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Review Requests: ON
372 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 ... Next
1
1
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Ch 1. My Mate Monica.  (18+)
Things were going well for Monica, until a middle aged stalker took an interest in her.
#1606528 by Bruce.


Initial Impressions

I knew as soon as I started reading that the author was British and of a similar age to me. You are obviously someone who lived the seventies. I was confused by the first line as to whether they were inside or outside the restaurant. Maybe it's just my aging brain. You could maybe come up with a more dramatic start to draw the reader in but that is your choice.

Plot and characterisation

Everyday life is disturbed by a series of phone calls. The reactions of Monica and her nearest and dearest are realistic. I have some suspicions about Dave. Will he turn out to be a baddie or a goodie. I must read on to find out.

Spelling and grammar

Thank you for using a decent sized font, it makes the reading so much easier for us oldies. I saw no problems with spelling or grammar.

Overall Impression

I felt empathy with Monica. She is typically British, trying to keep the stiff upper lip but crumbling inside. In 1973 I was 19, about the same age as Monica. It was a different time. We took more chances. We couldn't rely on Dad's taxi. As you continue don't forget the time setting. Strikes, power cuts, standpipes ... How did we survive it?

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2
2
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Lyrics of The Lancers  (18+)
A Distorted Minds Contest entry
#2213947 by Mastiff
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

As a detective writer myself I was about to say this case was just too simple, then came the twist.

Plot and Characterisation

I'm not sure what your word limit was but maybe your detectives could have been developed a little further. I did get the character of the husband fairly well. The plot started simply but that ending came as a big surprise.

Spelling and Grammar

I spotted the odd typo, common mistakes when the muse takes you and you type at speed. Otherwise, no problems.

Overall Impression

When the contest is over consider lengthening this piece. Give us more of the detectives, their appearance, their quirks. Let us see Jimmy at work. More importantly, let us learn a little more of the true killer, the guy behind the music.

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3
3
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing
Deep Thoughts and Dishes  (E)
Flash Fiction
#2211769 by Jacky
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

Here, here! I couldn't agree more with the sentiment of your story. I think when a child from a well ordered house grows up to be less than perfect it is a form of rebellion.

Plot and characterisation

I could definitely empathise with your character. You give enough information in this flash piece to understand the lead character and her motives.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

"I don't have time for this" is definitely my slogan.

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4
4
Review of The dancer  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 The dancer  (E)
Disillusioned after a dancing career
#2211684 by Sumojo
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

The story of Eloise unfortunately cut short by the word limit. You certainly evoke the little girl with aspirations and her final fate.

Plot and characterisation

Memories of a faded career. You show the older woman she has become. I could feel her disillusionment, picture her career at the Folie Bergeres and her downfall that led to stripping in a seedy nightclub.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

I wanted more. This could easily be the synopsis for a novel. I could see the young woman setting off for Paris with high hopes. I could feel the heartache as her career downslides into the seedy underworld.

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5
5
Review of Damien's Woods  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 Damien's Woods  (18+)
A young boy is used for an evil ritual.
#2211748 by JoeVan
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Welcome to WDC.

Initial Impressions

Wow, scary. A tale that begins with innocence and takes a turn very much to the dark side.

Plot and characterisation

The boy in his imaginary world trapped in a place of evil. You portray the boy well. Even when he becomes that terrible wood the little boy comes through with his forlorn cry for mother.

Spelling and grammar

There were a few typos, missed words, extraneous words but the basics are fine and a reread/rewrite can easily correct.

Overall Impression

You are good at scaring people. With a bit of experience you could become a master of the genre. Pop in and see Angus with his Screams contest. But stay out of Damien's Wood!!!!

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6
6
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Alice and Her Beloved Flute  (ASR)
A princess becomes needy once she learns the stars can do everything for her.
#2210674 by Earthworm Sally
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Welcome to WDC

Initial Impressions

A charming children's story about a spoiled Princess. You might want to divide into smaller paragraphs both for children and for us olds reading on line.

Plot and characterisation

Alice begins as a sweet young thing but builds to being a spoiled brat. She got what she deserved.

Spelling and grammar

When a new person speaks it should start a fresh paragraph. This also helps break things up for easier reading.

Overall Impression

A good start to your time here on WDC.

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7
7
Review of The Avalanche  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reviewing
 The Avalanche   (E)
Erin has a lucky escape
#2211190 by Sumojo


Initial Impressions

Not sure if this is a true story but the old adage 'Show don't Tell' comes into force here. I can't tell you how to rewrite but think about using dialogue; maybe someone can tell you about snow conditions, give the safety lecture etc.

Plot and characterisation

The plot is simple - caught in an avalanche. You don't really create characters; dialogue might help to do this, as would description.

Spelling and grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

Could be an exciting adventure story if you show don't tell.

