Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.
What I like: there is a good deal of conflict between Emilia and her mother as well as Emilia's internal conflict, which makes for an interesting story.
Opening: this first chapter works well as the introduction to a longer story. The characters are introduced in an interesting manner, and the setting is well done. By the end of the chapter, the reader is eager to read more.
Plot: the idea for the plot is an interesting one.
Style and Voice: there is an easy reading style, and the story flows well.
Scene/Setting: good descriptive language makes for scenes where the reader can easily see what is happening. This is one example.
Emilia entered the dining hall. The air was stiff, and in it was a tangy smell of decomposed fruits. The burgundy curtains were pushed aside from the long paneled windows, exposing the sun. As she walked, the wooden floorboards creaked under her feet, and her mother, whom was eating breakfast at the end of the table, looked up at her. She eyed Emilia over, with a blasé expression on her face.
Dialogue: the dialogue is used effectively to advance the story.
Characters: the characters have depth, and their interaction is interesting and moves the story forward.
Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes ▼
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