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76
76
Review of The Answer  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: Wow. I have become so used to your daily smiles and groans, I had started to forget what a terrific writer you are. Well, I'm still waiting for you to finish the book you started that I fell in love with, but I understand that life gets in the way. Anyway, I digress...

First let me say that I'm not surprised by the beautiful trophy adorning this piece! I can't remember any story that I have read on the site that touched me as much as this one did. Furthermore, I can't remember reading a story on WDC that literally brought me to tears. But this one did. I'm nothing short of amazed. It's a little difficult for me to even write this review, because I'm still so wrapped up in the story itself.

I was drawn in from the first line, and I remained captivated throughout. Yes, I expected that Rick had been killed on September 11th, but the rest of the story took me completely by surprise. I wondered why Nick didn't just meet Sara, but that was explained at the end of the story. I got goosebumps as I read. Your writing was spectacular. I believe I'm awestruck right now, because I can't seem to adequately put into words how much this story moved me. It was terrific from beginning to end, and I would give it 10 stars if I could.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I'm sure you know that I love to be able to offer some type of suggestion for every piece I read. And I must say that I really had to "dig deep" to find anything beneficial to offer. So, here goes:

In these sentences, "He had fond memories of that school. It had been a while, but he had fond memories," rather than using "he had fond memories" twice in such quick succession, why not edit to make it one sentence, "It had been a while, but he had fond memories of that school."

Also, "Rick pondered the call for a while." should be "Nick pondered the call for a while." That was an easy mistake to make, because the rest of that paragraph had been about Sara, so, of course, she was referring to Nick as Rick.

Grammar, spelling, and punctuation were flawless. I had to read the story twice to find anything to suggest, and I hope the suggestions were helpful.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for pointing me to this amazing story. As you can tell, I absolutely loved it. This is a piece that won't quickly be forgotten, as it had such an impact on me. As always, it has been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work, and I can't wait to get lost in some of your other stories!!!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
77
77
Review of Ham On Rye  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story for a few reasons. I love flash fiction, mystery is one of my favorite genres, and I was intrigued by the title and the description. I'm glad I did! I think the story was fantastic!

First person narration worked well for this piece, and you did a terrific job of adequately describing the characters and the scene in a short time. I know from experience how difficult it can be to writing a complete and meaningful story using 300 words or less, but you made it seem effortless here.

I could easily imagine the scene that you described, and despite the hints, the ending took me by surprise. I leaned toward the idea that the narrator was about the tell Andy he was moving away, but, boy, was I wrong. You have a great writing style, and I enjoyed every word of this short piece.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I noticed a few places where commas should be inserted:

"I ordered ham on rye with a Coke, and Andy had a club..." (both instances where it is written)

"It was his favorite meal, and I never doubted..."

"His sandwich sat untouched in front of him, and I wondered..."

The omitted commas didn't detract from my enjoyment of the story.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this little gem. It was truly a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. I hope you have a wonderful 18th WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
78
78
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I decided to read this story, because I love the dark and horror genres as well as short stories in general. Although the story started a bit slow, I ended up really enjoying it. The idea was somewhat original, and I could easily imagine the office setting that you described. First person narration worked well for this piece.

Once the colleague's accident happened, the story took a much faster pace, and I found myself on the edge of my seat, anxious to see what would happen. I loved the ending!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First, I suggest capitalizing every word of the title. I think it would look more professional, and it would be more visually appealing to potential readers. Then, change the story's description to give the reader a hint as to what the story is about. Don't apologize. This is your work, and you should be proud of it!

One question that niggled at me is how would the insurance company have known the narrator's cell phone number. After all, only an email was sent, and I wouldn't expect that the narrator would give a personal cell phone number when a return email address would be sufficient.

Another question I had is why would the narrator have to write emails every week to find the cheapest and best insurance for the office? I would imagine that once you had chosen an insurance company, you would stick with that company, so a continued search would no longer be necessary.

