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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/patrece
Review Requests: OFF
380 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
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Sci-Fi (for the most part.) ***To be continued***
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I am not very fond of reviewing poetry items due to my lack of knowledge concerning poetry.
I will not review...
Anything containing cruelty toward animals and children. Explicit sexual content, nor anything over GC.
Public Reviews
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1
1
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The trinket is beautiful. But what is more beautiful than even that, are the words you included as a part of it. I learned much about the specific butterfly species, and about the beauty of YOUR heart! Thank you so much, for sharing this! I found it very touching!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review in honor of your OPEN HOUSE! Congratulations!*Heart*


Hello, LegendaryMasK❤ MasK of Zorro I just finished reading your piece "Jack "O" Lantern Dip bowl and I wanted to offer you the following commentsand feedback.


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
*Laugh* I LOVE IT! The image that accompanies this piece gives the reader no choice but to be instantly drawn in and captured by this fun and creative project. I have no doubt that I am going to have to give this a try this coming Halloween. The only problem I see with it is that people will likely be hesitant to mess up such a fun and amusing work of art!

*Paw* Readability:
Some of the instructions are a little difficult to follow along with, as they aren't all written in a way that is completely clear to understand. While I was able to read back through them a couple of times to gain understanding, there may be people who cannot. However, this does not apply to all instructions. I will note the areas that weren't initially clear below, under the suggestions area.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
The humor of the project itself, as well as the humor in your statement: "yes all that oooey gooey guts." I love humor in writing! I also believe that providing step by step instructions are a wonderful highlight to this. Best of all, however, is that you also include the recipes for each dip that goes with this project, rather than leaving the reader to search for them or buy pre-made dips. Then, going the extra mile, you even give the specifics on how to set it all up! Fantastic!

*Paw* Errors noted:
***A tiny error here: "yes all that thoseoooey gooey guts."

*Paw* Suggestions:
***Just as a suggestion, it may help those planning to follow through with creating this awesome project if you were to list each ingredient on its own line, followed by a list of ancillary supplies needed, each also listed on its own line. This way, they could just print this out and have their shopping list in an organized form. However, as I said this is only a suggestion, and not doing so won't make or break this awesome project in the least.

*** Here is what I was referring to as the part of the instructions that I found a bit confusing. (Maybe it was just me?) "Take the 3 pieces on the black, stick one straight pin into the top and one on the bottom; then pin in place above the mouth area. Then glue stick the red and yellow to the black; Whatever way you want them to look."

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
All in all a wonderful item! I enjoyed it very much and will definitely be giving it a try this coming Halloween! I look forward to reading more of your work over the month of June, and into the future! Great job! I hope you have more fun and creative projects in your port!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

Made for me by my super awesome friend, Hannah! Thank you, Lady!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so beautiful! You are too! Thank you so much for sharing this. You made my day! Just remember, you mean so much to me, and I am honored to be your friend!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of An Unlikely Hero  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review *Heart*


Hello, River is feeling blessed. I just finished reading your piece "An Unlikely Hero and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
I truly didn't know what to expect when I decided to read and review this piece. Ad now that i have, I find that I am curious to know what the prompt given for the contest was. I really enjoyed reading this piece, and must admit that it kept me engaged from beginning to end. It also occurred to me as I read this, that Gloria and Benny had been biding their time, and the incident this particular night gave them the perfect opportunity to take the next step in exploring a possible relationship.

*Paw* Readability:
This is very well written, and easy to follow and understand.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
You did a wonderful job with sharing this short story in a show rather than tell way. For example: She tried to forget about the pilot and her gaze settled once again on Benny. A sure sign to the reader that she is drawn to him.

I also love how Benny follows Gloria outside when she goes out to take a break and is followed by Lewis. He was insightful and protective enough to see to her safety, and for her, that was a good thing. He stepped up and protected her when otherwise, she would have been completely helpless again the drunken Lewis.

*Paw* Errors noted:
No errors noted. Great job!

