Overall Conclusion
I really enjoyed this story. It's not the usual run-of-the-mill horror fare, though there have been quite a number of insect tales, I like the way yours is subterranean, both in location and in my conscience. It got under my skin.
The only other thing I have with this story is what happens next. It seems to stop in a strange place, as though it maybe the first chapter in a longer tome - I hope so as I would read the rest of this story anytime.
Originality - 7/10
Like I said before - there are many insect tales in the horror genre. Your's though is a good tale.
Grammar - 5/10
 There are few errors in your story, of which I'll point out below. Your main fault though is the "repeated words". To repeat common words is fine and ofttimes, unavoidable. The problem comes when you use the less common words.
 For example, near the end of your story you have a five sentence paragraph where you use the word "car" four times. This stands out like the proverbial sore thumb. The way around this is to do a rewrite of the paragraph to remove some of the offending words and replace some with similar words, such as "vehicle", "automobile" - or even use a make and model of car , "Ford Mustang" This will help to keep your reader reading.
Another thing to watch out for are "Pesky Words". These are words, such as "that", "had", "of", "but", etc, which, left unnoticed, can overpopulate your story. Most of the time these words are not even required; at others, a simple rewrite is required to remove them. You seem to have a lot of them.
"But I had been so enraptured with Sarah that I failed to even realize he had left"
Pesky Word, if you remove the "that" from this sentence - "But I had been so enraptured with Sarah I failed to even realize he had left" - the meaning remains but it reads a little easier.
"Eventually, most of the people had left the party"
Another Pesky Word: Try - "Eventually, most of the people left the party"
"the only ones left were the ones spending the night"
Repetitiveness; this one isn't so bad but I'll use it for an example - Try changing one of the "ones" - such as - "the only party-goers left were the ones spending the night"
"I had resigned to head home"
PW - Try "I resigned to head home" as it makes the sentence less vague and passive.
"I noticed that I was not alone on the train"
PW - to add more punch to the sentence just remove "that" - "I noticed I was not alone on the train."
"But aside from the odd-looking bump"
PW & repetitiveness: You used but in the last sentence, this one works well without it - Try "Aside from the odd-looking bump"
"But as I took a seat in the chair"
PW: I would start this sentence without the "But" - "As I took a seat in the chair"
"But within minutes, I fell asleep."
PW: Again you don't need the "but" - removing it here also makes the statement stronger - "Within minutes, I fell asleep."
" I did not remember being at this part of the subway circuit, and"
I feel as though you're missing a word within this sentence - I would try " I did not remember being at this part of the subway circuit before, and"
"I realized that it had regrettably stopped working"
PW: Try - "I realized it had regrettably stopped working"
"it still read 2:10am"
Continuity error: If the watch still reads 2:10 them you need to inform the reader of the previous time it read 2:10. There are two ways to do this.
1 - add an extra few words to the sentence - "it still read 2:10am, the time I'd boarded the train,"
2 - add a sentence earlier in the story where your character looks at his watch.
Or you could just get rid of this sentence all together as it didn't seem that relevant to the rest of your story.
"motionless in the car in front"
Since you used "in front" with respect to the scruffy man before this stood out when I read it. Try - "motionless in the car ahead"
" As the doors closed, I decided that I would check"
PW - Try - " As the doors closed, I decided I would check"
"There was definitely else wrong"
 Missing word here - Should be "There was definitely something else wrong"
*exclaim2* "the whole train was plunged in darkness"
Should be - "the whole train was plunged into darkness"
"through the glass that separated"
Should be - "through the glass which separated"
"to further assert that I in fact had not control over the situation"
Commas are required in this sentence and an incorrect word has been used - Should be - "to further assert that I, in fact, had no control over the situation"
"I wiped the sweat."
Missing word here - "I wiped the sweat away."
"I felt what I thought was the emergency door open mechanism"
At this point in the story you're trying to keep the reader on the edge of their seat, I would change this sentence to read "I felt what I thought was the emergency handle" - this makes the sentence more succinct and to the point.
"I smashed the plastic"
You finished the previous sentence with plastic, I would try changing this one to - "I smashed the casing"
"I landed in a small puddle splashing water onto my pants"
Comma required here - "I landed in a small puddle, splashing water onto my pants"
"My hearted pounded in my chest managed to croak out a shaky "Who's there?""
Incorrect word, missing comma, & missing words required - "My heart pounded in my chest, as I managed to croak out a shaky, "Who's there?" "
"the newly acquired adrenaline that ran through my body"
PW: Slight rewrite here to remove a PW - "the newly acquired adrenaline running through my body"
"I took hurried steps towards the figure."