In the beginning of the story, you have many short sentences that, while they do build a foundation for the story, they aren't very interesting. I would suggest rewriting and combining sentences to give the story more excitement and depth. For example:

"It was a long day at my office. I had to finish some things before the weekend started. There were only a few people left in the office. I was sitting behind my computer and I was working on an email. I had to google something about a company I was writing about. It was called 'The Dark" It is a insurance company. When I wanted to click on their site I misclicked and I clicked the pictures. I didn't pay much attention to the pictures I saw however I remember it was a bit odd that all the pictures I saw of the company were taken at night. I sent the mail about the insurance of my office to the company. It wasn't a very special email, just the things I had to write every week trying to find the cheapest and best insurance for my office."

could be rewritten as:

"It had been a long day at my office, and only a few people remained. I was one of those people, since I had to finish some work before the weekend started. I was sitting at my computer, researching insurance companies in an attempt to find the cheapest and best insurance for my office. I was considering an insurance company called 'The Dark,' and when I went to their website, I inadvertently clicked on the pictures on the site. Although I didn't pay much attention, I did find it a bit odd that all of the pictures of the company seemed to have been taken at night. Thinking no more about it, I sent the company an email requesting a quote."

This edit conveys the same ideas with a easier flowing paragraph. There are no longer several short sentences, and some of the unnecessary details have been omitted.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a good read that could be much better after a thorough edit. Should you decide to do so, I would be happy to check it out again afterward. I hope you have a wonderful 3rd WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
79
79
Review of 20/20  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Oh my gosh, I loved this little story! I chose this story, because at 41 years old, I knew that it would be something I could relate to. What I didn't know is that I would still be chuckling as I'm writing the review.

I love flash fiction, and I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful piece using few words. You made it seem effortless. First person narration was perfect, and I could find myself empathizing with the narrator. I could also relate to looking in the mirror and wondering where those new lines are coming from. And, yes, it does seem to happen overnight!

The humor of the story was just what I needed tonight, especially after being reminded of my age-related problems. *Laugh* I could also relate to the narrator blaming her husband for the aging process. Of course, I would never do that. *Rolleyes* The story ended perfectly, and I'm still smiling. Good for her for getting rid of that awful husband and sending that ungrateful son off to boarding school. *Rolling*

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest adding a few hyphens: "thirteen-year-old" and "age-related"

I also suggest capitalizing "husband" in the bolded words in the fourth paragraph, as all of the other bold words are capitalized.

Other than those small suggestions, I saw no errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this humorous little story that I could relate to all too well. It was truly a pleasure to read and review, and I will most definitely be visiting your port again soon. I hope you had a wonderful 9th WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
80
80
Review of The Stumbling Run  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story, because I love flash fiction, and the horror and thriller genres are 2 of my favorites. I was also intrigued by the title. Even though the description warned me, I was disappointed that the end of the story left me hanging. What/who was Beckett running from?!

Despite my disappointment with the ending, I really enjoyed the read. The story was action paced, and I was on the edge of my seat throughout. I was anxious to get to the story's resolution, but there was none. Otherwise, though, the story was well-written, with an interesting plot and character. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I would suggest expanding the story and adding a resolution. I felt let down by the ending.

I would also suggest editing the story to add commas. There were numerous instances where commas should be inserted. For instance, in the first paragraph:

"Stupid, stumbling and blind, Beckett crashed through the night. As he moved, he seemed to gather momentum, gain pace, as if drawn or driven. To or from what, he did not know. He needed to stop, slow down, think, but something in him said ‘No, keep going!’ He plunged on. Dark objects loomed on either side, growing larger as if to stop him, but they simply passed silently on either side."

Should you decide to edit the story and need further suggestions regarding omitted commas, shoot me an email, and I'll be glad to help.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. Other than the fact that I was left wondering, it was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. I hope you had a wonderful 13th WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
81
81
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this piece because I am a cat lover, and, with two very active male cats, I need all of the help I can get! You offer a variety of tips, from training your cat to use a litter box when you first get him to teaching him that biting is wrong. Good job.

