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Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reading and reviewing entries in "The Christian Writing Contest, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This was an interesting story, and I enjoyed reading it. You gave a lot of good examples of how horribly people sometimes treat others who are 'different'. While I could see where you were going with it, I think it strays away a bit from the parable. If I didn't know the prompt, I can't say that I would know what this was about - I'd think it was merely a pastor's reflection on the mistreatment of others.

The story did make me think about the misfortune of others and how we should work to be more considerate and accepting. I loved the title of the story and the phrase "to see a seed that found the ground of grace."


My Suggestions: In the first sentence, I would insert a comma after "musing". In the second sentence, I would change "wonder" to "wondered", because you began the story in past tense. In the third sentence, I would insert a comma after "eyes". A couple of sentences later, "might as will" should be "might as well". In the following sentence, a comma should be inserted after "pastor". In the sentence, "...left her a only a shell..." the first "a" should be omitted. In the following sentence, a comma should be inserted after "day". In the next-to-last sentence of that paragraph, "give" should be "gives". In that sentence, I would insert a hyphen after "hope". In the third sentence of the following paragraph, "who" should be "whom". Near the end of that paragraph, "I is as if..." should be "It is as if..." In that same sentence, I would omit "but her". In the last paragraph, "a find" should be "I find". In that paragraph, I would change "thanksgiving" to "thanks" and insert a comma after the word. In the last sentence, a comma should be inserted after "day".

Overall: Thank you for providing this interesting read. I look forward to reading more of your work.

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
277
277
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I am reading and reviewing entries in "The Christian Writing Contest, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed reading your prose about the parable of the sower. You provided an excellent interpretation that most readers, especially those who have read the Gospels, will be able to understand and relate to. Using relatively few words, you summed it up completely and concisely. I like the way you briefly described Matthew, Mark and Luke in the piece to give readers who are unfamiliar with the Gospels a little information about them. Not only did you give a great interpretation, but you also gave enough information to interest someone who doesn't normally partake in reading religious works. Great job!

My Suggestions: In the third sentence, I would change "ask" to "ask" since the rest of the piece is told in past tense. In the fourth sentence, I would change "Matthew, Mark and Luke" to "they" since you addressed them all by name in the previous sentence. I would also change "direct" at the end of that sentence to "directly." In the second sentence of the second paragraph, "mother house" should be "mother's house". In the last sentence of that paragraph, I would change "was also" to "also was", change "help" to "helped" and "Jesus" to "Jesus'". In the next paragraph, I would change the semicolon after "word" to a comma. In the last sentence of the fourth paragraph, "their hearts" should be "his heart" because you're referring to "a man". The semicolon isn't needed in the second sentence of the sixth paragraph.

Overall: Thank you for providing this spiritual read. I hope you continue to enter the contest so I can read more of your work!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
278
278
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, dejavu_BIG computerprobs . This is my third and final review for your package in the "Hearts Afire Auction. However, I plan to continue to reviewing your work, because your writing has me hooked! Hope you don't mind. *Wink*

My Thoughts: Another excellent read told from a male perspective. First person narration worked well with this story as did the omission of the character's name. Anonymity seemed right for this piece. Your vivid descriptions made it easy to picture the dreary scene, and you gave adequate background information to apprise the reader of how the character ended up here. It also allowed me to empathize with the character.

I like the way the body made the narrator think of his grandmother. It showed the reader, as the description promises. You told a meaningful, complete story using a limited amount of words. Great job!


My Suggestions: In the second sentence, I would insert a comma after "life". One of the periods at the end of the next sentence should be omitted. In the second sentence of the second paragraph, "it's" should be "its" because you're not using it as a contraction for "it is". In the third paragraph, "August" should be capitalized. In the fourth paragraph, "it's shadow" should be "its shadow" for the same reason as aforementioned. In the seventh paragraph, "it's leftovers" should be "its leftovers". In the first sentence of the next paragraph, I would change "Moistness" to "Moisture". In the next-to-last sentence of the last paragraph, "cops problem" should be "cops' problem" to show possession.

Overall: Thank you for yet another terrific read! I will definitely continue to visit your port!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
279
279
Review of Loss of Control  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Nix ~ tks anonymous! ! This is your third review as part of your package in the "Hearts Afire Auction.