Now we're at a point in your story where you use the word "figure" a lot - I would consider changing most of these -
"I took hurried steps towards the dark shape."
"ten feet away from the ominous form"
"I distinguished the person to have"
"when the shadow whipped around"
"I gasped in horror. Now facing me, I knew I was staring into something purely evil"
The "Now facing me" and "I was staring into" parts of the sentence above turns makes the sentence nonsensical - I would consider rewriting it like - "I gasped in horror; for facing me, was something purely evil"
"But then I felt limp"
"felt" is a passive word in the scene you've used it - I would try "But then I became limp" - it's more positive.
"and then that prickling sensation in my neck again"
PW: Try - "and then felt the prickling sensation in my neck again"
"Once again I commanded my arms"
You used "again" at the end of the last sentence - Try - "Once more I commanded my arms"
"similar to the sound of one who is whispering"
Now we're at the paragraph where you favour "sound" a lot. Try -
"similar to a person who is whispering"
"But it wasn't the type of noise a human would make"
"It was more of a rasping, unlike anything"
"where the sound was coming from" - you can leave this one since all the previous ones were altered, this is less evident.
"landing on my face"
You use this term twice I would consider changing the second instance to something like - "settled on my skin."
"and found that I was able to lift my arm"
PW - Try - "and found I was able to lift my arm"
" There were large building around me"
Should be - " There were large buildings around me"
"I began to realize that I was in"
PW - Try "I began to realize I was in"
"But there wasn't a subway station here for miles"
Continuity Error - If he doesn't know where he is then how does he know there isn't a subway around?
"I knew that I needed to find a phone"
PW - Try - "I knew I needed to find a phone"
"As I walked, it felt as though something else was commanding my limbs to move. It was like I was watching my body move. I could tell my limbs to move faster or slower, but I wasn't really there to control them. It felt as though there was something else present in me, traveling through my mind and body."
This is very long-winded, repetitive, and passive; it needs to be shortened so your readers don't get bored - Try - "As I walked, it felt as though something else was present in me, commanding my limbs to move.
"I had only been walking a few minutes when I heard the sound of a car behind me. I turned around and saw the headlights of a car. The car stopped and a man got out."
Overuse of the word "car" - Try - "I had only been walking a few minutes when I heard the sound of a car behind me. I turned around and saw its headlights. The vehicle stopped and a man got out.
"I sat down in the car"
Here, again you use "car " prolifically - Try -
"I sat down in the vehicle"
"and I felt us lurch to a start"
"to hang around at alone"
 Should be - "to hang around alone"
"My neck began to throb with pain"
Since you start the next sentence of with "My Neck" - I would consider changing this to something like - "The bump began to throb with pain"
"He had had a bump"
Always try to stay away from the dreaded double "had" - a simple rewrite can alleviate this problem - "Images of the scruffy man, on the train, and the bump on his neck popped into my mind."
"as its intensity spread"
You used "intensity" a couple of lines before so I'd change this to - "as it spread"
Dialogue - 9/10
The dialogue in your story sounded quite realistic to me so good job. 
Characters - 7/10
Your main character, the narrator, is pretty sound and you've expressed his worries and fears of the situation pretty well. I think, though, the story would be stronger, if while he was down in the underground you instilled in him more fear and paranoia - as the dark is a great giver of these emotions.
Pace and Flow - 6/10
The places mentioned above, where the text is confused or repetitive slowed me down and slightly spoiled the story for me - once these have been sorted though, you should have a very good tale.
Feelings & Emotions - 8/10
There is a feeling of being lost, alone and slightly afraid in this story - which is good, though, as I said above, I think it can become a good story should more emphasis be put on these feelings.
Please remember any opinions which are given, are given in the spirit of helpfulness - If you do not agree with my opinions then please feel free to ignore them - after all this is YOUR story (be true to it and yourself) 
Thank you for letting me read your story.
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) and have paid closer attention to how authors write. On the whole the "-" is used signify an afterthought, which is based on the original statement. Your opening paragraph is spot on. Though there are a couple of places in your story where you use the "-" in order to create tension and a pause 
PENNYWISE
. Also remember this is happening at a carnival so there would also be other people making sounds - some would be silenced by shock, others would yell to leave him alone, and some might scream. All of this would add to the realism and atmosphere of the scene too. 
I know there isn't much dialogue here, but what there is feels wrong. Good dialogue should feel realistic and yours feels shoved in and disjointed to the rest of the story. For Example...