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301
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Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: At the beginning of the story, I thought it sounded more like a newspaper account of events than a story. However, I can understand why you started this way. You provided a great background and a lot of description in a short space. The middle of the story brought in more emotion, adequately describing how Nicki was affected by her father's death. The story ended perfectly, bringing the reader back to the beginning and explaining everything.

My Suggestions: In the sentence "After her father’s death, the smart, popular girl that Nicki had been withdrew into a private world...", I believe it would sound better if shortened to "After her father's death, the once smart and popular Nicki withdrew into a private world..." "But no one more so than her mother and friends." is a sentence fragment. I would change it to "But no one knew her better than her mother and friends."

Overall: Thank you for sharing this great short story. I really enjoyed the read, and I look forward to reading more!

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302
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Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this action-packed horror story. I like the way you kept the identity of the man chasing Shannon a secret until the end of the story. I also like the extra twist you threw in with what he did at the end. You started the story with a frenzy of action and kept it that way throughout. I was on the edge of my seat, anxious to see what would happen next. Good job!

My Suggestions: In the sixth line, "whizzed passed her head" should be "whizzed past her head". Also, with all the action taking place in the basement of a school, the chasing, the shooting, the screaming, the fire, it seems as though someone would have stopped the culprit, especially before he made it outside with the gun. I would suggest changing the setting of the story to a more deserted place. Maybe Shannon's basement?

Overall: Thank you for sharing this horrific story. I look forward to reading more of your work!

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Review of Family Portrait  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This was an interesting story that worked very well with the photo. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a complete and coherent story using only 100 words, and you did a great job. I especially liked the reference to "She'd have our heads" considering the photo and the story's ending. It ended well, leaving the reader to wonder just exactly what had happened to Jimmy's daddy. Good job.

My Suggestions: In the second sentence, the comma isn't needed after "granddaddy". In the following sentence, I would insert a comma after "doing". I believe any other instances of poor grammar and/or spelling were intended for this story, and they worked well.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this interesting read. I look forward to reading more of your work!

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304
304
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed reading this story. You did a great job of creating a meaningful piece using a limited number of words. You made it easy to empathize with Judy, adequately giving background information through her thoughts and the 'words' of the wind. The ending was perfect. I especially liked your personification of the wind and the descriptive words you used to describe it.

My Suggestions: In the third paragraph, "wont" should be "won't". I would change the following sentence, "The wind picked up, lightning flashed a storm was coming." to "The wind picked up, and lightning flashed a warning of a coming storm." I think the story would read more fluidly with that change.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this great horror story! I look forward to reading more of your work!

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305
305
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: You have a great idea for a story here. I like the way you told the story in first person and conveyed the struggle the narrator was going through. The story held my interest throughout, and I was anxious to see how the narrator would solve his dilemma. The ending was good, hinting at what would happen while leaving the reader with a few questions. Good job!

My Suggestions: In the third sentence, a comma should be inserted between "it" and "and". In that same sentence, you say "feelings I required". I believe you mean "feeling I acquired." A few sentences later, I would change "Lonely I was" to "I was lonely" to make the story read more fluidly. In the second paragraph, I would omit the second instance of "to create havoc, fear and burden onto the humans I left behind" and simply say "Pushing those feelings away, I realized I had no choice." In the last sentence, "My family were" should be changed to "My family was".

Overall: This is a good story that would be much better after a thorough edit. I look forward to reading more of your work!

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Review of Nightmare  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (2.0)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts and Suggestions: You have a good idea for a story here. However, the story has many mechanical, grammatical and typographical errors. For instance, you start the story with "As time passes by, Christina was still alone in the eerie forest." This gives the feeling that I've missed something, like there should have been something before this. It could be more simply stated as "Christina was alone in an eerie forest." You change from past to present tense throughout the story. I would suggest staying with past tense and editing the story to reflect that. In the third sentence, you state, "All around her was full of trees." This sentence would be more clear and concise if changed to "Trees were all around her."

