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413 Public Reviews Given
414 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
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Favorite Genres
***To be continued***
Least Favorite Genres
Sci-Fi (for the most part.) ***To be continued***
Favorite Item Types
***To be continued***
Least Favorite Item Types
I am not very fond of reviewing poetry items due to my lack of knowledge concerning poetry.
I will not review...
Anything containing cruelty toward animals and children. Explicit sexual content, nor anything over GC.
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Death Bed  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


Hello {suser:dansturn), Patrece here, dropping by to review your item; "Invalid Item.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
I am not very familiar with forms of poetry, and perhaps not the best of people to review it, but when I read the description, I couldn't help but gravitate to this heart felt piece. It is my personal belief that when reviewing, it is not only acceptable, but proper to share how the writing affects the reader. It is obvious that her love for Jesus was an important part of her life. As was sharing her knowledge and love for her savior. As I read this poem, it was clear to me that those around her were quite touched by the rosary in her hand, almost as if her last message to everyone was to have faith in the Lord.

*Paw* Flow:
This has a fairly good flow to it, in my humble opinion. A couple of the lines seemed a little long to fit the overall flow of the rest, but again, I know little of the ways of writing poetry.

*Paw* What Works:
The love, respect, faith and togetherness, shared in this short poem, is very heart touching.

*Paw* Suggestions:
I am not quite sure what "plastic priest" represents. I know what a priest is, obviously, but not "plastic priest" Is there a way to share in this piece what that represents?

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thank you for sharing this. I really love the description you included under the title. It is beautiful!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
27
27
Review of Second Chances  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


Hello {suser:tssharp), Patrece here, dropping by to review your item; "Second Chances.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
This begins as such a sad tale, with Monica losing her family to a drunken driver, only to be begrudgingly accepted by an uncle, because there was money involved. A young girl needs love, acceptance and stability. To make matters worse, when she finally thinks she has found those things, she is betrayed. Your leading character is strong and resilient, however, and upon learning she is with child, decides to do the best she can by her child, someone who will truly love and need her. I almost get the feeling from how this story unfolds, that the fathers parents never shared the letter with him, which she hand delivered to them. I get this feeling because the monthly checks come from his parents, not him.

Monica's strength shines through again, in following through with serving Angelica and Gabe's table, even after Angelica's rather rude remark. Little did Angelica know the error of her assumption. Monica show's great self control in not making a scene by trying to justify or explain her true circumstances.

*Paw* What Works:
You show in this story, not only how important love and trust are, but how; where there is a will there is a way. Alone in the world, a single mother, yet she manages to be a parent, complete her college education, and work to support herself and her child. Instead of giving up hope, she embraced the responsibility that was hers, alone.

*Paw* Suggestions:
CLICK THE ARROW

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
There is a beautiful message of hope, love and trust shared in the words of this story. Thank you for sharing your work.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
28
28
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


Hello {suser:socalscribe), Patrece here, dropping by to review your item; "Not So Happily Ever After.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
*Laugh* This is hilarious! I love the play on the fairytales! It's almost like real life! You did a masterful job of taking animated tales and twisting them into a very entertaining story, which grabbed and held my attention throughout! I found it equally amusing that the attorney's were quite intimidated by the attorney Beauty had hired, citing how that attorney was able to win a case that should have turned out otherwise. This play on how many real life relationships was very entertaining, to say the least. But come on now, women don't ALWAYS get the upper hand in divorces! *Bigsmile*

*Paw* What Works:
The humor and creativity of the entire piece! I love it!

*Paw* Suggestions:
Don't change a single thing in this.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thanks for sharing and providing me with a good laugh!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
29
29
Review of Forging a Legend  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


Hello {suser:a.montero), Patrece here, dropping by to review your item; "Forging a Legend.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
A lot of thought has obviously been put into this piece. It is creative and fairly unique. You work to draw the reader in from the beginning, making us curious as to what Fate was seeing that was so difficult for him to believe. You share the utter determination of the character Velenis, in her desires and efforts to create a tool that would save an otherwise doomed world.