I do wonder if you have additional tips if one of the ones you listed doesn't work for particular cats. I have purchased numerous scratching posts and have them all over the house, yet that doesn't keep my boys from climbing the curtains and scratching the furniture. They use the scratching posts frequently and seem to enjoy them immensely, but they still return to the curtains and furniture.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: You left out an apostrophe in this sentence: "...providing you pay attention to your cat's needs."

"Cats do not like to eat or drink near where they are expected to eliminate, make sure to keep those areas separate." is a run-on sentence, because you have two complete sentences, separated by only a comma. I suggest either changing the comma to a period or inserting the word "so" after the comma.

"Buy a simple scratching post and placingplace it near where your cat likes to scratch."

"...taking your cat's paw and gently scratching..."

"if your cat likes to bite, this can be a problem"

"if he hurts you, you won’t play anymore."


*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this informative piece. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. I hope you have a wonderful 11th WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
82
82
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I dropped by your port to celebrate your WDC anniversary. To be honest, I only chose this story to review, because I saw that it was posted over six years ago and had no previous ratings. So, here I am to change that!

This was a good story. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using few words, but you did a great job here. You also did a terrific job of describing the defeated attitude of someone who had suffered from domestic abuse for too long. It saddened me that the character would feel that death was preferable at that point.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I just changing the title to something fitting for the story and changing the description to give the reader a hint as to what the story is about. As I said earlier, I only chose the story, because it didn't have any prior ratings. I usually choose stories with titles that catchy my eye. As it is right now, the title isn't catchy. I, for one, normally wouldn't read a story with a title and description like this.

One question I had about the story is how "she" recognized the policeman that was first to reach her. Had she had previous involvement with the officer? Because since it appeared that that was the first moment she saw him at that time, she had no reason to recognize him.

I would have found it easier to empathize with the main character, and she would have seemed more real to me, if she would have at least had a name. Describing her simply as "she" throughout the story didn't work for me. I suggest that you give the character a name. It wouldn't hurt to give a little more information about how long she had suffered from such abuse.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. I hope you had a wonderful 12th WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
83
83
Review of The Garlic Clove  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I decided to drop by your port for an Anniversary Review. I chose this story, because I was anxious to see what a garlic clove could have to do with a couple finding each other. I'm glad I did! This was a terrific story. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using 300 words or less, but you made it seem effortless. Great job!

It was easy to picture the scene that you described, and the characters were interesting. There was a bit of comic relief (especially with the garlic-laced cheesecake) and a bit of romance. While I usually go for horror stories or thrillers, every now and then, I want to read a lighthearted romance. This story was perfect!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I would add the word "had" in this sentence: "He had just lost his best friend to cancer..." I think it would read more fluidly, and it would not take you over the 300 word limit.

Otherwise, I saw no errors in grammar, spelling, or punctuation.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Hope you have a wonderful 10th WDC Anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
84
84
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, Cori ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I chose this campfire to review, because one of my tasks in "a very Wodehouse challenge was to find and review 3 campfire items on WDC. I must say that I have enjoyed it immensely. Prior to this challenge, I wasn't even sure what a campfire was. Now, I want to create my own!

This was a terrific idea for a campfire. I love the way you have the favorite quotes of so many different authors on the site. I have reviewed a few other campfires, and both of them only involved two participants, so I was pleasantly surprised by this one. I love reading famous quotes, so this campfire was right up my alley.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I noticed that your campfire was closed. I'm still learning the ins and outs of campfire creatives, but I wonder if you could leave one open indefinitely so that members can continue to contribute their favorite quotes. I love the variety and the differing views of different authors on the site, so I think it would be terrific to keep it open indefinitely if possible.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this terrific, informative campfire creative. I thoroughly enjoyed the read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda
85
85
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, FM - 1 Writer to rule them all ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I decided to review this campfire, because one of my tasks at "a very Wodehouse challenge was to find and review 3 campfire items. Prior to the challenge, I wasn't familiar with campfires at all, and I have been pleasantly surprised by how fun and entertaining it seems.

