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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar
Review Requests: ON
401 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Paint job.  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 Paint job.  (E)
Sarah’s not amused at the outcome of their attempt at decorating.
#2224490 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

I've moved so often this story is all too familiar. The neighbour popping round every five minutes is also familiar.

Plot and Characterisation

Sarah wants perfection. Bill wants company. John wants to please everybody. The house could be said to be a character as well. I could see both house and people.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

An interesting project might be to retell the story from the point of view of the house.

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2
2
Review of I Write In 2020  
for entry "The Huntress
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
I Write In 2020  (E)
This book contains prose writings and poetry for various contests here on WDC.
#2209139 by Carly
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

I don't know how to review poetry because I don't know enough about it. But I'm going to have a go. I get the impression we're talking 'gold digger', I may be wrong.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no spelling errors but I don't know enough about form to comment.

Overall Impression

I can certainly visualise a woman, perfumed, decorated with diamonds, toying with her victim until she goes in for the kill.

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3
3
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Are you threatening me?  (13+)
An argument gets heated.
#2224392 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

A typical husband and wife argument but from the perspective of the cat.

Plot and Characterisation

It is a short piece so there is not time to really build characters but we have some sense of them (and their cat)

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

I think you need to make it clear in the second line that it is the husband and not the cat that is thinking. Maybe the cat should be more of the main character as the story ends when he leaves.

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4
4
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Excite - Assignment 1  (18+)
First Meeting ~ Lesson 1, Excite
#2226036 by Mastiff
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

For an assignment it is going quite well. That first meeting is always a little awkward when there is an attraction and you captured that.

Plot and Characterisation

You established your characters at the beginning o the assignment. This would not happen in a story or novel. These details would have to come out in the writing.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

Maybe a bit more telling than showing. The drive to the farm could have been shown by hearing the voice of the satnav. It gets better once the dialogue starts.

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5
5
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I am reviewing
 Marcus and Milly. Chapter three  (13+)
Their relationship hits a bumpy ride
#2219312 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

The boyfriend meeting the parents. Always awkward but more so once they learn he's an ex-con. The only problem I had was the use of the present tense to relate a story which moves through several days.

Plot and Characterisation

Is the disapproval of her parents coming between them? I could feel the doubt, the anger, the frustration.

Spelling and Grammar

A few more spaces between paragraphs would make it easier to read from a screen.

Overall Impression

You are going in the right direction. The last part, where they make up, is maybe a bi rushed.

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6
6
Review of I Write In 2020  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing "Nothing Good Ever Happens After 2 amfor
FORUM
I Write in 2020  (E)
Write and review once a week for all of 2020
#2208028 by Annette


Initial Impression

Nice little horror story but where is the rest of it?

Plot and Characterisation

I got the setting, the premise of breaking down in the middle of nowhere but no real feeling of the people involve.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

This feels like the start of something but then it goes nowhere. I know you are limited by word count but lose some of the words you have already written so you can bring the story to a better conclusion.

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7
7
for entry "My Weirdness
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing "My Weirdnessfor
FORUM
I Write in 2020  (E)
Write and review once a week for all of 2020
#2208028 by Annette


Initial Impression

Not as weird as some. A spreadsheet takes up far less space than keeping the actual books. Guilty! I recently had a good clear out and got rid of about twenty boxes full of books I've read.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

Okay, the dungeons and dragons and similar might make you a bit of a geek but reading is not that strange.

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8
8
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing
 Crisis management   (E)
Write an essay on managing a crisis
#2221150 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

This piece is well timed. There is no bigger crisis than the one we are all facing at the moment. There are good points here about seeking the appropriate help, not placing blame and most importantly giving emotional support to those affected.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

With regard to the current crisis it depends how you are affected. For those with the virus, medical help is obvious. For the rest of us it is unclear from whom we can seek help. There is nobody to blame. And the best we can offer each other is emotional support.

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9
9
Review of Discarded  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Discarded  (13+)
Naani Poem: Winner in Writer's Cramp 4/27/20
#2220261 by ♥tHiNg♥
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

I won't pretend to know anything about poetic forms but it says 24 syllables and that fits. This has coronavirus tones. Masks are the new fashion accessory.

Spelling and Grammar

No spelling mistakes, not sure about the grammar - no expert with poetry.

Overall Impression

We all have the freedom to risk our own lives but not the lives of others. Stay home, save lives.

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10
10
Review of Homecoming  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 Homecoming  (18+)
Assignment #4 - Building Sexual Tension... the anticipation after a week apart.
#2220052 by Carly
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

Things have certainly moved on since I read my last piece of this story. No longer innocent, yet not overtly sexual.

