This is a good dialogue between a tall person and a short person. The tall person can't resist some puns. The tall person asks if the small one is afraid of being stepped on. The small person asks the tall person to reach for some food on the top shelf for him. The short person says that when the end of time comes, the angel of death will lop off the heads of the tall people. That isn't funny and the short one gets the last laugh.
Interesting item about visiting at Grandma's house. You have lots of details which makes the story easy to follow. Being so close to an Indian reservation held many exciting opportunities, for watching, listening, and participating in.
Grandma's house held lots of possibilities for play and for watching wildlife. Dressing up a mother cat got the author in trouble, but it was still a good memory.
I was totally involved in a love story about three people, and the ending surprised me. You give lots of details to keep the story going. Hank, Rita, and Randle move around in the space they are given, with Rita moving outside, followed by Randle. Certainly, the cat had been watching the rat with interest.
This is a cute story that totally took me by surprise. Great job. Write on.
A very touching poem. You've included lots of details that bring the story to life. Your rhyme pattern is perfect.
You trace the woman's life from being alone to having a visit from Prince Charming. Since Prince Charming is a proper noun, it needs to be capitalized.
You do a great job of dealing with possible suicide without using the word. She contemplates suicide but doesn't harm herself. I like that the story ends as it started, with one tear.
"It was her first time babysitting." You have a sentence fragment.
"Their mother" --"The girls' mother" to avoid confusion
"It was their favorite -- sentence fragment
"they went down to check the girls' room."
I don't understand the end of your story. It seems as though Jenny is a witch or some otherworldly being. You didn't add enough information to make this part clear.
You did an excellent job with all the quotation marks. Write on.
Interesting story. We all hope to find Prince Charming, but this woman has found two wrong types. Her old relationship was with an abuser. At least he asked to be forgiven so he knew he had done wrong in hitting her.
The new boyfriend also beat her. He didn't ask for forgiveness which would indicate he didn't think he had done something wrong.
She gathers herself together and leaves, making some rules to prevent this from happening again.
You've done a great job of contradicting yourself. What is stated in one line is opposed in the next.
The tall man is of average height.
A man of wealth with poverty as his problem.
A smart man who is often wrong.
A single man in a crowd.
A man in love with a broken heart.
A bard who doesn't speak.
I like the way you have formatted this item. I frequently have trouble reading items that don't leave any space between the lines. I can read this without glasses!
This poem looks back romantically on a street that seems to be stuck in 1968. The shops have 60s memorabilia. The people are dressed the way hippies dressed. The conversations run along the same vein.
Cute story with a good amount of suspense. The main character has an automobile problem and heads out to find shelter from the storm. She finds a cabin that is open, and she enters and then makes herself comfortable in a rocking chair.
A talking dog appears, possibly in a dream, and offers consolation. The girl goes to sleep until morning, and a man with a wrecker finds her because the dog is in the middle of the road barking.
Nice story with good vocabulary and plenty of details. You started with an attention-getter by having your main character halfway out of her bedroom window.
She has an understanding father who gives some good advice and then gives her permission to leave the house.
Good story set-up. Edna is described as sort of an unusual character who had met the aliens years before. The townspeople are concerned about the aliens visiting, but Edna makes her chocolate chip cookies and tries to calm the worried people.
When the aliens arrive, they partake of Edna's cookies and become acquainted with the townspeople who had feared them.
A clever story revolving around the number seven. From the hotel's reservation software, to the 7th room on the 7th floor, to the seven-course meals, you have tied the story pieces together.
Cute story. I love the point of view. You start out with characters that have found a tasty treat--I imagined it to be something like a wild-growing mushroom. The characters have found the treat on the way to Elgon.
The end of the story is a big surprise. Certainly, an apple pie would be an astonishing treat.
A poem that tugs on emotions. You do a good job of the setting, a person with a bb gun aiming at a yellow canary on a faraway perch. The person takes a shot at the bird, thinking that he is too far away to hurt the bird. Good use of foreshadowing.
The bird's head is hit by the bb, and he falls 30 feet to the ground. The person burries the feathered body in the ground, and God is there watching.
You do a great job with the details. Your description of how the two had grown apart is great. The tension in the setting is obvious, and you do a good job of setting it up.
They break up their relationship, and both feel the pain of loss, but also the freedom of being out of their commitment to each other. The ending wraps up the relationship perfectly.
Gripping story. You give just the right amount of information for the story to play out. You do a good job of expressing the emotions of hate and regret.
You have a well-developed story. You lay all the information out as the story progresses. The problems that the woman had focused on go away when she meets up with a hungry, dirty young boy. His hunger takes her pain away.
I like the unexpected ending. You manage to convey that the child is dead without using those words.
I also like that you have placed an unlit cigarette in the man's mouth. He doesn't light it but he doesn't throw it away either. This seems to be the attitude about the dead child's birthday.
You have a sentence fragment problem here. Every sentence needs to have a subject and a verb. A couple of times you have created a sentence fragment. A better way to deal with this is to use a dash.
Example: They both wanted Armageddon--not cheerful birds chirping.
"Not cheerful birds chirping is a sentence fragment when it stands alone.
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