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Review of Strike You  
Rated: E | (4.5)
EXCELLENT!

I am too.

I love your thoughts, your way of expression. Will send you a private e-mail. Your poem has inspired me to ask you for a favour regarding this great work.

Keep smiling...keep writing...write on.

Peace, Patrice An animated sunflower for a sig.

Check out this item:

 
STATIC
Noteworthy Bipolars  (13+)
These bipolars are more commonly known for their positive contributions to society.
#752707 by a Sunflower in Texas


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Parasol of Pain  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Mark. Stopped in for a read.

You have an amazing creativity when writing about depressing things. This is another that paints a visual image of a feeling with clarity.

As 'Official Grammar Grouch' I couldn't lose an opportunity to go into action. It's a mistake I always had to stop and think about, and say it out loud to make sure I use the correct form.

What you have written reads, "My candle loses it is flame."

I know that you meant was its, with no apostrophe.


I t ' s stands for "it is". Use its in EVERY other case."

I know you probably know this already. Since you already caught me in a couple of editing positions, I wanted to return the favor (LOL).

Lovely depressing imagery, all the way to including movement in your poem, with "blood dripping." This poem has character and style. I like the way you write, and I understand your imagery all too well.

Great job on this one.

Write on,

Patrice An animated sunflower for a sig.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

WOW! This is a very interesting and thought provoking article. I had wondered about the exponential way population seems to grow. When do we run out of room?

I've even heard of plans to start burying people feet down/head up, when being placed in the ground, rather than horizontally laying down, so to speak.. One hundred years ago, people could bury pretty much where they selected. Elvis is buried in his back yard, right?. Now we have all sorts of codes about secure casket sealing tops and vaults with concrete on all sides. Did you know people in Louisiana bury in vaults, mausoleums (sp?) above ground because of the historic flooding in the lowlands. What happens when all the cemetaries fill up?

And what happens to the government deficit when all of us Baby Boomers are no longer generating capital, but needing goverment help for health, food, and a roof to retire under. Is this that economic cliff we are facing now. And many Boomers' parents are still living, and needing care.

I don't think China has the answer, but this is certainly an issue we all should think about.

Excellent article, and welcome to Writing.com. I look forward to reading more of your work. Really enjoyed it.

Write on,

Patrice An animated sunflower for a sig.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

The only "Star Trek" poem I've ever run across was the one Data wrote about his cat, "Spot." It may still be posted here at Writing.com. I don't think I'll use Data's meter and rhyme as a starting point for any Trek tales I may be ablt to dream up. I know I've had ideas simmering at the back of my mind for ages. How could a writer not?

And only one entry? If I dedicate my writings to a character, it will be a difficult choice. Thanks for a contest that has me motivated!

An animated sunflower for a sig.}/right}

Hope this contest catches the eyes of other Trekies!.

This is such a COOL IDEA *Idea* for a comemorative 46th Anniversary celebration.
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In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What an interesting idea for a WDC activity. I would like to travel the world with you, and see all of the cultural trinkets you can collect for your auction.

Does Texas count as a different culture? I can't donate a pony, sorry. I've got plenty of stickers though.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
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In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a great raffle!

You can't win if you don't play!
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In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thirty days of blogging is actually quite a serious commitment. Actually, I know my limits these days. You can only write so much in 24 hours per day, and I have to have down time too. I', TRYING to edit a manuscript for publication, but I can't make myself work on it anymore. I'm just trying to blog every couple of days to jeep up with myself.

But with a new month coming up, this would sure be a good idea for a writer to go for. Just a few minutes to sit down and blog for 30 days. It's not as long as Lent, for Heaven's sake. You never know till you try, and this sounds like so much fun.

Write on.

a sunflower in Texas
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In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for the beautiful creativity of your C Notes. It's a nice thing to share with new old friends.
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Review of Nashville Gail  
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

I like this narrative poem, in the realm of those who battled the sea in Greek times. I can almost see the god Zues blowing his wrath, though you never mentioned mythology.

