*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: ON
773 Public Reviews Given
774 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
26
26
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I tend to avoid reviewing poetry because I have very little knowledge of poetic forms. My education was to learn well known poems by rote. Reading your article has helped me to understand that you don't really need expertise to know how the poem evokes a mood, feeling, image etc.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
Review of The Fly  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh boy, have I been there. In the summer heat when I have to have doors and windows open there is always one. The pesky little beggar that dive bombs me and keeps me awake. They do like to dive into the dregs of my bedtime cocoa though.

I love the sound effects as the fly is chased.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
Review of Darwin's Journey  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I don't think I'll bother looking for THAT plant. This story builds nicely toward the inevitable. The fact that you have listed it as horror gives a clue to what is coming. When it does come, it feels a bit rushed.

If you are limited by a wordcount, maybe loose some of the early stuff in favour of more description of Robert's end.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Sounds like Dad has everything under control. In the UK this is not an unusual event, especially in the SW, where I live. Coastal areas are worst hit. A hundred years or so ago a complete village disappeared into the sea.

I like the fun way you incorporated the required words, especially JUMP. The dialogue is realistic and flows well, without the usual 'he said'.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review of Christmas  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A well written telling of a lesser known part of the Christmas story. The language you use may have been that spoken by your narrator with a feel of olden times.

Not having a great knowledge of the Bible I am unsure where the three kings actually came from. Crossing desert is inevitable at some point in the journey. I do hope they got home safely.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Review of The RMS Titanic  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to WDC.

I know a bit about the Titanic disaster. I think the main problem was the cocky attitude of the designers who swore she was unsinkable. I didn't know about the Californian.

Maybe you should look into the class issue. Were the people in steerage really locked in as portrayed in the film? Did they not count when working out how many lifeboats she should carry?

There is a lot more information out there. But what you have is reasonably well written. Maybe you could start your piece with a dramatisation, describing the opulence, the hopes of the travellers as they boarded.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
Review of Thud with Whistle  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this style, short bursts of writing, reflecting the immediacy of your thoughts in this situation.

You might want to do a spelling and grammar check. A few missing apostrophes here and there, but they don't distract from the piece. A very clear picture of what it is like to be under fire.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review of Broken  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I can't say I have personal experience of a broken home. My parents took the 'til death us do part' bit literally. I can say that I have met a lot of people who are 'broken'.

You describe it well. The superficial feelings when the split first happens, then the deeper hurt as life changes. You are right, therapy doesn't help. It may modify the way you deal with the feelings, stop alcohol or substance abuse, but the feelings never leave.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
Review of Contest Entries  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Although I am not really into fantasy, I do get what is going on. Jarkin's wife and son have been kidnapped and he wants them back. His plan is to use magic to achieve this.

Unfortunately, this is rather more 'tell' than 'show'. Use his inner dialogue (in italic to distinguish it) and add description in small amounts around this.

I don't know what your word limit is - you don't mention which contest this is for - but this feels unfinished. I see it bears today's date so maybe it is a WIP. Work at it, you will get there.

Keep Writing
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
35
35
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing for I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!






The story of an artist as told by a paintbrush. An unusual POV character, but it works. I too have neglected brushes. I wonder what they are saying about me?

From the descriptions of her finished works, my guess is she is more of a wannabe. I like the way the brush 'feels' the colours. Itchy yellow, tingling red, cool green and painful purple.

It is decades since I used my hands to paint. Maybe I will give it a try.

Keep Writing
Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing for I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!





Welcome to WDC.

It is great to see a Newbie entering a contest on their first day here. Some useful tips: When writing on screen, leaving spaces between short paragraphs makes it much easier to read. When entering contests, get in the habit of putting a wordcount at the beginning or end of your work and then again in your forum post. Not everyone demands it, but if you make it a habit you can't go wrong.

It is interesting how family rituals start. Watermelons on 4th July sounds like a good one. As to the sibling rivalry - that is something I missed out on being an only child. At least a game of golf is a harmless one. Unlike my BFF, who was forever falling out with members of her large family. Social media has its downside.

Keep Writing

Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
for entry "Amy's Super Start" 
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I am reviewing for I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!





I could tell you are a young writer. There is a naivety about your work which I found quite charming.

I noted that your first three paragraphs all start with the word 'Amy'. Might I suggest using 'she' for the second and starting the third with 'Someone was coming up the stairs.'

Your dialogue sounds very natural. I didn't spot any problems with spelling or grammar. The Adventures of Amy Jeakins could make a very good children's book.

Keep Writing

Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
38
38
Review of Day 1 Prompt  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing for I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!






Welcome to WDC.

The first thing to learn when writing online is space. Short paragraphs with space between are far easier to read.

Childhood memories. The older you get, the more you forget. I am sorry your relationship with your mother wasn't a happy one. Mine wasn't when I was a kid. It was only when she began to get senile that I could talk to her about anything without her telling me off.

It is those little things that bring us joy in later life. A shared moment. Something simple like chocolate.