My Thoughts: This was another original idea resulting in a terrific story. You made it very easy for the reader to experience Terry's emotions with her: the adrenaline rush, the fear, the embarrassment and, finally, the frustration. It was rather easy to relate to a successful businesswoman who feels unfulfilled after giving up a lucrative career to raise children. I haven't seen many stories that address it, and you did a fantastic job in doing so.

I liked the way you kept Terry's personal life a secret until after the officers let her go. It was a very nice twist. And the ending was perfect. I'm sure that many frustrated women in a similar position would love to follow Terri's lead!


My Suggestions: I would change the period in the next-to-last sentence of the first paragraph to a colon. I would insert a comma after "time" in the second paragraph. Also, near the beginning of the story, you mentioned a baby being hidden under the blanket, and I was wondering what happened to the baby while Terry was being questioned. It was only when she folded up the stroller that it became clear there was no baby. I would suggest putting "baby" in quotes when first mentioned to give the reader a clue that there is no baby.

Overall: Another great read! I enjoyed it from beginning to end, and I can't wait to read more!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Too Hot to Handle  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thank you for bidding on my package in the "Hearts Afire Auction. I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This was a terrific short story! I loved the title and description; they fit the story perfectly. You gave excellent character descriptions and background information for both characters. Your descriptive writing allowed me to almost feel the tension between the couple. I imagine that a lot of readers, including myself, can relate to feeling the way Crystal did about this guy. I'm usually more of a sucker for a mystery or comedy, but this story definitely changed my mind. It was truly excellent.

I particularly like the way you provided history through dialogue rather than boring narration. And the smells and sounds described throughout the story made it feel as though I was there. The ending was adequate and summed the story up neatly. I can easily see a sequel to this story - maybe a reunion between Derek and Crystal a few years later. *Wink*


My Suggestions: In the last sentence of the second paragraph, I would move the comma after "them" to after "and" so that "of course" is set off by commas. Near the middle of the story, I would insert a comma after "For one heartbeat". I would also suggest providing just a bit of information as to how Crystal became a multi-millionaire. I assume from the story that she's an author, but she evidently needed a publisher. Did she inherit the money from her wealthy parents? From her father's newspaper?

Overall: Thank you for providing this excellent read. I look forward to continuing my raid through your port. *Bigsmile*

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Paper Duckies  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this poem. Although it is rather short, you packed a lot of emotion into the piece. I particularly like the pay you compared yourself to paper ducks...very original and creative! Your descriptive writing made it easy for me to see the scenes as you described them, and you were able to evoke the different emotions that you described. I would have never thought of the comparison that you do here, but it works well. Also, I like your rhyme scheme, and I think it was perfect for this poem. Good job!

My Suggestions: I would suggest you expand the poem a bit to add more emotion. You obviously have a terrific idea here, and I would love to read more about it and the comparisons of your emotions with what is happening to the ducks. Also, in the last verse, I think the first line would read more fluidly if changed to "Like me, they are drowning".

Overall: Thank you for sharing this great poem. I look forward to checking out more of your work.

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of South of the Wall  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I like your descriptive writing style, and I enjoyed reading the story. However, I felt like it was incomplete. You used the prompt well and introduce some interesting characters, but nothing really happened. I know it's difficult to write a complete story using such a limited word count, but you want to leave the reader feeling something after reading the story. As the story is, it leaves something to be desired. You have an excellent idea here, and now that the contest is over, it would be a terrific piece for you to expand upon!

My Suggestions: First of all, I would suggest changing the rating from "E" to "ASR" because of some of the story's content. For some reason, "He could remember the sounds of the city when he was a child." made me think you were saying that when he was a child, he remembered the sounds of the city. I would change the sentence to "He could remember how the city sounded when he was a child." A couple of sentences later, "gasoline" shouldn't be capitalized. In the next paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "heavy". A couple of sentences later, a comma should be inserted after "Street". Also beginning at that point in the story, you switch to past tense even though the first part of the story was told in present tense. I would suggest changing the rest of the story to past tense to make the first and last parts of the story parallel.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. I look forward to reading more of your work!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Prize.  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: You started with a good title that immediately caught my attention and a description that made me want to read the story. The story was interesting, and first person narrative worked well. You gave adequate background to help the reader relate to Mara and get an idea of her hard work and dedication. The action part of the story was interesting, and I was anxious to see what would happen. The ending was great, providing closure and allowing the reader to share in Mara's triumph. Great job!

