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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: ON
443 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Nefertiti mummy  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Nefertiti mummy  (E)
James finds a new index about Nefertiti mummy.
#2210541 by K.HBey
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

First I would like to thank you for using a decent size font. I could tell immediately that English is not your first language. The archaeologist is searching for information that may have been missed. The details of that search were difficult to follow. Look in detail at your sentence structure.

Plot and characterisation

It is difficult with flash fiction to create much of a plot or to develop your character. We did learn that James is elderly.

Spelling and grammar

This is were the problems lie. Your spelling is fine but you need more practise with English grammar. I don't like to criticise; if I attempted to write in French you would not understand much either.

Overall Impression

Keep it simple. Use basic sentences to tell your stories until you are more confident with English sentence structure.

Bon Chance

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52
52
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 The astral collection  (E)
flash fiction about a little girl that astral travels and brings back something
#2178291 by AnaStar
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

A short piece but very charming. I would love to see the child's collection. This could turn into a much longer work if there was one special piece in the collection that just had to be returned.

Plot and characterisation

The plot is straight forward; the child astral projects/flies and comes back with momentos. Worried parents try to keep her safe in her bed. Character development is not really possible in flash fiction.

Spelling and grammar

I see no problems in this area

Overall Impression

I see this as the start of something, if you want to take it there.

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53
53
Review of A Small Death  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
STATIC
A Small Death  (E)
She lies in sleep ... (Form: English Sonnet)
#1986852 by 🌓 HuntersMoon
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Initial Impressions

Yes, I understood it. So much poetry just goes over my head. I think you are talking about sleeping and dreaming. This is someone tempted to remain in that dream state.

Spelling and grammar

Thank you for including details of the form used. So many poets fail to do so. I am a product of an English 1960s education; we weren't taught these things. I see no spelling problems and the shortened words (eg. mem'ry) are appropriately written.

Overall Impression

Your experience shows. Your work is a good example to the newer poets on WDC.

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54
54
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reviewing
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#220986 by Not Available.
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party

Welcome to WDC.

Initial Impressions

I hear an accent running through your story of the first day in 7th grade. I take it English is not your first language.

Plot and characterisation

The plot is simple. New class, running late, teenage embarrassment. You relay those feelings of uncertainty well. Liza is the typical teenager, just discovering the opposite sex but not sure what to do about it.

Spelling and grammar

There are a few typos. The grammar may not be 'right' but it displays Liza's accent well. Intentional or not it works. Maybe more paragraphs, especially for being read on line, would make this story easier to read.

Overall Impression

A charming story from a young writer. Keep going, hone your skills, try some contests to stretch yourself. Don't be afraid to ask for help from us oldies.

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55
55
Review of Entry 3  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Entry 3  (ASR)
Entry 3 of Rayla's diary
#2210315 by Championrqr
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party


Welcome to WDC.

Initial Impressions

This fantasy tale is written in diary form which means 1st person POV. This negates the need for dialogue and thus inventing a language for the creature.

Plot and characterisation

This is a diary entry rather than a complete story so plot is basically a fight scene. You have described the creature well and your main character is developing by his actions/reactions. Further diary entries might show different sides of the main character.

Spelling and grammar

No real problems although I did spot the odd typo. You might consider using shorter paragraphs to make it easier to read from a screen.

Overall Impression

As a newbie you are definitely showing promise as a fantasy writer. Look for contests. They are a good way of getting yourself known on here.

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56
56
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
If you have been having this nightmare for 25 years I suggest you seek help. However, presuming this is fiction, you certainly captured that paralysing fear. I liked the imagery of the trees looming over the road, the ominous feeling, the knowledge that you were approaching a place; a place and event you had been to over and over.

You say in your bio that you have problems with grammar; I certainly see no evidence in this piece.

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57
57
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I found this flash story very funny. Indeed, most horror movies are cliched. You did a very good job of conveying a complete story in so few words. Okay, so few words cannot build characters, but you tell us they are a blonde cheerleader and a handsome football player and that they are vain and that they have reflections all in one sentence.

I see no problems with spelling or grammar.

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58
58
Review of The Swaying Cord  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting tale. We may not know the reason for the car's precarious position on the bridge but can empathise with the plight of the victim. How many things in life are just out of reach? The cliffhanger ending adds to the drama.