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8
8
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Chili By Candlelight  (13+)
A young married couple have an explosive evening, in more ways than one.
#390493 by Sophy
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

My initial impression was of an elderly couple. Maybe it was the knickknacks, all with their place. Maybe it was the nagging wife. Now I see that was because of the necessary quotes.

Plot and characterisation

It is an age old situation - the unexpected pregnancy. I still did not get the sense of a young couple, married only briefly. They came across as an old married couple with years of living together and knowing each other's ways.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

The exploding chilli as metaphor for the argument, deliberate or coincidental?

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9
9
Review of Dreamcatcher  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Dreamcatcher  (18+)
What happens when a dreamcatcher is full? 120 word flash
#1270576 by Arakun the Twisted Raccoon
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

120 words doesn't give you a lot of scope but you managed to have a beginning, a middle and an end.

Plot and characterisation

Quite a simple premise that a dreamcatcher can only hold so much. Harvey must have real problems for so many nightmares.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

It tells a story despite the word limitation.

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10
10
Review of Got It?  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Got It?  (18+)
Mick's really bad plan, plus pigeons and more. (Dog-Ear Tales)
#1426752 by Ben Langhinrichs
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

This reminds me of Dumb and Dumber and others of that ilk. I'm not sure Mick is the only one with a low IQ. Your narrator went with the plan and then made things worse.

Plot and characterisation

I really get those characters coming through. Alcohol and drugs have really killed a few brain cells in this pair. I liked the listing sections, like the guy was trying to get things straight in his head.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

This is well written with the distinct voice of the narrator and his pal. I've known people like this.(Mentioning no names)

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11
11
for entry "Be Mine
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I am reviewing "Be Mineas part of
FORUM
Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party  (13+)
January 2020 Review Activity - Review and be Rewarded!
#2208950 by Brooke-Thanks Anonymous! :)


Initial Impressions

This is a good example of stalker behaviour. It is merely an exert but gets the point across.

Plot and characterisation

Jeffery has dreams of a future with Gina Hicks. This is delusional behaviour. You get that across in few words. As to Gina, we know nothing of her except that she is tall and probably famous.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

The show don't tell thing is difficult. Maybe if you start with Jeffery calling after Gina and then put the descriptive stuff between the lines of dialogue? This is only a suggestion. I'm no expert.

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12
12
Review of Mr. Willow's Day  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 Mr. Willow's Day  (E)
Flash Fiction
#2210752 by Jacky
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

Ha ha ha. I can just picture the assistant's face seeing the woman's naked body. Nice putdown to a real jobsworth. You don't mention the age of the assistant but I got the impression of youth.

Plot and characterisation

For such a short piece you have a definite plot and the characters seem very real. For such an efficient person I am surprised he has not got himself a picture of the boss's wife and family so this kind of thing doesn't arise.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

This little scene is very well written. It is plausible, realistic. Keep entering those contests.

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13
13
Rated: E | (4.5)
The worst part is this actually happens every time there is a possibility of snow. Yes, even in UK. You tell it well my friend. Survival of the fittest. I can hear the disbelief in the narrators voice. I can also hear a man not wanting to upset the other half. Did you also raid the gas station? In UK, petrol/diesel seem just as 'essential' as bread and milk. No problems with spelling or grammar in this well written account of a fact of life.


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14
14
Review of This is the UFO.  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 This is the UFO.  (E)
We are glad to announce recruitment on Planet earth, please read this info item.
#2209594 by NOBODYLEARNS
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Welcome to WDC.

Initial Impressions

Where do I sign up? This is an interesting way of writing fiction. Who knows, one day it might be real.

Plot and characterisation

The plot is that an alien organisation are recruiting. This is almost believable. As to characterisation, not really applicable, although I think I can picture some strange alien sat behind a desk, interviewing recruits. Maybe that's the way to go to add to this piece.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems with either. Maybe the layout is not quite right. Look at an army recruiting poster for ideas.

Overall Impression

Maybe not a story as it stands but a useful inclusion for something longer. Keep going.

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15
15
Review of Dream Logic  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Dream Logic  (E)
A recurring nightmare I used to have which was often spurred on by the silliest of things.
#2210048 by Madeleine
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

Dreams are weird and this dream is no different. Not so scary to begin with, then the man with the knife is terrifying. As a recurring dream, knowing the ending, means the fear builds straight away.

Plot and characterisation

You know right away that this is a dream. The man passing by the window could be quite innocent, yet you know he isn't. You've had the dream before.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems with either.

Overall Impression

Unless this was prompt led, maybe don't mention this is a nightmare; let people be surprised by the ending.

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16
16
Review of Nefertiti mummy  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Nefertiti mummy  (E)
James finds a new index about Nefertiti mummy.
#2210541 by K.HBey
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

First I would like to thank you for using a decent size font. I could tell immediately that English is not your first language. The archaeologist is searching for information that may have been missed. The details of that search were difficult to follow. Look in detail at your sentence structure.