*Paw* Flow:
The flow to this piece is fairly good, however it is a little distracting in that it jumps back and forth from present to past, which isn't a bad thing, but if you could blend the changing time frames a little smoother, it would be beneficial.

*Paw* What Works:
The sheer determination of the Character, Velenis is an asset to this story. I like that you describe the obvious toll that the 100 day battle took on her, as well as the forging of the sword from the life iron.

I particularly like the last paragraph, where she proudly introduces her creation to Fate.

*Paw* Suggestions:
*** To make this easier for the reader, I would suggest using spaces between the different paragraphs. It is so much easier on the eyes that way and also makes it easier for the reader not to lose their place.
*** In this line I believe you intended to write "she" rather than "he": and he hair had changed
*** Here I think you need the word "a": it a was mass
*** You may consider not using the word allow and allowed so closely together in this section: wondering just why he would allow for something this barbaric to be allowed into their castle, This would allow this part to read more smoothly, while still saying the same thing, but of course it is up to you.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
This Is a great creative endeavor! I think it is well worth the time and effort to polish it up and make it shine like a diamond! Thank you for sharing!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
30
30
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


Hello {suser:jonnswritings), Patrece here, dropping by to review your item; "14. The Wizard on the Porch Draft.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
This story is written with a combination of good imagery and information that is pertinent to the time and setting of this piece, giving it a feel of being authentic to the place in time, in which it is set. You even went as far as including the protective chainmail provided to the war horse. You immediately grab the readers interest and hold onto it throughout the story (Chapter). Although outnumbered, the West Andor soldiers / fighters were fearless and brave. The king did not hesitate to fight on the front line, which is an endearing quality. The group worked together as a well oiled machine.

*Paw* Readability:
This piece is an easy read, well written, and is easy to follow.

*Paw* What Works:
You give great descriptions of things such as: the Kings physical appearance, the sights, smells, etc.
My favorite part was; The air was pervaded with the smoke of the musketeer's matchlocks and cannons. The grass beat down to mud and muck slick with blood. The battlefield was all confusion; men attacking, others defending, and all about knots of men engaged in close combat. The noise and stench were overpowering.

*Paw* Suggestions:
In the next to the last line, I believe there is a misspelling. The word "ten" I think was intended to be 'them"?

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Great job! I really enjoyed reading this chapter.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
31
31
Review of Let Me Out  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a wonderful way of sharing how it feels to help captive by mental illness. I have severe clinical depression and can relate to this poem more than I'd like to admit. But why hide the truth, that the demons thrive with me as well.

We fight the good fight, trying to break free of its grip. Once in a while we are actually feeling lucky, when we escape the bond for a day or two or even more. But we know it will come back to entangle us in its dark and evil grip once more. Always, we must make the best of the good days we get.

The only suggestion I have for improving this piece, is here "You chose that" I think it should be "Choose".
Wonderful work. That you for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
32
32
Review of Dark Cloud  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review *Heart*


Hello, Jimminycritic I just finished reading your piece "Dark Cloud for the Invalid Item  contest and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
This creatively written piece begins by leaving no question in the readers mind on the subject of which they are about to read. The cloud reaffirms that he is not just any cloud, but a dark one. This sets the stage for reader expectations of a not so pleasant character. Immediately, I began to wonder what kind of dark and destructive content would be included here. (Great hook!) As I read on, the cloud tries to reassure us by sharing that he is a passing dark cloud. This, in my opinion, is saying that his time left in existence is short, not that he is simply passing by. The rest of the story tells of his actions, feelings and thoughts. It seems almost as if he must share his confessions and sorrow before he can fully pass. So he can leave with a clear conscience. A very human-like quality, I must say!

He takes the reader on an emotionally charged trip through his memories and experiences that resulted in a roller coaster of emotions: Pity, anger, sorrow, confusion, wonder, and back again. You were able to masterfully guide the reader through all of those said emotions toward the character, thus bringing him more fully to life for us. Toward the end, it almost seems as if his end is brought upon him by his own choice. The choice of not wanting to continue being, alone and destructive in his ways. His power makes him feel God-like, but alas, in the end he knows he is not God at all, but a small part of a bigger plan. In his final moments, he passes over a rainbow and knows that he will again have a role to play, but in a new way. In a new experiment, as he puts it.

