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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pernille
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34 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to give my overall impression, give tips for improvement if I notice anything in particular, and often highlight favourite lines or aspects I think worked well. I might comment on the form and style, and anything else that strikes me as relevant. All comments are intended to be constructive and helpful. ............................................................................ I recommend this interesting commentary from Northernwrites about what rating actually means: "Ratings On or Ratings Off? ............................................................................
Favorite Genres
Genres I like include Nature, Pets, Animals, Fantasy, Drama, Emotional, Inspirational, Romance, Thrillers, Mystery, Fanfiction, Comedy, Education etc. Most genres, really, depending on my mood and the text.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Chapters, Essays, Other
I will not review...
If I don't feel like the material is for me, so that I don't have anything constructive to say, I might prefer not to comment.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Sleepless  
Review by PiriPica
Rated: E | (4.0)
Insomnia is a real pain, and this poem is a nice mix between light-hearted and true, which is a good way to deal with the topic.

It feels rushed in a suitable way, and the stream of thoughts and sudden worries show very well what it's like to lie awake all night.

Funny ending, it makes it easier to read about a stressful topic when you have a good dose of humor in it *Smile* Of course, it also makes it less real and dampens the impact, but that's really a matter of what kind of feeling you want the reader to be left with. Humor goes a long way.

The poem does look a bit cramped since there are no line spaces, but again, maybe that adds to the stressed feeling that fits with the theme. You don't need the title repeated in the body of text, though.

All in all I thought it was a fun read that's intentionally on the silly side. Thanks for writing, keep up the good work *Smile*


*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge!; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*
2
2
Review by PiriPica
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice*Poseyo*It's tongue in cheek and wise at the same time.

I like the build-up of the stanzas.

It flows nicely, although some of the lines are noticably longer. You might make the syllable count more even to adjust that. Also, the first two lines don't rhyme like the others do. Personally I don't mind so much, but it doesn't prepare you for the coming rhyme scheme.

I would suggests writing 5 as 'five', but that's a minor detail.

Favourite lines:'You end up feeling lost and dense
if you, poor thing, lack common sense.
', because it's snappy and memorable.

Overall, I really like it and thought it was clever and fun, with a good message.

Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by PiriPica
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm glad they pressed 1, this was fun!

It's a wild ride, and I like the humorous details, like randomly ending up named team 'Aardvark'.

It's a wild ride, and all the details can almost be a bit overwhelming at times, but that fits nicely with the video-game theme.

Overall, I like that it's fast-paced, and full of action and vivid descriptions.

Well done!
4
4
Review by PiriPica
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is beautiful, I especially like the concluding couplet.

You use such rich, descriptive language that I hardly thought of the rhyme scheme and such, but it just flows very naturally.

It's sweet and sad, and paints vivid pictures.

I like how you use very small creatures, like bugs, but you make it great, and make them really matter. You make me really feel for them all.

Well done, this was lovely to read *PoseyO*
5
5
Review by PiriPica
Rated: E | (4.5)
Note: This is a review of your text from a writing perspective, not a comment about the topic itself, or a critique of your sources. I will note that I think you're rising awareness about an important issue, and I commend you for that.

You have written a compelling essay about a very important current issue. You write convincingly, and I like that you include your sources, especially for a topical issue like this.

The citing list does take up a large portion of the text. It feels urgent, and compells the reader to investigate further on their own. Usually, I would probably recommend to do something about the format or length of your text, so that the listing isn’t such a big portion of what the reader sees. In this case, I feel like your essay is a sort of summary/introduction into the information that's out there, and that this is first and foremost an appeal. Therefore, I think the format works fine, and I hope that your message has a positive effects on the situation.

Thank you for writing this, and welcome to Writing.com!
6
6
Review of 04.04.2021  
Review by PiriPica
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very interesting, I like it!

You capture the feeling of being stuck in a rut mentally, in this case contemplating unrequited (probably) love.

I think you've done this in a clever and effective way, and the poem has just the right kind of feel for the topic.

I like this line the best: "I realize that I find you interesting." It's nicely understated.

Well done *Smile*
7
7
Review of My Kitten  
Review by PiriPica
Rated: E | (4.0)
Adorable little poem.

Thank you for introducing me to a new form, I have not heard of the tyburn before.

It seems like a good choice for the topic at hand, you describe the kitten's life very well. The simple listing fits nicely with the repetitive innocence of a kitten's life.

The only issue is that the syllable restriction forces you to cut out the word 'and' in the sentences, which makes them a bit odd.

That doesn't take away from my enjoyment of reading it, though. It's a fun and cute poem read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of One Fine Day...  
Review by PiriPica
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Lovely little poem, possibly with a bleak conclusion? I like your use of allitteration, repetition and contrast. You also have vivid imagery and a lot of rich feelings in your word choices.

I had to read it a couple of times, because it felt a bit disjointed, like words thrown at me at first. Now I see a clear structure:

Line 1:Positives of love
Line 2:Negatives of love
Line 3:Emphazising that love starts positive, then becomes negative
Line 4:Concluding with the advice, 'stay away from love, it's bound to go wrong'

Although, 'Merry-go-round' does make it sound like things could turn around again, so perhaps doesn't fit completely with 'shattered lives'.

On the whole, it's a nice poem, I enjoyed reading it *Smile*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review by PiriPica
Rated: E | (4.5)
This might be old, but it's still relevant. Thanks for writing this nifty list.

I like that you've taken the time to really make an elaborate list that would probably give most people some useful ideas.

The way you talk about the internet gives away the age a bit, but that's just a cute quirk to the text: "Using search engines, such as Google...

Overall a good text, that could probably stand to be shared anew.

