You talk about Baby Girl as in one child then later you talk about having two kids. Have I missed something? Did something happen to the other child in an earlier chapter maybe? As it stands it does not make sense on that front. As to the running late bit; we've all been there. What a meanie the boss is.
Check your typos; you have put can instead of can't in several places.
I like the twist in this tale. Although I have to admit I saw it coming when you mentioned the larger creature overseeing the smaller ones. You give a good description of the creatures in your story. I just hope that somewhere out there we do not find aliens intent on enslaving us mere earthlings.
An interesting tale with twists I didn't see coming. A good use of dialect for the robbers. Very inventive detail regarding the means of entering the crypt. For a short piece your characters were very real. One or two missing commas but generally spelling and grammar are OK.
This letter really shows your pain. I can understand your anger that the cure was not found until too late. There must be many people feeling the same. As to the writing you have formatted the letter correctly and there are no problems with spelling or grammar. I hope the writing of this letter went a little way toward your recovery.
Out of the frying pan and into the fire. I loved the ending. However, the whole thing did seem a bit rushed. I don't know if that was down to a word limit. I would have liked less detail in the first half and more in the second. Details about the area are less important than the action scenes.
I know this is a draft and I am sure you will be correcting the punctuation mistakes which currently litter the work. I am not sure that someone who has sunk so deeply into depression would be able to recover that quickly. Even though Ally faces losing her home I think it would be a case of baby steps.
As a member of chocoholics anonymous I know the perils of the bar; one is never enough. I find myself waddling into the sweet shop looking for my daily fix and I ask myself "why?". My teeth sit in the glass daring me to take another bite as I watch glamourous celebrities extolling the virtues of the latest poison.
Ban it they might yet then the Columbians would have a new commodity to smuggle. And the illiicit is so much more enticing.
I love it. What a great take on the prompt. And so applicable here on WDC. I have accidently touched the wrong button on my netbook and what the ... half my story has disappeared. The idea that someone or some thing is stealing your words really appeals. Is there a magic world where books are made from all those stolen words?
You should not put your story down. I loved the twist at the end. It is hard to create a masterpiece in just a few words. Your story has a beginning, a middle and an end. The battle to keep the snake contained is well developed. Old Mrs. Crenshaw sounds like a right meanie. And the final disclosure is unexpected.
You are off to a good start with this one. A suggestion - maybe write the actual news report rather than have the narrator tell us. This might move it on faster, build up the tension. When Jesse is checking the exterior of the house maybe bring in a bit of inner dialogue.
I am not sure I understand all of this poem. The first verse draws a picture for me but by the last verse I am totally lost. Maybe it's just me. I tend toward traditional verse. 'He walks deeply' is a good phrase with a double meaning; the rain and his psychology.
I know about living with alcoholism. My first husband is a drunk. And yes, he has been known to drive under the influence. It is more by luck than judgement that he is still with us. I divorced him because alcohol meant more to him than I did. I still have feelings for him but cannot live with him.
I liked the story but the style was a bit too spasmodic for me. OK it did give a sense of urgency but I'm not sure that is what was needed throughout. Maybe a slower pace for the old man's walk to the shop and then use the shotgun phrasing for the shooting sequence then slow the pace again as the officer hesitates to inform the widow.
I am reviewing this as part of the challenge presented by Diane
Grammar, spelling and punctuation:
I see no obvious problems.
This is more of a vignette than a story. Yes, your character is facing some unknown challenge, but does anything really get resolved. Maybe he gains some inner peace but his problems haven't gone away.
Fairly natural for the most part.
We know little of your main character other than his pain.
Unfortunately this scenario happens in every war; bad intelligence leading to civilian casualties. As usual 'orders are orders'. Maybe you need to say more about how the lieutenant is feeling. Also, I don't think the commander would be so ready to agree with him. Even if his own feelings were in line with the lieutenant's, he would regard his comments as insubordination. The boss is always right even when he's wrong.
The teenage dream; an internet relationship. Taken so seriously. The love of your life. Unfortunately reality is usually a disappointment.
You have captured that desperation. Then the reconnection, ten years on. Older but no wiser. Do they meet? Is it love? Or is one or both parties not what they seem as is often the case. It is good that you leave the answers to our imagination.