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Review of Strike You  
Rated: E | (4.5)
EXCELLENT!

I am too.

I love your thoughts, your way of expression. Will send you a private e-mail. Your poem has inspired me to ask you for a favour regarding this great work.

Keep smiling...keep writing...write on.

Peace, Patrice

Check out this item:

 Noteworthy Bipolars  (13+)
These bipolars are more commonly known for their positive contributions to society.
#752707 by a sunflower in Texas


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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2
Review of Traffic Jam  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Absolutely great short story. I saw a typo in the first line that put me on guard. That was the only issue that slowed me down. I devoured your story.

You need a period after "traffic jams."

This is a GREAT tongue-in-cheek story. Excellent job!

Write on,

Patrice


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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3
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow!

This is an amazingly helpful article that I'm going to bookmark. The writer illuminates strategies to check when you are setting up your story, or when you need to end a story. Unfortunately, too many of my articles in my portfolio just stop.

I love the list of conflicts/reason for tension. I'm going to read this regularly for inspiration for a while. Thanks for sharing.

Peace,


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, thanks for the info.

I've had ideas about setting up a shop within my portfolio. This gives all the info a person would need.

Thanks,



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Parasol of Pain  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Mark. Stopped in for a read.

You have an amazing creativity when writing about depressing things. This is another that paints a visual image of a feeling with clarity.

As 'Official Grammar Grouch' I couldn't lose an opportunity to go into action. It's a mistake I always had to stop and think about, and say it out loud to make sure I use the correct form.

What you have written reads, "My candle loses it is flame."

I know that you meant was its, with no apostrophe.


I t ' s stands for "it is". Use its in EVERY other case."

I know you probably know this already. Since you already caught me in a couple of editing positions, I wanted to return the favor (LOL).

Lovely depressing imagery, all the way to including movement in your poem, with "blood dripping." This poem has character and style. I like the way you write, and I understand your imagery all too well.

Great job on this one.

Write on,

Patrice



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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6
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

WOW! This is a very interesting and thought provoking article. I had wondered about the exponential way population seems to grow. When do we run out of room?

I've even heard of plans to start burying people feet down/head up, when being placed in the ground, rather than horizontally laying down, so to speak.. One hundred years ago, people could bury pretty much where they selected. Elvis is buried in his back yard, right?. Now we have all sorts of codes about secure casket sealing tops and vaults with concrete on all sides. Did you know people in Louisiana bury in vaults, mausoleums (sp?) above ground because of the historic flooding in the lowlands. What happens when all the cemetaries fill up?

And what happens to the government deficit when all of us Baby Boomers are no longer generating capital, but needing goverment help for health, food, and a roof to retire under. Is this that economic cliff we are facing now. And many Boomers' parents are still living, and needing care.

I don't think China has the answer, but this is certainly an issue we all should think about.

Excellent article, and welcome to Writing.com. I look forward to reading more of your work. Really enjoyed it.

Write on,

Patrice



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Rated: ASR | (3.5)


I can see you wrote this a while ago, but I have a few suggestions for improvement:

Should be: Beatles' song, "I Saw Her Standing There."

You might want to say "all three..." musical artists, or former teen idols, or however you want to identify these old time favs of mine. I used to run home from school to watch "Where the Action Is." Remember that, and Bobby Sherman? I am jealous for this experience you write of.

Actually, it's Jimi Hendrix --the spelling, you see

What is the now famous Davy joke? Tell that part, especially since Davy is no longer with us. Maybe you could be sparked to add a bit on Davy and the others. Perhaps how you fellt on his passing. Get the reader by the heart strings!

Just so you will know the rule for the future, and so you can fix it here, I have a way to remember the rule on quotes around songs. They can't hang out on their own, so you have to stuff them inside some quotations. Examples: "Pleasant Valley Sunday", --put the quotes, then put the comma

If you wanted to beef up this article, maybe you could describe how the different groups dressed (Paul Revere), and the Monkees TV show, and the age you were when they were originally popular. The more details you can add, the better. Be as specific as possible. I need more full a description to understand the lighting problem--was it just pictures, or seeing the stage too?

