| Welcome to WdC Power Reviewer's December Sleigh-Raid
Hello from Patrece with Simply Positive Reviews!!!
Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.
Why I chose to review this work:
I chose your work to review, because it just touched a place in my heart. Maybe brought back some old feelings of mine as well. I almost did not review this, because it is so close to your heart, and I don't like to suggest changes to work coming from such deep emotion. BUT I decided to go forward with it, because it is important enough to you, to put it into words, and I'd love to try to help you make it read a little smoother, if you'd like to.
Your heart has been broken by a person that you felt meant everything to you. I got the feeling you had to let out the emotion somewhere, and this was your avenue with which to do so.
In the first few lines, the flow of rhyming words was very good. Toward the end, it became hard to read it in a smooth flowing way, as a poem should.
I could not only feel your pain, but I could relate to it as well. My heart goes out to you.
Following line 8, the flow broke up. I am thinking more and more emotion from you was coming out, and you sort of lost the rhythm of it. Also, punctuation is needed at the end of each line, be it a comma or a period, which ever applies. Look at possibly rephrasing some of the latter lines to express your ideas, while allowing the flow to come back to life in this piece.
Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
A very deep and heartfelt piece. Go back over it. It will glitter and shine and allow it to have the impact upon the reader, that I know it has upon you. Keep up the great work, and never give up! Happy Holidays!
Just do the next WRITE thing!