Keep Writing

Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
39
39
Review of Four Prune Ritual  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing for I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!




Welcome to WDC.

There is something rather ...existential ...avante guarde ... about this piece. You mention baying at the moon, I thought wolf or maybe werewolf. But then your main character seems to take human form when he searches for the prunes.

This reminds me of some of the weird writings we studied at college. Post-post-modernist I think they called it.

I take it Skippy is the man on the corner. But why did you say he produced the third prune. I wasn't aware of the first two being found.

Keep Writing

Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
40
40
Review of The Fox  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing for I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!





I like the description of your regular walks. You take us through the seasons as a way of showing the passing of time.

I certainly know the feeling of sitting at home with nothing to do. I just wish I was up to walking. Or sewing for that matter.

This phrase seems a bit awkward - if it had even actually really been there.Also, why is there a speech mark at the very start of the story?

I have read many of your flash fiction entries and I always find them entertaining.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
41
41
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing for I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!





I see that this was a Writer's Cramp entry, yet I see no word count. It is mandatory for some contests, and it is good practice to do so for all contest entries. The last thing you need is to spend ages writing only to be disqualified on a technicality.

I like that this is written in the style of a journal entry. It gives a first person POV and opens up the possibility of further stories from Mary Brownstone. I too would be frustrated if all I got to do was type up other people's writing.

Not sure escaped cattle are headline news. But maybe for a small local paper it is.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
42
42
Review of Crossing Over  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I am reviewing for I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!




As a crime writer myself I am all too familiar with the dead body. You have brought a new element to the scene with the deceased paying a visit to her husband and getting her revenge.

You don't actually say that he was her killer, but I think she would know. The setting for the finding of the body gives a feeling of foreboding. You then lull the reader into a false sense of normality, then WHAM, you hit them with the ghost.

Well-constructed and very creepy.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
43
for entry "Reformation " 
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like that you start with a quote and then a definition. This makes it clear what you are addressing in your blog entry.

You then give a history of reform in Australia. Very informative to someone in another country.

Your main topic is aged care. Governments are always saying they will reform aged care. The truth is, it is not government bills that are needed, it is government money. Reform of the care system needs to start at grass roots level. Pay carers a decent wage.

I had thought the pandemic would show who should be paid better. Who was on the front line? Not bankers, investment brokers and other highly paid professionals. No. It was doctors, nurses, home carers, plus shop staff, delivery drivers etc. The people that got us through.

You lay out your argument in a clear manner with no spelling or grammar mistakes. Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
44
44
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing for I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!






This starts with a scene all too often in the news. A soldier, injured on the battlefield. Although you don't say it, I take it the doorway leads to heaven.

I got a strong sense of the man's pain. His struggle felt very real. What little dialogue there was sounded natural. Do you have experience on the battlefield? It sounds like you do.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
45
45
Review of Home Renovation  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing for I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!





Welcome to WDC.

Old houses are a great source of horror. I have written similar. The hidden room could hold all sorts of scary things. I did spot a few typos, but I take this to be a work in progress. It feels like there is more to come.

Don't be afraid to enter contests. It is a way to introduce yourself and learn from others.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
46
46
Review of First Date  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am reviewing for I'm participating in Halloween Review Stew! Click the image to make some too!





I feel for you, man. Snakes are bad enough, but Hello Kitty? What are you like with elephants?

You definitely came across as drunk. I like the way you lumbered Dave with the bill; well, he did offer! I would love to know what you were drinking, and I guess you would too.

I have heard several similar conversations in the pub. This is very real. There are no problems with spelling or grammar. More tales from the bar, please.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
47
47
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ah, regrets, I've had a few ... No, I'm not going to sing 'My Way.'
I'm talking about destroying things in anger.

I did find the opening a bit awkward. Break up the description of the lamp. Maybe more angry dialogue would do the trick.

Who is the POV character here? It seems to move between Courtney and Mike. You had 1k words available. My estimate is you used less than half.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
48
48
Review of An Apple a Day  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
It is not easy to tell a story in 300 words. Yours has a beginning, a middle and an end, even if the latter does seem a bit rushed.

I suggest that you read this through out loud. You will then spot where there should be a comma or a full stop.

Should it not be mermaid rather than merwoman?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
49
49
Review of Tenure of Terror  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good opening - you have established who your protagonist is. You then build on the character by his appearance and mannerisms and his interaction with others.

I don't know if you were on a word limit with this piece, but the ending seems a bit rushed. You could have built on the fear factor. I would like to know more about his wife, Florence. Is she under the floorboards or dead in the bed?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
50
50
for entry "Dallas" 
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I always enjoy your travelogues. And I always leave feeling hungry. Ever thought about being a restaurant critic? If you ever find yourself in Plymouth, UK, I would be interested in your opinions of our offerings. Hope you like Greek.

I did spot a few typos, but I am sure you will edit those out.

Maybe you could extend your information to the sights and sounds of the cities you visit, places to go, evening entertainment. I know you are working but you must have some time off. Or do you spend all your free time eating?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
341 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 14 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2