I must say this is the beginning of an interesting story.
I am partial to SciFi and often peruse the newby section for new talent.
You have a lot of talent and the potential to be a great writer.
I do find that you seem to prefer the mixing of tenses, your first two paragraphs---
Christine Reynolds wakes up from a nightmare, covered in cold sweat. She gasps in the cold air, that’s normal for everyone living in the underground base, like a fish on dry land. She untangles herself from her blanket and sheet, running the short distance to get to her bathroom. Chris stumbles into the dark bathroom, gasping for air, as she fumbles to open the bathroom mirror to get to the medicine concealed behind it. Her hands touch familiar bottles, but she flings them into the sink; vitamins, aspirin, and cold medicine. Then her hands touch the medicine bottle she wants as her shaking, fumbling hands try to keep a tight hold on it.
With urgent need, Chris grips the bottle in one of her hands and twists the lid off with the other. She dumps the small, triangular blue pills in her hand, picks up two of them with frenzied fingers, and swallows them dry. Chris’s small, lean body shakes for a few minutes and then the calming effects of the medicine starts its magic in her system. Feeling much calmer and steadier, Chris recaps the medicine bottle and places the bottle back in its original position. She picks up the other fallen medicine bottles to return them to their proper places, too, and then she closes the mirror. Chris turns her face away from the mirror at the last second, unable to look at her reflection. But as she walks out of the bathroom, she catches a glimpse of her face in the mirror out of the corner of her eye.
Threw me off for a second until I realize your writing approach was different---
Here is a sample of how I would possobly change the style===
Christine Reynolds woke abruptly from a nightmare covered in cold sweat. She greedily sucked in the cold air like a fish on dry land, which is normal for everyone living in the underground base. She quickly untangled herself from the blanket and sheet and ran the short distance to her bathroom. Chris stumbled into the dark bathroom, still gasping for air, fumbling to open the bathroom mirror to get to the medicine concealed behind it. Her hands touch familiar bottles, but she flings them into the sink; vitamins, aspirin, and cold medicine. Then her hands caress the medicine bottle she wants and her shaking, fumbling hands try to keep a tight grip on it.
With urgent need, Chris grips the bottle in one of her hands and twists the lid off with the other. She dumps the small triangular blue pills into her shaking hand, picks up two of them with frenzied fingers, and swallows them dry. Her small, lean body shakes for a few minutes and then the calming effects of the medicine starts its magic in her system. Feeling much calmer and steadier, Chris recaps the medicine bottle and places it back in its original position. She turns her face away from the mirror at the last second, unable or unwilling to look at her reflection. But as she walks from the bathroom, she catches a fleeting glimpse of her face in the mirror out of the corner of her eye.
This is just my opinion, mind you. Evry writer has their own way of doing things and likes to add their own touches to their writing.
Overall, I found it very interesting and am moving on to the next part.
Thanks for sharing and remember
This just y silly opinion and subject to correction.
Write on!
Oldwarrior
|
|
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