Your rhyme scheme is impeccable; you hit every beat with a great contextual and rhyming word.

And you wraped up the story by having her blow away to freedom in the end, though she didn't feel that way when loosened from theast.

You take your reader from point a and through several emotions to get to an ending that wasn'r necessarily obvious. I like this one.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
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In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a well-worded advertisement for knowing and using proper grammar. I'm glad you are here as a resource. I used to teach English for 12 years, and I remember most of the rules. I know not everyone does, and I try to help some times.

Sometimes when I bring up the creative usage of punctuation in reviews, the newbie claims " e e cummings" on me, and seems to get offended. I believe you have to work for your best creations, and punctuation, or lack of it is a vital part of that. I also believe that goes double for poetry, but don't get this grammar grouch started about that. There's true and direct purpose behind the use of each mark. Thanks for reminding me and spreading good writing tactics.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas

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In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Terse and accurate. I'm 57 and put my address on the Internet too much early on. I can't even keep sorted all the mial I get. At this writing I may have a letter from my best friend in the "junk oile". I go thru it twice--a quick scan and a later letter reading, as my vision focus isn't what it used to be.

We Baby Boomer's haven't nearly done enough yet.

Your governmental quotes, and line of attack are great. Super job, and you speak for me too.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
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Review of The Painting  
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful! I see soft pastel, and the gusts of wind, and almost a view from the hillside. Then you step in with a story. Perfect form. I haven't tried flash fiction myself. Can I study your form? This one is just perfect.

Write on,

a sunfloer in Texas
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Review of AMONG FRIENDS  
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a lovely poem, and the beautiful pictures make it even more special. I like the way you used the background and font colors to make the image more visually exciting.

I can tell you have your own system for capitalization, because you were consistent all the way through. Read your favorite poets for variety. I always cap the first word of a line, unless I've indented it. Whatever you are most comfortable with--you're off with angel wings my dear. Write on!

a sunflower in Texas
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In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You did a whole story, with a surprise ending and everything.

I'm never brief, so this isn't my thing--but I certainly admire your talent. Great story, even if it hadn't been a flasher.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
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In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very informative. I'd never heard of this in dogs, or beagles. Thank you for writing this. I worked in a vet clinic for a year, and studied vet technology for two years. I can tell from your notations that you've done a complete reference for those who may someday need this info for their dear pets.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas
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In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I espwcially like your explanation at the bottom of your item that explains your iambic pentameter verse meter. This flows like music.

I also understand your situation. I have a 57 year old person pillbox.

Write on,

a sunflower in Texas Patrice
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Review of Puppeteer  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Powerful and emotionally gripping. Excellent effort--so full of meaning and dubious emotional hideaways. I'm bipolar, and I can really fell it in your work. Very powerful.

Write on, A sunflower in Texas
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Review of Hot Girl's Club  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
As a retired, and currenly bored former teacher, and sometimes tutor, I always thaought I'd be too old. But I'm 5 ft 10 inches without heels, and I weigh about 130. Sounds like I want an interview!

Great story. Held my interest all the way through.

Write on!
a sunflower in Texas
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Review of The Fantasy  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Appropriately written, so that I wasn't offended and followed the story. If this is your first story like this you show promise if you can slip a little more emotional conversation--get some love going on!. It's interesting that you tried to write this in present tense. That does give your story an immediacy. But both the male and female could be expanded--or add something unexpected so your story isn;t so cliche. Good effort. A few grammar issues.

Write on!
a sunflower in Texas
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Review of Letter to God  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
In response to your rhetorical question for the reader, I've come to believe extreme pain and extreme happiness we experience builds us into the character we are--to have the character we have. It's as if we're going down life's road, and we take a hard right or a hard left, so it jolts us oujt of complacency, and puts us where God somehow sees it better for us down the road.