I see that this campfire was created several years ago, so I imagine that you and your campfire partner have already accomplished some of the goals that you created. The list was interesting, and most of the ideas weren't outlandish or unrealistic. I think it would be fun for you and your partner to look back on now and see how many of the goals you have completed and how many of them you are no longer interested in.

I think this type of campfire would be a great idea to have numerous members of the site participate in...maybe get one idea from each member and then see if other members have similar objectives. The campfire was short and easy to understand, and I enjoyed reading it.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First and foremost, I wondered why so many numbers were missing. I expected 100 things, but I'd say there was more like 80.

On number 39, "develop" is spelled incorrectly.

On number 66, "Egyptian" is spelled incorrectly.

On the part between 82 and 85 (with no number), "friends" is spelled incorrectly.

At the end, "do them" should be 2 separate words.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this little campfire. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda
86
86
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Cassie Reynolds ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I chose this piece, because one of my tasks for "a very Wodehouse challenge is to review five campfire-related items. It doesn't hurt that I love flash fiction.

I know, from experience, how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using 300 words or less. You made it look effortless. In a very short story, you introduced three interesting characters, set up a scene, and established a conflict and a resolution. Great job!

I love the way you gave the reader a glimpse of the twins' history before introducing the immediate problem. First person narration worked well for this story. Your descriptive writing style made it easy for me it imagine the scene that you described, and I could easily empathize with Michael. And I loved the happy ending! I'm usually a sucker for the horror story or stories with a twist at the end, but sometimes, I just want to see a happy ending. This story was perfect!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest removing "FlashFiction" from the title, and use the description to give the reader a hint as to what the story is about. I think it would make it appear more professional and make it more appealing to a potential reader. You could always put a blurb at the end of the story containing the information that is currently in the description.

Grammar, spelling, and punctuation are flawless. The story flowed smoothly, and I have no other suggestions for improvement.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this terrific short story. I imagine that you won the contest with this little gem. It was a pleasure to read and review this piece, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
87
87
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Harry ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I chose this story, because I was required to review five campfire-related items as part of my task in "a very Wodehouse challenge. I'm glad I did, because I really enjoyed it!

I wasn't sure what a storoem was, so I googled it was directed to your books on Amazon. I'm very impressed! And my guess is that a storoem is a combination of a story and a poem, which is exactly what this item is. Although I was expecting to read something merely relating to a campfire, I walked away with so much more.

You did a terrific job of making the old warrior appealing to the reader. It isn't very often that we see the vulnerable side of such a character, and it really added to my enjoyment of this piece. At first, I had an issue with the two lines in such close succession about the old warrior sitting silently sharpening his sword, but, by the end of the piece, I saw the necessity of your choice.

As I read, I was reminded of people's opinions of the government shutdown. The people who call the shots remain unaffected while the lives of the ones left to carry out the directives are at risk. This is piece that many people can relate to, and I enjoyed it immensely.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest inserting a comma here: " Were the gods willing, I would spend tomorrow..." and here: "In the enemy camp, it is much the same." Otherwise, grammar, spelling, and punctuation were flawless.

I would have liked for lines not to have been skipped in the middle of sentences, but I understand that this was done to separate the piece into stanzas. I got used to it rather quickly, and it didn't detract from my enjoyment of the piece.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this well-written storoem. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon as well as checking out some of your books available on Amazon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
88
88
Review of Let The Light In  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story, because I was intrigued by the title and the description. First, let me commend you for giving the reader a hint as to what to expect from the story in your description and saving the reason behind its creation for a note at the end. It's one of my biggest pet peeves for a description to read, "A story I wrote for the Writer's Cramp."