Overall: I'm sure that you would have a very good story here after a thorough edit. It was difficult for me to feel the intended horror because of errors similar to the ones I noted. I look forward to reading again after you have edited!

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Review of A Haven  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this short horror story. Your first person narrative worked well with this story. You adequately described the scene and characters. I especially like the way you started the story with a description of the horrific scene, went back to give a little background and ended with the "thing" coming after the narrator. I like an ending that leaves the reader hanging, and you did a good job with this one.

My Suggestions: I would omit the word "forever" in the second sentence, because the rest of that sentence makes the word redundant. In the sentence "It is our haven from the realities of the real world." I would omit "the realities of" because "the real world" indicates that's it's reality. Later, you say "shadow in deep in the woods." I would omit the first "in". Later, you say, "A loud crash, like bark being ripped of a tree rang out" I can't imagine bark being ripped from a tree either sounding like a crash or ringing out. I would suggest rethinking that sentence. In the last sentence, "it's" should be "its" since you're not using it as a contraction for "it is".

Overall: This is a good horror story that would be even better after a quick edit. Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Carousel  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I know how difficult it can be to write a coherent story using a picture prompt and a limited word count, and you did a terrific job. You set the scene with your vivid descriptions and left the reader hanging with the horrid thought of the attacking horses. I know that, after reading this, I will never stay in an amusement park after it closes. Good job.

My Suggestions: In the first sentence, "this" should be changed to "that" since the rest of the story is told in past tense. In the third paragraph, there should be a comma after "carousel". In the third sentence of that paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "place". In the following sentence, a comma should be inserted after "closer".

Overall: This is a very good story that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more!

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309
Review of Fallen  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This poem perfectly characterized the feelings of "love at first sight". Although it was rather short, you made a big emotional impact with your word choice. I'm sure that anyone who has met another person and felt an instant connection and quickly fell in love can easily relate to this poem. Good job!

My Suggestions: You started the first line with "Strolling" and the second line with "Saw". I suggest changing "Strolling" to "Strolled" for agreement of the verbs. "Surprise" is spelled incorrectly in the third line. "Heels"is spelled incorrectly in the fifth and eleventh lines. I would change "Weave" to "Weaved" and "Meeting" to "Met" in the eighth and ninth lines because the rest of the poem is in past tense. "Forever" is spelled incorrectly in the last line.

Overall: This is a good poem that would be much better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more of your work!

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310
310
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This was a very sad story. So often, we think of all the things that could have happened differently to prevent the death of a love one, and you perfectly portrayed that here. The story was short and concise, and you managed to put a lot of information into a rather short piece. The story immediately grabbed my attention and had me wondering what exactly had happened. First person narrative was the perfect choice here, and the ending was also perfect. Great job!

My Suggestions: First of all, I don't think the description does the story justice. I would consider changing "A story wrote in year 9" to something more appealing to the reader. The story was MUCH better than I expected after reading the description. In the second paragraph, third sentence, "i've" should be "I've". In the third paragraph, you say "she herself". I think the story would read more fluidly if you would omit "herself".

Overall: Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking story. I look forward to reading more of your work!

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311
311
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is an interesting poem, and I like where you went with it. I would have never guessed that the tattered old man was the narrator's father. You used good descriptions in the poem, and the rhyme scheme was great. Although it was rather short, you conveyed what you needed to say, and I think it was complete. The poem provides a few answers but leaves several questions. I like a piece that does that, and I think you did a good job!

My Suggestions: First of all, I would suggest that you change the poem from all uppercase letters to capitalizing only the more important words. As it is, it makes it seem like you're 'yelling', and it's a little intimidating to the reader. In the second line, you say "ON HIS FACE THERE WAS A CREASE AND UPON HIS NOSE". Upon his nose, there was what? I know you're trying to rhyme it with "clothes" from the previous line, but as it stands, it isn't a fluid read. Maybe you could change it to "There was a crease on his face and another upon his nose" or something similar. In the next line, you refer to "thinning hands". What exactly are thinning hands? I think it would sound better just to say "thin hands".

