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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar
Review Requests: ON
433 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 ... Next
1
1
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 The Misfit Ornament  (E)
How a gag Christmas gift sparked an adventure.
#2241146 by Sand Castles Shopgirl 739
as contest judge of "The Art of Letter Writing Contest

My elder daughter collected pigs when she was young, and my other daughter sent her gnome on a similar journey, so this story appealed to me.

You made it clear from the beginning that you thought of the pig as a joke gift. You did not creep to your Aunt. You showed a level of integrity.

The little pig will go on an adventure, whether with you or with the next recipient. And it is nice that you promised to keep Auntie informed of its progress.

You used an appropriate layout for a letter. I see no problems with spelling or grammar.

I hope you will continue to write letters. It is fast becoming a dying art.

Until next month,

Write On

Sue


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2
2
Review of "My pleasure."  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
"My pleasure."  (13+)
January entry for weird tales contest - the story of a whispering lake
#2241184 by PrudhviRaj12


Initial Impressions

Even without knowing who wrote this I would know they were from the Indian subcontinent. That Bollywood feel about your story comes through strongly and I like it.

Plot and characterisation

Leia goes to the lake to say goodbye to her dead mother. She is unsure about it but goes anyway. This comes through strongly.

Spelling and grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

It is nice to read a story with such a different voice. There is an element of mythology, an innocence, and it is nice to get away from the everyday tales of city life. Asian authors have become quite popular in the west in recent years. Keep going and you could be one of them.

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3
3
Review of Surrealism  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Norma Jean, there is a pub in Falmouth, Cornwall you really should visit. Tables and chairs on the ceiling etc. I'm pretty sure it has inspired many to go teetotal.

Your dreamland sounds like the result of a visit from the green fairy. I've never tried absynthe myself but am told it can result in hallucinations of this kind.


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4
4
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
STATIC
The night the circus came to town  (E)
It was going to be a break from boredom, and yet no one saw what was coming.
#2228666 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

You know right away you're in Australia. Unfortunately, long gone are the days of animal acts here in UK. You give a really good build up to the circus coming to town.

Plot and Characterisation

Fergus is excited by the circus and it shows. I also get Elsa the elephant, with her pacing and swaying.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

Pity about the word limit. You build things up nicely but then you run out of steam. More detail about the storm and also about the aftermath would bring this to a better conclusion.

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5
5
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Be careful what you wish for.   (E)
Harry gets his desire, but is it really what he wants.
#2230009 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

The layout came up a bit weird but that's probably a site problem. Oh, boy, do I know the feeling of poo squelching between my toes(first dog), ripped up furniture(tenth dog), chewed specs(fifteenth). I even lost my Christmas dinner to a pair of hounds.

Plot and Characterisation

This covers a long period of time for a short story, which means more tell than show. Harry's character is not very developed, but Muttly's definitely is.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

I take it there was a word limit. You could work on each section to build on this. More show, less tell. Overall, a story I can empathise.

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6
6
for entry "I Gotta Feeling
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing "I Gotta Feelingfor
FORUM
I Write in 2020  (E)
Write and review once a week for all of 2020
#2208028 by Annette


Initial Impression

Reminiscences from someone who knows the music industry. You take us on a journey through the work of the Black Eyed Peas from your personal perspective.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

I have learned a lot from this item. I am a fan of Will.I.Am, but mainly from his part on the Voice here in UK. I didn't know about who produced the Black Eyed Peas music. I know this song but I would struggle to name any others.

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7
7
Review of The new kitchen  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 The new kitchen  (E)
Harry saves the day.
#2228824 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

My experience of barbecues is sitting under an umbrella trying to get the damp charcoal to ignite. British summers!

Plot and Characterisation

A story of two brothers taking different paths. Sam is attempting to show off to his new friends but has to revert to his roots in the end. Harry's character is well developed, the others less so.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

Although this is a complete story, I could see it as a chapter in a book about the two siblings. How did Sam make his money? What was Harry's lifestyle? What else went wrong?

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8
8
Review of The Betrayal  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
The Betrayal  (18+)
A Taboo Words Words Contest Entry
#2230038 by Mastiff
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

At first I thought something really serious had been done and expected a horrible revenge. It was a good twist that it was all about a recipe.

Plot and Characterisation

When Mike arrives at the party he is a man on a mission. We learn quite a lot about him and a little about Jimmy.