The story itself captured my interest in the beginning and held it throughout. I couldn't wait to see how Marty's gig as an informant turned out. I expected him to get caught, but I wasn't disappointed by the ending. You made excellent use of the prompt, and the story was interesting and realistic. I could almost feel Marty's despair when he realized his task was far from over. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I searched long and hard so I could find something useful to suggest. Grammar, spelling, and punctuation were flawless. Finally, I found this:
"FInding it satisfactory..." should be "Finding it satisfactory..." So, after I finished my happy dance, I quickly made the suggestion.

Otherwise, the story is perfect!

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon - hopefully on February 15th on your actual account anniversary. *Laugh*

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
89
89
Review of The Campfire  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, workin nights ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I chose this story, because one of my tasks in "a very Wodehouse challenge is to review 5 campfire-related items on WDC. I'm glad I did! Not only did I learn a great deal about the Scout's rituals, but I also enjoyed it immensely!

Your vivid descriptions made it easy for me to imagine the campfire scene, and I loved the way you personified the elements of nature, starting with the trees in the beginning of the story. You captured my interest at that point and held it throughout.

I was a bit miffed by the sudden switch to three months later, but it wasn't long until you took the reader back to that time with a full description of the events. You have an excellent writing style, and I imagine you would write terrific poems with your "show, don't tell" style. I was simply looking for a story about a campfire and got so much more! Good job.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest changing "one was a SUV" to "one was an SUV". Read it aloud, and you'll see what I mean.

"Trees seeking the sun's last rays..."

"The old Scoutmaster's name was Stanley; there was more..."

"Arthritic hands moving slowly up the staff are raising him off the rock" because you're telling the story in present tense.

"...are now etched with sharp contrast..."
"The brightness of the fire illuminates the area around us..." Again, be careful to remain in present tense. Also, by the use of "us," this is the first time the reader becomes aware that the narrator is part of the group. As a matter of fact, throughout the story, the narrator refers to "the group," which indicates that he is not a part. I found that a bit strange and would suggest making that clear earlier in the story.

"...feelings its intensity..." It's is a contraction for "it is."

"The road equipment couldn't be used..." as you are telling that part of the story in past tense.

"now being led by their stars."

"see him pause at some and see him sigh..."

"old scout master's" Be careful to add apostrophes to indicate possession.

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Overall: Thank you for sharing this short, informational story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
90
90
Review of We Missed You  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Monochrome ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: Horror is one of my favorite genres, and the title of this story caught my eye. I also entered a story in this contest, so how could I not check this story out? Normally, I would suggest that you change the description to give the reader a hint as to what the story is about, but I think your description is ok in this instance, because the genre and title were enough to make me want to read this story.

I don't often see a story written in second person narrative, but it worked well for this piece. It made me feel as though I was more a part of the story. Writing in present tense also worked well, and you did a terrific job of remaining in present tense throughout. The transitions in time were also smooth.

The first two sentences immediately drew me in, and the story held my interest throughout. Your descriptive writing helped me to sense the emptiness and feel the heat of the stifling room as you described. I felt anxious throughout the story, as I'm sure you intended, and after the revelations about the grandmother, I was on the edge of my seat. The story ended perfectly, going back to the title. Cliffhanger endings are a hit or miss for me, but I loved this one!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest changing this sentence: "You get off the car as your uncle greeted you and your parents with a warm smile." to "You get out of the care as your uncle greets you and your parents with a warm smile." This is the only instance I noticed that you switched to past tense.

" The next daymorning, while having breakfast, you unexpectedly ask your mom about your grandmother whom you’ve never met."

I would omit the word "already" from "Your grandma is already very old..." because you have already established in the previous paragraph that the photo was taken in her last days when she was 79.

"Your mom doesn’t usually talk about her late parents ever since." I think that sentence would read better if those two words were omitted.

I suggest changing "she can’t easily sleep at night..." to "she couldn't easily sleep at night..." Even though the story is written in present tense, this is a direct quote by the mother, so it's ok for it to be in past tense.

"you hear a hollow voice in your left ear."


