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151
151
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

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This review is a part of the activity of
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Game of Thrones  (13+)
Postponed until further notice
#456789 by Gaby ~ Mostly MIA


and also presented as a member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


What I like: a great imagination expressed in an interesting manner in this story.

Opening: the first few paragraphs introduce the main character in an interesting manner that captures the reader's attention.
As the first chapter of a longer work. This is well done to entice the reader to continue. There is a suspenseful ending to elicit the reader to read on.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: the setting is well done.

Characters: the character is interesting and engaging.
Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



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152
152
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Note: editing your item after submission is against the rules of the contest. If you edit your item, it will be disqualified from the contest. If I suggest an improvement and you make that improvement, the rating and judgment awarded will no longer be valid. Please do not edit until the contest results are announced.

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: this is very well written. The idea is quite different, and the ending is a nice surprise.

Opening: great first paragraph. The main character is introduced, and the reader is engaged right away.

Style and Voice: great writing style that flows well.

Scene/Setting: descriptive language is one of the strengths of this story.

Characters: good character interaction.

Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.


Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.


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153
153
Review of Evil Eyes  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Note: editing your item after submission is against the rules of the contest. If you edit your item, it will be disqualified from the contest. If I suggest an improvement and you make that improvement, the rating and judgment awarded will no longer be valid. Please do not edit until the contest results are announced.

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: this story of revenge with a mix of mystery and horror is done well. The plot is developed well.

Opening: the first few paragraphs introduce the characters and the plot idea. The reader's attention is caught right away and held until the end.

Style and Voice: an easy reading style that flows well.

Scene/Setting: good descriptive language brings the scenes to life.

Characters: the characters are interesting, and their interaction advances the plot.

Dialogue: this is one of the strengths of the story. The dialogue is well done.


Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



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154
154
for entry "The P.S.W. Android
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: I like the story idea, and the creative way it is presented.

Opening: the first few paragraphs introduce the situation and the premise. The reader's imagination is engaged right way, and their attention held until the end.

As to this chapter being the first of many, it works okay, but I would suggest a stronger hook at the end to compel the reader to jump to that second chapter right away.

Style and Voice: easy reading style

Scene/Setting: this is a strong area with lots of description bringing the scenes to life. I would only suggest that more attention be given to the external flight.

Dialogue: I enjoyed the dialogue.

Characters: the characters are good. I suggest even more interaction between them would be good.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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155
155
Review of Zombie  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: I enjoyed the comedy of this story. The ending is well done.

Opening: the first paragraph introduces the characters and the situation. The reader is hooked right away, and their attention is held until the end.


Style and Voice: this is written in first person and is easy to read.

Dialogue: he dialogue is well done.

Characters: interesting characters and good interaction that advances the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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156
156
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Note: editing your item after submission is against the rules of the contest. If you edit your item, it will be disqualified from the contest. If I suggest an improvement and you make that improvement, the rating and judgment awarded will no longer be valid. Please do not edit until the contest results are announced.

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: This is a great idea that is presented well; there is only a touch if steampunk - more would have been nice. The scifi part is well done.

Opening: great opening paragraph; the reader's attention is captured right away and held to the end.

Style and Voice: easy writing style.

Scene/Setting: good descriptions is one of the strengths of the story. The reader's imagination is engaged.

Characters: the main character is well done, and there is good interaction with the other characters.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.


Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.


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157
157
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Note: editing your item after submission is against the rules of the contest. If you edit your item, it will be disqualified from the contest. If I suggest an improvement and you make that improvement, the rating and judgment awarded will no longer be valid. Please do not edit until the contest results are announced.

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: this is an good idea that makes for an interesting story.

Opening: the main characters are introduced right away, and the situation is set up. The reader is engaged from beginning to end.

Plot: the plot needs some reworking. The story is resolved at three different places in the story, then earlier parts of the story are presented.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: this is well done with a lot of good details.

Characters: the characters are interesting, and their interaction is well done.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.


Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.