My Suggestions: In the second sentence "5" should be "five". The word "that" isn't needed in that sentence. In the next sentence, the comma after "race" should be a period, and you should start a new sentence with "It's taken..." Next sentence, there shouldn't be an apostrophe in "foods". There should be a comma after "gold" in the first sentence of the second paragraph. In the next sentence, a comma should be inserted after "me", and there shouldn't be an apostrophe in "athletes". In the last sentence of that paragraph, there should be commas after "me" and "mistakes". In the first sentence of the third paragraph, "Its" should be "It's" since you're using it as a contraction for "It is". In the next sentence, "defiantly" should be "definitely" and "soothe" is spelled incorrectly.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this sharing this short story. I look forward to reading more if your work!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
284
284
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed this story story! I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a complete and coherent story using few words, and you did a terrific job here. The title was perfect, and in a rather short piece, you managed to give a background for the character and tell about a tragic experience he had while parrotsitting poor Telly. Your use of first person narration worked well for this story. I particularly liked the fact that Telly continued to taunt the character in his last declaration. Great job!

My Suggestions: First of all, I'd change the rating from "E" to "13+". The subject matter warrants a higher rating. Near the end of the story, you say, " Possessed by a murderous rage. I bolted upright..." The period should be changed to a comma. Also, maybe you could give the reader the character's name to help the reader relate more to him. Perhaps you could do it in Telly's dialogue, such as "Use your noodle, [insert name].

Overall: Thank you for sharing this great story story. I look forward to reading more!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Simple Answers  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*UmbrellaP* Hi, michaelanthony . I am honored to review your short story as a part of your shower at "Invalid Item. *UmbrellaP*

*ExclaimB* My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this short story about a person with luck similar to my own. Although the story was rather short, it was complete and interesting. I'm sure that most readers will be able to relate to Jack's predicament. It seems that every time we're running late, everything that can go wrong will go wrong. You conveyed that perfectly with this story. I especially liked the irony you revealed at the end. Poor Jack! The description doesn't do this story justice. I think, instead of "Contest entry", you should give the reader an idea of what the story is actually about. Although I was pleasantly surprised when I read it, it would likely get a lot more attention if you hinted at Jack's predicament. Regardless, this was a great story, and I could relate well to Jack's frustration. Good job!

*ExclaimR* My Suggestions: First of all, I suggest breaking this into paragraphs to provide for an easier read. In the third sentence, I would change the comma after "option" to a period and start a new sentence with "But here he was..." I would change "there" to "here" in the next sentence, because you referred to it as "here" in the previous sentence. Also, you use the word "had" four times in that sentence. I would change at least a few of them to a different word. A comma should be inserted after "out" in the next sentence. In the next sentence, a comma should be inserted after "days", "did" should be "does" because it's Jack's dialogue, and he wouldn't be talking about a current situation in past tense, and the comma after the quotation marks should come before the marks. A couple of sentences later, a comma should be inserted after "should". In the next sentence, "finally" should be "final". In the next sentence, the comma after "now" should be omitted. In the last sentence, you use the word "just" twice in very close proximity. I would change the first instance to "only".

*ExclaimV* Overall: This is a good story that would be even better after a thorough edit. I'm glad you shared this short story, and I look forward to reading more!

SAJ Rainbow City by Whome


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
286
286
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*UmbrellaP* Hi, CJ Reddick . I am honored to review your short story as a part of your shower at "Invalid Item. *UmbrellaP*

*ExclaimB* My Thoughts: Wow! I absolutely LOVED this little horror story. The idea was original, and the ending was brilliant. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful horror short horror story, but you made it seem effortless. Your vivid descriptions made it easy for me to imagine the scenes as you described them. And the dialogue was spot on. I can just hear a young mother who has just experienced such a horrific event talking quickly and paying no mind to proper grammar. The scene in the little boy's bedroom was excellent. I got goosebumps when there was a response to the mother's attempt to console him. I loved the story from beginning to end!

*ExclaimR* My Suggestions: I suggest that you give the little boy a name to make the story more personal for the reader. You say, "The mother walked briskly away and took her son’s hand. They walked away, and the boy looked over his shoulder." I would change the second sentence to, "As they walked, the boy..." because you are saying they walked away twice. Near the end of the story, you say "The door slammed shut. The mother tried to open the door, but it was shut." I don't think the second instance of "shut" works here. Maybe you could change it to "but it was locked" or "but it wouldn't budge". A door being shut wouldn't prevent it from being opened.