*Paw* Readability:
This was an easy read, but I believe for one to get true meaning from it, they must read between the lines and layers. The reader must be willing to allow the story to open their mind and see the deeper meaning of all that is shared.

*Paw* Personification:
You did a wonderful job of personifying your non human character. He had: thoughts, feelings, regrets, moments of feeling superior; only to find he really wasn't. He experienced loneliness, anger, love, and demise. He knew some of his actions that he performed out of anger and self pity were damaging to others, as he also shares that he didn't hold a grudge against the earth, but that it was the easiest target for him to release his anger, shame, and pain upon.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
Some of what I feel were strong points in this work were:
***"There is a whisper in the wind telling me that if you forgive another you are in part forgiving yourself. I think it is her voice. Who else’s voice could it be?"
***"I don’t remember my forming, my inception into the sky, but it happened to me, I am proof! I exist! Here I am scatter-winded. Let me get back to my story."
***"This is my sky. LISTEN! My speech deafens. The ground shakes when I strike it with my light show, I know! Your earth becomes further wind-blown; patches become scorched as proof of my missing her. Can you tell I miss her? Full realization of what I have done hits me and I begin to cry. Rumble. She is gone." So reminiscent of regret, sorrow and pain, that humans feel when they have destroyed a relationship they treasured.

*Paw* Errors noted:
Some missing punctuation and run on sentences were noted in this piece. Something you may want to look back at and correct after the conclusion of the contest.

*Paw* Suggestions:
Umm..well... You might want to consider revising this one part, as it just sounds a bit, umm...sexual in nature: "yes, I was tired of playing with myself."

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Great job! Thank you for sharing!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
33
33
Review of The Forgotten One  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
How terribly sad! How a parent could choose to ignore a child of their very own, I'll never know! With your words, you paint a vivid image for the reader. This poem tugs at the heart strings, for sure. The strange part is that the baby that received the most attention is the one that passed on. Usually those are the stronger, more determined ones. Some people just do not deserve to have a child at all.
Thank you for sharing your story, in the form of a poem. I enjoyed reading it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
34
34
Review of Deserted island  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.



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*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
This review is for you for the YA review raid!

*Paw* Initial Impression:
All in all, you have a good story line here. You definitely give the reader a totally unexpected ending. You also leave the reader with some unanswered questions, which is a great hook to make them want to read what happens next. Is this part of a larger work? Maybe it should be! You could take it much farther by answering all of the questions left gnawing at the reader when it ends. Like: did Ken survive? did they run out of food and supplies? did the radio ever come back on? etc...

*Paw* What Works:
You leave the reader ripe for another chapter, by leaving them in suspense at the end. That is a wonderful hook, should this ever be part of a longer work.

*Paw* Suggestions:
*** Here you appear to have a 'tense' disagreement and need of a comma: still danced on her tip toes when she gets excited (comma) (perhaps consider "dances".
*** Here again, a 'tense' disagreement: knowing that they will would be coming back a lot. (because at this moment in the story, you are discussing what has happened, not what IS happening.
*** over here by those these rocks As opposed to"over there by those rocks"
*** Ken pointed to the an area nearby the table where they sat.
*** This may read better as suggested: As if some bad joke had been done played on the group

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
With a bit of polishing and editing, this piece will shine! Seriously...consider adding to it. Thank you for sharing your work.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
35
35
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.



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*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
For the January 2016 Power Reviewers Genre Raid for YA.

*Paw* Initial Impression:
This is a very creative and enjoyable story to read. It did a fairly good job at grabbing and holding my attention, throughout. It also, was a good call, on Preston's part, to allow his sister to join him. Alice, seemed to become less uptight and more brave as the story moves along, and her brother, in my opinion, seems surprised and in awe of the bravery she displays. This short story would be a perfect chapter in a longer piece of work. There are so many directions you could take with it. I think you should think about doing so! It really is a nice read.

