|Hi Coffee Queen Sox,
This review is for the "WDC Review A-Thon! CLOSED til Next Year" !
I love your poem, it's very effectful. It really brings forth the image of a fitful night of nightmares and sleeplessness. The last line, "sleep awaits the morn'" gives leaves the reader with little hope for the terrible dreams to give way for a good, deep sleep. It does, however, remind me that this might thankfully be just a nightmare, that will end when morning comes.
I think you're doing a great job of your word choices. You're focusing a lot on the senses, rather than thoughts and emotions, which is an excellent way of drawing in the reader. The poem feels visceral, and I'm right there in the nightmare, rather than just being told about someone having a nightmare.
There is no real explanation for why this nightmare is happening, and that make perfect sense. When you're lying in your bed, dreaming, you're not really aware of where the thougths and impressions are coming from.
You use a lot of auditory words, which I think is very effective. Right from the first line, you're preparing the reader to be ready to "listen" to your poem. The second line, "silence broken, grinding fear," is my favourite. This is when the nightmare really starts, and I love how you follow up silence being "broken" with a sound word, "grinding", but it's the noise of fear itself.
All the sound words that follow in the poem thereby become linked to fear, which I think is very effective. I also like how the sound words bleed seamlessly into movement words, which is what helps make the poem so visceral.
I'm not sure if I needed the line "visions of Armageddon in the night,", because it seems a bit on the nose. However, it does serve a purpose, like bringing vision into play as well, and setting the scene "at night".
The title is quite exciting, since it makes me wonder if one of two things is happening here:
Is there a conjurer who is brining these nightmare upon a poor soul? An outside force at play?
Or is this perhaps a cojurer's own dreams, as some sort of consequence of their actions?
It brings an interesting new level to the poem, and adds atmosphere and mystery.
You are throughtout the poem doing a good job of using repetition, alliteration and assonance in a way that keeps the pulse up, and fits the fitful theme of the poem.
There are commas, but no other punctuation, and only lower case letters, which I think also contributes to the pace and the mood of the poem. It feels right for a poem where the impressions are supposed to give a feeling of vague, restless unease.
The shape of the poem is also interesting, since to me it gives the impression of waves. I'm not sure about the word "tree" getting such a highlight, though, it feels like it's getting a focus that's not warranted.
All in all, I think you've written a very good poem, it was a fun read. Keep up the good work!