*Paw* Suggestions:
I would have loved to have been able to keep reading and have seen where the night went with Gloria and Benny, but I understand that being a contest entry there were likely constraints on word count, etc. Should you ever decide to expand upon this, I'd love to see where it goes from here. Inquiring minds want to know.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
The only thing I do have to share that doesn't quite fit here, is that when a victim or another person calls 911 for any type of violence type offense, the victim no longer has a say in whether or not charges are filed. Once the authorities are called in, it becomes the state vs the offender. So in that one aspect, there is a bit of inaccuracy.

You clearly have a wonderful talent in the world of authoring. I have truly enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for sharing your talent and creativity!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

Made for me by my super awesome friend, Hannah! Thank you, Lady!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this most informational article. I found the comparison to be quite interesting and educational. I must agree the lines penned by Sackville Were not only flat, but also caused the reader to work a bit at reading his work. Whereas, Sidney penned an active read that was much easier to follow.

I have one suggestion / Correction for you. In one spot you refer to the name "Spencer", rather than "Sidney", whom I am fairly sure you were intending to refer to.

A great lesson on making your words count!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.


*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review *Heart*


Hello, Scarecrow Patrece here. I just finished reading your piece "Puppies and Rainbows and Sunshine and I wanted to offer you the following review, as you are one of two PDG featured writers.


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
This story was a joy to read. While it starts out to be an awful day, it makes a sudden turn around to the extreme. It leaves the reader feeling happy for the main character, knowing the greatness of his day will far outlast just this single day. The content of this story did capture and hold my attention. In the beginning, I wondered how on earth the story could ever match the title. That's when it all changed! This little story brought a smile to my face, especially the part about the puppy! I got a new pup about a week ago, and they are just too cute, especially with their funny little puppy antics.

*Paw* Readability:
While this story was easy to comprehend, I do have to share that the majority of your sentences are very long. While it serves a story well to have some longer sentences, it is also good to have some shorter ones as well. When there are too many long sentences in a story, it begins to become somewhat more difficult for the reader and can interfere with the flow. I find it tends to work best to use a variety of sentence lengths and types. Don't get me wrong, however, it is a great read!

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
I really like how you shared your characters thoughts as the story unfolded. I also got a couple of smiles and a laugh or two out of the humor woven throughout it. Especially, the "barn door" incident! *Laugh*

*Paw* Errors noted:
*** I noticed a couple of punctuation errors in this section. on the eighth.Maybe my luck is changing., I thought (There is no space after the first period and there is double punctuation after the word "changing".)
*** It seems there should be a period, rather than a comma, at the end of this. idle chit-chat about the weather,
*** Here, again, you have double punctuation. You may consider removing the comma. A puppy !,
***This portion of a very long sentence in your story would be better split into two separate sentences where indicated. rectified my "barn door" situation,(End sentence here. Capitalize the letter B in the word "but" and add a comma after "But"} but for whatever reason, our conversation

*Paw* Suggestions:
***In my humble opinion, this line would sound a little better if you changed the word 'soon" to "quick" or "fast".

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
It was a pleasure to read your work, Thank you for sharing it and your talent with me and the WDC community!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

Made for me by my super awesome friend, Hannah! Thank you, Lady!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang ANNIVERSARY Review *Heart*


Hello, Pat ~ starting to heal Happy 10th WDC Anniversary! I just finished reading your piece "Voice for the Children and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece: As a former foster parent, I truly appreciate this candid article on one of many issues facing both the foster / adoptive family as well as the child coming into the home. Many first time foster parents or adoptive parents have no concept of how difficult the initial transition into the new home is for the child in the first place, (and will be for them as well), attachment disorder aside.

But then to have the AD thrown in to the mix is mind boggling at the very least. I knew of several foster parents that blamed themselves for being "failures" or "terrible parents" because no one prepared them for the realities of what they would likely face with the attachment disorder. When you say it is everyones responsibility to educate prospective foster / adoptive parents on this topic, I couldn't agree more. Not to do so, is to set everyone involved up for failure and to set the children up to suffer even further from this devastating affliction.

