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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8
Review Requests: ON
440 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
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176
176
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
You talk about Baby Girl as in one child then later you talk about having two kids. Have I missed something? Did something happen to the other child in an earlier chapter maybe? As it stands it does not make sense on that front. As to the running late bit; we've all been there. What a meanie the boss is.

Check your typos; you have put can instead of can't in several places.

Write on.

Signature Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
177
177
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I like the twist in this tale. Although I have to admit I saw it coming when you mentioned the larger creature overseeing the smaller ones. You give a good description of the creatures in your story. I just hope that somewhere out there we do not find aliens intent on enslaving us mere earthlings.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
178
178
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
An interesting tale with twists I didn't see coming. A good use of dialect for the robbers. Very inventive detail regarding the means of entering the crypt. For a short piece your characters were very real. One or two missing commas but generally spelling and grammar are OK.

Write on.
179
179
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
This letter really shows your pain. I can understand your anger that the cure was not found until too late. There must be many people feeling the same. As to the writing you have formatted the letter correctly and there are no problems with spelling or grammar. I hope the writing of this letter went a little way toward your recovery.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
180
180
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Out of the frying pan and into the fire. I loved the ending. However, the whole thing did seem a bit rushed. I don't know if that was down to a word limit. I would have liked less detail in the first half and more in the second. Details about the area are less important than the action scenes.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
181
181
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (3.5)
I know this is a draft and I am sure you will be correcting the punctuation mistakes which currently litter the work. I am not sure that someone who has sunk so deeply into depression would be able to recover that quickly. Even though Ally faces losing her home I think it would be a case of baby steps.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
182
182
Review of Bin the Bar  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
As a member of chocoholics anonymous I know the perils of the bar; one is never enough. I find myself waddling into the sweet shop looking for my daily fix and I ask myself "why?". My teeth sit in the glass daring me to take another bite as I watch glamourous celebrities extolling the virtues of the latest poison.

Ban it they might yet then the Columbians would have a new commodity to smuggle. And the illiicit is so much more enticing.
183
183
Review of Huh?  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love it. What a great take on the prompt. And so applicable here on WDC. I have accidently touched the wrong button on my netbook and what the ... half my story has disappeared. The idea that someone or some thing is stealing your words really appeals. Is there a magic world where books are made from all those stolen words?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
184
184
Review of A Boy and Bob  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You should not put your story down. I loved the twist at the end. It is hard to create a masterpiece in just a few words. Your story has a beginning, a middle and an end. The battle to keep the snake contained is well developed. Old Mrs. Crenshaw sounds like a right meanie. And the final disclosure is unexpected.

Write on.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
185
185
Review of No name yet  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (3.5)
You are off to a good start with this one. A suggestion - maybe write the actual news report rather than have the narrator tell us. This might move it on faster, build up the tension. When Jesse is checking the exterior of the house maybe bring in a bit of inner dialogue.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
186
186
Review of Scry Boy  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (3.0)
I am not sure I understand all of this poem. The first verse draws a picture for me but by the last verse I am totally lost. Maybe it's just me. I tend toward traditional verse. 'He walks deeply' is a good phrase with a double meaning; the rain and his psychology.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
187
187
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I know about living with alcoholism. My first husband is a drunk. And yes, he has been known to drive under the influence. It is more by luck than judgement that he is still with us. I divorced him because alcohol meant more to him than I did. I still have feelings for him but cannot live with him.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
188
188
Review of Non-believer  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (3.5)
I know exactly what you mean. If you read my 150 word novel you will see that I have had similar experiences of the real world.

Writing for screen viewing as opposed to book reading it is wise to keep your paragraphs short. I see no obvious problems with grammar.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
189
189
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank God times have changed. I was a single parent in the seventies and that was hard enough. The character of Jesse is well developed. There is a good sense of place and time.

A good stand alone story of a boy growing up, but also a good start to a longer work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
190
190
Review of The Collapse (1)  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like your idea of personifying grief. '...the ceiling caving in and the floor falling out...' gave such an intense feeling of the emotions of this mum-to-be.

I hope that this was written from imagination and not personal experience.

I see no obvious grammar problems in this story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
191
191
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
I liked the story but the style was a bit too spasmodic for me. OK it did give a sense of urgency but I'm not sure that is what was needed throughout. Maybe a slower pace for the old man's walk to the shop and then use the shotgun phrasing for the shooting sequence then slow the pace again as the officer hesitates to inform the widow.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
192
192
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
It's the thirties, the cinema is full of smoke, the film is black and white, and Bogart and Bacall are the stars.

You really evoked that whole film noir type feel. Just one little slip - ...flat shoes ADORNED her feet - not quite right for the voice.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
193
193
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (3.0)
I am reviewing this as part of the challenge presented by Diane

Grammar, spelling and punctuation:
I see no obvious problems.

Plot:
This is more of a vignette than a story. Yes, your character is facing some unknown challenge, but does anything really get resolved. Maybe he gains some inner peace but his problems haven't gone away.

Dialogue:
Fairly natural for the most part.

Characterisation:
We know little of your main character other than his pain.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
194
194
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (3.5)
And me. I really agree with everything you say. I can address a room full of people, I'm first up on the kareoke, yet meeting someone new scares the you know what out of me.

I remember my first day of college. We had a sort of meet the class social. Everyone seemed to have formed into groups and I felt like the outsider. Which group do I join, will I be rejected?

Maybe you could use some examples in this piece.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
195
195
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Although fantasy is not my usual reading matter I enjoyed this story. It is appropriate for the young adult market you are aiming at. It might not be the next Harry Potter but who knows!

Reading your synopsis I know that part of your story is set in the real world. This combination might be just the edge you need for success.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
196
196
Review of My Real Family  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like this, however, there are places in the dialogue where I am not quite sure who said what. You need to signify who is speaking before commenting on the other's reaction.

As a scene from a longer work it makes quite an impact. I hope the rest of the story is just as compelling.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
197
197
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Unfortunately this scenario happens in every war; bad intelligence leading to civilian casualties. As usual 'orders are orders'. Maybe you need to say more about how the lieutenant is feeling. Also, I don't think the commander would be so ready to agree with him. Even if his own feelings were in line with the lieutenant's, he would regard his comments as insubordination. The boss is always right even when he's wrong.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
198
198
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
The teenage dream; an internet relationship. Taken so seriously. The love of your life. Unfortunately reality is usually a disappointment.

You have captured that desperation. Then the reconnection, ten years on. Older but no wiser. Do they meet? Is it love? Or is one or both parties not what they seem as is often the case. It is good that you leave the answers to our imagination.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
199
199
Review of A Simple Rivalry  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (3.5)
A somewhat alternative form of flirtation although I believe it does happen in the animal world. They say there is a very fine line between love and hate. The hate usually comes later, with divorce.

The class divide is still there, no matter the setting.

Write On
200
200
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
No obvious problems with spelling or grammer.

A very grumpy mountain - sounds a bit like a children's story. Volcano perhaps. Not sure about the last line. Maybe show rather than tell.

Characters developing nicely. Humour gentle rather than too obvious. I've had the same conversation - foodwise - with my 5 foot tall, 18 stone friend.

Write On
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