*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/outoftouch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/15
Review Requests: OFF
942 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 11 12 13 14 -15- 16 17 18 19 20 ... Next
351
351
Review of The Jester  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Stary*I'm participating in "Invalid Item with "The Talent Pond*Stary*


I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is an excellent poem! You described the jester in such a way to make any reader relate to and appreciate him. The rhyme scheme you used was perfect, and the underlying story is wrought with emotion. Though I know relatively little about poetry, I know enough to see that this poem is excellent! I can easily see why the poem is graced with the ribbon.

My Suggestions: Despite my best efforts, the only suggestion I can make is to consider omitting the comma in the last line of the eighth verse after "them".

Overall: I really loved this poem, and I look forward to reading more. May you could teach me more about poetry. *Wink*

** Image ID #1598825 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
352
352
Review of The Piano  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I loved this short story. Your descriptive writing made it easy to imagine the sweet sounds of the piano that were coming from the apartment next door. I like the way you incorporated the older couple into the story. For some reason, until they kept referring to "son," I imagined that the narrator was female. I especially like the way the story ended. Good job!

My Suggestions: In the first sentence, I would change the semicolon to a comma. In the second paragraph, I kept going over the sentence "Terror flowed through me like blood." Since blood is flowing through you regardless, I don't think that sentence is quite right. I would suggest changing it to something besides blood, but of course, that's just my preference. In the third paragraph, third sentence, I would insert a comma after "day".

Overall: I thoroughly enjoyed this read and look forward to checking out more of your work!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
353
353
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a good story that children are likely to love. Mr. Wolf and Mr. Rabbit are interesting characters, and the writing is very kid friendly. The plot is something that kids would surely be able to relate to, and the lesson taught by the story is valuable. Great job!

My Suggestions: In the first sentence, I would set "looking out of his window" off with commas. In the first sentence of the fifth paragraph, "than" should be "then". In the next sentence, I would insert a comma after "taste". In the first sentence of the sixth paragraph, I would insert a comma after "ready". In the next sentence, I would insert a comma after "sun". A few paragraphs later, I would set "looking at each other" off with commas. In the last paragraph, I would omit the words "Try to" from the first sentence.

Overall: I enjoyed reading this little story, and I look forward to checking out more of your work!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
354
354
Review of Self Made Prison  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a good idea for a work that I'm sure many of us can relate to. You vividly describe the feelings of one in deep despair, questioning his own existence. Relating the feelings to being trapped is excellent, and you described it in such a way that the reader could actually 'feel' what you were expressing. Great job!

My Suggestions: I would move the comma in the first sentence from after "every" to after "movement". A little later, I would change "never again did you allow anyone..." to "never would you allow anyone..." In the first sentence of the second paragraph, I would change "Trapped are you" to "You are trapped". In the next sentence, "failures" is spelled incorrectly. In the middle of that paragraph, I would insert a period after "escape" and start a new sentence with "You cannot run..." In that same paragraph, "futilously" is not a word. In the last sentence of that paragraph, I would insert a comma after "try". In the last paragraph, "willing" is spelled incorrectly. So is "unfortunately". Finally "disappointment" and "exist" are spelled incorrectly.

Overall: This is a good story that would be much better after a quick edit.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
355
355
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is an excellent story story. You made great use of the prompts, and you made writing a complete and coherent story using less than 300 words seem effortless. I loved the humorous idea of having a seal work at Wal-Mart. And the ending was perfect and unexpected. Also, the picture at the beginning of the story was an excellent touch. Great job!

My Suggestions: I would suggest changing the comma to a question mark after "May I see that necklace, Alice". Despite my best efforts, I found no other errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation.

Overall: I thoroughly enjoyed reading this short story and look forward to reading more of your work!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
356
356
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a thought provoking piece about the questions and uncertainties in life. You adequately depict the problems one faces when searching for truth as well as the knowledge gained while doing so. The fact that more questions arise with each answer is well stated and so true!

My Suggestions: In the second paragraph, "according" is spelled incorrectly. In the third paragraph, "require" should be "required". In the fifth paragraph, I would change "Why I got this life?" to "Why do I have this life?" In the next paragraph, "may be" should be "maybe". Next paragraph, "talking someone" should be "talking to someone". Next paragraph, every word ("Kung Fu Panda") should be capitalized in the movie title. Same paragraph, "which means its you who has to found real you." should be changed to "which means it's you who has to find the real you." Next paragraph, "than" should be "then". A few paragraphs later, I would change "you got to know that nice blood waves are flowing in your vain." to "you have to know that nice blood is flowing in your veins."