*Paw* Readability:
This is written in a way that is very clearly stated and easy to follow along and comprehend.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
I truly believe what works best in this article, is your open and honest approach with the reader. You provide your audience with true facts about your own personal experiences without trying to sugar-coat the truth of the matter. I feel this is important in getting across the message you are sharing and provides some true eye opening to prospective foster or adoptive parents. I applaud you for this.

*Paw* Errors noted:
*** Here, there is a tiny typo, which is easy to miss. "I wish I could think {{u}c:red}if its name." (I believe it should have been "of".)

*Paw* Suggestions:
Have you considered writing a book ( or several smaller booklets aimed at different areas) geared toward educating adoptive parents / foster parents, or those considering it? Sometimes this type of support and education is better received on a peer to peer level. You can share your ups and downs. Methods of effective assistance you were able to locate, and even offer a support group for consumers of your book(s). I'll bet it would be a HUGE hit! Heck, you might even be able to book speaking gigs at local foster and adoption agencies to offer education and personal experiences to their prospective candidates. Just think of the difference you could make in so many lives! Sorry... did I get carried away there? I just have THAT much faith in you, and was THAT inspired by your article.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
What a remarkable woman you are to put your heart and soul into these children as you have! I truly admire you! *Hug1**hug**Hug2* Thank you for writing this and sharing it with the WDC community and me! If there had been a 4.75 stars, that's what it would have received!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

Made for me by my super awesome friend, Hannah! Thank you, Lady!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review *Heart*


Hello, 👻 Ghostly Moon I just finished reading your piece "The Fading of Julia and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
The author of this story shares a tale of a very tender and often destructive topic that is far too common in society today. Not only among our youth, but among a large number of people of various ages, socioeconomic backgrounds, races and genders.

While you did a good job of showing how this particular "population" begins their decent into such a lifestyle, and the losses and sacrifices incurred along the way, I would have loved to have seen this explored a bit deeper. Perhaps delving into the why's of individuals choosing a path such as the main character in your story.

I also believe that while Julia's father cared a great deal for her, he was at a loss for how to truly help her through such a problematic situation, thus almost further enabling her in her path of self destruction. He obviously did everything he knew to do to try to provide her with a fresh beginning, but failed to understand that until she was truly ready for that hand-up, nothing would ever be effective in helping her to make the much needed critical changes.

Sadly, her father loved her enough, that he trusted her when she claimed that she wouldn't disappoint him if given the chance to clean up her act. Over and over again, he fell for her manipulative behaviors, because he wanted to believe the best of her. And in the end, he still held out that hope as so many parents an love ones do.

*Paw* Suggestions:
The suggestions that I have for you is to go back and to pull your paragraphs together. they are broken up and sentences are separated in the middle onto separate lines, etc. It tends to make it difficult to read smoothly when it is chopped up in this way. Perhaps if you read it over, you will notice what I am referring to.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thank you for sharing such a difficult topic. As much as we may love out children or others, the best way we can help them in these situations, is with tough love. By not allowing them to continue in their self-destructive behaviors. It is so very difficult, but in the long run, it is their only chance to succeed, and our only chance to maintain our sanity, as those who love them.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

Made for me by my super awesome friend, Hannah! Thank you, Lady!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Ghost Dog  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Paw*Why I chose to review this work.
I absolutely love dogs! And when I noticed this piece and ruwth 's newsfeed review challenge, I had to get in on it. Thank you for sharing your work!

*Paw* My impression of this piece:
You bring your beloved and departed canine friend to life for all to experience, in this loving tribute to his special place your heart and in your life. His playful and mischievous manner comes across clearly, and your appreciation for his special ways and how much they meant to you shine through in this lovingly drafted poem about his continued presence in your life, even after his passing. What a beautiful way to share the bond the two of you havesharied and apparently, continue to share, together.

