Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/outoftouch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/16
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I'm sure many of us can relate to constantly checking for texts (or voicemails) and the disappointment in finding there are none. Your frustration at not being given a reason why things ended comes through in this point. I like your writing style, and I found this to be a great poem!
My Suggestions: Second verse, fourth line, "your" should be spelled "you're" since it's a contraction for "you are". Third verse, I would change the third line to "Why'd he read your messages" to improve fluidity. In the fourth line, I'd change "arent" to "aren't" and change the period to a question mark. The last line of the last verse seems a bit off to me. I think changing it to "To free me from this bind."
Overall: I really enjoyed reading your emotion filled poem, and I look forward to seeing more of your work!
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: I love this great humorous list. I'm sure that most new mothers will agree with you, and I especially like your invitation for them to share their signs at the end.
My Suggestions: In number 6, I would suggest putting "No" in quotation marks, and I would suggest inserting a period after number 8.
Overall: Great, comical, interesting piece. I can already tell you're going to be a great addition to the WDC community!
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: This is a nice poem that reminds me of all of the great musical artists struggling to make it into the music industry. Interesting topic and meaningful words.
My Suggestions: I would suggest inserting a space after every comma, as you did not do this in every instance. Also, as far as form, some of the lines aren't flush with the others.
Overall: Great job on this poem. I can already tell you're going to be a great addition to the WDC community!
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: Beautiful letter to yourself. Your goals aren't unrealistic, nor are they selfish. And I would have to say you are wrong - you do have the recipe to capture the reader's interest, because you effectively captured mine with this letter. I especially liked the ending to your letter.
My Suggestions: Third paragraph, first sentence, "Resolution" should be "resolutions." Fourth paragraph, first sentence, "hundred" should be "hundreds."
Overall: This is a terrific letter, and I can already tell you're going to be a great addition to the WDC community!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I loved this humorous story! Seems your luck is a lot like mine. I was glad to see that, despite the chaos, you were able to get the day off with no repercussions!
My Suggestions: I would suggest omitting omitting "the operator thanked me for paying and got off the line" as it adds nothing to the story.
Overall: I really enjoyed this funny true story and look forward to reading more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a beautiful poem, and I can relate, as I'm sure a lot of us can, to the feelings described herein. Your poem describes the feelings of uncertainty one feels with a new love very well, and you have a great writing style.
My Suggestions: As with every poem I read, I read this aloud. I think the third line in the second verse is a bit off and would sound better with another syllable added. Maybe "Just hoping that one day"? Also, I would suggest adding the word "more" in the last verse to make it read "Knowing that I love you more".
Overall: I enjoyed reading this excellent poem, and I look forward to reading more of your work.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I wouldn't normally review song lyrics because of the difficulty in determine how the piece would sound when sung, but I'm glad I made an exception. I love this humorous piece! I read it aloud as I would a poem, and it sounded terrific. I'm sure most of us have had a fine for an overdue library book or two, so a lot of people could relate.
My Suggestions: I saw no errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation, and the rhyme scheme was perfect. Also, you chose a very interesting topic at which to poke fun.
Overall: Excellent read, and I love your writing style. I look forward to reading more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a nice emotion filled piece. I'm sure that a lot of us can relate to the feelings you described herein. I am glad that you found other avenues to deal with your depression other than self-harm.
My Suggestions: The first sentence in the third verse is rather long and confusing. I would suggest changing it to "The pain that I feel in recovering from a recent knee surgery..." In the last sentence, "scares" should be changed to "scare."
Overall: I enjoyed this poem and think you have a good writing style. I hope the new year has begun wonderfully for you!
My Thoughts: I loved this sweet little poem. I found everything, from the title to the last word of the poem, to be perfect. I saw no errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation, and the rhyme scheme was spot on.
My Suggestions: I would only suggest that you continue to share your beautiful writing with us!
Overall: Wonderful poem. I look forward to reading more of your work.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: You wrote this story in one of my favorite genres - horror. I really enjoyed the story, but I was a bit disappointed by the ending. With all of the buildup about the demon's characteristics, I fully expected something gruesome or, at least scary, to happen at the end. Still, though, it was good writing.
My Suggestions: I would suggest that you change the item type to short story (or fiction), because I don't think this could be considered poetry. In the third paragraph, "The demons closeness" should be "The demon's closeness".
Overall: I enjoyed your story and think you have a knack for the horror genre. I would only suggest a scarier ending.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I know how difficult it can be to write a coherent story in only 300 words, but you did a great job here! The story had an interesting plot, and I loved the way you ended it. I love the stories that have an ending that leaves the reader hanging or those with a twist at the end, and you did not disappoint!
My Suggestions: In the first paragraph, "bare" should be "bear". In the third from last paragraph, I would suggest inserting a comma after "sand".
Overall: I enjoyed this story and look forward to seeing more of your work.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: Although this poem is rather short, I think it says enough. It adequately portrays the thoughts of going back in time to change things and the possible consequences thereof. That's a huge thing to do in such a short piece, and you did it rather well.
My Suggestions: Since all of the other verses contain rhyming words at the end, I am unclear as to why the first one doesn't. I think it throws off the rhythm a bit.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this thought provoking poem.
My Thoughts: I liked this short story, and I wish I would have gotten an anonymous letter that ended up making me an heir to a fortune!
My Suggestions: In the first sentence, I would insert a comma after "bed". In the second sentence, I would change the semicolon to a comma. In the second paragraph, last sentence, I would insert a comma between "office" and "she".
Overall: Although this story was a bit of a stretch, I enjoyed the read.
My Thoughts: This is an interesting short story, effectively telling about a problem poor Burton had after a long day at work. It was interesting enough, and it had a relatively happy ending.