There were no problems with spelling or grammar in this piece. The only criticism is that in order to meet the prompt you forced the inclusion of the wreath rather than making it central to the story.

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59
59
Review of Peacock Smiles  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This short piece tells a heartwarming story. The first sentence needs a rewrite; 'tenth feather of peacock' should maybe say 'tenth peacock's feather', and 'looked at happily' should say 'looked at it happily'.

In the second paragraph "Happy Birthday mom" should continue on from 'in front of her'; it's the same person speaking.

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60
60
Review of Midnight Manor  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I can't quite put my finger on what's wrong with this story. The idea is good but the execution is lacking something. Re-read it yourself, see if you can find your way out of the confusion.

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61
61
Review of The Visitor  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Nightmare/reality, who knows? Alive or dead? This certainly questions the reader. We've all tied one on but thankfully I've never had this kind of experience.

It ran in my head like a movie which is the sign of a good story.

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62
62
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC. In the first paragraph you describe the female twice. Maybe a bit too much description of the house;are you in the building trade? Ah, now I get it; he is comparing the building to his lady.

Use more paragraphs and less run on sentences. As it stands it is difficult to read.

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63
63
Review of Madman 17  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC. I like this flash piece. I wrote a similar story a while ago. Just to make it easier to read might I suggest space between paragraphs.

I think you might like the SCREAMS!!! contest. Entering contests is a good way to get to know people on here.

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64
64
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome here to WDC,
Hope you like us, friends will be,
Drop in for a meal at the Talent Pond,
For seafood reviews, that you'll respond
To kind wishes for your writing here;
For this little poem, many cheers!

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65
65
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC. This is an interesting piece which may well enlighten others here with regard to different faiths.

I have definitely lead my own path imperfectly.

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66
66
Review of The Arch-nemesis  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A bit rushed. Not sure if that was the word limit or your writing. The first section makes it sound like the mayor and his wife live in the safe.

An interesting tale nevertheless.

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67
67
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
And I can imagine the amount of mess a nine year old cook would make. Not that I'm much better. Some of the rhyming seemed a bit forced, the rhythm not quite right.

It tells a story, not just words strung together to look pretty like some poetry, so it appeals to me.

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68
68
Review of Sugar  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Tell me about it! If you did everything you were told you would starve. Gimmee, gimmee, gimmee.

I like this story because it rings true. Okay, there's no law against sugar(although there was rationing during the war)but we are discouraged from partaking.

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69
69
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
It is a shame you were limited to 1000 words; the end seemed rushed. You got in all the prompts quite cleverly. It's obvious you know the location well. I just wish you could have found a better way to let the reader know it's 1952. Show don't Tell.

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70
70
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I had intended to just read the first chapter and then review but I got so caught up in the story I had to finish it. I heard the voice of Humphry Bogart, or a youngster's impersonation of him, in some of the dialogue. Of all the [milk] bars ...

This teenager has been recycled many times over (I'm 65) but it still has appeal. What will Marty's next adventure be?

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71
71
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I don't pretend to be a poetry aficionado but I must say I don't associate seagulls with mountains. To me they are the plague of seaside holidays, nicking food right out of your hand, depositing on your head.

Maybe eagles would have been more appropriate?

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72
72
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This reminds me of something which has happened frequently in my life. Because I live on a Council Estate of course I must be thick, uneducated etc. I point to my degree hanging on the wall and ask to see theirs.

I would love to know what happens next. Not usually a fan of sci-fi, the title intrigued me. It certainly fits with the twisted tales theme.

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73
73
Review of The Streak  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I'm still laughing !!!!! This is a well written expose of the doings of army cadets. Did the ladies return the compliment? No? We have more sense.



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74
74
Review of The Best Gift  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I have known many lives like this. Everything you say here is realistic. Your description of the first meeting and the hospital visits says so much.

I was too immersed in the story to proof read, but you are an experienced writer so probably would not be necessary any way.


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75
75
Review of Contest Entries  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Santa the murderer? Or is he the detective investigating the crime? Either way the line 'Mrs. Claus fell thrice' tells us a crime has been committed. I've tried fitting the words to the tune but not succeeded. However, I found the idea quite funny.


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