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Overall: Thank you for sharing this little horror story. I am so impressed by how much you have grown as an author in such a short time! I think your story is much better than the one I entered in the contest. As always, it has been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work, and I will most definitely be dropping by your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
91
91
Review of Thick Skin  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Malevolent_Preacher ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: First of all, welcome to WDC! I can see you're already off to a good start. I stumbled my way into your port, the title of this poem intrigued me, so here I am!

You made quite an impact with those five lines. I'm somewhat hesitant to review poetry, because it intimidates me. Still, I know what I like, and I really enjoyed this piece. I loved the first two lines, and I can easily relate to the entire poem as I am sure many of us can. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First I would suggest only capitalizing words when they're at the beginning of a sentence.

"artists rendition" should be "artist's rendition"

"Before it drys" should be "before it dries" Spellcheck will usually underline a misspelled word in red as you type.

You have to be very careful with such a short piece, because errors are much more obvious and detract from the professionalism of the piece.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this poem. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to seeing more of your work. If there is ever anything I can do to help you find your way around the site, please don't hesitate to let me know. I can already tell you're going to be a wonderful addition to the site!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
92
92
Review of Damien  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Monochrome ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: Wow! I actually got goosebumps as I read the last line of this story. I don't recall ever entering the Dialogue 500 contest, but I imagine writing a story using only dialogue would be quite difficult. You made it seem effortless here!

You did a terrific job of describing the characters and their relationship through their dialogue. You also managed to add a couple of other character (their mothers). The dialogue was believable, and I could tell that the cousins were close. You captured my interest with the first line and held it throughout. And the last line blew me away. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I would suggest changing, “No! It’s a hobby that I get hooked on lately" to “No! It’s a hobby that I have been hooked on lately!”

Also, I was wondering why Damien was ever at the hospital if he was found frozen to death. Wouldn't they have taken him to the morgue instead? And I guess his mother was at the hospital because she had a breakdown because of his death?

Regardless, I enjoyed this piece so much that a 5 star rating was warranted and well deserved.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: It's truly a pleasure watching you grow as an author and expand your horizons! You should be proud of this piece, because it's your best yet. I will definitely be visiting your port for another review soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
93
93
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I stopped by your port to do an anniversary review, and I chose this story because I noticed that one of the genres is psychology. I'm glad I did! I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using few words, but you made it seem effortless here.

I love the comparison of yellow and black to life and death and the canvas to the author's life. First person narrative worked well for this piece. The story was so emotionally intense, I was surprised to see it was fiction. I'm sure that many of us can relate to the healthcare crisis, and this was a terrific way to convey the worst case scenario that could result from lack of adequate coverage.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I hate that I cannot offer any suggestions for improvement, but I think this story is perfect as-is. Grammar, spelling and punctuation are flawless. You made every word count, and you didn't add any unnecessary detail, nor did you omit anything that was necessary.

I do, however, suggest that you write more! I noticed that there is a limited number of items in your port. I love your writing style, and I would like to see more short stories written by you!

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this emotional short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. I hope you had a happy 8th WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
94
94
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I don't normally review poetry, but I wanted to send you an anniversary review, and your port contained only poetry. I really enjoyed this short poem. I have had relationships that have failed after several years, so this piece was easy for me to relate to. I particularly liked the optimism conveyed in the poem. During the time of a major hurtful event, it's too easy to be overwhelmed by the immediate pain and heartbreak. This poem serves as a reminder that things will get better if you take it "one day at a time." Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: There's a spelling error in the second stanza. It should be "Reflect on your smile"

I read the poem aloud and the third stanza didn't flow as fluidly as the rest. I suggest omitting the word "all" to make it:

"One day at a time, I’ll put your pictures away,
I’ll pray to the Lord, to show me the way."