*Paw* What Works:
Your occasional use of mild humor in this piece helps make it fun to read. In example: He was on the way out of his house when he saw his older sister, Alice, standing in front of a mirror. "Looking at your favorite thing?"

Alice's quick thinking in moments of dire straights really saved the day for the two characters.

This is a nice read, and is perfect for making the reader want to see where the story started and where it might lead. You hooked the reader! In this case, it was me.

*Paw* Suggestions:
There are a few things i have found to make suggestions on, to help you improve the wording or flow or punctuation in this story, but nothing major at all really.
*** A comma is needed where indicated: said Preston(comma) a little bit more calm.
*** A comma is needed where indicated: Others(comma) that it can be obtained
*** The first comma is not needed here: Then, go there, but
*** This line would sound more show and less tell with a simple swap of one word: Then the two gulped because as a big black bear emerged...
*** The wrong word is used here: She almost sounded more sorry for the bear then than afraid of it.
*** Here a slight rephrasing, or dropping the last word (which might be best) would make it read much better: but it kept a respectful distance away.
*** A question mark is needed at the end of this question, rather than a period: "Are you here."
*** Here it would read smoother if you replaced one word: From out of the mountain there was came a sound
My last suggestion would be to give us more details on what the characters look like, and details on the surroundings, and the reptile, etc, so we can get more of a mental image of it all. This too helps in hooking the reader further.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I really like this story and believe that with just a few changes it will shine! It is good enough, that I believe it deserves the time and attention in doing so, and again...consider expanding it! Thank you for sharing!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
36
36
Review of Skies of Blue  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
It is not an easy task for me to review a poem, as I am not familiar with all of the styles and such. Bit I saw this posted in the newsfeed, and decided to take a peek.

Knowing what I am doing in poetry or not, I know when I read something I really like. And I really like this poem! As I read it, I felt as if I was lying on the ground in a lush meadow, looking up as the scene unfolded.

I have no criticism to share on this, but only one question to ask. (To help me understand poetry a bit better) I noticed all stanzas had four lines, except the last. Is the free verse poetry or ??? Sorry but as I said I am ignorant of the world of poetry.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece. Now, just do the next WRITE thing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
37
37
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review Too!*Heart*


Hello, Princess Zelda I just finished reading your piece "7 Glasses Of Pure Love and I wanted to offer you the following comments.


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
It is quite evident to me, as the reader, that this piece has been written from the heart, with a loving intention of sharing the message you have with others. It is a refreshing pleasure to read a piece that is so full of positive intentions and genuine caring, which is offered to those who read it.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
I really thought that the way you compare purity of love to purity of water and healthy foods was brilliant. It is also so very true. True, kindhearted love is as essential to basic human needs as are nourishment and water, and even the air we breathe. What a very beautiful message you convey.

The addition of the poem at the end of the piece was a beautiful touch and a wonderful way to wrap up the message you share.

Toxic water and food can kill us physically, toxic love can kill us emotionally. You make this message abundantly clear and encourage your audience to stay away from the toxic, and go with the pure, even if it may not be the easiest way to go.

*Paw* Errors noted / Suggestions:
click here for comments

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Again, I want to wish you a happy WDC anniversary! I appreciate that I have been able to read this heart-felt piece. I also think it is very neat that you added the explaination for the number seven, at the end. That is super cool, I didn't know that!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
38
38
Review of The Body  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.


*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review *Heart*


Hello, Sum1 I just finished reading your piece "The Body and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
In the first two-thirds or more of this story, you really had me going. Yes, I was getting all ready to tell you what a good story it was, but follow it up with the good ole "You didn't follow the rules," Ya got me on this one! *Laugh*
Ken was so macho and full of himself, that made it even easier to believe it was a real person. Your description of the fall seemed realistic enough, only that is one mean little girl!

I enjoy the way you peppered "Ken's" thoughts throughout this story, this even further personifying him. You described what he felt once he reached the top of the hill and what he observed on his descent. Sharing his aspirations to conquer bigger and better mountains, he talked to himself as he tried to carefully make his way back down.