*Paw* What I really liked:
You so an outstanding job of bringing Scooter to life in the minds eye of the reader. rather than break our hearts with the loss your encountered, you give u hope and joy in the continuing relationship between the two of you in this heart warming tale.

*Paw* Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have to offer refers to the last line in stanza four and the first line of stanza five. I'd like to suggest that you revisit these lines and make a change to one of the two, as you repeat the word "disappear" in both. While I realize it rhymes in both lines, these of the same word in two successive lines feels redundant. Surely, with your talent, you can find a way to rephrase without repeating this word two lines in a row. Aside from this, it is just lovely!

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
thank you for sharing your creative talent with the res of us here at WDC! I really enjoyed reading this beautiful piece!

A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Meditation  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing your method of meditating and reaching that place of calm serenity. I have tried to meditate in the past, but just never seem able to achieve the mental "quiet" to go along with it. I guess I just can't figure out how to shut everything else out and just relax.

I like that you shared your personal approach to this. I hope it helps many others to achieve success in clearing the negatives out and refilling themselves with positive results.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Where's My Sword  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review *Heart*


Hello, Dawn Embers I just finished reading your piece "Where's My Sword and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My initial impression of this piece:
I really enjoyed reading this charming children's story. It is clear that it is set during an earlier period of time, when farming and self sufficiency was a way of life. It teaches an enlightening lesson to the children today, on how life really used to be, back before technology and human rights, especially, women rights came into being. Based on gender, certain expectations were placed upon individuals as to what the role they were to play in life was expected. There was no real considerations for personal wishes, only the standard expectations placed upon individuals based on age and gender. While I am not sure that a child might read and really absorb the true and full lesson being shown in this, it does do a great job of conveying it. The two youngest children were lucky to have each other and to also each have their won expectations of what role they wanted to be a part of in their lives. While the father wasn't very accommodating, these siblings were close, and accepted each other for who they were. A true git that they, alone could share.

*Paw* Readability: For the most part this has a great flow and is very easy to follow along with for the chosen audience. I have a couple of suggestions that I will share below, but all in all, it is wonderful!

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
The two youngest children, actually seemed to crave the lifestyle intended for the other, as far as their father's expectations. But they were both wise enough to understand that they each wanted was was expected of the other. It is so heart touching in the end, when these siblings trade gifts with each other, making both so much happier and fulfilled. Children today, just don't know how well they have it when it comes to having more freedom of choice.

*Paw* Suggestions: Feel free to take them, or leave them.
See suggestions here.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
A wonderful tale, that shares the message that it is okay to want to be more than what is familial or socially expected of you, and that along the way, one will likely find another who understands this and helps them along the way. Thank you for sharing your work! And again, although I made some suggestions, they are of my opinion only, and I would never want to make you feel as if i were trying to tell your story for you. i am just trying to share a few ideas's that I thought might help the flow of the tale being spun! Write on! An keep up the great work!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

Made for me by my super awesome friend, Hannah! Thank you, Lady!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of London Bridge  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice job! There were some very unexpected words to be found here! For some reason it didn't want to accept the markings for the word down, but in the end, I had it right. *Laugh* Thank you for sharing this! Good luck in the PDG Race!
13
13
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.


*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review *Heart*


Hello, twu I just finished reading your piece "Treasure in the Morning Light and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
I find this to be written with great descriptive language, thus painting an image for the reader to "see" in their minds eye, as they consume your story. It is a beautiful sentiment, and takes me to the place you are, when writing it. I feel I am there beside you, for the most part.

*Paw* Readability:
I find your message easy to follow and understand, however, it would serve this piece nicely to be separated into a few different paragraphs, as I have suggested below. It gets difficult to follow along, when it is all written as one solitary paragraph, and can cause the reader to have to go back and re-read a couple of parts of it, for it to sink in.

Aside from this, it is fantastic! (As long as you are reaching out to a more intellectual audience, that is. IE: A child would not grasp many of the descriptive words used here.)

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
It shines through, that you have put much effort into sharing this piece in a "show, not tell" way. Your words paint a vivid imagery that helps the reader to feel like they are there, along side you. Beautiful!!!