I would also suggest changing "I'll" in the last stanza to "I will." I suggest that, because the poem began with "I will," and I also think the change would make the last stanza flow more fluidly.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this emotional poem. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon! Hope you have a wonderful 8th WDC anniversary!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
95
95
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Monochrome ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: Thank you for asking me to review this story. I'm sorry it has taken me so long, but I wanted to make sure I had adequate time to give your work the attention it deserves. As you know, I have become fond of your work, and I have enjoyed watching you grow as a writer. I read your bioblock, and I strongly disagree with your assertion that you are not a good writer. You are a terrific writer. As a matter of fact, you are so good that I didn't realize that English wasn't your first language until I read it there.

Now, to the review. This is my favorite story that you have written yet. The character is believable and interesting, and you have done an excellent job describing him. I like the idea that he has been in solitude for so long that he has come to rely on the voices in his head for company/guidance, even to the point of naming them.

I was surprised by the switch to the school scene, and my immediate thought was that it had all been a dream. I also want to praise your smooth transition. You have improved so much since your first story! Then, the transition back to the cave scene blew me away! I love stories with a twist, and you have done a superb job with this one. The message on the cave wall that Isog was finally able to read at the end of the chapter has me longing for more!!!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I know I have urged you to give more description, and I must say you have done an terrific job of doing so. However, I stumbled over the following sentence: "He held this three-foot long wooden spear with a pointed shaft made of stone in his left hand for a while." I think it would be better to split it into two sentences: "He held his wooden spear in his left hand for awhile. It was three-feet long with a pointed shaft made of stone."

"He aimed at the target for a second; then, he strongly stabbed his spear..."

"...2 inches thick, enough for one meal."

"All he could remember were the voices inside his head directing him to do things – most of them were helpful, but one kept telling him he'd be better off dead."

"...as the liquid poured on it on the ground."

"...cursed at it, then and turned a deaf ear then"

"Isog ran fast as he could, bumping the rotting..."

"He did this almost every afternoon, so he was already used to it."

"I can’t imagine how I would live without you guys."

"For as long as he could remember, he had been living in that cave alone, ever since and those symbols had always him question what they were and what they meanthe had always wondered what those symbols were and what they meant."

"...he recognized them very well as if he had been using them all his life."

"holding a book and a wooden stick"

"it was the first time to behe'd been in that world."

"closed his eyes again and opened them to see if he was really back"

"Isog stood still just right before the stone wall."

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Overall: Thank you for sharing another great story. You are a great writer, and you shouldn't ever think otherwise. I realize now that a lot of errors in your stories are due to the fact that English isn't your first language, and that makes me even more impressed by your writing skill. I trust that you'll let me know when you add more to the story, because I'm anxious to read on!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Superpower image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
96
96
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: This was a terrific story, and I can see how it won the contest! Your made it easy to imagine the story as you described it, and I found myself chuckling a few times as I read. I could easily imagine the picture that was referenced in the story, and this was a great way to explain what the picture must have depicted.

Although short, this story is complete, and I enjoyed the read from start to finish. The ending was funny and satisfying. The story being told by the embarrassed squirrel was an original idea, and I loved this little humorous piece.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: It would be great if you had a picture of a squirrel appearing to drink a can of beer through a straw associated with this story. I have written many stories for the 30 day image prompt contest, and I know that the pictures lend something to the story. Just a thought.

Because of your excellent writing style, the picture wasn't necessary for me to truly enjoy the story. Also, grammar, spelling and punctuation were flawless. Great job!

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this funny, lighthearted story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Hope you have a wonderful 17th WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
97
97
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I love horror stories, and this one was right up my alley. The title was interesting and appropriate, and I was hooked from the first sentence. I could easily imagine the scene that you described and could see the unkempt man and the mother's horror of her daughter pointing out that he smelled.

Although the story was short, it was complete, and I enjoyed every scene. I prefer horror stories with events that could actually occur, and this one was spot-on. The man's obsession with the number eighteen was a somewhat original and realistic plot, and I could see the man's downhill spiral. Scab was a great name for him. The ending was perfect! I can easily see how you won the contest with this story!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First I suggest adding "dark" as a genre. At it is, you have 2 genres listed as "other". So if someone searched for a nice little dark tale to read, this gem wouldn't show up in the search.