Plot and Characterisation

Arlynn returns after a week away. You portray the thoughts and feelings of the couple very well, using scent as well as sight and touch to show their feelings.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

You interweave the POV of both parties, interlaced with flashbacks to previous encounters. You have achieved a truly romantic story.

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11
11
Review of Curiosity Shop  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
STATIC
Curiosity Shop  (13+)
Strange things happen on the idyllic island
#2217296 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

From the first paragraph I thought this was a travel piece. It gradually opened up into something far more interesting.

Plot and Characterisation

Katherina was the local busybody, knowing everyone's business. I can see the old lady sat at her window, which strangely reminded me of my grandmother who did the same. The aliens came as a surprise.

Spelling and Grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

You might want to consider an opening that is more exciting and pulls the reader in.

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12
12
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 Morning Encounter   (18+)
This is my make out scene... but it is pretty tame.
#2218751 by Carly
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

You are off to a good start. A romantic breakfast without getting too graphic.

Plot and Characterisation

This is just a section of a much longer story but already we know the characters have feelings for each other. Bringing in meeting the family suggests it is more than lust driving the relationship.

Spelling and Grammar

There are a few typos that need to be addressed but no real problems.

Overall Impression

'Fifty Shades' might have been a best seller but it was hardly a literary masterpiece. Keep to the innocence and romance.

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13
13
Review of The homecoming  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 The homecoming  (E)
Michael comes home
#2214652 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

I suspected there was something calling him home. Dad's Altzheimers was a good twist. A story full of memories and future possibilities.

Plot and Characterisation

Michael gets the urge/call to come home. I can see him looking around his old home town and seeing little change. I can view the old man staring into space. I can feel Stella's reluctance to burden her son.

Spelling and Grammar

I spotted the odd typo but nothing to worry about.

Overall Impression

You have managed to develop not just Michael but also Stella and George.

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14
14
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found it interesting to read the story from Emma's POV. It started well. The problem you have, one I have suffered from myself, is that you get so far then you want to end it. The last two thirds of this were rushed. I see a number of chapters here, probably one from each paragraph.

What happened at the police station when Grey voluntarily went there? Did they believe him? How and why was he beaten up by his brothers. These are scenes which should be told from Grey's POV.

Learn to slow down. Write a few paragraphs, reread, take time to think out the next scene. You have the outline here now fill in the blanks.


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15
15
Review of The Mission  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
The Mission  (E)
Three soldiers on an important mission
#2217210 by BlueJay
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

Which war are we fighting? Are we in Afghanistan? No. We are kids on a holiday adventure.

Plot and Characterisation

In a few words we were taken to a warzone with Jimmy as the officer commanding his men.

Spelling and Grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

This reminds me of a bygone age when battles weren't fought on a screen.

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16
16
Review of Greyson Dante  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Greyson Dante   (18+)
Written for the Character Contest. This may become part of a mystery romance
#2216650 by Carly
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

An interesting coming home story. Memories of a not so happy past mixed with the effort to move on.

Plot and Characterisation

The narrator returns to his boyhood home after his father's death. We learn of his unhappy childhood, and see the man he has become.

Spelling and Grammar

There is a brief passage near to the beginning where the tense changes from first person to third. There are also a few typos.

Overall Impression

I want to know what happens next; the sign of a good story.

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17
17
Review of Soda Bread  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Soda Bread  (E)
This Irish treat can mean big trouble for a Leprechaun.
#2216110 by flyfishercacher
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

I can smell the bread, yum. Not surprised the leprechaun was tempted, bread being in short supply and all.

Plot and Characterisation

I think Meadowbush has visited our local supermarkets. Or maybe it was his mates. Those leprechauns get everywhere. You know the wee folk well.

Spelling and Grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

The bread thief is very applicable at the moment. Ours tend to be larger and drive SUVs.

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18
18
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Initial Impression

This is a charming 'Coming of Age' story. There is always a 'Brotherman', the boy the girls drool over. And every Brotherman has his sidekick(s), the less confident, slightly awkward youngsters who feel they cannot get girls on their own. I like how you mention what it is that the girls see and the reality that the narrator sees; the wandering hands, the double dates.

Story Structure

I was a bit confused by the first paragraph. The opening passage sounded like an address to the reader, then turned out to be a conversation with the campus cop. I won't tell you how to rework it but I think it does need more clarity. I particularly like one phrase 'His stare fell over me like the monotonous view of muddy water during the rainy season.' I found that very evocative.

Overall Impression

This is a complete story as it stands. It could just as easily be the first chapter of a novel, following the relationship between the two men over the years and maybe incorporating the third party of the title whose identity is unclear at this stage.

This is a mature, well written piece of work. Take confidence my friend, you are a writer.

