emotionally draining? Because....it's the right thing to do."

Strictly technical suggestions:

* Paragraph 1 - "morning, but..." (comma b/t 'morning' and 'but')

* Paragraph 2 - "...was when he said, "Michaela's crying!"

and
}

"Why?" I asked.

and


"I don't know, she won't tell me." he replied.

(consider separating above 3 lines, making the last two their own, individual paragraphs to heighten interest)

and

*..."What do you mean, he died?" I asked, concerned. (comma b/t mean and he - also rather than "concerned", you might choose another descriptive word such as 'stunned' to better describe your emotional reaction to the news of the death)

*... "He was killed by a roadside bomb." she explained. (again, you might wish to substitute and adjective more vividly descriptive of the child's emotional state, such as "sobbed" or "explained, tears streaming down her cheeks"

* She picked up her back pack and dug around in it. She brought me the paper explaining... (since the child was already in your presence, consider smoothing the flow here by saying something like, 'She picked up her back pack and dug around in it, producing the paper explaining... '

* I knew a number of the kids had a parent either already deployed to Iraq or soon scheduled to deploy. My heart went out to those children, (knowing or realizing) the fear they must be feeling. (punctuation and wording changes may enhance flow here)

* Paragraph 3 ...I had known that Jesse's daddy, Sam was in Iraq, he was a Ranger, scheduled to come home in September.

* Paragraph 5 - ...I checked every day and finally on the third day there it finally was: Mission confirmed for Staff Sgt. Samuel P. Smith. Actually, it listed three missions for this young soldier.
The first was to meet the jet at the airfield and escort the body to the funeral home, the second was that we be present at the funeral home per the family's request for escort of the body to the army base for the funeral, the third was to attend a memorial service for Sam and the other two soldiers that were killed with him with the men and women stationed on base. I told my husband about the missions and he decided to take a day off work for the actual funeral, but was going to be unable make the other two. I would have to represent both of us for those.

* Paragraph 7 - ...The family was already there, as well as several soldiers from Fort Carson

* Paragraph 11 - ...As the procession moved through the streets of Colorado Springs, I was astounded by the number of cars that pulled to the side{c:green. Some occupants
even stepped out and stood with their hands covering their hearts, an amazing show of support for this young family. (substituting a different word to avoid redundance in the use of "amazed and amazing" in these 2 sentences.)

* ... I was having a really hard time concentrating on driving, continually having to wipe the tears streaming down my face and fogging up my sunglasses.

* Paragraph 12 - ...dispersing

* Paragraph 13 - ... I turned to Jesse and asked how he wasRecognition dawned in his eyes, "Mom! This is Michaela's Mom!" . He ran to me as I knelt on the ground to accept his hug.

* Paragraph 14 - ...Again we were greeted along the way with by people stopping to lay their hands over thier their hearts, veterans that stood at attention and saluted, and saluting current members of the Army and Air Force thatwho were stationed nearby. It was a very moving moment in time.

* Paragraph 15 ...It tore me in twoapart to witness this scene. It's something I will never forget. (avoids two same-sounding words, two and to, adjascenet to on another in the same sentence - and the redundance of using the expression twice, as it was earlier used in the phrase "my heart broke in two")

* Paragraph 16 - ...As we stood outside the gates of Ft. Carson awaiting for/x} permission to enter, soldier after soldier pulled into the parking lot, they got out of their cars. They andThey{c} went around shaking all of our hands, most just wanted wanting to say thanks for what we do. Others wished to go furtherin to more into depth, both in expressing their appreciation and relating that a lot of the troops were suffering from low morale and when they saw seeing us here and reading about other riders all over the U.S. itprovided a much needed morale boost.

* Paragrah 18 - I got a call from the school one day just before the end of the school year; the principal wanted to see me about Michaela. I couldn't figure out what was going on;she never gets in trouble at school.

* Paragraph 19 - Then she tellstold me what happened. It appears that Jesse had been having some problems with 3three boys thatwho would corner him on the playground and tease him about being a crybaby and say things like 'I'm glad your Dad died'. Kids can be so cruel!

