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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/oldbob
Review Requests: OFF
212 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Bob retired
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have certainly laid it all out Trish. You are also correct in that it's all in your own hands, rise above the depression, or sink without a trace. I know you will rise up and be your own best friend once again. Poetically, your poem needs some work, but it shows where you are and where you want to be; it tells a story. I can only say - 'well done'.

Keep on writing dear lady. There are many who will gain from it.

Bob
2
2
Review of The Memory  
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Time, Wayne, does not heal your wounds at all, but it does allow your memory to lose track of the cause of them. My memory is kind to me in my old age, it remembers clearly the good times.
A couple of places where the rhythm of the line is a bit out, but overall a pleasant read. keep at it, the content is good, and worth reading.
Cheers and best wishes
Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I cannot do anything but agree with your sentiments. Our world is busily destroying itself through lack of common courtesy, consideration for others less fortunate, and giving of help where it is needed. Governments, big business, and armed forces control us all in one way or another. Sadly, that can only end in the destruction of the human species, we are our own worst enemy. Thank you for posting this piece, it hits home with great force. I wonder will we as a species survive? I shall be long gone by then, and I am old enough to remember when you could walk the street late at night with safety.

Cheers and best wishes, and good luck.

Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have not thought of nature as you pictured it here, but I do admire you sentiments and agree with them. Nature is what you have described in you well constructed poem. I know from experience the various moods of nature and the consequences you must pay when you flaunt her rules. Very well done indeed, I commend you.

Cheers and best wishes

Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Where is the sun?  
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I think this is a well constructed villanelle. It made me read carefully to get the full impact of the subject but I did enjoy the read. Thank you for giving me something to think about. Maybe I could ' stretch my style' a bit too.
Cheers and best wishes

Bob
6
6
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with  
Rated: E
A very intriguing choice of words in this poem. Sadly the heat of emotion cools as time goes by and the last verse says it plainly: The sun will rise again,
three quarters of the way home.
Tomorrow, I will love you better.
These leaves tug at my shoes,
as the sky washes to black.
I am where this poem comes from. Thank you for sharing such an insightful write.

Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Bravo to you for writing and posting this fine piece of writing. Sadly many of us in the wealthier countries are aware, but do not consider the problem is theirs to solve. I live in one of those countries, and although I don't have much money at all, I am aware of some of the third world country's problems with poverty. Even so, here in our affluent society, there is growing poverty in the lower socio enconomic circles, and we do nothing about that either. Those with the money to help out simply value their money more than the thousands of lives lost every year to the consequence of poverty, be it child marriage, slavery, and simply starvation. I can offer no solution, but to pray to whatever you believe in to give comfort to so many underprivileged people, wherever they may be.

Keep writing, whatever else you do. Someone will respond one day; positively.

Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I can only say "Bravo' to you for this poem. After thousands of years of trying to solve international problems with war, we, as a species, are nowhere. You have thought this poem out very well, constructed it well, and presemted it in a pleasing way for us readers to read. Add to that the simple fact that it communicates directly without metaphoric references and I think you have a great poem. I hope man is not eiminating mankind, but sometimes, I wonder.

Thank you for posting and please write on.

Kind regards

Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of WINTER WALK  
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
An excellent presentation in the Lune format. I did enjoy my walk with you in conditions I have personally never experienced; it does not snow where I live. I offer no suggestions at all because your did what I believe all poetry should do, it communicated your walk to me. Keep up the good writing.

Cheers and best wishes

Bob

Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of A JAR of SUNSHINE  
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
As a wish gift, this is a delight to receive and I thank you for your response to my poem. I do prefer the warm weather when my old bones are not frozen. I do believe an edit would improve the flow and rhythm of this poem of yours and make it something special that every reader would enjoy. I do appreciate the sentiment behind the poem and thank you for showing them to me this way.

Kind regards

Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of PATIENCE  
Review by Bob retired
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Julie. This poem speaks volumes of truth and reminds me of my own ageing processes. I can relate to it all, the heartache, the joys, the laughter, the tears, and the triumph when things go right. As a poem it may need some editing to smooth out the rhythm, but it communicates with me as poetry should and is emminently readable. Thank you for sharing yourself like this. It's worth a five.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
for entry "Mornings
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What can I say? This is a truly delightful piece, and I can even remember sharing the mornings with on the farm we both loved.
13
13
Review of Ageing  
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with Shadows and Light Free Verse G...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ageing ? No, this can't be. A little slip of memory, a tired feeling when one should be exhilarated, fixing normal things a real brain teaser. That is normal. Not feeling all these petty annoyances, is ageing. I like you thoughts Rob, I really do. I am perhaps a wee bit older, but life is full of positives anyway. Mother nature provides an endless supply of places to go and things to see and admire. I won't affer any suggestions for improvement, your poem communicated to me and tah is all I require from a poem. Thank you.