*Paw* Readability:
This was nicely written and easy to follow along with. You effectively painted images in the mind of the reader.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
The way you laid out this story to make it sound like a man was enacting the character "Ken" almost the entire time, then gave it a cork screw twist at the end. Wonderful!

I also think it was wonderful when Ken decided if he lived through the fall, he would change his ways and not be so stuck on himself.

You keep the reader in suspense as Ken is lying helplessly 500 feet lower than his starting point. First the bird approached without fear, pecking at the flesh of his wound. Finally, as the bird took flight, a bear approached for easy pickings as well. Lucky for Ken, that was when Barbara was shooed outside to play by her mother.

*Paw* Suggestions:
I am sorry to disappoint here, but I caught a little something when I initially read through it, but was unable to locate it again. I think it was just a tiny punctuation error.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
The only other thoughts I have to share are: first, This story kept me hooked from beginning to end. Second: I hope for Ken's sake (the real Ken who just moved in next door) Barbara is MUCH nicer to him! *Laugh*

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
39
39
Review of When we align  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.


*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review *Heart*


Hello, Jimminycritic I just finished reading your piece for the smiling skies contest, "When we align and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
You were tasked with quite the job of personifying two very strong, yet polar opposite emotions. "Hate" definitely brought to mind a petulant child, selfish and thinking everything is about him / her. My interpretation of the statement repeated many time, "I am love..." Made me wonder if perhaps that was 'loves' way of telling 'hate' that she really did not understand all of the complaints and hate being spewed, or if maybe it was 'loves' way of ignoring the complaining, 'hate'. Finally, near the end of this piece 'love' had a chance to explain her position. 'Hate' definitely held the dominant role here.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
I really enjoyed the part where 'Hate' said to 'Love' "You are Love; you have to love me so I am right. Right?" I found this to be a very endearing quality to 'Hate' having to know that 'Love' "HAD" love him / her. There were also a few other places where 'Hate' looked to 'love' for confirmation. I also liked the part where 'Hate' practically admitted to not hating 'Love'

I also really liked that at the end 'Love' asked 'Hate' "Don’t you hate being stuck here?" In my humble opinion this was a big deal for their alignment, as the title indicates. I may have misinterpreted, but somehow doubt it, as there is a purpose for the title you chose.

*Paw* Suggestions:

***Here: in a blade of grass Hating being stuck in the soil, The "H" in the word "Hating" should not be capitalized.

***You may want to capitalize all words in the title.

***While you shared what each character 'hated' or 'loved', I think the personification of them could have been brought to life just a bit better if you went a little farther and explained how they felt and reacted to those things. For example, you mentioned how 'hate' hated it when 'Love' whispered her sweet little words, while he was busy trying to convince the "things" otherwise. But you didn't explain how he reacted to that. Nor how 'Love' reacted to the things she loved.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
All in all your little piece was a joy to read. It at times reminded me of playing referee with my kids when they were young. And the final line that 'Love' spoke to 'Hate' proves that nobody is perfect! Great job!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
40
40
Review of "The Best Gift"  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I ran across this story of yours, when I was in your port, trying to figure out just what MB to pick out for you from Hannah and Os. I couldn't close it out, because the second I read the word "Autistic" you had me. You see, my daughter has a (now) 5 year old son that has moderately severe Autism. So this is a subject very near and dear to my heart. If you ever decide to pop into my port, it is featured at the top and entitled "Grammy's Special Lil' Man. And believe me, he is!

With all due respect to your request that you wish this piece remain unchanged, I am not going to review it from a "suggestive" point of view. And for the most part, I don't see where it needs to be.

My daughter was told she would never have a child. Well, she fooled them! She has Braxten, aged 5, and a 14.5 month old son and an almost 10 week old daughter now. Of my daughters 3 children, I have to be honest in saying that Braxten will always hold a special place in my heart. He stays here with "Grammy" quite a lot, and if I am anywhere near, his momma may as well not exist. Don't get me wrong, I love all of the children very deeply. But Braxten, well...he's just my special lil' man!