* Paragraph 20 - Start a new paragrah after "She was one pissed off little girl ( I think you may just have forgotten to linesspace between this and the the next line to form the new paragraph ) - also in your last sentence... "{c:green Had
an adult should have done something about the 3three bullies before now, and then sheJesse wouldn't have had to take care of it for them.

* Paragrasph 21 - would'nt - wouldn't

Congratulations on a truly wonderful effort!
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Review of TALL TALE  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is an exciting tale of an encounter at sea, narrated from the a seasoned Skipper's perspective. It is artfully spun and remarkably well written; obviously the product of a very talented pen. My suggestions for this excellent piece include only minor technical alterations:

1. Your first paragraph is rendered a bit choppy by the repetitive relative lengths of the sentences that comprise it. You might consider alleviating this problem with a very minor alteration in punctuation; for example:

instead of ~

{c:green)...I have always had the ability to understand what women want by looking in their eyes. The rewards from this gift have been passion, memories and many a barroom brawl.


perhaps try something like ~

I've always had the ability to understand what women want by searching their eyes; the rewards of this gift have been passion, memories, and many a barroom brawl.

2. You can smooth the flow from Paragraph 1 to Paragraph 2 (and resultantly, throughout your story) by deleting your first sentence in Paragraph 2, and by utilizing punctuation, more carefully matched tense, and more vivid imagery to enhance the transitional phrasing of sentences. For example:

...I sail my ship on a course marked by the breeze over crystal clear seas. The women I’ve known and the ones I will meet have placed me on my lonely journey. I have always had the ability to understand what women want by looking in their eyes; the rewards of this gift have been passion, memories, and many a barroom brawl. Men are fools when competition is at stake. Leaving behind a broken heart Leaving broken hearts behind gets harder with every tear shed, but I must say goodbye; the wind whispers that wonderful things await justt pass("past" or "beyond") the next sunset.

Sorry I went adrift from the tale I want to tell. The first full moon of the New Year was losing its battle with daybreak. I had a pocket full of money. I'd just dropped deposited a banker and his girlfriend off at Marsh Harbor after a week that started began with a crossing from Palm Beach and culminated in to a leisurely sail down the Bahama's northern Cays. It washad been an awkward week for me; the Lady could not hide her desires. She tired theher old man out with swimming and snorkeling all day... and then by night we'dhavemake moonlit love.

These are simply suggestions for very minor tweaks to add a bit of "zing" to your story, which is beatifully written and a pleasure to read! Kudos!
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Review of A Day in the Life  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A fanciful short story, carrying readers for a time on the wings of a lady dragon ~ and allowing us to be privy to her thoughts as the journey progresses. I very much enjoyed the author's unusual utilization of a rare and fresh alternative perspective, and found this piece charming in its own right, particularly for younger readers. Only two VERY minor grammatic suggestiong:

1. In line 9, you may wish to hyphenate the word "baa-ing" to clarify your intended meaning.

2. In Paragraph 10, you might want to change the word "like" to "as" and juxtapose words, ph "villager fools" to "foolish villagers".