This line drove me so batty, it resulted in the loss of half a star: "Add nine, three, one, and two – eighteen." Nine, three, one and two is NOT eighteen! It's fifteen. I added it over and over in my head, trying to figure out the catch, but it's simply incorrect.

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Overall: Thank you for sharing this excellent little horror story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy 9th WDC Anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
98
98
Review of Glass  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this piece because I love flash fiction, and the title, along with the picture, caught my eye. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using 300 words, but you did so here with much fewer words. You managed to set the scene, give adequate character descriptions and establish a conflict and resolution in one small paragraph. Great job.

I am also a big fan of the dark little tales, so this one was right up my alley. I did wonder how no blood showed with the numerous cuts the second man suffered. And how could a shard from a glass, with no force, reach his heart? It seemed farfetched to me. However, the story ended perfectly, and I could easily imagine the first man walking away from the catastrophic scene that he had created.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First, I suggest that you list "dark" as a genre. You have all 3 listed as other, so if someone was searching for a nice little dark tale to read, this one wouldn't show up in the search.

I had a problem with this sentence: "The first of the a tall man, garbed in a black suit, gray dress pants, and a black hat." Did you mean "The first of them..."? Regardless, I suggest merely saying "The first, a tall man..." I think using "The first of them..." implies that there are more than 2 people, and there isn't in this instance.

I also had an issue with the use of the word "cup". I don't think "cup" and "glass" are interchangeable, and I googled it and found that a cup more closely resembles a cube, whereas a glass more closely resembles a cylinder. I suggest using the word "glass" throughout for clarity.

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Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy 2nd WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
99
99
Review of The Eyes Have It  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Angus - Heh, ho, heh! ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I loved it! Because I have read so many of your excellent stories, I have high expectations from you, and I have never been disappointed. I love flash fiction, particularly those in the dark and horror genres, and this little piece quickly took me from having an anxious, foreboding feeling to chuckling at the end. I share your love of the dark tales with an unexpected twist, and this one was perfect.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: As always, your grammar, spelling and punctuation are flawless.

My first thought was that it doesn't make sense for someone to be happy to go to work. *Laugh* But, seriously, I always feel bad for not being able to offer you any useful suggestions, but I rarely see room for improvement in any of your work. If I catch a rare error, I almost do a happy dance, because I feel that I'm finally able to offer you something useful. But I think it's sufficient to let you know that I love your writing and admire you as an author.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing your talent with us. This story was a pleasure to read and review, and I will certainly be visiting your port again soon.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Superpower image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
100
100
Review of One New Message.  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story, because I am a big fan of the horror genre, and the title intrigued me. I found it to be a very interesting read. I'm not familiar with Japanese language at all, and I liked the way you wrote the texts in Japanese followed by a translation for those of us who are unfamiliar with the language. I always enjoy learning new things when I read.

The plot was somewhat original, and it held my interest throughout. Although I love flash fiction (both reading and writing), I would have liked to have known more about the characters' background and previous interaction. It was difficult for me to get into the story because of the lack of character development. It felt like the story was over as soon as it began. I would love to see you expand this piece. I want to know what happened to Mariko and if Kaito ever found out how she was texting him.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest that you edit the entire story to end every sentence with a period instead of a comma. It would much easier to read and make much more sense if proper punctuation were used. As it stands, you put a comma between most sentences rather than ending each sentence with a period.

Be careful to use apostrophes to show possession. "Marikos phone" should be "Mariko's phone."

"it didn't take long for Moriko to responde" should be "it didn't take long for Moriko to respond."

Also, I would suggest separating the story into paragraphs. I think it would make it easier to read and more visually appealing to the reader.

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Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a good read which could be much better with added detail and a thorough edit. I hope you had a happy 5th WDC anniversary, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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