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Review of The 11th Day  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


This story uses descriptive detail very well to convey an ordinary day at the office that becomes a nightmare quickly. The reader is captured from beginning to end. The action sequence is well done. The dialogue advances the story.

suggestions



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227
227
Review of The Visitor  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What I like: Wow! This story has great pacing. The plot builds slowly. I enjoyed the ending

Opening: The first paragraph captures the reader. There is good descriptive detail that gives a realistic feel to the story.

Dialogue: Good dialogue that advances the story.

Characters: The characters are well developed and bring a strong emotional tone to the story. Well done.

suggestions


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228
228
Review of Jolene!  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What I like: Great characterization really brings this story to life. This story has a quick pace to it, and even though it deals with a serious subject, it does so in a thoughtful manner that resonates true to life.

Opening: From the beginning of the story, the reader is quickly brought into the action and is held captive to the end.

Plot: I like the idea of the story, and its execution is very well done.

Dialogue: The dialogue advances the story.

suggestions


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229
229
Review of Jolene!  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What I like: Great characterization really brings this story to life. There is a good attention to detail that gives this story a dark feel to it.

Opening: From the beginning of the story, the reader is quickly brought into the action and is held captive to the end.

Plot: I like the idea of the story, and its execution is very well done.

Dialogue: The dialogue advances the story.

suggestions


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230
230
Review of Framing  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is an excellent story. The attention to detailed characterization is what sets this story apart. The characters do come to life and inhabit this story. They carry the reader along in anticipation of what will happen next. The dialogue advances the story. Well done.

suggestions


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231
231
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


There is present and past tense. Choose one and stay with it. I like the characters. They are interesting, and their story brings the situation to life. Their is good story detail. The dialogue advances the story.

suggestions


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232
232
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


The descriptive imagery of this story bring it to life. The characters are interesting, but they also remain mysterious. This is a good first chapter that captures the reader's desire to keep reading. The dialogue advances the story. Well done.

suggestions


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233
233
Review of Fireball One  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


The descriptive detail sets this story apart. Good interaction between characters, and a good action scene. The dialogue advances the story. The reader would be interested in a follow up to this story. Well done.

suggestions


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234
234
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


This first chapter works well in establishing the situation, introducing a main character, and capturing the reader's interest for following chapters. The story opens with a mystery. There is good descriptive detail that brings the story to life. The dialogue advances the story.

suggestions


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235
235
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


This is a good followup to the prologue. It introduces some new interesting characters. The descriptive story keeps the reader's interest. Good dialogue.

suggestions


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236
236
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


There is a good descriptive detail that brings the atmosphere to life. The story has a realistic feel to it. The dialogue advances the story. Well done.

suggestions


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237
237
Review of The Playroom  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


The emotion in this story comes through clearly and powerfully. The dialogue is well done, and the characters carry the story well.

suggestions


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238
238
Review of Cathartis Ch. 2  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


This second chapter is strong in description and characters. It propels the reader forward, so that they wish to read more. Well done.

suggestions

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239
239
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Leave a space between paragraphs for easier reading.
I enjoyed this story. The action sequences are well done. The characters stand out. The conflict is developed in an interesting manner. The reader will want to read the next part.

suggestions


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240
240
Review of Strange Awakening  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


I like how this idea is developed. There is good detail that provides a glimpse into the future. Both characters are interesting, and the reader is pulled into this good tale. This is a tale that should be continued.

suggestions


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241
241
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


What I like: This story about gossip conveys the message quite well. The characters could be expanded upon with even more description. Explain more about the village: the roads, the shops, the houses.

Space between paragraphs will make for easier reading. Take a look at your characters. Those who do not contribute to the plot do not need to be in the story.

suggestions


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242
242
Review of On Ebony Wings  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Overall impression: There is a lot of description that brings life to the story. The reader's attention is captured from the beginning of the story.

suggestions


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243
243
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Overall impression: The action is well presented. The story is tight. The start of the story is well described, catching the reader's attention.

Dialogue: The dialogue advances the story.

Suggestions

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244
244
Review of No Takers  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: A well developed plot with a message.

Opening: A good introduction to the main characters. The easy reading style pulled me quickly into the story.

Plot: the plot builds slowly to a big surprise at the end. This is well done.

Hook: Great dialogue and flowing style hooked me.

Characters: The two major characters come through clearly.

Dialogue: natural sounding dialogue that advances the story well.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



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245
245
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Note: editing your item after submission is against the rules of the contest. If you edit your item, it will be disqualified from the contest. If I suggest an improvement and you make that improvement, the rating and judgment awarded will no longer be valid. Please do not edit until the contest results are announced.