*Paw* Suggestions:
*** Here, you might wish to consider eliminating the indicated word, as it only seems to interrupt the flow you have going in this piece. "I don on some clothes..."
***In this area, it would read smoother and easier if you split this sentence into two, where indicated. (again, just suggestions to help). "...and open the door,(Period instead of comma here, beginning a new sentence at the word "the") the soft..."
*** The following, in my opinion, would make a good starting point for the second paragraph. When a written piece is one long paragraph, it makes it harder for the reader to follow along and get into the flow of the story. " I trample through the foliage, " and again, I think the following would work better as the beginning of a new paragraph. "Brushing through the trees..." And then once again, here..."Although this sequence has become a routine..." would serve better as the beginning of yet another new paragraph. By doing so, it really smooths out the process of reading it, and puts it into better perspective.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thank you for sharing your work. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. With just a touch of polishing this up, it will shine like the treasure you describe in it!
Write on!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

Made for me by my super awesome friend, Hannah! Thank you, Lady!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Gravedigger Dave , Patrece here, with a power raid theme sig review of your item; "Leprechauns & Rainbows.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
My pet dragon delivered me atop a vivid sparkling rainbow. I slid with breathtaking speed down from the arch and landed on a cushion of four-leaf clovers on The Emerald Isle! Catching my breath and gaining my bearings, I was able to make out the sound of two voices: one with an enchanting, male Irish lilt, the other soft, sad, and beautifully feminine; like a gentle spring breeze.

So enraptured was I, that I found myself unable to turn away from the scene unfolding in front of me. A private moment it was, yet it was clear that I was invited to share in it. So I followed along the road painted in broken hearts and dismay, and found my heart filling with hope and joy for the lass, as the two conversed. For the darkness lifted and a spectacular rainbow appeared, and onto it they veered. I knew then, all would be well. I continued to follow along, unable to disengage, and witnessed the unfolding of a beautiful love That would always be true.


*Paw* Flow:
The flow was wonderful, and engaging and held my attention well. Nicely written!

*Paw* What Works:
You created a beautiful love story in the form of a poem. And, to be honest, I rarely review poetry, as it isn't my strong suit. But you created this in a way that readers of many Genre's can thoroughly enjoy the tale!

*Paw* Suggestions:
None at all, except for maybe encouraging you to continue to spin your magical words in such a beautiful and engaging way!

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thank you, for sharing your work, This piece deserves the ribbon which adorns it!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


Image #2148767 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.


*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review *Heart*


Hello, VisonzOfDystopia I just finished reading your piece "A Rose In Dystopia and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
I rarely ever review poetry, as I rarely ever write it. But the beauty of the feelings shared here grabbed ahold of my attention and held it. In the midst of a world filled with darkness and despair, the pure inner beauty of this person shown through, and touched the writers heart and changed their world. No longer a world of bleak, hopelessness, but a splash of bright colors now painting your world. A shining, new and beautiful future rising before the author is heart touching and fills the reader with hope for the happiness filling the emotions and future of the writer. You have created a vivid image promising so much, in so few, well chosen words. Bravo!

*Paw* Readability:
I found this easy to read and to continue reading with it's heartwarming, fresh hope. The flow is fairly smooth. Just a suggestion or two will be shared with you below, that may help the flow just a bit.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
I believe my absolute favorite line(s) in this writing are the closing lines. They speak of a powerful change to the author's life.
"Thievery at play, usurped my heart;
embezzled like colonial gold,
hauled from the shipwreck of me."

The deep emotion with which this is written adds to the effect it has upon the reader. You have written this in a way that truly paints an image in the mind of the reader.

*Paw* Suggestions:
***In this line, I'd like to suggest the use of punctuation after the word "rose". An illustrious rose she arose from fields dystopian.
***Here, I believe you may have missed adding a "s" where indicated. She enchant(s) a soured dream,
Aside from these two suggestions, I have no others.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I have enjoyed reading this piece, and appreciate you sharing it with me. I hope the beauty of this fresh rose that has emerged into your life remains!