*ExclaimV* Overall: Thank you for sharing this terrific read! I can't wait to read more of your work.

SAJ Rainbow City by Whome


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
287
287
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*UmbrellaP* Hi, Ida_Matilda_Wright Help . I am honored to review your short story as a part of your shower at "Invalid Item. *UmbrellaP*

*ExclaimB* My Thoughts: I know from experience how difficult it can be to tell a complete and coherent story using few words, and you did a great job here. First person narrative worked well for this piece, and you adequately conveyed your feelings of fear and unease. If this is a true experience, I am so sorry that you were forced to endure that. If not, your descriptive and emotional writing style makes it easy for a reader to believe that it was. This would be an excellent story to develop into a longer work, going to to tell what happened with the bus driver's son and how the experience with the bus driver affected you later in life.

*ExclaimR* My Suggestions: First of all, I would change the rating of this story from "E" to "ASR" because of the implications in the story. I would also suggest changing the title to something more related to the story itself. If you choose not to change the title, "you" should be changed to "your". You changed tenses quite a bit in the story. I would suggest sticking with past tense. For instance, in the second paragraph, I would change "tells" to "told". In the third paragraph, I would change "have" to "had" and "places" to "placed". In the sixth paragraph, I would change "says" to "said". Also in that paragraph, you should insert quotation marks after "want" and quotations marks before "No" because "he says" is not part of his quote. In the last paragraph, "imagining" is spelled incorrectly.

*ExclaimV* Overall: Thank you for sharing! This is a good short story that would be even better after a thorough edit. I look forward to reading more of your work!

SAJ Rainbow City by Whome


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
288
288
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: You have an excellent idea for a story here! The plot is interesting and rather original, and it was easy to connect with Siam. You provided sufficient background along with a valid reason for her journey. By the end of this piece, I was able to empathize with Siam over the loss of her mother and nurse and worry about what would happen if her father were to find her. Your vivid descriptions made it easy to picture the scenes as you described. The story is off to a great start, and I can only imagine the obstacles that Siam will encounter in her journey. Great job.

My Suggestions: My first suggestion is to finish this story! I don't know that I would use the same description of "swaying grasses" within a few sentences in the first paragraph. I suggest describing the grass a different way in the second instance. Near the end of the first paragraph, "evenings" should be "evening's" since you're attempting to show possession. In the middle of the third paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "requested". In the following sentence, "bear" is spelled incorrectly.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this great read! I look forward to reading the completed work!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
289
289
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I know I'm a day late, but I still wanted to drop by and give you an anniversary review. I'm glad I did - this poem is terrific! I've thought about taking part in the NaNo challenge and am interested in the experiences of others in that regard. You perfectly convey the amount of preparation and dedication that are required to succeed in this light, humorous poem. The poem flows well, and your rhyme scheme is spot on. Great job!

My Suggestions: I would suggest adding a few commas to make a more fluid read. I would insert a comma after the word "in" in the last line of the second verse, after "month" in the second line of the last verse and after "Finished" in the following line. I would also consider adding the word "NaNo" between "for and "number" in the last line.

Overall: Thank you for providing this great poem. I'm sending a few GPs as a belated Anniversary gift and to try and make up for the recent lack of bots in scroll. *Wink*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
290
290
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts and Suggestions: This is an interesting and rather original idea for a story. It is thoughtful, well written and to the point. However, you're using this to urge a reader to read on. You want this short synopsis to entice a reader to look forward to diving into your book. In that regard, it falls a bit short. My thoughts upon reading this synopsis are "Well, it could be interesting, but so could thousands of other stories on this site. Why should I choose this one?" Make me want to choose this one. Tell me what I'll walk away with that I wouldn't have gotten by reading the other stories. What profound questions will be answered? How will the book make me feel? Enlightened? Unable to sleep at night? Horrified? Confused? Give me something to look forward to!

Overall: You have an interesting idea that, if further developed, could make readers anxious to read more. I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
291
291
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this interesting short story. In a rather short piece, you developed the characters well. I think I was just as anxious as Paige to find out the cause of the alarm and just as disappointed when she did find the cause. This would be a good story to develop into a longer piece, because I'm sure there is something behind the door being unlocked and the safe being open in such a fine home. Maybe Paige could be accused of a robbery? Or perhaps her brothers did it? Just some thoughts.