Overall: This was a good poem that would be much better after a thorough edit. I look forward to reading more!

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Review of At Red Hill  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed this short story. You made a perfect choice by deciding to tell it in first person narrative. You began by creating a great setting and giving adequate background and character description. You then made it more personal for the narrator by telling his potential involvement in the war. The ending was great and unexpected. I love stories with a twist at the end, and you did a good job with this one!

My Suggestions: A comma should be inserted after "path" in the first sentence. In the second sentence, "whatsoever" should be just one word. The third sentence should read "There were no colours..." In the first sentence of the second paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "distance". A few sentences later, a comma should be inserted after "cause". In the first sentence of the third paragraph, the comma after "thing" is not needed. A few sentences later, "with fear for his life" should be set off with commas. In the next sentence, there should be a comma after "then". Also, "has" should be "had" since the rest of the story is told in past tense. "the revolt of The bloody son" should be "The Revolt of the Bloody Son" since you're talking about a proper name. In the last paragraph, you started a sentence with "20 armed rebels". It should be changed to "Twenty armed rebels".

Overall: This is a good story that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more of your work!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


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313
313
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a good idea for a 55 word story. The subject matter was interesting, and you managed to tell a rather complete story with the limited word count. I know how difficult it can be to tell a complete and coherent story using so few words, and I think you did a good job here. I particularly liked the title and the route you chose to go with the story. This would be a good story to expand upon in the future!

My Suggestions: When you write a 55 word story, you have to make every word count. By doing so, you have to omit words that add nothing to the story. For example, in the second sentence, you say, "She braced herself for the impact, but there was none." This could be stated as "She braced herself, but there was no impact." You have saved two words but have gotten the same point across. In the following sentence, you say "Upon opening her eyes, she found that she had not landed, for there was no ground beneath her." This could be just as easily stated as "She opened her eyes to find there was no ground beneath her.", and you would save several words in the process. Also, to make the story more personal, I would change "she" in the beginning to the character's name.

Overall: This is a good story that would be much better and more complete if unnecessary words were omitted and replaced with stronger content. I look forward to reading more!

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314
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this interesting poem. I'm sure that a lout of us can relate to the weird thoughts that go through your head after being sedated for surgery. You descriptive writing made it easy to picture the story as it was taking place. I know it made me even more hesitant to undergo a surgical procedure than I was before. Good job!

My Suggestions: First, I suggest putting this in poetry/verse form. As it is, it appears to be more of a short story, which makes it a bit more difficult to read. In the second sentence, "were" should be "where". In the first sentence of the second paragraph, "whole" should be "hole". In the fourth sentence of that paragraph, "lets" should be "let's" and in the last sentence, I would put "no" in quotation marks. In the third paragraph, "bared" should be "barred". In the fourth paragraph, I would capitalize "fear". In the second sentence, "surgeons" should be "surgeon's". "bodies" should be "body's". Also, throughout the poem you switched from past tense to present tense. I would suggest editing to make it all past tense.

Overall: This was a good poem that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Red Mist  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Now I'm certain you have a knack for the dark/horror genre. Another terrific story! You made it so easy to picture the scene as it was taking place. The characters were perfect opposites - an overworked old man and a young punk. I loved the title and the way you fit it into the story. As before, I was hooked in the beginning and captivated by the end. Often, in stories such as this, there's that boring part somewhere near the beginning where the author has to get some of the description and character detail out of the way. You did that with dialogue, cutting out the boredom and making for an easy transition to the action. Great job!

My Suggestions: I would change the comma to the word "and" in the second sentence, because you need some type of conjunction to connect "rage" and "distracted". I would omit the comma in the first sentence of the fourth paragraph, because you don't need a pause between "tried" and "keeping". I would insert a comma after "continued" in the fifth paragraph. I would insert a comma after "shocked" in the ninth paragraph. Near the end of the story, I would insert a comma after "Through the haze".