When he is experiencing his worst of times, I can calm and sooth him almost always now. If I can't, no one can. I am in the process of becoming his respite provider, as I need an income but have stayed unemployed for quite a while to be there for him. I am an LPN, but more than that, I "get" him much more than most do.

Just out of curiosity, do you have experience with an autistic individual? Thank you for sharing your work. It really is quite beautiful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
41
41
Review of Enchanted Tales  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.



Hello, Choconut ~ House Targaryen I just finished reading your piece "Enchanted Tales and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
I have to say that all in all this is a very well written piece! It captures the readers attention and hold it throughout the short story. I have to admit that I believe this could be the beginning of a bigger work for you! I very much enjoy your writing style.

*Paw* Readability:
It is very easy and pleasant to read this story. It is laid out in a way that the reader can follow along without having to go back and re-read sections to put it together. There were very few areas in which I felt there might be the need to make a change or two, but this will be addressed later in my review. All in all it is written very clearly.

*Paw* Character development:
As far as your main character goes, you did a great job of giving the reader a feel for her, and where she is coming from. It helped too, that you shared how her relationship with her father varied quite a bit from that of her brothers. Not much was said about mum, until after her father had been frozen in time, basically. If you were to turn this into a longer piece, it would be wonderful to get more of a feel for each character, but I think you did well with it, being a shorter piece. (Except for mum. She just seemed a bit too easy going about the situation, not asking for more of an explanation on what the daughter knew about her husbands condition.)

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
The incantations from the special book were wonderful! As were the reversal spells. Very creative and entertaining. I like the way that once she had everything in place, the incantation appeared to her once more, and allowed her to bring her father back from the spell he was under. Best of all, Martha did not knowingly put her father under the spell in the first place. She really had no idea what would occur.

*Paw*Possible errors noted: Click here:

*Paw* Suggestions:
As I mentioned earlier, This could make a really great beginning to a much longer tale. Think about it!

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Keep on doing what you are doing. You have a wonderful talent and I can see you going BIGTIME one day!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
42
42
Review of The Nøkkensong  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
You are my PDG pal, and I was interested in reading some of your work. *Bigsmile*

*Paw* My impression of this piece:
Wow! Very nicely written, and a super creative story. You hooked me early on, and kept me riveted to see what was to come next.

*Paw* Readability:
Extremely easy to follow and understand. This is written so nicely, that I did not encounter anything that made me go back and read it a second time to understand it.

*Paw* What I really liked:
Well, as bad as this may sound, I think it was perfect that Adeline was lured in by the devil himself. It seemed to me that she was quite conceited and egotistical. I personally have no tolerance for people like that, so it suits me just fine when they get a wake up call. This, was a very loud wake up call to be sure!

*Paw* Suggestions:
The only suggestions I could possibly offer is to show the reader more of how Adeline felt when she encountered the true being she made the wager with. And possibly her reaction being more detailed when she dredged up the young man attached to her line, where she believed a fish to be attached.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
If there was a rating of 4.75, I'd have given you that! I enjoyed reading this very much. You have some wonderful talent in writing and spinning a good tale! Keep on writing and sharing your great works!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Tempus Fugit  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.



Hello, Yarrow ! I just finished reading your piece "Tempus Fugit and I wanted to offer you the following comments!



*Paw* My impression of this piece:This is a well written story, I must say! I only found one tiny thing that
caused the flow to be interrupted as I read this. I made note of it below, under suggestions. It is my belief that you are touching on a common behavior among those who write. Many tend to procrastinate, finding almost anything to do but putting their brilliant stories into action. I wonder why this is? Are we afraid it won't succeed? Are we afraid we might be a success? Makes one wonder, really. I find it interesting that the little song from the play you did back in Primary school, still stays with you after all these years, and seems to apply, judging by what I read here. I also find that this piece reminds me that I tend to do the same thing, (procrastinate) with writing my novel(s) that have been running around in my head for far too long, begging to be released. This means your story made me FEEL something! That is awesome work!