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

** Image ID #1563070 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello {suser:xx), Patrece here, with a Power Raid sig review of your item; "Invalid Item.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
Okay, so I admit the subtitle is what drew me in! The rest kept me quite interested. I too, have been subjected to such "doctors" if you want to call them that. In reality, speaking as a Licensed Practical Nurse, and a woman with a brain in her head, that man is nothing more than an insurance abuser. It doesn't matter who was the smoker or nor, what your diet is or was, or anything else. YOU, as an individual are still entitled to competent medical care, which you did NOT receive. In your position, I believe I would have called my insurance company and informed them of the malpractice you experienced when there, then fought to get my co-pay back. There was a time when medical practitioners really gave a darned about the people they provided care to. I'm afraid those days are long gone.

*Paw* Flow:
The flow was great, and the message perfectly understandable.

*Paw* What Works:
Your honesty in conveying what you went through just to be blown off anyhow. Been there, done that. It's a shame that you went through all of that, just to go home and hav to treat your own wound. Tings like this need to be exposed and talked about. Too many people suffer from lack of competent and compassionate medical care. Heck..Just competent would be nice!

*Paw* Suggestions:
My only suggestions are to talk to your insurance company, inform them of the LACK of care you received, and also as them to advocate for you to get a refund of your co-pay, if you had one. The actions of the doctor (or actually lack there-of), does not constitute adequate medical care. You and your insurance company were both taken advantage of by this guy. I'd have been steaming hot angry too!

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thank you for sharing this. At least I don't feel so along in my quest for proper medical care. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I think it is great that you grew attention to this issue, and hope you took more steps to put an end to that particular doctor practicing insurance fraud and not providing adequate patient care. *hg*

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*






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17
17
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello {suser:grace07), Patrece here, with a Power Raid sig review of your item; "Stranger from Across the Chasm.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
The beginnings of a well told story. You grabbed my attention and kept my interest in it.

*Paw* Flow:
A nice, smooth flow was present and it was easy to read and understand.

*Paw* What Works:
You definitely did great job of grabbing the readers attention with the "gossip" of the townsfolk, and sharing their insights and observations. It was getting really interesting! A great job of intriguing the reader.

*Paw* Suggestions:
***There are a few areas where I feel like you may need to check your punctuation, but as I need a refresher REALLY bad, I don't want to mess you up. Maybe try running it through www.paperrater.com or the like?
***Here you missed a word, I do believe "The girl lifted a hand to catch a strand of flyaway hair."
***Is this it??? I know the writers cramp is limited in time and words, but since you missed the deadline, but still wrote this and published it, I was disappointed at the sudden ending of it. Since you didn't make the deadline, why not expand on this? YES I liked it that much! I wanted to see where it was going to head.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Please let me know if you decide to expand on this story. I think you have an excellent 'tease' for a novel or novella here. I truly believe you could do a lot with this in a bigger work Inquiring minds want to know! Keep on keeping on. I really enjoyed this short piece.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I just wanted to leave you a quick note on how unique and creative your portfolio is! I have never seen one set up like this in the years I have been a member. How did you do it? Is it set up as a website? Inquiring minds want to know!

I have enjoyed my visit here, very much. Your involvement with the WDC community is so diverse and outstanding! You are such an asset to WDC and all of the community members who've lives you have touched in so many positive and uplifting ways!

Thank you, Samberine, for being perfectly you!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Saving Maximus  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Sew-no-more 🤗 , Patrece here, dropping by with a Power Review of your item; "Saving Maximus.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
This is a truly heart touching and heartfelt writing. The love and caring for Maximus and his momma shines through in this piece. Additionally, if the image associated with this story is Maximus, he's a total cutie pie! It is apparent that you are trying so hard to be descriptive in the story, but you would do this more justice by using more of a "showing, not telling" approach. I'll provide you with an example or two below, of what I mean. However, this is your story, and only my opinion.