Plot and characterisation

It is difficult with flash fiction to create much of a plot or to develop your character. We did learn that James is elderly.

Spelling and grammar

This is were the problems lie. Your spelling is fine but you need more practise with English grammar. I don't like to criticise; if I attempted to write in French you would not understand much either.

Overall Impression

Keep it simple. Use basic sentences to tell your stories until you are more confident with English sentence structure.

Bon Chance

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17
17
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 The astral collection  (E)
flash fiction about a little girl that astral travels and brings back something
#2178291 by AnaStar
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

A short piece but very charming. I would love to see the child's collection. This could turn into a much longer work if there was one special piece in the collection that just had to be returned.

Plot and characterisation

The plot is straight forward; the child astral projects/flies and comes back with momentos. Worried parents try to keep her safe in her bed. Character development is not really possible in flash fiction.

Spelling and grammar

I see no problems in this area

Overall Impression

I see this as the start of something, if you want to take it there.

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18
18
Review of A Small Death  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
STATIC
A Small Death  (E)
She lies in sleep ... (Form: English Sonnet)
#1986852 by 🌓 HuntersMoon
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

Yes, I understood it. So much poetry just goes over my head. I think you are talking about sleeping and dreaming. This is someone tempted to remain in that dream state.

Spelling and grammar

Thank you for including details of the form used. So many poets fail to do so. I am a product of an English 1960s education; we weren't taught these things. I see no spelling problems and the shortened words (eg. mem'ry) are appropriately written.

Overall Impression

Your experience shows. Your work is a good example to the newer poets on WDC.

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19
19
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reviewing
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#220986 by Not Available.
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Welcome to WDC.

Initial Impressions

I hear an accent running through your story of the first day in 7th grade. I take it English is not your first language.

Plot and characterisation

The plot is simple. New class, running late, teenage embarrassment. You relay those feelings of uncertainty well. Liza is the typical teenager, just discovering the opposite sex but not sure what to do about it.

Spelling and grammar

There are a few typos. The grammar may not be 'right' but it displays Liza's accent well. Intentional or not it works. Maybe more paragraphs, especially for being read on line, would make this story easier to read.

Overall Impression

A charming story from a young writer. Keep going, hone your skills, try some contests to stretch yourself. Don't be afraid to ask for help from us oldies.

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20
20
Review of Delia Smiled  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 Delia Smiled  (E)
Three Minute Read
#2110105 by Jacky
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party


Initial Impressions

We have all felt that uncertainty when it comes to matters of the heart. This short story tells it well.

Plot and characterisation

The plot is a simple one, asking for a date? Not sure, the note could have asked something else. We didn't find out that much about Delia, but we learned a lot about Alan and his opinions. He may be subsidiary to the plot but he seems very real.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems with either.

Overall Impression

A well thought out interlude that could lead to something larger.

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21
21
Review of Entry 3  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Entry 3  (ASR)
Entry 3 of Rayla's diary
#2210315 by Championrqr
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party


Welcome to WDC.

Initial Impressions

This fantasy tale is written in diary form which means 1st person POV. This negates the need for dialogue and thus inventing a language for the creature.

Plot and characterisation

This is a diary entry rather than a complete story so plot is basically a fight scene. You have described the creature well and your main character is developing by his actions/reactions. Further diary entries might show different sides of the main character.

Spelling and grammar

No real problems although I did spot the odd typo. You might consider using shorter paragraphs to make it easier to read from a screen.

Overall Impression

As a newbie you are definitely showing promise as a fantasy writer. Look for contests. They are a good way of getting yourself known on here.

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22
22
Review of Rule's a Rule  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Rule's a Rule  (E)
A brief scene of distorted focus.
#2210255 by crossedout
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party


Welcome to WDC

Initial Impressions

A story about a newbie writer getting advice from a friend. Well meaning or interfering? This spoke of some reviews I have received.

Plot and characterisation

The plot is straight forward. The characters are as well developed as they can be in a short piece.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

A good start to your writing career here on WDC.




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23
23
Review of Sales Pitch  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Maybe it's my age but I don't remember parents in my generation consulting with the kids; we just moved. This example of modern parenting is well told. I want to move into that house.

You missed one set of speech marks but I'm sure that was more of a typo. No errors with spelling or grammar that I could see.

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24
24
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
If you have been having this nightmare for 25 years I suggest you seek help. However, presuming this is fiction, you certainly captured that paralysing fear. I liked the imagery of the trees looming over the road, the ominous feeling, the knowledge that you were approaching a place; a place and event you had been to over and over.

You say in your bio that you have problems with grammar; I certainly see no evidence in this piece.

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25
25
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I found this flash story very funny. Indeed, most horror movies are cliched. You did a very good job of conveying a complete story in so few words. Okay, so few words cannot build characters, but you tell us they are a blonde cheerleader and a handsome football player and that they are vain and that they have reflections all in one sentence.

I see no problems with spelling or grammar.

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