Overall: This is a good piece that would be even better after a quick edit.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
357
357
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Very interesting venture into the brain of a writer. You provided excellent detail that I'm sure many us can relate to. I like your descriptive writing style, and I really enjoyed this piece!

My Suggestions: You refer to "the writer" throughout the piece, but you often go on to describe the writer as "them" or "they". I would suggest editing for consistence. Also, in the next-to-last sentence, "writers" should be "writer's".

Overall: This is a good piece that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
358
358
Review of Fate  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a very thought provoking essay. You chose an interesting topic for the essay that most for which most readers can easily relate. You give some great examples and then follow with your thoughts on the matter. You also begin giving some adequate reasons for your opinion, but the essay ends prematurely.

My Suggestions: First of all, I would suggest completing the essay. You leave it rather open, not even adding punctuation at the end. There are several misspelled words in the essay. These words are as follows: glorious, deceived, personalities, and incessantly.

Overall: I enjoyed reading this informative essay and look forward to checking out more of your work.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
359
359
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
*Stary*I'm participating in "Invalid Item with "The Talent Pond*Stary*


First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: You packed a lot of information in this short description. It looks as though your book will have a little something for everyone. The description was very interesting and informative, and it has me looking forward to reading the book. Good job!

My Suggestions: First of all, this would be much easier to read if you wouldn't capitalize the first letter of every word. Moving on to content: In the first sentence, "life" should be "lives" because you're speaking of more than one life. In the second sentence, "threw" should be "through". A comma should be inserted between "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". The word "at" should be omitted following "where it starts". "Weather" should be spelled "Whether".

Overall: This is a good description that would be much better after a quick edit.

An I.N.K.E.D. signature.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
360
360
Review of Heightening  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I can see a sequel coming on...at least I hope there will be. I love stories about the supernatural, and this was a very good one. You created an interesting character as well as the perfect scene. Lady Hanna was a good addition to the story. Although it ended rather abruptly, as I said before, I hope there will be a second part.

My Suggestions: I would insert a comma after "part" and another comma after "up" in the second sentence. "overreaching" is one word. In the second paragraph, "mistresses" should be "mistress's" because you're showing possession. There should be a comma after "chambers" in that sentence. In the next sentence, I would insert a comma after "growing". In the next sentence, there should be a comma after "Hanna". In the first sentence of the third paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "still". In the last sentence of that paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "moment" and another comma inserted after "power".

Overall: This is a good story that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to seeing more of your work!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
361
361
Review of Regrets  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a very good poem that adequately depicts the way one would feel when reflecting upon regrets. I like your writing style, and your rhyme scheme was excellent. I especially like the way you ended the poem on a positive note. Great job!

My Suggestions: I would insert punctuation (periods and commas) into the poem to make it read more fluidly. In the third verse, last line, you wrote in first person. However, the rest of the poem was written in third person. I would suggest changing this line to third person as well. In the eighth verse, last line, I think "lead" should be "led". In the ninth verse, even thought it throws off the rhyme, because it follows the word "have", "forgot" should be "forgotten".

Overall: This is a very good poem that would be even better after a quick edit. Thanks for sharing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
362
362
Review of Decisions  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a great short story. You describe the character's turmoil well, thoroughly relating her feelings in few words. The poetic style in which you wrote this piece suits it well. Finally, I think the story ended perfectly. Great job!

My Suggestions: In the fifth sentence of the first paragraph, "reckon with" should be "reckoned with." In the forth paragraph, I would change "ground" to "floor" since the character is not outside. In that same paragraph, "disturb" should be "disturbed."

Overall: I really enjoyed this story and look forward to reading more of your work!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
363
363
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is an excellent idea for a story. You did a great job of describing John and the turbulent emotions he was feeling as a result of his wife's murder. He was a character that many readers could relate to, choosing work over his marriage and living to regret it. The story held my interest throughout, and I was anxious to see what would happen next. And the ending did not disappoint! I absolutely loved the twist at the end. I definitely wasn't expecting that ending, and I was pleasantly surprised. Good job!