*Paw* Flow:
The flow is somewhat disrupted by the changing of tenses (past and present) on occasion.
By smoothing out the flow, you will grab and hold the attention of the reader, much more effectively. To help get the proper flow going on, you need to get everything going in the same tense, in addition to more "show" and less "tell". This does, after all, have the makings of an incredible and captivating story.

*Paw* What Works:
The love and devotion to Maximus and Belle shines through in this story. I love how you share that Belle is a pampered pooch and a beloved part of the family. It is heartwarming, that even as miserable as she must be feeling, her excitement for the children's arrival never fails to be present.
I applaud your efforts to provide the reader with as much detail as possible: the squirming pups in Mom's tummy, her enthusiasm at the kid's arrival, how Belle tries to block the streaming sun from her eyes, etc.

*Paw* Suggestions:
Click here

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
All writers have to edit their work. Usually many times, to get it just right. This really is a precious story, and with some editing, positing and dusting, it will SHINE the the beauty it is! And I think it is special enough to deserve the time and attention to get it there. Thank you for sharing your work! After you have made revisions, feel free to contact me, if you'd like me to look at it once again. If you have any questions, feel free to email me with them. I'll be glad to help out.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


A very tiny animated image for Power Reviewers to use




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20
20
Review of The Stolen Child  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I must admit, I am not ordinarily one to read this type of story. But this did capture my interest, and hold it.

This story is pretty well written, but feels incomplete, to me, the reader. Is there another chapter? A continuation? Where does the alien life form take the infant, and to what means? While I really like this piece, I can't help but ask these questions.

I have found no typo's or errors that need to be draw to your attention. Only the above comments, which are yours to take or leave.

Thank you for sharing. Write on!
Patrece


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. Please disregard anything you do not feel works for you. {e:bigsmile)

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
It is my pleasure to complete this review for you, as a part of the challenge we mutually entered "I Write in 2018

*Paw* My impression of this piece:
My overall impression is that writing is a very important aspect of your life, and you intend to take it places in this new year we are embarking upon. The fact that you interpret fulfilling these goals as a responsibility to yourself, just reinforces how much truth that impression likely holds. I find your enthusiasm and aspirations for the year 2018 to be quite admirable, however, as a word of caution, unless you are at home full time, and possibly if you, you may be putting a little too much pressure on yourself. That may depend upon: the foundations you may already have in place to begin writing the three books and having them published, the skill you already possess in writing, how long the books will be, how fast you write, and other obligations you have to fulfill. But I'm my humble opinion, I like to see someone shoot for the stars, rather than sit back and lose touch with what is important to them.

*Paw* Readability:
This is quite short and easy to read and understand.

*Paw* What I really liked:
The sheer ambition that you possess in achieving your dreams and goals! I also appreciate that you are making the effort to be certain you are working toward fulfilling your goals for the WRITE *Bigsmile* reasons.

*Paw* Suggestions:
***Other than where you made the "list" The gaps in the piece are a bit large, I would suggest a single space within each paragraph and a double space between paragraphs for a cleaner, more professional look.
***In the second paragraph, last sentence, it reads: "Hopeful completed." Did you mean HOPEFULLY?
Other than these suggestions, I just encourage you to read it, read it, and read it again. Especially out loud. For some reason, this helps you identify more easily areas that can be written a bit more smoothly, or could benefit by better wording choices. Unfortunately, it is what we all must do to get a nice, polished piece!
Oh, also considering the contest you are entering this into, you may wish to expand it before the deadline. I'll tell you, that is one tough and super-competitive contest!

{e:Paw} Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Keep up the great work and hold tight to your love of writing. You'll flourish with each passing day! Thank you for sharing this! GOOD LUCK with the contest!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of It's Over!  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Ruwth,
The dance described in this short piece, is so rhythmic and accurate. It is a dance performed far too often, by far too many. I too have danced this dance and finally found the courage to step off that "dance floor". No, it wasn't easy by any means. Unless one has been in this situation, they have no idea how hard it is on so many levels to walk away that last time.