Cheers and best wishes - Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I think this is very well done. The intro sets the scene for what follows quite nicely and the storyline is rather intrigueing. I wonder what comes next, and thats a good way to end a chapter, keep the reader curious as to what's coming. So far, so good from my point of view. I won't go into grammar and that sort of analytical stuff because language varies so much and I'll probably get it wrong for your part of the world. Keep writing, show the reader your story and when it ends, let it end.

Cheers and best wishes - Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Earth's Poem  
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Very well constructed and presented, I like it it all. Not often do I find a poem that actually reflects my own feelings about the planet we live on. We, the human species, are the destroyers of the very earth we need to survive. Your rhythm and rhyme fits well with the flow of the poem and I can offer no suggestions to improve this piece.

Cheers and best wishes - Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Solar Somnium  
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with Muse Masters Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderful dream to have, to be there where no human can actually survive, and remember it to write this poem. It is not perfect, but does that matter? I received your thoughts and travelled with you in your dream, and enjoyed the trip. As a technical poem it is probably worth a four and a half rating, but I'll give it five for reader value.
Cheers and best wishes - Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of On My Own  
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You may have written this for a contest but it hits a sore spot with me. I too, have shut the door on new friendships. The poem is free verse but it seems to be just a little off beat. For instance, the last line of verse three is long and maybe would have more impact if written as two lines; " For when I look back on it,
My heart only breaks." This would emphasise the breaking heart.
Overall I liked reading this piece. Keep writing and look for the impact of your word choices; sometimes less is more.

Cheers and best wishes - Bob
18
18
Review of We Found Love  
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I found this piece a very interesting read. The method of using conversation to tell the story is not new, but was handled well, I thought. The nature of things is a bit off the mark as most male lions will kill the cubs of another male to re-inforce his dominance over the female. However I put that aside and enjoyed your writing. With nature's romances there is often a sad, cruel side, which you chose to remove to get your 'happy ending'.
A feel good story, done quite well is my summation.

Cheers and best wishes - Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
No matter how you look back at the past, you cannot change it, it is already history. Thinking about "What might have been' is a waste of time, However life does not give anyone a completely smooth ride and when ou are called on to take that final bow, do so with staisfaction, you have achieved a lot in your life whether you know it or not. You poem communicates well with me, the reader, and I take in your message readily. I am who I am because of the past I cannot alter, I should be content. Forgive my rambling but your poem did trigger so many apparently weird thoughts. A good read, with a good message.

Cheers and best wishes - Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ilike the format you have used here, and the way you have chosen your words to convey your message with simplicity and style. The content delights me as I am old enough to remember times gone by when things were different. I did enjoy reading and had a smile at the content. Overall I think this is a delightful poem.

Cheers and best wishes - Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I cannot answer your questions, nor solve your problems, that is up to you. I wish I could do something constructive for you, only then would I be able to do the same for myself. I think that we are all supposed to look for what is positive and put the darkness away in a cupboard. You have expressed the feelings of depression very well from where I stand. I wonder what those lucky people do who are never depressed at all; how do they keep the multitude of life's activities in the right perspective for themselves? I wish I knew.

Stay well my friend, and maybe keep looking for the light that shines in every cloud.

Kind regards - Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of The Terrible Gift  
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Your poem has a terriffic impact, not only the heartbreak about the poem's content, but your presentation spreads the focus of others to perhaps understand the tragedy of that awful complaint. Me, being male, will never fully appreciate your feelings, but I can empatise with you, and admire your courage.

Stay well, and enjoy whatever you can. - Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Freeway  
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
very well crafted. The presentation is fair but the impact of the overall poem makes up for that. For me personally Freewats have no impact at all, there are none out where I live. As you say in your poem: "just a nightmare, she'll be right." One does get accustomed to driving on congested roads when one is doing it on a regular basis.
Cheers and best wishes - Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have the right attitude for writing, very determined. The big black wall you speak of is really just a minor hurdle you will pass over as time goes by. I like the way you express yourself, clearly, without undue embroidery on it. Write on my friend, listen to conversations whereever you can, you might get inspiration from the queue at the supermarket, or anywahere at all. Watch life as it passes by, nature as well as human, there is inspiration all around. I think you do have the talent to be a writer, but lack the confidence in your own ability, write on and write for yourself, you might just be interesting to read.

Cheers and best wsihes - Bob
25
25
Review by Bob retired
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I do not usually read or review sci-fi writing, but your story had me intrigued from start to finish. I assume this is the first chapter of a novel and I would be interested to read the completed book to see what happens. To my mind your characters speak for themselves, they appear real in the story, and their reactions follow a sort of logic. Congrats on a well written story.

Cheers and best wishes - Bob


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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