My Suggestions: I would omit the word "just" from the first sentence since you use it again in the second. I would omit the word "with" in the third sentence. I would change "changed in comfortable clothes" to "changed into comfortable clothes". I would change "It is Brutus" to "It's Brutus" to make it seem more like something a child would say. "...though that..." should be changed to "...thought that..." "rifle" is spelled incorrectly.
Overall: I enjoyed this short story, and I think it would be even better after a quick edit.
My Thoughts: This is a terrific story on a subject worthwhile of being brought to public attention. I like your descriptive writing style which made it easy for me to envision the scene as the story unfolded. I especially like the way the tear exploded on the crucifix.
My Suggestions: In the third paragraph, second sentence, I would change "either sides of him" to "either side of him". I would also omit the hyphens from "even though" and "handcuffs".
Overall: I really enjoyed reading this story, and I look forward to seeing more of your work!
My Thoughts: This is a great poem that describes feelings and thoughts after a breakup. I really enjoyed the piece, and I can relate to the feelings (as I'm sure most people can).
My Suggestions: I think the poem would read more fluidly if you would add the word "You're" to the second line of the second verse, changing the line to "You're wondering why."
Overall: Great, emotional poem. I look forward to reading more!
My Thoughts: This story started a little slowly for me, but the end was humorous and unexpected. I liked the twist. Although the story was rather short, you gave sufficient information on the character of Senator Freddy to familiarize the reader with him.
My Suggestions: Third line, "its" should be "it's" since it's a contraction for "it is." Second paragraph, second sentence should read "an angle" instead of "a angle." "Face Book" should be "Facebook". Third paragraph, first sentence, "making then ask" should be "making them ask". Last paragraph, second sentence, "full nights sleep" should be "full night's sleep."
Overall: I enjoyed the read and look forward to reading more of your work!
My Thoughts: This story was very confusing for me. In the beginning, Mary turned 36 and was happy that her family surprised her with a party even though she had initially forgotten about her own birthday. Then, she knew about the party, but everyone thought she was turning forty because of something she had told her boss. It's unclear to me what the purpose of these different scenarios is.
My Suggestions: I think it would be beneficial to edit this story. There are several errors in the fourth paragraph. I would change "...discussing about something" to "...discussing something". There are 2 sentences in that same paragraph in which you change from past to present tense. Also, when Amelia tucked the papers inside, where exactly did she tuck them? Inside what?
Overall: Even though I think you have a good writing ability, I found this story too confusing. I would consider letting the reader know, either in the description or at the end of the story, your reasoning behind the 2 different scenarios.
My Thoughts: Although this is rather short, it is a complete and very interesting story. This is one of my favorite genres, and you didn't disappoint. The story had an excellent plot, and I enjoyed the ending. Sometimes, the lighter endings are better than those that involve bloodshed.
My Suggestions: I would insert a comma after "flame" in the first sentence. In the third sentence and later in the story, "Terry" should be capitalized. I would suggest changing "made the form" to "took the form". "...gently voice" should be "...gentle voice." I would change "His hairs on his back.." to "The hairs on his back..."
Overall: I think this is a great story that would be even better after a little editing!
My Thoughts: As I have been in an interracial relationship (I'm white, he's black), I know where you're coming from. It's so frustrating to see that some people still judge others because of something so insignificant. I'm glad you wrote this and are writing other stories to bring this to public awareness!
My Suggestions: Second paragraph, I would combine the second and third sentences to read, "Of course there are many interracial couples, most of them being black men and white women." There is no reason for "white" to be capitalized there. Last paragraph, I would insert a period after "changed" and start a new sentence with "There will always..." In the next sentence, "the" is misspelled. Next sentence, "bad" is spelled incorrectly.
Overall: I enjoyed this story and think it will be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading future pieces!
My Thoughts: You told a great, thorough story in less than 300 words, and that alone is a huge accomplishment. I loved the plot of this story, and I was on pins and needles, waiting to see what would happen next. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long. The ending was perfect, and I love stories with a twist.
My Suggestions: I would only suggest that you continue to write and share more of your terrific work!
My Thoughts: I enjoyed this poem, and I could see easily imagine the leprechaun running along and planning his evil mischief as I read. I also like the way you identified the type of poem you wrote at the end to ensure that readers didn't question the length, etc.
My Suggestions: In the seventh line, I believe you meant "pursue" instead of "persue".
Overall: Thank you for the great read. I look forward to reading more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I really liked this poem, and I think it adequately portrays mental illness. The imagery you used was perfect for the subject and mood of the story. I also like that you repeated the verse that was central to the poem at the end.
My Suggestions: In the third line, "mislead" should be "misled". I would also suggest changing the text to a darker color to make the text easier to read.
Overall: I like your writing style, and I think this is a terrific poem!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I like this poem! Even though you noted in the description that it's a bit repetitive, it works here. I also like the way you changed the color of each line. Although it initially seems simple, this poem is actually quite thought provoking.
My Suggestions: The description "Use it or loose it" should read "Use it or lose it.
Overall: I liked this poem and the thought behind it. I look forward to reading more of your work!
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: This is a nice poem, alerting the reader that self pity gets us nowhere. I like the way you described those who are feeling sorry for themselves as well as the poem's overall message. Great job!
My Suggestions: I would suggest that you insert periods at the end of sentences and change "&" to "and". I think those changes would make the poem read more fluidly.
Overall: I really enjoyed this poem, and I can already tell you'll make a great addition to the WDC community!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/outoftouch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/16
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.39 seconds at 2:08am on Apr 18, 2024 via server web2.
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
Welcome to WDC from "
I'm participating in "