Repetitive? How could this be anything other than that? You pegged it! The final straw for me, was when he threatened to shoot me, as he held a gun pointed in my direction. So, Kudo's to you for capturing the truth of the issue in only 55 words. Those who have been there know all too well what occurs between the lines of this piece.

I have no suggestions to improve this, as in my humble opinion, it is perfect as written! I am so happy to know that you found the strength to take that final step off that destructive and violent dance floor yourself. May your life be filled with uncounted blessings and joy.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Wavering Heights  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Paw*Why I chose to review this work.
I was just cruising around WDC after being gone for quite a long while. I stumbled across this, and thought id take a peek!

*Paw* My impression of this piece:\
Oh, the innocent naivety of youngsters. Everything is fascinating, all is a discovery. No concept of danger is percieved, as babies are typically under the watchful eye of an alert and protective adult. I wonder if it angers a young child or baby, to have constant interference in their explorations?

*Paw* Readability / Grammar / Punctuation:
This was well written and a fun, short read. No suggestions in the area at this time.

*Paw* Character development:
A brave lil fellow, bur then the cluelessness of one so young, supersedes anything but bravery...at least for most babies.

*Paw* What I really liked:
Clearly the lil one was caught up in whatever experience was maturing it's little mind. It's funny how a baby must likely see as as an interference in their exploration, while never realizing we ( the protective and loving adults in their lives) saved their butts! *laigh*

*Paw* Suggestions:
No suggestions here, really. For having only 55 words to work with, I think you did a great job!

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thank you for spring & write on!

A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Inevitabe  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Paw*Why I chose to review this work.
I logged on to WDC after a lengthy absence: and noticed your piece under the "read a newbie" heading. The description you chose to give for this prose caught my attention, as I too, struggle with depression. Great job on setting the "hook" for readers whom also can relate to the subject matter.

*Paw* My impression of this piece:
As my eyes and mind consume this very personal and tender piece, I find I am able to closely relate to the message you have shared here. I am willing to bet that the writer (you) has personally experienced the agony of depression and it's many facets. My guess, based on the ending, is that you still do. Only those with personal experience can possess such intimate knowledge of how depression / mental illness truly feels, and it is well conveyed here. My heart is with you and I hope you are catching your breath and climbing to your feet once more.

*Paw* Readability / Grammar / Punctuation:
You have done a wonderful job in conveying the helpless and hopeless feelings that those with mental illness must endure. I have a couple of small suggestions for you, but please understand they are of my own opinion and, should you not agree, please disregard them.
***Here "That is until the tide comes in..." I believe a comma may be needed after "that is".
***In just a spot or two, the flow seemed strained a bit: such as: "Something once so tangible crumbled into nothing, leaving me kneeling in the wet sand as the tide surrounds me over and over again until it sucks me into its open arms, to be engulfed in each drop of doubt." PLEASE NOTE: this is an excellent and powerful way of stating your message! The only suggestion here, relates to the fact that is a very long sentence. I think it would smooth out the reading process if you might consider splitting it into two sentences between the words "nothing & leaving." But again, this is purely your choice.

*Paw* What I really liked:
You used terrific analogies, which, I believe can truly help those who do not live with mental illness personally, grasp it's effects to a good degree. It is a very open and honest sharing of a deeply personal experience / condition. I also greatly appreciate that you took the time to put in down in words. That, in and of itself can be a self healing gesture.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Wonderful work here! Keep writing and sharing. You have true talent.

A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.


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25
25
Review of Why I Love Books  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I really appreciate the sentiments behind this poem, it's very touching and true. I would like to suggest that you try not to use the same word "book" so many times. I see that you were trying to make all of the lines end with the same sound, but you don't HAVE to do that in poetry...and if you do, you need to mix words a bit more.

Please understand that i tell you this to be helpful, not critical in the least. For a six line stanza, you could make every other line end in rhyming words, or rhyme the first two then the second two and then the third two lines. But I do so love your message here! It is so true!


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