Best Wishes in your Future Endeavours,

Sue a.k.a. Odessa Molinari


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19
19
Review of Nervous Flier  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Nervous Flier  (13+)
A 24 Syllables contest entry
#2214409 by Mastiff
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

24 syllables is not much space to create but there is a story here. Not sure if the nervous flier is the passenger or the pilot. I hope it's the former but fear it's the latter as you mention 'skill will keep the job'.

Spelling and Grammar

I'm no expert when it comes to poetry form but I see no spelling mistakes.

Overall Impression

I take it the word 'Charisma' was a prompt. Charisma is indeed something which can gain you employment in some spheres.

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20
20
Review of Wonderland 2020  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing "A-2: Find the Key to the Gardenfor
FORUM
I Write in 2020  (E)
Write and review once a week for all of 2020
#2208028 by Annette


Initial Impression

Well done. I know you don't like praise but the very fact that you are looking at the children as possible adoptees shows your commitment. If this blog entry makes even one person think it will be worth it.

Spelling and Grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

A real heartfelt article/personal journey. It means a lot to you and that comes through. It is a little different in the UK. They are trying their best to phase out group homes and make sure every child has a foster home. One of the problems we are facing in the last few years is an influx of unaccompanied minors who are seeking asylum.

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21
21
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Ch 1. My Mate Monica.  (18+)
Things were going well for Monica, until a middle aged stalker took an interest in her.
#1606528 by Bruce.


Initial Impressions

I knew as soon as I started reading that the author was British and of a similar age to me. You are obviously someone who lived the seventies. I was confused by the first line as to whether they were inside or outside the restaurant. Maybe it's just my aging brain. You could maybe come up with a more dramatic start to draw the reader in but that is your choice.

Plot and characterisation

Everyday life is disturbed by a series of phone calls. The reactions of Monica and her nearest and dearest are realistic. I have some suspicions about Dave. Will he turn out to be a baddie or a goodie. I must read on to find out.

Spelling and grammar

Thank you for using a decent sized font, it makes the reading so much easier for us oldies. I saw no problems with spelling or grammar.

Overall Impression

I felt empathy with Monica. She is typically British, trying to keep the stiff upper lip but crumbling inside. In 1973 I was 19, about the same age as Monica. It was a different time. We took more chances. We couldn't rely on Dad's taxi. As you continue don't forget the time setting. Strikes, power cuts, standpipes ... How did we survive it?

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22
22
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Lyrics of The Lancers  (18+)
A Distorted Minds Contest entry
#2213947 by Mastiff
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

As a detective writer myself I was about to say this case was just too simple, then came the twist.

Plot and Characterisation

I'm not sure what your word limit was but maybe your detectives could have been developed a little further. I did get the character of the husband fairly well. The plot started simply but that ending came as a big surprise.

Spelling and Grammar

I spotted the odd typo, common mistakes when the muse takes you and you type at speed. Otherwise, no problems.

Overall Impression

When the contest is over consider lengthening this piece. Give us more of the detectives, their appearance, their quirks. Let us see Jimmy at work. More importantly, let us learn a little more of the true killer, the guy behind the music.

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23
23
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing
Deep Thoughts and Dishes  (E)
Flash Fiction
#2211769 by Jacky
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

Here, here! I couldn't agree more with the sentiment of your story. I think when a child from a well ordered house grows up to be less than perfect it is a form of rebellion.

Plot and characterisation

I could definitely empathise with your character. You give enough information in this flash piece to understand the lead character and her motives.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

"I don't have time for this" is definitely my slogan.

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24
24
Review of The dancer  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 The dancer  (E)
Disillusioned after a dancing career
#2211684 by Sumojo
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

The story of Eloise unfortunately cut short by the word limit. You certainly evoke the little girl with aspirations and her final fate.

Plot and characterisation

Memories of a faded career. You show the older woman she has become. I could feel her disillusionment, picture her career at the Folie Bergeres and her downfall that led to stripping in a seedy nightclub.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

I wanted more. This could easily be the synopsis for a novel. I could see the young woman setting off for Paris with high hopes. I could feel the heartache as her career downslides into the seedy underworld.

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25
25
Review of Damien's Woods  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 Damien's Woods  (18+)
A young boy is used for an evil ritual.
#2211748 by JoeVan
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Welcome to WDC.

Initial Impressions

Wow, scary. A tale that begins with innocence and takes a turn very much to the dark side.

Plot and characterisation

The boy in his imaginary world trapped in a place of evil. You portray the boy well. Even when he becomes that terrible wood the little boy comes through with his forlorn cry for mother.

Spelling and grammar

There were a few typos, missed words, extraneous words but the basics are fine and a reread/rewrite can easily correct.

Overall Impression

You are good at scaring people. With a bit of experience you could become a master of the genre. Pop in and see Angus with his Screams contest. But stay out of Damien's Wood!!!!

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