Spelling and Grammar

Grammar and punctuation are fine but I did spot a few typos.

Overall Impression

A snapshot of family life. Could have been something more horrific.

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9
9
Review of We the People  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Although I am in the UK, I agree with the sentiments of your manifesto. You argue a good case for reform. Indeed the wealthy elite do rule not just your country but mine as well.

The current pandemic is a case in point. Both of our governments have put finances ahead of health. Hence, our countries have the highest death rates.

One thing I will say - maybe this is not the form of writing for using contractions. These are fine in fiction but not in an academic work.


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10
10
Review of Bad diet  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
Bad diet  (18+)
Jenny loses weight to find love
#2226412 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

Initially a dieting story, something we're all familiar with, this turned into a nice little horror story.

Plot and Characterisation

Jenny wants to loose weight to attract a mate. The mate she chose was definitely the wrong one. Jenny's character is fairly well developed. Tyrone is, of necessity, somewhat undiscovered until the end.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

A lot of guys prefer a more curvy girl, and not because they intend to eat them.

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11
11
Review of Paint job.  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 Paint job.  (E)
Sarah’s not amused at the outcome of their attempt at decorating.
#2224490 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

I've moved so often this story is all too familiar. The neighbour popping round every five minutes is also familiar.

Plot and Characterisation

Sarah wants perfection. Bill wants company. John wants to please everybody. The house could be said to be a character as well. I could see both house and people.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

An interesting project might be to retell the story from the point of view of the house.

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12
12
Review of I Write In 2020  
for entry "The Huntress
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
I Write In 2020  (E)
This book contains prose writings and poetry for various contests here on WDC.
#2209139 by 💙 Carly - BLUE!!💙
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

I don't know how to review poetry because I don't know enough about it. But I'm going to have a go. I get the impression we're talking 'gold digger', I may be wrong.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no spelling errors but I don't know enough about form to comment.

Overall Impression

I can certainly visualise a woman, perfumed, decorated with diamonds, toying with her victim until she goes in for the kill.

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13
13
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Are you threatening me?  (13+)
An argument gets heated.
#2224392 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

A typical husband and wife argument but from the perspective of the cat.

Plot and Characterisation

It is a short piece so there is not time to really build characters but we have some sense of them (and their cat)

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

I think you need to make it clear in the second line that it is the husband and not the cat that is thinking. Maybe the cat should be more of the main character as the story ends when he leaves.

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14
14
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Excite - Assignment 1  (18+)
First Meeting ~ Lesson 1, Excite
#2226036 by Mastiff
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

For an assignment it is going quite well. That first meeting is always a little awkward when there is an attraction and you captured that.

Plot and Characterisation

You established your characters at the beginning o the assignment. This would not happen in a story or novel. These details would have to come out in the writing.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

Maybe a bit more telling than showing. The drive to the farm could have been shown by hearing the voice of the satnav. It gets better once the dialogue starts.

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15
15
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I share your interest in tombstones. It is a peaceful place to sit and contemplate. You are right that the words give a hint to the story of those long gone. I have often thought to try and tell their narrative.

Have you ever tried to discover the truth of their lives? Was the daughter much loved? Or just another mouth to feed? I wonder what will be said of the Covid dead. No funeral allowed, maybe nobody left alive to grieve. Who will tell the story of 2020 in years to come?


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16
16
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I am reviewing
 Marcus and Milly. Chapter three  (13+)
Their relationship hits a bumpy ride
#2219312 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

The boyfriend meeting the parents. Always awkward but more so once they learn he's an ex-con. The only problem I had was the use of the present tense to relate a story which moves through several days.

Plot and Characterisation

Is the disapproval of her parents coming between them? I could feel the doubt, the anger, the frustration.

Spelling and Grammar

A few more spaces between paragraphs would make it easier to read from a screen.

Overall Impression

You are going in the right direction. The last part, where they make up, is maybe a bi rushed.

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17
17
Review of I Write In 2020  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing "Nothing Good Ever Happens After 2 amfor
FORUM
I Write in 2020  (E)
Write and review once a week for all of 2020
#2208028 by Annette


Initial Impression

Nice little horror story but where is the rest of it?

