|Patrece here, with a Power Reviewers ~ September Superpower Raid Review for you.
Why I chose to review this work.
The September theme for our raid review is celebrating the letter S. So, either your username, the title, or something else includes this letter and I landed upon this item. I hope you enjoy the review!
My impression of this piece:
I must admit, you have chosen a great category for this piece when you chose satire. I believe you nailed it with this one. Politics is something I avoid discussing for the most part, because we all have our own views, and rarely do they match up to what others think. There's enough to struggle with, in this life. So, I try to not create more by arguing with friends and/or family, or others. BUT, I've got to say, if they thought they could get away with it, I fully believe the speech given in this short story is exactly what our politicians would say to us. Sadly, I am also fairly well convinced it is exactly how we, the everyday people of this world, are considered by our governing bodies and the very wealthy as well.
One of the things a successfully written story does is to draw the reader in and give them an experience with our words. You have to somehow connect with the reader through your story in a way that makes them 'feel'. You did a great job of that with this one because, it stirred up my personal frustrations and did, indeed, get a reaction from me. Great job!
This is a well-written piece, and it was a pleasure to read.
You did a great job with character development, especially given the fact this is a short work. You gave us insight into how his mind works, what he wants to accomplish, his general attitude, and even some of his trademark expressions. You also provided just enough information about his assistant to make her seem 'real', too.
The pace was nicely done and the plot was well thought out. Great job!
What I really liked:
I enjoyed the fact that you wrote about something that can be highly controversial - yet honestly explores the sad state of our world these days.
I really appreciated that you were able to give the reader an image of what the main character was thinking as he took in the view in front of him, yet did so quite tastefully, in this part. "...he followed the PA’s perky posterior down another corridor..." I think it was a very successful way to share that, while not being offensive to any reader that might encounter this writing. Bravo!
Suggestions:(Of course, these are only my thoughts and intended to be helpful, but please ignore anything that does not work for you!)
* Here, "The place was as silent as the tomb", I believe it might read a touch better if you replace the word "the" (in front of the word tomb) with the word "a". I only suggest this because saying "the tomb" leads one to think a specific tomb is being referenced.
* Perhaps, in this sentence, consider adding the word "status" where indicated in green. using his celebrity status to spread his message - Because when reading this, it felt like that word was missing from it.
* In the following sentence there is a little hiccup when reading it. I give suggestions in red on what I feel might help it read a little smoother. "Techs were adjusting lights, (remove the comma and use the word 'and' in it's place) camera operators were moving their units around, while grips were making last-minute adjustments to the set,(I do not think this comma is needed here.) under the watchful eyes..."
Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
This truly was a great read! I appreciate that you shared it with the WDC community. Until next time...write on!
Also, I wish you a very happy WDC anniversary!