Overall: I definitely know where to come now when I want to read a good horror story. Thanks for sharing this great piece!

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Review of The Nanny  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Wow! Horror is my favorite genre, and you seem to have a knack for it. Your descriptive writing immediately drew me in, and by the end of the story, I was on the edge of my seat, anxious to find out what would happen to poor Claudia. You set the scene perfectly, thoroughly describing the almost empty rooms, the red plush carpet...I could easily picture the mysterious, eerie house as I read. The last five paragraphs were phenomenal: perfect, vivid descriptions as the horror unfolded. You ended the story perfectly. I had goosebumps when I finished. Good job!

My Suggestions: In the first sentence, I would insert a comma after "clock". In the second sentence, you say " leaving the house before seven thirty and reaching the house". This is a bit confusing as it made me wonder if you were talking about the same house. I suggest changing the first "the house" to "her home". In the third sentence, I suggest changing "for long enough" to "for awhile" or "for what seemed like forever". In the first sentence of the seventh paragraph, I would insert a comma after "heel". In the sentence "The next door she came to she heard" I would insert a comma between "to" and "she". In the following sentence, I would insert a comma after "listen". In the third-from-last paragraph, "traveled" is spelled incorrectly.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this sinister tale. I thoroughly enjoyed the read, and I will most definitely check out more of your horror stories!

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Review of Behind the Mirror  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: You packed a lot of emotion into this short poem. As I read, I would easily 'feel' your despair. I like the way you referred to the mirror as a "cold hard barrier", making it seems as though, if you could just get past that mirror, everything would be okay. Good job.

My Suggestions: In the fifth line, "tear soak" should be "tear soaked". In the seventh line, "engraved" is spelled incorrectly. In the tenth line, I would change "my-self" to "myself". Also, I question the line "But then my memory came flooding back". There are no more references to this. I would suggest you expand upon why your memory caused such self hatred.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this great poem. I enjoyed the read and will definitely check out more of your work!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


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Review of An Experiment  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a terrific short story. It is a very original idea, and your descriptive writing style immediately captured my interest and held it throughout. You created the perfect setting and gave a great character description. All along, I thought Shirley was performing a noble deed, so your twist at the end came as a total surprise! I loved it!

My Suggestions: In the second paragraph, "find it impossible disregard her." should be "find it impossible to disregard her." In the seventh paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "muffin making". Despite my best efforts, I found no other mechanical, grammatical or typographical errors. Good job!

Overall: Thank you for sharing this great story. I will most definitely check out more of your work!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


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Review of Jumpy  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is an excellent use of the prompt. You created an interesting and original short story using very few words. That, in and of itself, is an accomplishment. The story held my interest, and I was anxious to see what would happen to the poor, strange toad. You ended the story perfectly, leaving the reader to wonder what eventually happened in this harrowing situation. Great job!

My Suggestions: There are several instances in the story where a comma is needed. These instances are as follows: in the fourth sentence after "butt", after "butt" in this sentence - "If you touch his butt he’ll jump.", after "day" a few sentences later. In this next-to-last paragraph, you should close the quotations after "Stop!".

Overall: Thank you for sharing this interesting short story. I look forward to reading more of your work!

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


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Review of Meow  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: You have quite an original idea here, not only making the cat talk but also making it seemingly come as no surprise to the narrator. It was a good idea on your part to tell the story in first person as it made it easier for the reader to relate. I especially like the way you ended the story, making it seem that the narrator was only surprised by the cat's choice of words - not the fact that it could talk. I found the story interesting and unique, and I enjoyed the read.