Plot and Characterisation

I got the setting, the premise of breaking down in the middle of nowhere but no real feeling of the people involve.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

This feels like the start of something but then it goes nowhere. I know you are limited by word count but lose some of the words you have already written so you can bring the story to a better conclusion.

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18
18
for entry "My Weirdness
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing "My Weirdnessfor
FORUM
I Write in 2020  (E)
Write and review once a week for all of 2020
#2208028 by Annette


Initial Impression

Not as weird as some. A spreadsheet takes up far less space than keeping the actual books. Guilty! I recently had a good clear out and got rid of about twenty boxes full of books I've read.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

Okay, the dungeons and dragons and similar might make you a bit of a geek but reading is not that strange.

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19
19
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing
 Crisis management   (E)
Write an essay on managing a crisis
#2221150 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

This piece is well timed. There is no bigger crisis than the one we are all facing at the moment. There are good points here about seeking the appropriate help, not placing blame and most importantly giving emotional support to those affected.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

With regard to the current crisis it depends how you are affected. For those with the virus, medical help is obvious. For the rest of us it is unclear from whom we can seek help. There is nobody to blame. And the best we can offer each other is emotional support.

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20
20
Review of Discarded  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Discarded  (13+)
Naani Poem: Winner in Writer's Cramp 4/27/20
#2220261 by ♥HOOves♥
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

I won't pretend to know anything about poetic forms but it says 24 syllables and that fits. This has coronavirus tones. Masks are the new fashion accessory.

Spelling and Grammar

No spelling mistakes, not sure about the grammar - no expert with poetry.

Overall Impression

We all have the freedom to risk our own lives but not the lives of others. Stay home, save lives.

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21
21
Review of Homecoming  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 Homecoming  (18+)
Assignment #4 - Building Sexual Tension... the anticipation after a week apart.
#2220052 by 💙 Carly - BLUE!!💙
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

Things have certainly moved on since I read my last piece of this story. No longer innocent, yet not overtly sexual.

Plot and Characterisation

Arlynn returns after a week away. You portray the thoughts and feelings of the couple very well, using scent as well as sight and touch to show their feelings.

Spelling and Grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

You interweave the POV of both parties, interlaced with flashbacks to previous encounters. You have achieved a truly romantic story.

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22
22
Review of Curiosity Shop  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
STATIC
Curiosity Shop  (13+)
Strange things happen on the idyllic island
#2217296 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

From the first paragraph I thought this was a travel piece. It gradually opened up into something far more interesting.

Plot and Characterisation

Katherina was the local busybody, knowing everyone's business. I can see the old lady sat at her window, which strangely reminded me of my grandmother who did the same. The aliens came as a surprise.

Spelling and Grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

You might want to consider an opening that is more exciting and pulls the reader in.

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23
23
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 Morning Encounter   (18+)
This is my make out scene... but it is pretty tame.
#2218751 by 💙 Carly - BLUE!!💙
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

You are off to a good start. A romantic breakfast without getting too graphic.

Plot and Characterisation

This is just a section of a much longer story but already we know the characters have feelings for each other. Bringing in meeting the family suggests it is more than lust driving the relationship.

Spelling and Grammar

There are a few typos that need to be addressed but no real problems.

Overall Impression

'Fifty Shades' might have been a best seller but it was hardly a literary masterpiece. Keep to the innocence and romance.

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24
24
Review of The homecoming  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 The homecoming  (E)
Michael comes home
#2214652 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020

Initial Impression

I suspected there was something calling him home. Dad's Altzheimers was a good twist. A story full of memories and future possibilities.

Plot and Characterisation

Michael gets the urge/call to come home. I can see him looking around his old home town and seeing little change. I can view the old man staring into space. I can feel Stella's reluctance to burden her son.

Spelling and Grammar

I spotted the odd typo but nothing to worry about.

Overall Impression

You have managed to develop not just Michael but also Stella and George.

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25
25
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found it interesting to read the story from Emma's POV. It started well. The problem you have, one I have suffered from myself, is that you get so far then you want to end it. The last two thirds of this were rushed. I see a number of chapters here, probably one from each paragraph.

What happened at the police station when Grey voluntarily went there? Did they believe him? How and why was he beaten up by his brothers. These are scenes which should be told from Grey's POV.

Learn to slow down. Write a few paragraphs, reread, take time to think out the next scene. You have the outline here now fill in the blanks.


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