***The word "and" in the title should be capitalized.

***The opening sentence, while packed with important information, does not flow well. You might consider rephrasing with without so many "and's", and perhaps break it into two separate sentences. Maybe begin a new sentence with the statement "Then the worst thing that could happen did." (I also suggested a spelling correction and a couple of words that would make the sentence read better. They are noted in green.

***In the first paragraph, twice you wrote: “Why?” But not as dialogue. You may want to instead, write it this way: 'why?' The italics shows the reader it is not a verbally spoken word.

***Here, I am suggesting a comma: "...and as I grew older (comma) I still could not understand..."

***Here there is a misspelling: "...ThanThen I realized..."

***In the second sentence of paragraph two, it would read smoother without the word "Now" at the beginning.

***Two suggestions here, indicated in green: "...I have felt the majesty of God (comma) for he..." The word "he" should be capitalized since it is in reference to the Lord.

***A comma needed here: "...I have never lost the sorrow (comma) but..."

***In the second paragraph, there are two instances where you used the word "his" referring to God, they should be capitalized. I also notice this throughout the piece. To save us both time and effort, I suggest you look the whole story over, and in any instances of "he, him, his, father, etc" referring to the Lord, capitalize them all.

***In this sentence, you use the word "mind" twice. I would eliminate the second instance or phrase it differently, as it seems redundant: "God has given us ears to listen, minds of our own, mind, flesh and soul."

***Comma needed in this one: "...will never be broken (comma) for he..."

***Here, I suggest removing the indicated word: "Now I was near death and I could feel myself slipping away." Again, this will help smooth out the way it reads.

***The phrasing here just doesn't sound quite right: "They found me dead lying down." (perhaps, "they found me lying dead...") But then in the last paragraph you also mention that they find you dead. Maybe the two paragraphs should be combined so it only needs to be stated once, that they found you dead.

***Here I think you missed a word or two?: "When they found (me in) my room I was dead," I added what I think may have been overlooked in green, for you to consider.

***Comma needed where indicated: "Two people hadn’t shown up (comma) leaving them very short-handed."
***Semicolon here instead of comma? "She felt silly(,) silly and tired."
***Comma here: "The right doorway led to the bedroom (comma) which had the only..."
***Possible rephrasing: "The doorway to the left went right into the kitchen (comma) which was very small. " (I feel it would read smoother this way.)
***You may consider rephrasing this part of the sentence. It just doesn't read quite right to me: "except for her eyes to spring wide open."

***I think a comma is missing where indicated: "...Making her debut for the first time this year (comma) sister sun..."
***The following should be "anyway (or) anyways"?: "...It was silent, well at first any way..."
***Comma missing where indicated: "...My eyes were just open with a squint (comma) for I couldn't see..." Also, the first part of this sentence could read smoother, for example: "My eyes squinting, for I couldn't see..." And perhaps eliminate the second "anyway" at the end of that sentence, as it seems redundant and out of place.

*** Error in this sentence: "...Her parents had begin taking..."
***Here: "Her parents had begin taking expensive trips and talking about what wines paired with what cheeses since she left home for college. They were finally free, both physically and financially." It would read much better if you put a period after the word "cheeses" and Begin the next sentence with the following word. For example: "Since she left home for college, they were finally free, both physically and financially."
*** Missing comma here as indicated: "...Their mother had made a rule after last year (comma here) that gifts could not be..."
*** I THINK a comma is needed here: "...over with (comma?) so she could go join..." Again, I may be mistaken here.
***Comma needed here: "...Finally (comma) she got to the actual gift..."
***A semicolon could help here: "...don’t have the common decency (semicolon) the way they were..." Otherwise working doesn't seem quite right.

***"...large and intimidating (comma)in his gray..."

***"...The Chief Collins caught the..."
***"...the round (comma) oak kitchen table..."
***"...counseling center (comma) as well as community..."
***"...I haddn’t even realized I was carrying..."

Anything underlined and green needs to be added for proper grammar / punctuation. Anything with a line through it, should not be there.

***Here: "...whole section of (the)tree was..."
***Here: "...Yow' he cried (need comma here) racing..."
***"...one on the edge of you(r) glove..."
***"...After all(need comma here) having had a piece..."
***"...was(a 'or' the) food of the Gods..."
***"...before-hand (beforehand)..."
***"...thought there(;) or (comma) as the..."
***"...sugar bags (comma) some sort..."
*** The third paragraph has several incomplete sentences. Let me know if you need help identifying them. It may work better to use a colon and then separate with comma's, when listing the needed items for the honey hunt.
***Here:"...The smoke tins were wav" What is wav?
***Other suggestions would be to leave a space between all paragraphs, as you began to do early on. In the center of the story it looks like one huge paragraph, and is very distracting to the reader.