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158
158
Review of BLAVATSKY'S BUS  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Note: editing your item after submission is against the rules of the contest. If you edit your item, it will be disqualified from the contest. If I suggest an improvement and you make that improvement, the rating and judgment awarded will no longer be valid. Please do not edit until the contest results are announced.

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: the idea of using a bus to convey the story is well done. The story is well written with only a few errors.

Opening: the first few paragraphs set up the situation in an interesting way, and the reader's attention is held to the end.

Style and Voice: this is a first person narrative and is easy to read.

Scene/Setting: lots of good descriptions bring the tale to life.

Characters: parts of the main character are revealed throughout the story.


Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.


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159
159
Review by Paul D
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Overall impression: I enjoyed this poem. It captures the scene of a girl on the beach very well.

Structure: this is a free verse five stanza poem.

Rhythm: there is a good flow to the poem, carrying the reader along like waves coming onto the shore.

Imagery: lots of good word choices paint a picture for the reader.

Area(s) for improvement:notes


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160
160
Review of Irregularity  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: this is a fun story told in an interesting manner. The concept is creative.

Opening: within the first few paragraphs, the pattern of the story becomes clear, and the reader is pulled into it.

Style and Voice: the story is easy to read and flows well.

Scene/Setting: good descriptions bring the story to life.

Characters: the characters are interesting, and developing their story in a parallel manner is an interesting idea that works well.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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161
161
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: a shocking mystery that leaves the reader wondering what comes next.

Opening: the first few paragraphs introduce one of the characters and sets the scene. As an opening chapter to a longer story, this works well to capture the reader's attention.

Style and Voice: easy reading style that flows well. One suggestion I have concerns POV. There are multiple POV's, I would suggest to stick to one POV for any one particular section.

Scene/Setting: this is one of the strengths of this story. Good descriptive language brings the scene to life.

Dialogue: there is limited dialogue, but it is well done.

Characters: the characters are interesting, and their interactions move the story forward.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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162
162
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: a different take on the Cinderella tale.

Opening: two of the main characters are introduced in an interesting manner. As the opening chapter of a longer work, this story works well to capture the reader's imagination. The ending with a mystery is good to entice the reader to continue to the next chapter.

Style and Voice: the first person narrative flows well.

Scene/Setting: the scenes are described in a way where the reader can see what is happening.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.

Characters: the characters are interesting, and their interaction advances the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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163
163
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: a story that seems ordinary at first turns dramatic and terrifying.

Opening: the first few paragraphs introduce the main character and set the scene. It is done well.

Style and Voice: this is a first person account, and it flows well.

Scene/Setting: good descriptions bring the scene to life.

Dialogue: the dialogue is well done and advances the story.

Characters: the main character is good, and the character interactions advance the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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164
164
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: the reader is dropped right in the middle of an interesting story. Suspense and mystery pull the reader into the story.

Opening: one of the main characters and the situation is quickly introduced. If this is the opening for a longer story, it is well done in that it captures the reader's attention.

Style and Voice: the story flows well.

Scene/Setting: good descriptions paint the scenes for the reader, bringing the story to life. Well done.

Dialogue: the dialogue sounds natural and advances the story.

Characters: the interaction between the characters advances the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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165
165
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: a good horror story that builds the tension slowly.

Opening: the main character and scene are set well.

Style and Voice: it is a first person narrative that flows well.

Scene/Setting: the descriptions are good and bring the scene to life.

Dialogue: internal and external dialogue advances the story.

Characters: the main character is well done.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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166
166
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: there is a good deal of conflict between Emilia and her mother as well as Emilia's internal conflict, which makes for an interesting story.

Opening: this first chapter works well as the introduction to a longer story. The characters are introduced in an interesting manner, and the setting is well done. By the end of the chapter, the reader is eager to read more.

Plot: the idea for the plot is an interesting one.

Style and Voice: there is an easy reading style, and the story flows well.

Scene/Setting: good descriptive language makes for scenes where the reader can easily see what is happening. This is one example.