Write on *PoseyO*
10
10
Review by PiriPica
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is great! I can very much relate to the endless guilt of unfinished projects like this!

And the form is fascinating. I have just written a villanelle, and this reminds me very much of that. Have you done an adaptation of your own, or does this form have a name? It flows well, and the repetition of lines both gives an impact, and it fits nicely with the handcraft theme.

Well done, keep up the good work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Easter 2021  
Review by PiriPica
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another fun Easter 2021 activity!

This year was looking like it would be another sad quarantine Easter, and indeed plans have been cancelled and vacations ruined (at least mine).

All your Easter 2021 activities, including this one, are therefore very much appreciated *Smile*.

Thank you for this excellent word search with lots of positive, cheerful words *BigSmile*.

And for all the mystery suprises, hidden treats and bananas!

Happy Easter!
12
12
Review of Oneka: Chapter 3  
Review by PiriPica
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I'm happy to have reached the inevitable time jump, to meet Oneka as a young adult. She is a fierce fighter as expected, and the dramatic ending of this chapter means just about anything can happen next. Very exciting.

I like it that you threw in a love interest, perhaps Seiji will have to go looking for her?

One thing that felt a bit off was putting the paragraph about the snow monkey being dragged into the ring in present tense. Perhaps consider putting it in past tense like the rest of the text?

I look forwards to reading more!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Oneka: Chapter 1  
Review by PiriPica
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was a dramatic first chapter, which got me hooked and wondering what Oneka's life will be like.

It's clever to juxtaposition the birth of a baby with the brutality of war. Also, the tranquility, yet undercurrent of tension, in the beginning is contrasted nicely with the drama that follows.

I like the Lady's warning with the teaspoon. Perhaps her words of wisdom will be relayed to Oneka as well someday?

You have set Oneka up to be a strong and controversial character, I'll be interested to see what happens next.

Well done, keep up the good work *PoseyO*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of The Beer Lesson  
Review by PiriPica
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting story, I like how you're tackling the dynamics between three generations. It's sweet how the father and son work through the issues, and end up in a good place.

I think the interactions all make sense, although I guess what I'm left with is the wish to see some kind of follow-up between the father and grandfather. The grandfather ends up coming across as mean, and writing off his own grandson as a thief is a harsh place to end it. Although he does get to explain that he thinks it's important that the boy learns to not steal. The way the beer dribbles down his chin makes it seem like he's supposed to be the bad guy.

To sum up, I think the conflict between the father and grandfather is especially interesting, and could be investigated more.

Well done, keep writing *PoseyO*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Sleep  
Review by PiriPica
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting story. I especially appreciate the first part about the struggle to sleep. Very relatable for anyone who has trouble at work sometimes.

My favourite line was this one :" I keep looking at the clock and subtracting the minutes I’ve wasted, so I can panic at how few I have left before I have to get up." It just describes an insomniac's panic so well.

It gets wrapped up a bit abruptly, in that the conflict has such an easy fix, but I understand it's meant to be a very brief story.

All in all a fairly lighthearted take on the subject, which was fun to read.

Keep writing *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review by PiriPica
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Great story, very entertaining. It felt fast paced and engaging, although the real hook was her waking up in the hotel room, while it was a mystery what had actually happened. Before that it wasn't so clear where the story was going, although the build-up was eventually worth it. I got the feeling there was some meddeling going on from the scene in the coffee shop, and from the way everything was going wrong. Overall, a cute love story, with a suitably cynical reveal that balances it all out. Well done, keep writing *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of D is for Monkey  
Review by PiriPica
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This seems like a nightmare. You describe everything very well, I can vividly picture it all. It's very chilling and bizzarre. I think my favourite line is “I cannot see the children inside the bus, but I feel like I could if I tried.", because there's something like a disturbing sort of "dream logic" in it that adds to the impression of being in a bad dream.

The ending leaves me with a bit of a "what did I just read" feeling, since it's so abrupt, but again that adds to my theory that I just read a description of a nightmare. It does leave me wondering if this is part of some bigger story, perhaps some kind of an adventure in a scary fantasy universe. I'm sure left quite confused at the end.

I would say the story starts very chilling, and when we get to the terror actually happening it seems humorous as well because it's so, well... random.

All in all a very vivid, quite confusing and entertaining story of a nightmare. Well done, keep up the good work *PoseyO*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Passing Freedom  
Review by PiriPica
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was very sad, and an interesting look into a serious problem.

The ending is very dark, almost too much so. I find myself wishing for a different last line.

The first line is excellent, though, it catches my interest and pulls me right in.

I think it works as one long text, although I wish you would make an indent when you start a new paragraph.

One of the best lines is this one :"Hurtful words sailed through the air like streams flowing into rivers, steady and constant.", because the imagery both shows how the negative feelings build up over time and become overwhelming, and it fits well with the stream of alcohol that will follow.

Thank you for this text, keep writing *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review by PiriPica
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was a very interesting text, I think I've learned a lot about screenplays by reading it. The idea of categorizing movies like this is interesting, and it makes a lot of sense (I suppose this is connected to the idea of tropes?). It often feels like there's some kind of template to movie-making, so it's interesting that you study one of these types in more detail.

I like it that you use a lot of well-known examples, I'm left with the impression that you have done thorough research. I'm perhaps left a little unsure about wether the difference between Jaws and Alien is the main point, or just an example. For the most part, though, I think you build the text well around your examples.

I think your writing style has a nice balance between casual and informative that makes it enjoyable to read.

The text could do with a proof-reading to clean up spelling mistakes, text format issues and such. It's not a very big deal, but I think this text deserves that sort of polishing.

All in all an educational text that I appreciated reading.
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