I like "Utopian Playland." You give many examples in detail. Toy soldiers being the offense/defense of the country is a peaceful thought. The idea of robots doing the work is refreshing. They wouldn't have killed as we do now, counting the casualties to see which side won..
The concept of a Utopian Playland is very creative.
Adam and Mary seem to be regular people. Only in the end do you reveal their inability to read. It's a great surprise.
You have used some great vocabulary too: draughts, cottage-loaf, traipses, futile.
You might want to read over this and look for period placement for anything that sounds like the end of a thought. Those spots don't come with a regular placement. You do a super job with commas and the use of non-capital letters at the start of each line.
"Thick, wiry, and curly" is not a sentence because it doesn't have a verb. This is a good place to use a dash--
The first sentence doesn't need a comma. If you replace "as" with "because" it might be easier to see why you don't need a comma.
"He is not quite bald but you can see his dome when he doesn't have a hat on. You don't need a comma in either place.
If you have a grammar book or go to Purdue.com, you can check out the rules for using commas. You are a bit of a comma sprinkler. Don't take it hard. I used to be a comma sprinkler too. Grammarly.com is a free app that can save you a lot of errors, and it's free. I use it in everything I write
You used a semicolon correctly. Good job. Lots of writers don't get that part right.
Write on. Great item. I enjoyed the read. Write on.
"Known only as a wonderous gift" has a period at the end. I feel like it should be a comma because of the way it connects to the next line. If you feel like a period belongs, don't change it. Poetry comes from the soul where grammar points don't matter that much.
I like the way you started every new line with a capital letter. Some poets miss that point.
This is a great entertaining story. I caught a few little mistakes.
In the first sentence, you only need one comma--the second one is correct.
"wondered" should we "wandered. I like the way you separated the first part of the story and the second part. That's the idea of a semicolon in a sentence. The two sentences are related but the second is like a second thought.
You do a good job with your quotation marks, but you missed one place they are needed--the title of the seminar should have quotes because it is the name of a speech, like the name of a person--a proper noun.
I enjoyed the read. I'm glad that you included the fact that your son is 18 now. The old memories are the best.
This is a cute short story. I like the way you described the dogs as "two pairs of fixed eyes."
"...mine, the picture of innocence." You need to use a comma instead of a semicolon. The semicolon is used to connect two sentences that could each stand alone.
"the picture of innocence" does not have a verb.
This is a great short story that I enjoyed reading. Write on.
Nice thoughts. The saying is usually is the "fruits of a person's labors." I don't see anything wrong with rewording it to the "fruits of one's work."
Your first sentence is incredibly long. You might need to put the last part in another short sentence.
Also, you used the contraction "it's"a contraction of it is. In correct form, it should be "its luxurious life." You need to add the article "a."
This is a good item showing thinking on your part.
Write on.
Patrice
Instead of "come up with" maybe you could use the word "developed."
Cute little poem. You stuck to the syllable form very well.
The story is humorous, and I'm sure this really happens sometime. How often have I seen a fly buzzing over a soda pop can, and wondered if his friend was already gotten inside.
I've had that salt lesson ground into my head also. I would salt the food so I never know how it really tasted. Too much salt is bad for your health too.
I like the way you progress through the many steps required to make the roux before it is added to the chicken. You make me hungry for a taste.
You have been very creative with language, and it works. You have used present tense and past tense very effectively.
You do a good job of describing the character's eyes and her backpack. The reader can see her clearly. Wearing makeup and describing the backpack of having trinkets gives extra detail to her image.
When the light changes and she walks away, you can feel the author's sadness, saying that she is now a different person.
An excellent essay on depression. You capture the downside of depression. What I like is the possibility of battling and destroying. I like that you mention feelings that can stay for a day or a lifetime.
I am bipolar so I know how bad depression is and how difficult to escape the debilitating mood.
A good item about a breakup. She wants to cry but doesn't want to give him the satisfaction. She says she will hide until she's alone. She focuses in seeing his back, and him thinking she is a stalker.
You've used some great details: the wind brushing against your face, and the stars disappear, leaving no trace. and an onyx sky.Wishful dreams is another great description.
I like that you put the stanza information at the bottom of the poem.
A cute tale about cat rules for dogs. A dog must always wag his tail first before approaching a cat or the Boogiecat will get him. The Boogiecat is a monster with a huge body and huge claws and fangs. It can be called on a dog by a mother cat protecting her kittens. So dogs must always wag their tails before approaching a cat.
This is a nice love poem, describing the physical embrace and that she is wearing her heart on her sleeve. He wonders if he can be her love, and she whispers, "I love you." The soft kiss is like the breeze of the wind.
The story begins with two police officers at the scene of a murder. The senior officer instructs the younger officer to pick up the casing of the bullet. refers to it as a "thingie," which is very unprofessional and ruins the take. It's not happening for real, it's being shot for film.
As the end the younger actor asks if it's a jacket or a casing, adding levity to the story. The line of "You can't fire me, I quit," adds humor to the tale.
A suspenseful story with a tragic ending. You do a good job of the physical setting in the classroom and the emotional setting of the girl who has nude pictures on Facebook. The classmates are gossiping about the situation being her fault. An old boyfriend had taken some photos of her with her shirt off. The girls talk about how the photos will be up forever.
I was surprised by the ending. The situation was interpreted to be tragic because the girl killed herself over it.
I found one error. You have a sentence fragment. Save her from boredom. You need to have a subject. You just have a verb.
Interesting story with lots of good details. You deal with the tent's size and moving around at night. You do a good job of describing the outside with the glow of the embers and the darkness because of no moonlight.
The suspense builds up as the situation continues. It's not a bear because it's not big enough and the food had been put away.
The description leads the reader to assume the creature is a skunk.
This is a good dialogue between a tall person and a short person. The tall person can't resist some puns. The tall person asks if the small one is afraid of being stepped on. The small person asks the tall person to reach for some food on the top shelf for him. The short person says that when the end of time comes, the angel of death will lop off the heads of the tall people. That isn't funny and the short one gets the last laugh.
Interesting item about visiting at Grandma's house. You have lots of details which makes the story easy to follow. Being so close to an Indian reservation held many exciting opportunities, for watching, listening, and participating in.
Grandma's house held lots of possibilities for play and for watching wildlife. Dressing up a mother cat got the author in trouble, but it was still a good memory.
I was totally involved in a love story about three people, and the ending surprised me. You give lots of details to keep the story going. Hank, Rita, and Randle move around in the space they are given, with Rita moving outside, followed by Randle. Certainly, the cat had been watching the rat with interest.
This is a cute story that totally took me by surprise. Great job. Write on.
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