I often wondered what would happen if two women were left alone for some time, with no male to disturb them. A very well thought out piece with adequate description and activity. I faalterd a bit when reading aloud, but that's just me, I think. I live in a different world. Overall, I liked your poetic scene, a good pleasant read.
I've been on a drunken spree occasionally, just like your poem. As a poem it's not bad at all. The rhythm and rhyme could probably be improved, but the content is pure, un-inhibited carousing with alcohol as a companion. I like your style even though I lost my taste for that dreadful stuff some years ago. All I can say is - write on and keep enjoying the process.
Cheers and best wishes - Bob
I have to admire this one. Not only for the 'form' but for the content. It's a shame our esteemed Prime Minister makes such a shambles of carrying out the responsibilities of that position. Write on Amanda, and make it an enjoyable process.
Cheers and best wishes - Bob [from NSW- inland]
This is something I can relate to, and laugh about. It's definitely a comedy and shows that well. I wouldn't change anything at all. It's entertaining, short enough to enjoy without getting the - Ho Hums along the way. All in all very good.
Write on and enjoy what you are doing.
Cheers and best wishes - Bob
I find at first read that this is quite an intriguing tale, but it leaves some questions in my mind. Tommy assessed the farm and what needed doing and more or less told himself what he could fix and how, while he was at home. But he's leaving the next day, how can he do the repairs etc in just one night? The second point I find disconcerting is Liam. He doesn't really come into the story as a character, but he is important to Tommy. What happened to Liam - did he run off with Tommy and Ruby as was planned, or did he actually commit suicide? I find the secret is less important as the story goes on. perhaps I am too old fashioned and like a satisfactory ending to the story. I doidn't find any grammatical errors or typos, and apart from clarifying the two questions I really don't see anything wrong with the story.
Does this help at all? Or am I the one who needs help?
An excellent composition which is, to me, the best presentation I have seen for a long time where prose and poetry cannot be separated, yet make poetry together. I am a believer that poetry is communication and this poem communicates beautifully.
Cheers and best wsihes - Bob
What can I say about this poem. You have said it all, the structure, the rhythm, the meter, the rhyme,all tell me you love nature as it is, always a delight to those who care. It is not often that a poem speaks as clearly as this one. Excellent work.
You have a talent forpeorty, that is obvious.
Cheers and best wishes - Bob
After reading this a few times I came to the conclusion that English is not your first language. The method of constructing sentences makes understand ing your meaning difficult. I do like your storyline; it is good, but your use of the English language muddies the story. An example of idiomatic language is where you wrote " to take a hot and long shower'. This could be written as " to take a long, hot shower'. I like the apparition you call wisdom, it gives rise to curiosity as to what happens next. I would suggest you write on and go further with your book, novel, or whatever you want to call it, and then look at it overall with a view to getting the idiom of the English language into it.
Kind Regards - Bob
Note: Regardless of whether I am an expert or not, this review is my opinion, no more, no less.
A very heartwarming story, and it's well presented for the reader to enjoy. What I do like is the simplicity of it, your demonstration of love for an animal. I enjoyed this story, it is one that brings memories of my own old dog. Thank you for posting and sharing.
I heartily agree. Someone is needed by everyone. I was a bit confused at first reading, but it did ccome to me after another, more careful read. However, overall I enjoyed the poem and agree with its content. Nicely done.
A beautiful poem. Children do inspire one to write, especially when they are happy children. I love the acrostics, they give freedom of expression to the writer. I pray the beautiful child kept the beauty for life.
Your story makes me wish for a land where the leaves do fall, in the fall. I rarely see coloured leaves becuse our trees, eucalyptus, are evergreen. What a delight to share your Saturday close to the city, yet not part of it.
I found this by accident but I love it. If only we could all leave the past, in the past. Clear concise writing, stating your message well. And, it has something I like very much; it ends in a positive note. We often hear that while there is life, there is hope; you give that hope in this poem. As for suggestions to improve it; none from me. It communicates to me, its easy to read and the presentation is good.
I find this poem a most unusual way of warning the world of the unlimited power of mother nature, and her ability to destroy whatever man may build. It dose communicate to me the message, and it's presentation led me on to the conclusion. I see no reason to cgange anything at all.
Short, sharp and shiny. This is a form I have never encountered but it's interesting. I would think this form would not be popular with writers. It does contact the reader, it does give the message clear and concise.
This poem is a sad reminder that many who went over the oceans to keep our country safe and free will never be coming back, and in too many instances no one knows what happened to them over there, they are still -"Missing in Action". I have a peronal aspect with WW2 that will never be satisfactorily explained to me. Good work with this poem, it hits the spot in my heart where it's soft.
A worthy winner with a wonderful story to keep us all amused and entertained. I love where you have taken the prompt, and the way you have presented your story. A credit to you.
I like this piece, it comes from the opposite end of life from mine. I am at one end and you are begining. Life gives away nothing, you have to earn whatever, or it won't last. You do have a way of expressing yourself that is easy to comprehend and maybe could produce articles for magazines or newspapers, or both. You could also become a writer, however you have to decide whatyou want to do and go that way. AS you said at the end, there is nothing to stop you --- but you. In this crzy world of ours I wish you the best of good luck, and suggest you enjoy it all as much as you can.
Thank you for writing this piece and posting it. It makes my writing as a poet so much easier. English as we speak it today, is what I call, 'Shopkeepers English'. All English speaking countries have two versions at least, one for their daily speech and one for writing. The daily speech is often quite musical, with all sorts of pronunciation differences to their written English. It's here that most English speaking countries have gone for the common denominator, 'Shopkeepers English', which can be understood by any nation. I am Australian, and we have variations of pronunciation within our society, and even in different suburbs in our cities, I think it's much the same wherever language is in use. When we review any poetry on a site such as WDC, we should allow for variants in pronunciation, just as you say. thanks for reminding me of my obligation as a reviewer.
I can relate to everything in this piece, The changes and the differences..I even have the regret of not going back again to renwe old friendships. You have won me with this, it rekindles a lot of memories, As far as the structure goes: it is a successful piece of writing as far as I can see; it engages the reader, it communicates. Well written.
I can't say much about the content as my dog makes his wishes known without any gadgets at all. You have written the story well and it's easy to follow. I don't hold with spending my hard earned cash to buy gadgets when a dog is intelligent enough to make his wishes known by another method. I had to grin a bit, just the same.
Re your note: I have never studied any writer since leaving formal schooling behind me in 1948. I do enjoy reading though, and read widely, Hemmingway included. I like your tale of Hooves although I must admit the thrust of it escapes me. I read for my own enjoyment and don't bother to analyse anything too much. All I can say is that you have a good flow to the story and it is a good read.
I love these stories from the past. Today all is mechanised and made as easy as possible, and we, the human species, are getting soft. We don't have the inbuilt resilience of the men of the 'goog old days'. Reminiscing is a part of getting old and there are so many great stories out there, waiting to be told. Thank you for telling this one, I found it interesting and enjoyable to read. By the way, I am 80 years old and I have seen some tremendous changes to society in my lifetime. I wonder what;s coming next?
Stay well - write well
I like this way of using the cinquain form of potry. It gives the writer enough space to communicate with the readers. You have done well, I find no reason to suggest any changes, and I thank you for posting. I enjoyed reading.
You have created a mood for me here and I am pleased to share your thoughts that 'the unbroken silence of Nature' is a reward for listening. I won't analyse the structure ; free form poetry is - free form. An enjoyable read for which I think you.
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