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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: ON
439 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A touch of 'Psycho' about this little tale. You give just a hint at the beginning that all is not right with Mother and that son is being turned into a nut job. I liked the comparison between meal times and body parts. I hate to think what he was doing with them.



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102
102
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like your vision of the future even though the concepts are frightening. Your layout is a bit weird though and makes it hard to read. This reads line an outline. Maybe you could give more detail, more description; give the narrator more of a personality.


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103
103
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This piece is a lot more together. We have all had days like that. I like the idea that Miss Perfect has been shown to be human after all. I can visualise June's bike ride, right down to the dogs. The stares and comments of the other motorists are very realistic.


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104
104
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I'm definitely not going on that swamp tour. Your story is very atmospheric. The one thing that distracts are the typos. I take it this is a first draft. I suggest you read it through very carefully.

You repeated the bit about webbed-like moss on the trees. You need to think of alternatives to this description if you think it necessary to keep mentioning them. I like the bit about Lisa's dreams/preminitions.


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105
105
Review of The New Age.  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I get the feeling that you are a young writer. Ignoring the obvious typos and spelling mistakes, you have something interesting here. It is all rather rushed though. Slow down in your telling. You have enough here for several chapters. Build up to the mayhem rather than tell everything in a few paragraphs. Give us some suspense; maybe a scream from the kitchen interrupted an ordinary conversation with the parents.


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106
106
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing this as judge of The Comedy Club Contest.

Haven't we all had those embarrassing moments. In my case it was a dog who wanted to join in; less painful than the cockatoo but equally off putting.

I like the way you used alcohol and music to evoke the memories of the character's non-exploits.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
107
107
Review of Humdingers  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing this as judge of The Comedy Club Contest.

The idea of hummingbirds squawking does seem funny although with such little birds it would probably not be that loud.

I am no poetry expert but you seem to have good rhythm and rhyme in this piece.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
108
108
Review of Oh No  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reviewing this as judge of The Comedy Club Contest.

I am no poetry expert but this piece does not seem to follow any particular form. The image tells me it is about a squirrel but surely if he is ready for winter he knows where his nuts are? A bit of a contradiction.
109
109
Review of The Creature  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing this as judge of The Comedy Club Contest.

Get in the habit of including a word/line count in all your contest entries whether asked for or not; that way you can't go wrong.

I have had similar experiences to this and believe me a cricket would scare me more than mice or rats. Ughhh!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
110
110
Review of Little Red Cap  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing this as judge of The Comedy Club Contest.

Congratulations on first place.

I loved this retelling of the familiar tale. A girl with attitude, I particularly chuckled at the line "Did anyone tell you to let her out?" I think it might have been stronger without the last line.


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111
111
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am reviewing this as judge of The Comedy Club Contest.

I love it. As someone who has been married to two sailors this is my type of humour. The comparison between the peaches and her parts was well thought out. And I can appreciate how someone in his dire straits might well want money more than sex.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
112
112
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing this as judge of The Comedy Club Contest.

You say this is episode one; it will be interesting to see what the trio get up to next. Not sure human hair is of the same consistency as horse hair but an interesting concept.

Keep up with your tales.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
113
113
Review of Why?  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Unfortunately you did not comply with the rule to include your line count in the body of the piece so are disqualified.


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114
114
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This works well. It establishes who the woman and boy are and that the father has passed. It gives some idea of the setting. Nice cliff hanger at the end of the chapter.

You have a good mix of dialogue and description and show the emotional connection between the two characters.

One typo - unless this boy is deaf, I think you meant singing not signing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
115
115
Review of Rumor Has It...  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Love it. This is ideal for the young adult market. You would have to change the title though; there is a film of the same name. Not sure what the maximum word count was but once the contest is over it would be nice to see a bit more description of the other people involved.


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116
116
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Is this a work of fiction or a political statement? Certainly it contains a lot of truths yet Elsa is mistaken if she thinks college would make everything fair. Having to work to back up a meagre scholarship, relying on the library because you can't afford your own books, missing out on field trips and much more, divide you from the wealthy students and often result in poorer grades.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
117
117
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You are off to a good start. I presume this is a first draft as there are a few typos, sudden changes of POV etc. It felt a bit rushed; I think you need to change each scene into a chapter and build on the emotions. Who is Liz and how did she worm her way into his life? What was the purpose of the DNA Genome? Are Section 15 some kind of blackops Government department?

So many questions need answers. Take a paragraph at a time, check for errors, think what you can add to it: description, emotion, action.

One thing I will say, drop the boy drinking bleach; believe me - he wouldn't survive.

Keep Writing,
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
118
118
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
You have really captured the world of the school child in this piece. Tyler Frieman, your narrator, is very much like me; an independent free spirit who has no need for close relationships. He knows everyone by name and nature but has no wish to hang out with any one in particular. Abraham, on the other hand, is a leader; he comes up with plans that need followers to achieve. They are unlikely allies yet their differences could lead them to achieve great things.

I look forward to their combined exploits in future chapters. This is a novel well worth pursuing. I see it as appealing to ten to fifteen year olds although it does have some adult appeal. I don't know whether you intend to keep it in the schoolyard or bring it forward to the adult world, but I would not go further than college years.

I like the gentle humour in your writing style. I see no obvious problems with grammar or punctuation. Keep going with this.

** Image ID #mask2 Unavailable **


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119
119
Review of Running  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I want to know more. When I have written this review I will go to the other site. You built up the suspense very well. The twist in the tale was double fold. Wrong girl in more ways than one. It makes a nice change for the killer to be female.

Write On
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
120
120
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I am reviewing this as judge of The Comedy Club Contest.

I am not a great fan of free verse but I like the idea of the chimps holding a hostage. Unlike a lot of poetry this piece does have a story to tell.

Thank you for entering.
Sue


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121
121
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am intrigued by this little story. I want to know their back story to fully understand what is happening. It is a tender moment but taken out of context. Are they human or alien? What happened before? And who or what is the evil watcher? We need to know more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
122
122
Review of A Frozen Affair  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I love this little Christmas tale. I can imagine Rudolph having his head turned by a pretty doe and the chaos that might cause. I spotted the odd typo. It did not detract from the story though. I sense an element of empathy with Rudolph's dilemma. It is useful to take life experiences into your writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
123
123
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing this as judge of The Comedy Club Contest.

Oh, have I been there. Except I have both a cat and a dog. At least Tigs, the cat lands gently even if his purring does rather rattle through your dreams. Hugo, on the other hand, takes a flying leap from across the room, landing on my chest with claws out, doggy breath, and then turns around and FARTS!

I hope Bella knows how to behave.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
124
124
Review of Leah  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (3.5)
It is an all too familiar story. Maybe a little background could have been brought in. Also you could have used outside influences like the wind and the noise from the street to add to the interest. And the question has to be asked, who is the watcher telling her story?


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125
125
Review of The Twenty-Nine  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Although this story is set in the future it is not far from what is happening today. Great swathes of land have been given over to agriculture and upset the ecobalance. There are references back to things that happened in Scotland and Ireland in the 18th century but also to the eco warriors of the seventies and eighties.

This would make a great start to a novel.


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