I'm 56, and never had children, was never pregnant, and for many years I had this kind of conversation with God. I could say I was a good, maybe outstanding teacher for 12 years, but no kids for me. About age 35 I was diagnosed as bipolar, and now I u7nderstand why God din't need me to reproduce.

As you can tell, this was a very thought provoking article for me. I enjoyed the read very much. Thought I would mention one thing I noticed :

"Isn't that (just a wish) for divine abortion." --had to read the sentence twice to get the meaning right in my head.

Excellent work. Write on!

Peace,
a sunflower in Texas
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this poem and the lines that you selected as your repeating lines do reflect each stanza well.

But one thing bothered Ton is a weight, not specifically a size. I felt tlike you needed to say another word for size, like weight, or change ton to a specifically exact word--try a free trial using that word at www.visualthesaurus.com. You may not want their paid membership, but they have a thesaurus that comes up as a web of words, and it's interesting to use.

Enjoyed reading this poem. Thanks for sharing the info about the type of poem it is--I'll copy your notes and have a go at one too.

Write on!
a sunflower in Texas
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Review of Monkey mania  
In affiliation with Week 7 Exercises -- Focus on...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
My allowance was .25/week also! It took me a month to save up for a 45 rpm record. I identify with the character in your story.

One place you put dam when you meant damn. And your sister's idol needs an apostrophe in it, and actually in this case you need to capitalize Mom and Dad because you call them that for their names, and you always capitalize names.

When you say you knew your sister was old enough to chaperone, I would make the comparison bigger, like, at 15 she was practically an adult. Makes it a bit funnier, if it works from your viewpoint.

"They had sung their last song", would be the correct usage. "Heros" doesn't need the apostrophe because it's plural.

I was laughing nout loud at the image of you and your sister gathering all the neighbor's papers. You've done a good job of focusing on your storyline. And Peter was my favorite Monkee too, plus Mickey! And I had a good laugh at the ending too, and a great way to end it. I enjoyed your story very much. If you read it through, there's another part you could edit because it has two apostrophes around one word. This was a fun read. Thanks for sharing!

Write on!
a sunflower in Texas

ps. Did you know Michael's mother created Liquid Paper? I used to know where her house was in Dallas. That's where I live now: separate Monkees have done shows of late, but I still haven't seen then. Your story makes me remember fun times.



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Review of The Sea  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This beach poem had an unexpected ending for me. I'm assuming the character has lost her life at sea, but she accepts her home in the ocean with no particular remorse. Not what I expected with the beautiful imagery and excellent rhyme scheme.

Only one line did yoou not capitalize in your poem, "fearing for my life." Guess it could go either way, but these's something to be said for consistency.

Your use of the word "sear" through me. I would think you needed a word that's an antonym for sear, because sear has to do with burning, which doesn't really go along with water. I just felt like another word might work better there.

A most excellent composition. Write on!

a sunflower in Texas
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In affiliation with Workshop: Focus on Fiction We...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
In the third stanza, either the leisurly stroll is supposed to be sarcasric? Maybe you could alter to make the road more rocky, slippery, wet, or dry, or stuck in mud, get the idea?

Otherwise I like this a lot. It echoes JT's Fire and Rain.

Write on! Patrice
James Scott Bell wrote this book, which I'm using for the Focus on Fiction Workshop.
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Review of To My Friend  
In affiliation with Workshop: Focus on Fiction We...  
Rated: E | (4.5)

I understand and empathize with your word choice. The words aren't painful, but the images, mood, and tone are very serious.

I'm old now. When I was 19 and engaged, my boyfriend said, "I can't marry you; I'm gay."

He broke my heart then, and again about three years later when he killed himself.

Some people have such pain and confusion. All we can do is be there for them, because God gives each of us a mind of our own. Only God can trump that, I guess. I don't know, but, your friend would be happy you know that suicide is not ever an option. You'll be in my prayers tonight.

The mark down was just because I'm personally obssessive about putting punctuation in poetry. Just a personal preference. Your poem is very moving!

Write on, Patrice
An animated sunflower for a sig.
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