My Suggestions: In the third sentence, I suggest changing the period after "killer" to a comma and continuing the sentence with "a serial..." I would also change the comma after electrician to the word "and". In the third sentence of the second paragraph, I would insert the word "and" after the comma. In the third paragraph, I would change the comma after "perfect" to a period and start a new sentence with "It was..." In that same paragraph, I would change the comma after "errors" to a period and start a new sentence with "After all..." In the third paragraph, I would move "Dr. Ivaan Goldman" directly after the word "psychiatrist" and set it off with commas. In the fourth paragraph, second sentence, you used the word "almost" twice. I would remove one of them. In the next sentence, I would change the comma after "understand" to a period and start a new sentence with "He had..." In the next-to-last sentence of that paragraph, I would insert the word "all" between "if" and "you". In the seventh paragraph, third sentence, I would change the comma after "again" to a period and start a new sentence with "He sat there..." In the next paragraph, I would change the comma after "drowsy" to a period and start a new sentence with "His head..." Two paragraphs later, "a" should be capitalized since it's the first word of the sentence. In that same sentence "though" should be "through". A few paragraphs later, "sleep he has had" should be "sleep he had had" since the rest of the story is in past tense. A few paragraphs later, "sleep pills" should be "sleeping pills". In that same paragraph, I would change the comma after "dozing" to a period and start a new sentence with "He fought..."

Overall: I really enjoyed this story. It's a good piece that would be even better after an edit.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
364
364
Review of Observation  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is an excellent idea for a story. You have provided adequate background and enough description to set a somewhat eerie scene. A relationship that begins with stalking cannot turn out well, and you have me anxious to find out what happens between Jill and Adam. Great job!

My Suggestions: I would omit "her" from the first sentence of the second paragraph, because the context of the sentence makes it obvious that it's her that's performing the action. In the second sentence "Adams" should be "Adam's." I would change "had seen" to "saw" and omit the comma in the first sentence of the third paragraph. In the first sentence of the fourth paragraph, "had began" should be "had begun." In the sixth paragraph, "brothers" should be "brother's." "tyre" should be "tire". In the seventh paragraph, "Adams" should be "Adam's". In the twelfth paragraph, "hoped" should be "hopped".

Overall: I really enjoyed this short story and am looking forward to reading about Stage Two!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
365
365
Review of The Dream  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts and Suggestions: This is a nice story that evidences how much you love you girlfriend. Your love and desire for her really shine through in this piece. As I read, I wondered why she is no longer near you and you're only left to dream about her. It would be great if you would expand this piece to inform the reader of what led to this long distance relationship. Also, you dated the letter "January 24, 1863," yet you mentioned texting her. Since texting wasn't an option during that time period, I would suggest that you either change the date or change the reference to texting.

I would also suggest that you do a thorough edit to correct errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation in this story. There were a few instances where you didn't capitalize the first words of sentences. There were also some run-on sentences. For example, in the first sentence, you say, "It was one of those dreams, it was about her..." The sentence is currently a run-on sentence. It could be remedied by either separating it into two complete sentences - "It was one of those dreams. It was about her." I think it would sound better, however, to change it to "It was one of those dreams about her."


Overall: This is a good story that would be much better after a complete edit.

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
366
366
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Stary*I'm participating in "Invalid Item with "The Talent Pond*Stary*


I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is great idea for a horror story. The story is rather original, and you did a great job telling it with a limited amount of words. However, there wasn't enough character description to help me relate to Hannah. If you want to continue to limit the amount of words while providing more complete descriptions, I would suggest that you focus more on the character than the knife sharpening.

My Suggestions: First of all, in the description of the story, I would change "unexpectantly" to "unexpectedly." In the second paragraph, I would omit the comma after "lights." In the sixth paragraph, "The waitress said..." should be "the waitress asked..." In the ninth paragraph, I would insert a comma after "delicious."

Overall: I enjoyed reading this short story, and I look forward to seeing more of your work!

** Image ID #1598825 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
367
367
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Stary*I'm participating in "Invalid Item with "The Talent Pond*Stary*


First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: This is a good start to a story. You adequately introduced the main character, Avril, and gave enough information about her and her family to pique the reader's interest. Even though you have not yet addressed the story set forth in the description, you have given a great introduction to the characters and their background.

My Suggestions: In the first sentence, "set" should be "sat" since the rest of the story is in past tense. In the fifth sentence, "dads" should be "dad's". Next sentence, "hes" should be "he's". I would insert "was" between "hair" and "a". I would change "these days" to "those days". "glance" should be "glanced" since the rest of the story is told in past tense. Later in the story, "He knows what hes doing" should be "He knew what he was doing.

Overall: This is a good story that would be even better after a quick edit.

An I.N.K.E.D. signature.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
368
368
Review of Act or Do  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
*Stary*I'm participating in "Invalid Item with "The Talent Pond*Stary*


First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: This poem adequately describes the consequences when one often acts on impulse. I'm sure that many of us can relate to at least one aspect of this poem. I like the style in which you wrote, and I think the poem flows smoothly. You picked an interesting topic and created a good poem. Great job!

My Suggestions: I would suggest changing "of" to "between" in the first line. In the third line, "your" should be changed to "you're". I would insert "of" after "most" in the sixth line. In the tenth line, I would insert the word "are" between "and" and "now".