*Paw* Flow & Readability:
I found this very easy to read and understand. Like I mentioned above, just one tiny little hiccup was noted. (Perhaps it is a difference in English usage as well?) But this truly does read very well. Great job!

*Paw* What works / Strong points :
You relate to the reader in a way that is conversational, and easy to stay with. Your writing held my attention from start to finish due to this quality. I also like that you admit you will find anything to do in order to put off your writing. Now, knowing that, you really must ask yourself why? You are obviously a good writer.

*Paw* Suggestions:
*** This area of your piece just doesn't seem to flow well, or sound quite right: "...I've read no end of well-meaning articles..." Perhaps "I've read well meaning articles, to no end,..." Just a suggestion of course.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Keep on writing, work on the procrastination, and write that brilliant piece of work that is begging you to let it out!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
44
44
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* A review for you from Patrece ~ ! *BalloonR*



Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
I came across it and thought it might be fin to read and review.

*Paw* My impression of this piece:
This is a cute and creative story. You have managed to make very few errors in it. Well done!

*Paw* Flow & Readability:
This story is well written and easy to read and follow along with. It has a nice smooth flow to it.

*Paw* What works / Strong points :
I like that Timothy's belief in the situation unfolding in his bedroom, was unquestioned and fully believed by him, and that there was no ill intent by the Meterians.

*Paw* Suggestions:
*Pawprints* I think that more description would benefit this story. You touched on describing the "ant like men" but not enough to really create a picture of these fictitious beings. Nor of Timothy, the surroundings, etc.

*Pawprints* Here there is a typo: "One Meterian stood a the..." I believe the "a" should have been "at".

*Pawprints* Here, I think you misseda comma and a word where indicated in green: "I thought to myself(comma or semicolon) no (one)is ever gonna believe this."

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I appreciate you sharing your work. For the most part it is really great! Just a couple of quick fixes and it's good to go. Perhaps one day you would like to revisit this piece and provide a few more details to reel the reader right in to the story.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
45
45
Review of Paris  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from Patrece, and The Newbies Academy! *BalloonR*



Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
My way of welocoming you to WDC. If the Newbies academy can be of any help to you, just let us know. Our mission is to help you learn your way around WDC!

*Paw* My impression of this piece:
You are giving great advie to those who may visit Paris. This could be very helpful to those who plan to do so. You obviously are quite knowledgable about Paris,

*Paw* Flow & Readability:
The flow would bve better if there weren't the odd symbols strewn about in this piece. I have only experienced this one other time, and I believe it was in one of your works. Perhaps in Paris it is understood, but not here, I'm afraid.

*Paw* What works / Strong points :
You take your obvious knowledge and share it to help those who are not from Paris, but who may be considering a trip there. This could be very helpful to them!

*Paw* Suggestions:
LINK TEXT HERE *Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I really think you write quite well, it is just the odd symbols which make it confusing to me. I am sure it would confuse the average American. This doesn't mean it's wrong at all, just that it confuses me when the symbols are used. Thank you for sharing your insight, knowldge, and advice! Polish this up and it will be awesome!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
46
46
Review of London Dating  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from Patrece!*BalloonR*



Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
I noticed you are fairly new here at WDC and wanted to welcome you with a review of your work! If I can do anything to help you learn the ropes here at WDC, let me know! I'll be sure to help make it happen!

*Paw* My impression of this piece:
A very exacting guid to how to date in london. I found much of it to me very informative, and some of it to be a bit amusing. Being from the USA, things are quite different there than they are here. We have no Princesses here, but many women who's like to think they are! *Laugh*

*Paw* Flow & Readability:
For the most part this had a good flow and good readability. There are a few areas that could use a small fix, I noted them below.

*Paw* What works / Strong points :
You engage the reader in a very coversational tone, which is a wonderful approach with this type of writing.
You explain to the one wanting to date, what is required of them in different scenerio's should they wish for thier dating efforts to be fruitful.