I really enjoyed your review, and am jealous as all get out for your experience. Do you know how to add pictures? If you don't have any, you can search on the web.

Good article, but could use some buttering up--to make it more exciting, and stemy perhaps. Were you hot at the concert? There are all kinds of questions a fan would have about this concert. Will you answer those with an edit, perhaps?

Write on,



8
8
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

The only "Star Trek" poem I've ever run across was the one Data wrote about his cat, "Spot." It may still be posted here at Writing.com. I don't think I'll use Data's meter and rhyme as a starting point for any Trek tales I may be ablt to dream up. I know I've had ideas simmering at the back of my mind for ages. How could a writer not?

And only one entry? If I dedicate my writings to a character, it will be a difficult choice. Thanks for a contest that has me motivated!

}/right}

Hope this contest catches the eyes of other Trekies!.

This is such a COOL IDEA *Idea* for a comemorative 46th Anniversary celebration.
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9
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What an interesting idea for a WDC activity. I would like to travel the world with you, and see all of the cultural trinkets you can collect for your auction.

Does Texas count as a different culture? I can't donate a pony, sorry. I've got plenty of stickers though.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
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10
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a great raffle!

You can't win if you don't play!
11
11
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thirty days of blogging is actually quite a serious commitment. Actually, I know my limits these days. You can only write so much in 24 hours per day, and I have to have down time too. I', TRYING to edit a manuscript for publication, but I can't make myself work on it anymore. I'm just trying to blog every couple of days to jeep up with myself.

But with a new month coming up, this would sure be a good idea for a writer to go for. Just a few minutes to sit down and blog for 30 days. It's not as long as Lent, for Heaven's sake. You never know till you try, and this sounds like so much fun.

Write on.

a sunflower in Texas
12
12
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for the beautiful creativity of your C Notes. It's a nice thing to share with new old friends.
13
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Review of Nashville Gail  
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

I like this narrative poem, in the realm of those who battled the sea in Greek times. I can almost see the god Zues blowing his wrath, though you never mentioned mythology.

Your rhyme scheme is impeccable; you hit every beat with a great contextual and rhyming word.

And you wraped up the story by having her blow away to freedom in the end, though she didn't feel that way when loosened from theast.

You take your reader from point a and through several emotions to get to an ending that wasn'r necessarily obvious. I like this one.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
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14
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I like this poem very much. I like your descriptions of the colors and activitities, and how you bring the poem back around to writing at the end.

There were 2 places in your verse that hung me up, because the wording was too simple, or unexpected perhaps, and it made the lines kind of sing-songy. Could just be my opinion.

"And soon we'll all join winter's fun

I know you've got a set rhyme scheme you're working with, but the second stanza comes off with much more mature verse. Fun is just a very generic word, and the rest of your poem carries specifics. Just a suggestion.

The other one was:

"One might become a fiancee." The first time you referred to love, and you jump into fiancee mode. That's a girl romantic thing. It's just that this one line gives your poem a female gender--which is fine. Just something to note.

You have excellent work here, and please don't allow my grammar grouch points to do anything but give you an alternate perspective.

Excellent job. Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
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Review of "The Final Scene"  
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is certainly full of emotion and contqins lots of imagery--a very rich linguistic work.

I like the wat you come back around to the line back to black--I kept expecting back to bqack, but the black is the centre of your purpsoe in this. Very well done, if a bit depressing. I've been near there.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
16
16
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a well-worded advertisement for knowing and using proper grammar. I'm glad you are here as a resource. I used to teach English for 12 years, and I remember most of the rules. I know not everyone does, and I try to help some times.