Well done!
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Review of For A Genius...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
An excellent tale that propels the reader through the full spectrum of emotions. The first of these, you may find, is a rather knee-jerk ~ though initially mild ~ dispproval of the main character's over-inflated ego... that rapidly transforms into bonafide resentment for his demonstrated arrogance and narcissistic mindset. Then, with amazing deftness and skill, the author of this short story delivers a slam-into-a-brick-wall knockout punch ~ both to the main character's AND his readers. Well and tautly written!
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Rated: E | (5.0)
One of Writing.com's finest, Kathleen , is yet again demonstrating her wholehearted and selfless dedication to our writing Community via this marvellously thought-out and executed Handmade Creations Auction.  In this Auction created for WDC members who are unable to attend this year's Convention, she has rallied the crafters among us to offer up a marvellous collection of handmade items for bid to benefit both those who win the auctions AND the RAOK.  Make your day ~ and those of countless beneficiaries of the RAOK's assistance ~ a LOT brighter by checking out and bidding on one or more beautiful items in this superb Auction.   Kudos to our wonderful Kathleen for all you so selflessly and BEAUTIFULLY do for so MANY here among us!
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Review of Easter Egg Hunt  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hurry on over to this absolutely marvellous Contest Forum and treat your spirit to a generous sip of the sweet nectar of generosity!  Ths technically flawless and beautifully designed Forum affords Members of the WDC Community the best of both worlds ~ an opportunity to participate in an exciting, all-out fun Virtual Easter Egg pursuit concomitant with the privilege of helping the WDC R.A.O.K. (Random Acts of Kindness) Group.  Kathleen has done an absolutely phenomenal job with this delightful Contest Forum, and her Herculean efforts ~ for which she asks nor receives ANY personal profit whatsoever ~ are an exemplary proponent of altruism and goodwill in its purest form within this amazing writing Community.  WDC Members can best tell{i/} her so by hopping down the Bunny Trail to the Easter Egg Hunt and joining in on the festivities!   
 Easter Egg Hunt  (E)
CLOSED for 2006! Checking in to be sure that all prizes have been or are being awarded.
#1088362 by Kathleen
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Review of Angie and Jesus  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A MUST READ for parents, clergy, and just about anyone with even a modicum of appreciation of the wisdom that comes from the mouths of babes. This short story is one readers will want to save as a favorite ~ it is thoughtfully and beautifully written, and leads the reader to an endearingly gently humorous conclusion. With this wonderful piece, Ravenwand has done a marvellous job of tugging at our heartstrings, tickling our funnybones, AND giving us pause to consider and embrace the untainted insight and innocence God instills in His most precious gifts ~ the children He entrusts to our care.

WINNER OF THE "Who Greased the Grapevine?" Comedy Competition for the wekk ending 5 Feb 06!
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Rated: E | (5.0)
What a MARVELLOUS BASH you are throwing - Happy Birthday to you, the foundation of WDC! I just discovered a typo (only a forgotten "..." puncutation - not any portion of the actual words) in the Limerick I just now submitted, it should have read:

Oh, woe to the waif who discovers
The Site that outshines every other;
It is Writing.com,
Four years going strong,
That speaks to me more than my mother!

It beckons me even while sleeping;
My teeth tucked away for safekeeping ~
Dentures or no,
Online I go...
I MUST give my keyboard a beating!

Writing.com, I adore you
Release me to sleep, I implore you!
Promise me true
You won't misconstrue
My failure to EVER ignore you.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Move over, Mardis Gras! Eat your heart out, Disneyland! Thar's a new Sheriff in town, and he's packing a powerful big tote-full of challenges, celebratory activites, surprises, Gift Point Contests and Competitions, fantastic eye candy for we visual types, and more good old-fashioned 'fun potential' than a barrel of monkeys on their best day! Sprinkled in the mix are generous amounts of the graphic- and text-manipulations and delightfully whimsical web art for which our Sir and Lady StoryMaster have become renown, both in this Community and many lying beyond its gates. This is a MUST SEE / MUST PARTICIPATE site ~ and once you get there, you'll want to save it to your Favorites, because the festivities will continue for the entire first week of September! This party takes "phenomenal" to a new and heady pinnacle ~ don't miss out on the fun, fun, FUN!

HAPPY FOURTH BIRTHDAY, WRITING.COM ! You've left ehind your infancy and now tower, in ripened bloom and heads above the rest ~ fully matured and exceeded by none. Many, many happy returns ~ each laden with the ever-increasing success, prosperity, happiness, and sense of accomplishment that go hand-in-hand with endeavors as exemplary as this Community daily demonstrates itself to be.  *Heart*

Sincerely,
Kelly Long-Kirkppatrick

STATIC
Writing.Com Party Central 2019!  (E)
We're celebrating our 19th birthday! Stop in to see what's going on!
#506157 by The StoryMistress
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