My Suggestions: First of all, I would suggest changing the rating of this story from E to ASR. There are a few references that make this story higher than an E rating. In the first paragraph, there should be a question mark after "who is it". In that same sentence, "their was no one" should be "there was no one". In the second paragraph, there should be a comma after "water". In the first sentence of the third paragraph, "your all out" should be "you're all out". In the last sentence of that paragraph, "I" should be capitalized and the comma after "morning" should be a period, starting a new sentence with "Do you want...". In the next paragraph, the period after "tuna" should be changed to a comma. In the next-to-last paragraph, a period should be inserted after "bed" and "I must be..." should be a new sentence.

Overall: This was a good story that would be even better after a thorough edit. I look forward to reading more of your work!

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321
321
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really liked this short story. The plot was very interesting and original, and you gave adequate character descriptions to draw the reader into the story. It was easy to imagine the parent and child having that conversation of the bus. I love the way the story ended, leaving the reader to wonder if Rishi had psychic abilities or if he was merely imagining things. Great job!

My Suggestions: In the fourth paragraph, I would set "all of a sudden" off with commas. In the fifth paragraph, I would change "He may only have been nine" to "He may have been only nine". I would also change the comma after "said" to a period and start a new sentence with "Then, the bus left..." Toward the end of the story, "Her mother was in hospital." should be "Her mother was in the hospital." In the following sentence, a comma should be inserted between "eyes" and "and". In the last paragraph, "All he could see now were a crowd of people" should be "All he could see now was a crowd of people".

Overall: Thank you for sharing this terrific story. I look forward to reading more!

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Review of Breakups  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this comical story. The idea is original, and you kept me chuckling throughout. I especially liked your idea of possibly having a mafia stalker. The ending took me by total surprise. I'm a sucker for stories with a twist at the end, and this one did not disappoint. Great job!

My Suggestions: First of all, I would suggest changing the rating of this story from 13+ to 18+. There is a word in the eighth paragraph that isn't appropriate for age 13+ readers. As to mechanical, grammatical and/or typographical errors, the only suggestion I have is to insert a space after the hyphen in the second paragraph and change "its" to "it's" in the last sentence of the fourth paragraph, since you're using it as a contraction for "it is".

Overall: Thank you for sharing this humorous story. I look forward to checking out more of your work!

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Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really liked this short story. The plot and characters were developed well, and the setting was perfect. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a complete and coherent story using so few words, but you seemed to do so effortlessly. The story was original, and the ending was quite a surprise. Poor greedy gnome! If you would tweak the moral of the story a bit, you would have a great children's fairytale.

My Suggestions: In the second sentence, I would set "since he was tired of foraging for his own food" off with commas. Other than that, I saw no mechanical, grammatical or typographical errors. Great job!

Overall: Thank you for sharing this great story. I look forward to reading more of your work!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
324
324
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed this poem. Sometimes, I am quite a pessimist, and this piece serves as a reminder to not sweat the small stuff. Your rhyme scheme works well, and you chose the perfect situations to depict. I especially like the way you repeated the last line of each verse throughout. Great job!

My Suggestions: In the first line, I would change "raining" to "rainy", because I don't think "the day is raining" sounds proper. I read the poem aloud, and I think adding the word "find" between "but" and "there" in the third line of the second verse to make the poem read more fluidly.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this lovely poem! I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I look forward to reading more of your work.

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
325
325
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: You have a great idea for a story here. The setting is great, and the characters are interesting and believable. You captured my interest with the first sentence and held it throughout. I must say I was a bit disappointed with the ending, though. While I appreciate a twist or a bit of ambiguity at the end, I find this one a bit too ambiguous. I was left with too many questions. Maybe you could throw just a little hint in there for the reader...

My Suggestions: In the first sentence of the third paragraph, I would insert a comma after "Well" and another comma after "her". I would also insert a semicolon after "somebody" and insert a comma after "otherwise". In the twelfth paragraph, I would insert a comma after "desire". I would separate "Neither of you have to say anything you just know." into two separate sentences by inserting a period after "anything" and starting a new sentence with "You..."

Overall: This was a well written and interesting story. I look forward to reading more.

** Image ID #1594066 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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