Emilia entered the dining hall. The air was stiff, and in it was a tangy smell of decomposed fruits. The burgundy curtains were pushed aside from the long paneled windows, exposing the sun. As she walked, the wooden floorboards creaked under her feet, and her mother, whom was eating breakfast at the end of the table, looked up at her. She eyed Emilia over, with a blasé expression on her face.

Dialogue: the dialogue is used effectively to advance the story.

Characters: the characters have depth, and their interaction is interesting and moves the story forward.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes


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167
167
Review of A Fan of Angels  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: I like this story in that it conveys horror in a dynamic way.

Opening: the first paragraph is well done. The main character is introduced and the scene is set. The reader is pulled into the story.

Style and Voice: the first person is a good choice for the story. It brings more emotion to the story.

Scene/Setting: good descriptions bring the scenes to life. The use of repetition for emphasis is well done. This passage is one example.

I haven't seen anyone walking around here in awhile, alive or dead. Definitely not the dead. I cleared those guys out of here months ago. Or was it years? I've lost a lot of time in this place. This quiet place. Especially with nothing to do but slaughter the recently deceased. Or were they deceased?

Characters: the main character is well done; there is good interaction with the other characters.

Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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168
for entry "Prologue
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: an interesting premise.

Opening: the character and the situation is introduced. In the first chapter is important to capture the reader's attention. This chapter is pleasant, but there is no “hook.” Something is needed to compel the reader to continue.

Style and Voice: the first person is a good choice.

Scene/Setting: there are interesting details that add to the scenes.

Characters: good introduction of the character.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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169
169
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: Lots of descriptive details makes for an interesting story.

Opening: the first paragraph is well done. The scene comes to life with the descriptions. One of the characters is introduced in an interesting manner.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Dialogue: natural dialogue that advances the story.

Characters: There is a good character interaction.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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170
170
Review of Voices of Reason  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: this story reminds me of the movie, Heart and Souls.
I enjoyed this story for its creativity.

Opening: the premise is set up in the first paragraph, and the reader is carried along to the end.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Dialogue: the dialogue is well done. The dialogue is what carries most of the story.

Characters: Good job on integrating a multitude of characters. Each one has a distinct voice, and their interaction advances the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

Click here join the 'WDC Powers Reviewers Group'!


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171
171
Review of A Dogs Life  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: this is a creative story with a dog as the main character. I enjoyed the concept and how it was developed.

Opening: the opening paragraph set the tone for the story. The main character is introduced, and there is good descriptive details that bring the story to life.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Dialogue: there is a good use of dialogue, and the dialect is well done. The dialogue advances the story.

Characters: the main character is well done, and the interaction between characters is interesting and advances the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

Click here join the 'WDC Powers Reviewers Group'!


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172
172
Review of Guardian Angel  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: It is hard to write a good short story in a just a few words, but this story accomplishes that very well. In the activity of the scene, the reader is led to think the story is about abuse. However, the ending comes as a surprise. Very well written.

Opening: The first sentence sets the scene very well, and the reader thinks they know what will come next.

Style and Voice: the story flows well. The first person is a good choice.

Dialogue: The dialogue is natural and advances the story. The internal dialogue is a good choice.

Characters: good character interaction.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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173
173
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: A mystery with interesting characters.

Opening: As the first chapter of a longer story, this chapter sets up the situation and introduces the characters. The reader's attention is engaged throughout the story.

Style and Voice: an easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: good details make the scenes interesting.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.

Characters: well done.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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174
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Review of Fear is Real  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: good character development that shows the reader what the character is thinking.

Opening: A strong opening that sets the premise for the story and introduces the character.

Style and Voice: easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: the scenes have good details that make them come to life.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.

Characters: excellent.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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175
175
Review of Starman  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: Excellent fight scene.

Opening: this is a very good opening paragraph. The reader's attention is captured right away andf held until the end.

Style and Voice: there is a quick pace with an easy writing style.

Scene/Setting: lots of good details bring the scenes to life.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.

Characters: both characters are interesting, and their interaction is well done.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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