Hi L. E. Moore-
First of all, I would like to welcome you to writing.com. I hope you are finding your way around.
I noticed right away that you set the content for this story at E rated. I think you should go back and edit the rating and re-set it to a higher rating, if for no other reason, than for the language used. The E-rating is not appropriate.
My Overall Impression:
The story itself starts out slowly and appears to have details that do not carry the story along. When it finally becomes somewhat more interesting, the story ends almost abruptly.
Errors/ Typo's etc.
There are multiple errors, far too many to list.
Some are spelling, some are grammar and some deal with tense issues.
A few things to look up would be:
The difference between their and there.
The difference between to, too and two.
This piece needs a lot of work to clean up the errors and maintain one tense throughout. It seems unfinished. My rating at this time: 1/2
Peace.
---Flower
My Overall Impression: This is a sweet story. I like the main character and how she is shown through minute details divulged as the story progresses such as her grey hair and her wedding ring.
Things needing more attention or fixed:
You tend to forget to add a comma in places where
one is needed, and use one in other places where
it might not be needed.
Here are a few examples:
Holding her chin up high, she admires the shiny curls..."
And again in this sentence--->"She is dressing for the elegance of the evening, as she sat on a pillow.
In almost any instance where a sentence starts with the word "then" you will put a comma after it as
the sentence continues.
ex.
Then , a young woman’s laughter brings forth a familiar setting courted by..."
Other errors:
I also noticed a shift in tense throughout the story. In the first paragraph, you use present tense verbs.
She takes, she admires, she is dressing.
Then, in the next paragraph you begin using past tense such as "was" and sound "began" denoting things that already happened. This jump in tenses confuses the reader.
My suggestion would be to look over your piece and make your verbs and pronouns match one tense.
It will read better and cause less confusion.
Overall, I think you have potential with this story.
I enjoyed reading it and will gladly read other items in your port if you like.
My rating for this story:
Peace.
Flower
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Good evening-- petey
I'd like to offer you a hearty welcome to writing.com! I hope you have found many of the things offered here. A great place for any information or questions you may have is in a link at the top of your screen. It is called Getting Started. I hope you subscribe to a few newsletters and get to know people around here. I personally think the Noticing Newbies newsletter is one of the best.
My Overall Impression: I was rolling on the floor laughing by the second paragraph. I have to admit. I hate AOL, and I have never liked any of the ICQ, or messenger programs... and I don't have any buddies for ANY program. My cellphone bugs me enough.
Great write--- technology sure has brought changes to the way we live.
My rating:1/2
I hope you enjoy this site and I will get to read more from you soon.
Peace!
Flower
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Hello and good day- jburgesscst
I'd like to offer you a hearty welcome to writing.com and I hope you have found many of the things offered here. A great place for any information or questions you may have is in a link at the top of your screen. It is called Getting Started. I hope you subscribe to a few newsletters and get to know people around here. I personally think the Noticing Newbies newsletter is one of the best.
I must say, I found your article, " The Meaning of Life" quite interesting.
My Overall Impression: Wow! Interesting thoughts. I found myself wondering as well. Is this person young and full of the questions of life, or in a midlife time and questioning the meaning of life? You plannin' on doin' something real soon to ensure the "continuation"
---hmmmm--- maybe I thought too much into this
It certainly was an interesting read.
My rating: 1/2
I rated it this high, mostly because it made me think!
Peace to you. Keep writing. Be sure to check out the newbie stuff I mentioned.
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Hi levi15791
I'd like to offer you a hearty welcome to writing.com and I hope you have found many of the things offered here. A great place for any information or questions you may have is in a link at the top of your screen. It is called Getting Started. I hope you subscribe to a few newsletters and get to know people around here. I personally think the
Noticing Newbies newsletter is one of the best.
I enjoyed reading your poem, "Food"
My Overall Impression:
This poem was funny, I never realized there were so many words in the food category that could be whipped up and placed together in a way that would rhyme.
Things needing more attention:
It was too bad you didn't use the abab rhyme format. Having every other line rhyme is cool, but I felt like it broke the rhythm to only have some lines rhyme.
Errors/Typo's
I didn't find any-- but maybe that was due to the milk squirting out my nose from laughing so hard.
It was funny!
My rating:1/2
Peace!
---flower
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Wow!PEBKACyou really got the format of this one down pat! I am impressed beyond belief.
I saw this in the sponsored items, so now you know it does help with exposure.
I rarely give out 5 stars.
A perfect rating for a marvelous poem, that evokes emotion, shows passion for your art and impresses me no end. I can say nothing more, except that I truly enjoyed it.
Keep up the great work!
~~~~~~
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Here is the really funny thing. I am a 42 year old female. Every page I have read I have rated and reviewed. Now, I have glanced at a few pages and not rated or reviewed them. But, the ones I have stopped to actually read all of the words on the page... I stop, rate them and type out my review. Maybe I am a particularly caring individual. Maybe I break the rules of your statistical breakdown. But, I do in fact read, rate and review what I read. Maybe it is the newness of the site and my eagerness to learn. Maybe I just miss the interaction from teaching. Who knows. This computer and internet are the only thing keeping me sane in this insane world.
Thanks again for your lessons. Now, I know about statistics and readers.--- a little side note... I also learned how to put a little costumeicon on my portfolio a few minutes ago... how totally cool!!!
again--love this writing.com site!
cannot say it enough!
kay
aka
olelady
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Is this person young and full of the questions of life, or in a midlife time and questioning the meaning of life?
