|Hi, Monochrome ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .
My Thoughts: Thank you for asking me to review this story. I'm sorry it has taken me so long, but I wanted to make sure I had adequate time to give your work the attention it deserves. As you know, I have become fond of your work, and I have enjoyed watching you grow as a writer. I read your bioblock, and I strongly disagree with your assertion that you are not a good writer. You are a terrific writer. As a matter of fact, you are so good that I didn't realize that English wasn't your first language until I read it there.
Now, to the review. This is my favorite story that you have written yet. The character is believable and interesting, and you have done an excellent job describing him. I like the idea that he has been in solitude for so long that he has come to rely on the voices in his head for company/guidance, even to the point of naming them.
I was surprised by the switch to the school scene, and my immediate thought was that it had all been a dream. I also want to praise your smooth transition. You have improved so much since your first story! Then, the transition back to the cave scene blew me away! I love stories with a twist, and you have done a superb job with this one. The message on the cave wall that Isog was finally able to read at the end of the chapter has me longing for more!!!
My Suggestions: I know I have urged you to give more description, and I must say you have done an terrific job of doing so. However, I stumbled over the following sentence: "He held this three-foot long wooden spear with a pointed shaft made of stone in his left hand for a while." I think it would be better to split it into two sentences: "He held his wooden spear in his left hand for awhile. It was three-feet long with a pointed shaft made of stone."
"He aimed at the target for a second; then, he strongly stabbed his spear..."
"...2 inches thick, enough for one meal."
"All he could remember were the voices inside his head directing him to do things – most of them were helpful, but one kept telling him he'd be better off dead."
"...as the liquid poured on it on the ground."
"...cursed at it, then and turned a deaf ear then"
"Isog ran fast as he could, bumping the rotting..."
"He did this almost every afternoon, so he was already used to it."
"I can’t imagine how I would live without you guys."
"For as long as he could remember, he had been living in that cave alone, ever since and those symbols had always him question what they were and what they meanthe had always wondered what those symbols were and what they meant."
"...he recognized them very well as if he had been using them all his life."
"holding a book and a wooden stick"
"it was the first time to behe'd been in that world."
"closed his eyes again and opened them to see if he was really back"
"Isog stood still just right before the stone wall."
Overall: Thank you for sharing another great story. You are a great writer, and you shouldn't ever think otherwise. I realize now that a lot of errors in your stories are due to the fact that English isn't your first language, and that makes me even more impressed by your writing skill. I trust that you'll let me know when you add more to the story, because I'm anxious to read on!
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