What a delightful lot of absolute nonsense; it rhymes well. the rhythm is spot on and the flow is great. You have a great talent to be able to write nonsense with such poetic skill. A most enjoyable read on a cold and miserable winter morning.
You would probably have written anyway, regardless of what your parents did or didn't do. Your construction of this piece is very good and follows a logical progression throughout. Your parents instruction has done your grammar no harm, I can't find an error anywhere. all I can say is -keep on writing, you do have a talent for it.
I am a bit surprised at this, I clicked the review button and I have this terriffic poem come up. I can find no reason to change anything at all; your message is clear. sadly, all too many times children are harmed with lies and psycological stuff which they suffer from for the rest of their lives. I see you wrote this in 2006, but its message is relevqant today, maybe more so than ever.
I really don't know what to say. Your story got to me in a way I never expected. True love like that is rare, but so is writing like that.It is heartbreaking to see the light of life fade from ssomeone's eyes while you are holding them in your arms. A sad, but beautiful story, very well crafted. I cannot suggest any chnages to improve this.
I like this immensely. I have been writing off and on for a great many years and Istill need to study writing. It is a never ending learning curve. You have shown me another glimpse through the window of learning with this piece, thank you for sharing
Keep up the good work.
A creative work of art. You ask questions, answer them, and move on the the next. Just as in life, we move from one situation to another many times day. What we don't do is craft each situation in well chosen words. I enjoyed your poem turning up on my reading list today. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I have a soft spot for 'way back when' stories and poems. that was when freedom was the norm, not what we aspire to have. Perhaps my 'way back when' goes back a little further. I liked the easy reading style you choose to write in, and the simple descriptions of life as it was. Overall a very good read, thank you for posting and sharing..
A series of statements which are all too true. WE are the world, we make it, we break it, we sometimes even fix it. How we live in it is up to us, as individuals, and as a society. Well stated for all to see.
I cannot write fantasy to save my life, but I like the way you have crafted this piece. I feel the emotions as the shop girl makes the transformation to another being ina world of fantasy. Very well done fromwhere I sit.
Now that is a lovely story, and yes, we all have choices to make, throughout our lives, not just a once in a lifetime episode. What choice we make affects us day by day. Freedom from fear, whatever one fears, is absolutely wonderful. You have written a lovely piece here and should be proud of it. I don't look for gramatical errors and such, that's your job.
You deserve a medal Julie. This is a mammoth project and may never stop uless our esteemed governments all over the world can reach agree ments without shooting at one another. here in Australia we do have veteran's organisations constantly working to record the facts of war and the feelings of those who fought them. I have to give you full marks for htis Julie.
A very good exercise in rhyming and rhythm. I doubt you are what you describe in your poem, but - ? I find a well constructed poem, good rhythm and rhyme with a regular beat to each stanza. It made for pleasant reading, and a bit of a chuckle. Thank you for posting.
Oh so true !! Characters are real, only they do not have human organic content in their make up, they are paper. As you say,everyone has foibles peculiar to themselves. I like the way you have compiled this piece, now you have shown me, I can write anywhere, anytime, instead of the back room with the cat for company.
You have captured a mental image of that horrible day, and passed it on through your poem The imagery and description leaves nothing out. I cant' see anywhere to improve this poem, it is a pefect as it needs to be.
A pencil, an envelope, ideas to write down - damn! I lost it all, [for a time I wear a frown] I know the feeling well, even now there are scraps of paper on which I have written so much in so few words. Yes I like your poem, as much for its honest content as for anything else. Good one.
Regards - Bob
Yes, I believe you, but thousands wouldn't. However, I do like the words you have penned here and labeled as 'other'. During my long (?) career in the writing world, I have commented on many poems, Yours is a poem, in spite of the title you have given it. It has a good rhythm, not perfect, but good, it tells a story, and it raises a question. It is written in poetic form, quatrains, you do have a rhyme scheme, a good one too. The question I have to ask is simple, it is a poem, why not call it that? After all that, I like it very much. Good one !!!
Bravo !!! So many service mena and women return from active duty, the shooting war, to face a more insiduous battle with a silent enemy, the one within. Call out for help yes please, you might save innocents from unnecessary harm, both physical and emotional. I'm glad someone is still thinking of the battles after the battles have been fought.
The 'stick shift. is still my choice after all these years of driving all sorts of vehicles. A lovely tale that was a delight to read. I won't think about grammar and all that stuff because it is not important, really, I just enjoyed the read, chuckling as I read items which triggered my own memory of driving at a young age.
Very good indeed, I like it. The rhythm is a bit off key in a couple of places when read aloud, but the overall is an enjoyable read. I know the topic is somewhat dark, but that is the content, and, sadly all too true. Keep writing and readers will come to you.
I found you from 'Random Review'.
Amen to this poem Meg. Larry was a one off, a great poet,a gentleman, and a wonderful mentor to so many, including myself.
Cheers and best wishes - Bob
Trust between mother and child is emphasised in this story. The potential danger is still evident but through the trust their dangerous period is over. Well thought out and well crafted. Keep on writing.
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