*Paw* Suggestions:
LINK TEXT HERE

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Great read! Thank you for sharing your creative talents! Keep on keeping on, and please do edit this, it will shine like a diamond!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
47
47
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Paw* I chose to review this work for The Newbies Academy Review Relay Race!

Invalid Photo #1041293

*Paw* My impression of this piece:
This is a pretty well written piece, I must say. You give a very visual descriptive to help the reader feel as if they are there, seeing it all.. Wonderful work there! Throughout the course of this young lady's day, the message I am getting is that suddenly her entire outlook on her mother has come full turn. She now knows how it feels to love. Perhaps she has the maturity to accept that her mother was human, and was in love as well, and come to accept her mother and the baby from her affair. The ending does give me this impression. This also speaks volumes on the power of love, if one only really absorbs what is being told in this sweet tale.

*Paw* What I really liked:
My absolute most favorite line in this story is: "With a stubborn grumble, the clouds, like quarreling lovers, momentarily parted ways." The wording is so powerful and brings about a perfect imagery of what was going on with the storm and clouds. LOVE IT!

I also like that through an experience of her own, Maya, may now have a more loving and intact family life at home. Sunshine and blue skies are on the horizon, as communicated in the closing paragraph of this story, which I also really like.

You did a good job of showing us the characters, not just telling us about them. You included different things like: lack of caring for hair, hair color, personality traits, resentment, hopelessness, love. Very nicely done!

*Paw* Suggestions:
Click Here

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I thank you for sharing this work. It was very easy and smooth to read, and I enjoyed it very much! WRITE ON!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
48
48
Review of The decision.  
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
It was at your request, that I review some of your work that has not yet been rated. So, here I am.

*Paw* My impression of this piece:
Your brief intro makes a perspective reader wonder "Not choosing what?" "Burdened how?" That is a wonderful thing, because it will push the reader to want to dig deeper.

This story addresses a mans difficulty in life because he can't choose which side of the line to walk. In the end, he pays an unfair price due to assumptions, but still sticks to his pledge that he will not be forced to choose. I found it intriguing that he didn't seem upset at all for being pegged for a murder he never committed.

*Paw* Readability:
Readability is impaired due to this being written with no breaks. It makes a story much harder to read when it is not broken up into individual paragraphs. The best story ever written would become impossible to read, at any length, without well defined spaces or indentations between the paragraphs. Do your work justice, and take time to do this.

*Paw* What I really liked:
What I liked best is that he stood up for what he believed in, no matter what. Misunderstood, feeling alienated from family and others, still he didn't waver in what he believed in (or didn't).

*Paw* Suggestions:
I have made several suggestions for you. To make it easier to look it over, I created a drop note. Just click the down arrow below to view.
What I Noted


*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Your story is a good one, with a ton of potential! If you just take the time to go through and polish it up, it will shine! If you decide to edit and update your story, and would like me to review it again, just let me know!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
49
49
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Thank you for your purchase from "Invalid Item'

*Paw* My impression of this piece:
This is a very unique writing. Being part story, and part communication with someone in an email, to have a poem created for the "prophecy". Part of the dialogue, seems set up as if for actors in a play (a script), while part of it is typical dialogue of fictional work.

*Paw* What I really liked:
What I really liked is that you weren't afraid to reach out and request assistance with the "poetic" part of your work, and were also willing to compensate and give credit to the one writing the poetic piece. Many writers are quite protective of their work, and wouldn't dream of allowing another to have a hand in it. I think it is very smart of you to know your limitations, and be willing to allow another to "chip in" where you feel pushed beyond your limits.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I really have no suggestions for you on this piece, as it is an unusual mix of styles of writing. It does provide the reader with a lot of background on what you are trying to achieve with the prophetic portion of the story. It's kind of a "behind the scenes" look at things.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
50
50
Review by Patrece ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I would love to give you some constructive criticism on this piece, bit for one, I found no errors in spelling or grammar. Also, I am completely ignorant of the subject matter of your story. So, I am afraid, there is nothing to challenge you on here.

Very, very well worded and written. Thank you for allowing me to read and review this work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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