Overall: I enjoyed reading this poem. I can already tell you're going to be a wonderful addition to the WDC community!

An I.N.K.E.D. signature.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
369
369
Review of Empty  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Stary*I'm participating in "Invalid Item with "The Talent Pond*Stary*


I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Wow! You told a terrific story using less than one hundred words. After reading the first sentence, I thought, "Oh, she misses her boyfriend." Reading on, I realized I was half right. I'm a sucker for stories in the horror and thriller genres, and this one did not disappoint. I could easily imagine the horrid scene that you described. Great job! I would love to read a longer work that you created in this genre.

My Suggestions: Despite my best efforts, the only error I could find was that "refrigerator" is spelled incorrectly. The story is otherwise perfect.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this little flash of horror. I look forward to reading more!

** Image ID #1598825 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
370
370
Review of True Friend  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a good idea for a story. Even though the piece is rather short, it is full of emotion. The first person narrative that you chose works well with this piece. This would be something you could easily expand upon, telling about other instances in the character's life or even telling more about the character's experiences with Michael.

My Suggestions: Errors were rampant in this story. I'll address the first few lines to give you an idea. In the first sentence, a comma should be inserted after "life". A period should be inserted after "loner." "I never have..." should be "I have never had..." and a period should be inserted after the first instance of "friend" and "The only friend..." should be a separate sentence. "I'm" should be capitalized. A period should be inserted after "two jobs" and "I never see him" should be a separated sentence.

Overall: This is a good story that would be much better after a thorough edit. I would be glad to review again after you edit the story.

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
371
371
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I loved this comical little poem! I'm sure that most of us can relate all too well to have a mountain of debt. This poem takes some of the sting out of it and allows us to look at in a more comical way. I like your rhyme scheme; the poem flows smoothly. I actually chuckled when I read it.

My Suggestions: The last line in the first verse, "I owe. I owe. So it's off to work I go" fits well, but it's unoriginal...I have seen it on many bumper stickers. I would suggest that you consider changing this line to something more original.

Overall: I thoroughly enjoyed this funny poem. Thanks for sharing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
372
372
Review of My Red Curse  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This is a very interesting, original story. I like the concept here. It was one that I hadn't read before. You created interesting characters and gave enough description to allow me to become interested in the story. I really liked the twist at the end. I'm a sucker for stories with a twist, and you did an excellent job.

My Suggestions: In the first paragraph, you say "and none else." I believe you meant to say "and nothing else." I would omit the word "out" from the third sentence. Same sentence, "I watching" should be "I am watching." In the last sentence, I would set "causing her to do what she did" off with commas.

Overall: I enjoyed your story, and I look forward to reading more!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
373
373
Review of The Tea Leaves  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This story made me want to hold myself out as being able to read tea leaves! Excellent job. Even though the story was rather short, you managed to create a perfect setting, two believable characters, and the ending couldn't have been better. The story was original and believable, and I like your writing style.

My Suggestions: I would insert a comma after "Already" in the last sentence of the first paragraph. In the ninth paragraph, second sentence, I would insert a comma after "time". Despite my best efforts, I saw no further errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation.

Overall: I really enjoyed this short story and look forward to reading more of your work!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
374
374
Review of Mr. Starr  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Stary*I'm participating in "Invalid Item with "The Talent Pond*Stary*


I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: As a soon-to-be lawyer, I can really appreciate your sarcastic answer to defense counsel. Brilliant! You told a complete account of this comic episode using few words. I especially like true accounts, and this one was excellent. As I read, I noticed a few grammatical errors, which I noted below.

My Suggestions: Because you are not trying to say "We are," "We're" in the first sentence should be "Were". In the second sentence, I would change the comma after "stress" to a period and start a new sentence with "It echoed..." In the ninth paragraph, I would change the comma after "games" to a period and start a new sentence with "Turning to the jury..."

Overall: I really enjoyed this read and look forward to reading more of your work!

** Image ID #1598825 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
375
375
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I tend to enjoy stories that are the writer's personal accounts most, and I really enjoyed this one! Your descriptive writing almost allowed me to feel the pain you endured after breaking your arm. I really like your writing style! I'm glad you healed and haven't had any subsequent breaks as bad as the one described.

My Suggestions: I suggest inserting a comma after "child" in the first sentence. In the last sentence of that paragraph, I would insert a comma between "and" and "at." In the third paragraph, "doctors" should be "doctor's".

Overall: I enjoyed reading this personal story and look forward to reading more of your work!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
536 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 22 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/outoftouch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/15