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: This dark story is like a saga with a moral. It has great descriptive details and is easy to read.

Opening: It starts with setting the scene and introducing the main character. This is done well.

Plot: A man wants to bring his daughter back from death. This idea develops slowly. Elements of horror are added as the plot is revealed. The ending is done well.

Hook: This well written tale hooks the reader from the beginning.

Characters: The main character and the supporting ones are all done well.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.


Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



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246
246
Review of The Cleansing  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Note: editing your item after submission is against the rules of the contest. If you edit your item, it will be disqualified from the contest. If I suggest an improvement and you make that improvement, the rating and judgment awarded will no longer be valid. Please do not edit until the contest results are announced.

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: The atmosphere that is created gives this story a dark feel that the reader is pulled in, knowing that something bad is coming.

Opening: This is well done in that it sets the atmosphere and introduces the character in an interesting manner. "The murders in Whitehall," gives the reader a good idea of what's to come.

Plot: A doctor comes to realize he is a killer. This idea is presented with the Jack the Ripper story. The plot is well developed in the story.

Hook: The strong opening hooked me, and the easy reading style kept me going.

Characters: This different look at Jack the Ripper gave him more of a 'human' character than a 'monster,' and in the end the 'human' wins -- maybe.

Dialogue: Good dialogue that advances the story.


Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.


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247
247
Review of The Premonition  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Note: editing your item after submission is against the rules of the contest. If you edit your item, it will be disqualified from the contest. If I suggest an improvement and you make that improvement, the rating and judgment awarded will no longer be valid. Please do not edit until the contest results are announced.

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: vivid descriptive details bring this story to life. The creepy factor in this story is high.

Opening: strong opening that sets the scene well. The detailed descriptions pull the reader into the action.

Plot: to me, I see several possible ideas here. One is a strange character that haunts a person's dream, then they act out the dream. The other is a person who is on the edge of insanity and then goes over the edge. In either case, the idea is set up well and builds layer by layer until the explosive ending.

Hook: the easy flowing style and detailed descriptions caught me from beginning to end. Well written.

Scene/Setting: strong setting and scenes that bring the story to life.

Characters: both characters are well done. The creep factor comes through very much.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.


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248
248
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Note: editing your item after submission is against the rules of the contest. If you edit your item, it will be disqualified from the contest. If I suggest an improvement and you make that improvement, the rating and judgment awarded will no longer be valid. Please do not edit until the contest results are announced.

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: a scary tale that has a psychological twist to it. The atmosphere here is creepy indeed.

Opening: sets the scene and introduces the characters. It opens slow but picks up quickly.

Plot: a missing mother. This idea is revealed slowly. The pacing is good, and the reveal is well done. Good psychological ideas interwoven.

Hook: My interest was caught early and held to the end. Well done.

Style and Voice: easy reading style. Thge characters have their own unique voices.

Scene/Setting: the scenes and setting have a natural feel to them.

Characters: the characters are well done and interesting. The interaction is good.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story and sounds natural.


Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.


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249
249
Review of Fire and Ice  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Note: editing your item after submission is against the rules of the contest. If you edit your item, it will be disqualified from the contest. If I suggest an improvement and you make that improvement, the rating and judgment awarded will no longer be valid. Please do not edit until the contest results are announced.

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: the idea and creativity of this story is good. The introduction of the three men needs some more details added: who are they; where did they come from; what happens next.

Opening: ets up the scene and characters well. The story flows good from here, and the reader is brought into the action.

Plot: as I see, there is an evil creature, and its desires are to destroy. Jenna is saved by some strange men. The creature and its actions are developed well. The second part of the story is confusing and could use more development.

Hook: I was hooked from the start and left with questions at the end.

Style and Voice: easy reading style and flows well.

Scene/Setting: the setting is well done. It has a scary atmosphere.

Characters: Jenna is well done, and the interactions of the characters is good.

Dialogue: I like the dialogue, and it advances the story.


Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.


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250
250
Review of Emile and Jamie  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: The depth of detail builds layer upon layer forming a dynamic story of two lives.

Opening: an intense scene of distress, mystery, and suspense starts this story off. The reader's interest is captured and held to the end.

Plot: for me, it is what is the opening scene all about. The idea is well developed. The lives of twins are explored in a good manner.

Hook: for me, it is the easy intense writing style and that just capures the imagination. Well written.

Style and Voice: fast and easy.

Scene/Setting: the scenes are set with well with good descriptions.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.

Characters: The characters and the interactions are well done.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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