My Suggestions: Near the end of the first paragraph, the comma after "street" isn't needed. A few sentences later, "The had" should be "They had". In the second paragraph, "So, here we have Paige, all ready to sleep till noon" would read better as "Paige was ready to sleep until noon". The rest of that paragraph is in present tense even though the rest of the story is told in past tense. I suggest changing it to reflect past tense. In the first sentence of the eleventh paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "changed". In that paragraph, I would omit "What a shocker, right?" as I found it just detracted from the story. A few sentences later, I would omit the word "Yep". In the next paragraph, "it's neck" should be "its neck" as you're not using it as a contraction for "it is". I think the sentence "Up the stairs she ran and into the master bedroom." would read better as "She ran up the stairs and into the master bedroom."

Overall: This is a good story that would be much better after a thorough edit. I look forward to reading more of your work.

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Flames Lament  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Excellent use of the prompt! I think this was an excellent short horror story. You gave sufficient background to explain why the character chose to do what he did. Although the ending was a total surprise, you hinted at the possibility with the information about his love of music and desire to pursue it and his mother's suppression of his desire. The story was complete and full of action, and I was on the edge of my seat, anxious to find out what the character would do. The ending didn't disappoint. It was excellent!

My Suggestions: In the second sentence, the word "too" should be set off with commas. When you're talking about the people in the diner, I would change "all there" to "everyone there" as I think it would read more fluidly that way. In the following sentence, a comma should be inserted after "minutes". In the following paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "playing".

Overall: Thank you for sharing this great read! I look forward to reading more of your work!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Last Chance  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this poem. I'm sure that many people, including myself, with the worry and walking on eggshells involved when, after a fight, your significant gives you an ultimatum about getting along. You characterized those feelings well in this piece. I liked your rhyme scheme; end rhyme worked well for this piece.

My Suggestions: First of all, I suggest putting the lines of the poem closer together to make for an easier, more fluid read. In the third line, "right her" should be "right here". In the fifth line, "each others" should be "each others'". I read the poem aloud and silently, and the last line seemed to wordy. I know your reasoning for using the word "today" in that line, but the poem would read more fluidly if that line were omitted.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this lovely poem. I look forward to reading more of your work!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Which way?  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*UmbrellaP* Hi, Wiskers . I am honored to review your essay as a part of your shower at "Invalid Item. *UmbrellaP*

*ExclaimB* My Thoughts: You have a very thought provoking piece here, and you make a lot of good points. I can think of many other instances in which someone gives an answer that is actually correct, but because it isn't the answer the the one who asked the question was looking for, it's considered wrong. In that case, I definitely agree that right and wrong is a matter of opinion. The points you brought up is something we rarely spend a lot of time thinking about, but when we start, we end up with more questions than answers. I love the scenario you posed at the end. I believe in a case such as that, you have do do what feels right to you. Very well thought out!

*ExclaimR* My Suggestions: In the fifth paragraph, "its opinion" should be "it's opinion" since it's a contraction for "it is". In the fifth and sixth paragraphs, there are three instances in which "your" should be "you're". If the word is a contraction for "you are", it should be "you're". In the last paragraph, I believe you meant "blowing on it" instead of "blowing by it".

*ExclaimV* Overall: Thank you for sharing this well written piece. It really made me think, and I totally agree with your opinion on the matter!

SAJ Rainbow City by Whome


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
295
295
Review of The mirror  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a terrific idea for a story. I loved the personification of the mirror, a somewhat original idea. I also like your writing style; your vivid descriptions made it easy for me to imagine the scenes as they were taking place. The setting for the story was perfect. Oh, what stories a mirror in a hotel lobby could tell! Good job.

My Suggestions: A comma should be inserted after "remember" in the third paragraph. Mainly, though, I would suggest expanding the story. The ending didn't bring closure for me. The story was great, but there are so many places you could go with it! As it stands, it is interesting but not nearly as memorable as it could be if something happened as a result of the 'seeing' mirror.

Overall: This is a good story that could be great if expanded upon. I would love to see more!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
296
296
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1918733 Unavailable **



I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your entry in "100 Words of Horror

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed this story. Using only 100 words, you told a rather complete little tale of horror. I like your vivid descriptions. It made it easy for me to picture the scene that you described. While I was obviously expecting something to happen at the end of the story, I was not expecting the twist that you threw in with those last three words. Good job!