Sometimes when I bring up the creative usage of punctuation in reviews, the newbie claims " e e cummings" on me, and seems to get offended. I believe you have to work for your best creations, and punctuation, or lack of it is a vital part of that. I also believe that goes double for poetry, but don't get this grammar grouch started about that. There's true and direct purpose behind the use of each mark. Thanks for reminding me and spreading good writing tactics.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas

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Review of The Bottle  
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Beautiful and well written story. I can feel the emotion as you uncover it along your story journey. You follow, perfectly logically, a form of presenting a theory, and then disproving it, by your own well described and certainly reality documented experiences.

Again, a beautiful story, with excellent jumps of progression. I like this a lot.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
18
18
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Terse and accurate. I'm 57 and put my address on the Internet too much early on. I can't even keep sorted all the mial I get. At this writing I may have a letter from my best friend in the "junk oile". I go thru it twice--a quick scan and a later letter reading, as my vision focus isn't what it used to be.

We Baby Boomer's haven't nearly done enough yet.

Your governmental quotes, and line of attack are great. Super job, and you speak for me too.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
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Review of The Painting  
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful! I see soft pastel, and the gusts of wind, and almost a view from the hillside. Then you step in with a story. Perfect form. I haven't tried flash fiction myself. Can I study your form? This one is just perfect.

Write on,

a sunfloer in Texas
20
20
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
WOW. Powerful stuff. Though you didn't go in to lots of specific details, your poem form does a good job of keeping this from being an academic treatise. I like what I feel here, because it's real for me too, and you describe it well. POETRY IS FEELING--and you captured it perfectly!

I am bipolar, 57, and figured out I have ADHD about 10 years ago. The docs won't give me meds, so in my own way I've learned to kind of deal with symptoms.

Never thought of my brain regurgitating, but you have a point.

I like this work tons--excellent job.

Would you be interested in joining the brainstormers group. We all deal with some kind of prohibitive disability.

Here's a link. You may have to search around, as I've just joined and don't know my way yet.

The Brainstormers Group  (E)
A group for those with depression or mental illness. Friends and family welcome too.
#1854628 by Itchy Water~fictionandverse


No pressure. With what we have in common, it mighthelp both of us.

God bless, and peace,

a sunflower in Texas
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Review of AMONG FRIENDS  
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a lovely poem, and the beautiful pictures make it even more special. I like the way you used the background and font colors to make the image more visually exciting.

I can tell you have your own system for capitalization, because you were consistent all the way through. Read your favorite poets for variety. I always cap the first word of a line, unless I've indented it. Whatever you are most comfortable with--you're off with angel wings my dear. Write on!

a sunflower in Texas
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22
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You did a whole story, with a surprise ending and everything.

I'm never brief, so this isn't my thing--but I certainly admire your talent. Great story, even if it hadn't been a flasher.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
23
23
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very informative. I'd never heard of this in dogs, or beagles. Thank you for writing this. I worked in a vet clinic for a year, and studied vet technology for two years. I can tell from your notations that you've done a complete reference for those who may someday need this info for their dear pets.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
24
24
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I see myself in your daughter, because I am bipokar too. I've taken it out on my mother badly. But she always cares back. I see that in your relationship with your daughter.

I wasn't diagnosed till age 35, but I've known a few bipolar teens since I worked in the school system for 12 years.

In my opinion, staying on the right meds, that you need to change often, is going to be her best bet for awhile. They have so many medications now. But she should know she can refuse them if the side-effects are too overwhelming to be able to cope with normally. I think I've had every side effect in the book.

If you kept a journal of her moods, it might prove interesting if it didn't cause a fight. I suggest that because I can't judge my moods. I'm incapable of counting them--and you 300 data is well taken..

Thank you for sharing this.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
25
25
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I espwcially like your explanation at the bottom of your item that explains your iambic pentameter verse meter. This flows like music.

I also understand your situation. I have a 57 year old person pillbox.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas Patrice
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