My Suggestions: In the second sentence, I would change "The main attractions were called the Horror Tunnel, and a big and noisy Carousel" to "The main attractions were the "Horror Tunnel" and a big, noisy Carousel". This would make the story more concise as well as free up a few words that could be better used. In the following sentence, I would change the comma after "horse" to a period, omit the word "and" and start a new sentence with "I swear..."

Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to reading more!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
297
297
Review of The date  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1918733 Unavailable **


I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your entry into the "Psychological Story Contest

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this short story. Your vivid descriptions made it easy for me to imagine the chaotic scene as it was taking place. Your use of character dialogue was perfect for this piece. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a 300 word story that is coherent and complete, and you did an excellent job in that regard. I particularly liked the twist at the end.

My Suggestions: I suggest changing the comma in the second sentence to a period and starting a new sentence with "Who would go..." Also, the period after that question should be changed to a question mark. A comma should be inserted after "debate" in the second paragraph. "Ruth and Beth" should be set off with commas in that sentence. A couple of sentences later, "being the ill-considered sort" should be set off with commas. In the next sentence, "in retaliation" should be set off with commas. In the last sentence of that paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "seamstress". In the next paragraph, "without warning" should be set off with commas.

Overall: This was a good story that would be much better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more of your work!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
298
298
Review of Betrayed  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this poem. You adequately conveyed how some betrayals can hurt worse than others. You managed to set the perfect tone for the poem, and the lines flowed nicely. You packed quite a lot of emotion into a rather short piece, and I could feel the despair and frustration in your words. Good job!

My Suggestions: Since you begin the poem with "Betrayed", the next line would sound better starting with "By the one..." instead of "From the one". The next line should start with "It's" instead of "Its" since it's a contraction for "it is". In the third line, the word "is" should be inserted between "it" and "friends". In the fourth line, "Its" should be "It". The poem didn't seem to come to a proper closure for me. You go through the hurt of betrayal and then end by stating not everyone learns their lesson. I think going down that avenue requires more of an explanation as to why some don't learn their lesson.

Overall: This is a good poem that could be even better after a quick edit and possible expansion. I look forward to reading more!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
299
299
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a sweet poem that adequately conveys your feelings of love and adoration toward the subject. I enjoyed the way you described different attributes of the person and how each of the attributes makes you feel. The ending way particularly intense, evidencing how strong your feelings for this person really are. Good job!

My Suggestions: Because the verb "make" in the second line relates to the singular subject "something", it should be changed to "makes". The sixth line doesn't flow fluidly with the rest of the poem. To remedy this, I would change it from "I wish that smile belongs to me for a life time." to "I want it to belong to me for a lifetime." In the tenth line, because "them" is referring to all of her hair and not just a hair, it should be changed to "it". The twelfth line didn't make sense to me. Maybe "What is that I don't know." could be changed to "I don't know what it is."? In the fourteenth line, I would insert the word "only" between "not" and "for".

Overall: This is a nice poem that would be even better after an edit. I look forward to reading more of your work!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
300
300
Review of Sleepless  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is an interesting idea for a story. Your provided a lot of great descriptions, and I found myself getting sleepy as I read about Ariel's exhaustion. I think I have been in that state several times while cramming for finals, so it was easy for me to relate to this piece in that regard. This would be a great piece to develop into a longer story, expanding upon the crazy things going through Ariel's head.

My Suggestions: In the first sentence (Her glassy eyes looked over the papers; long eyelashes framed her tired grey eyes.), you use both "glassy eyes" and "tired grey eyes". I would suggest combining them to make "Her tired, glassy grey eyes..." In the last sentence of the third paragraph, you say "this day". I would omit that phrase and add "today" at the end of that sentence. In the fourth paragraph, "Lifting one foot and then the other, as if her feet were made of cement." is a sentence fragment. I would suggest changing it to "She lifted one foot, then the other, as if her feet were made of cement." Also, I can understand why you went from her going to sleep back to her sitting in the chair because of her dream state, but it's not a smooth transition. Maybe you could italicize the part where she finds herself back in the chair to signal a transition.

Overall: This is a good piece that would be even better after an edit. I enjoyed the read!

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