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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pgoka
Review Requests: ON
37 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of A Fish Tale  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Beautiful story, Fish Tale. I really enjoyed reading it. I'm glad you won.
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Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello S.Z.K.
This poem reflects the beauty and simplicity of childhood, but do you know what I love most about your poem? The ending rhymes. That is something I have never been able to do- I won't even try it.
This poem is nicely written, I'm glad you reviewed my poem.
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Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful poem that clearly speaks of the love you have for your wife.
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Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kimberly. you did a great job with the prompt. I really enjoyed reading the story, especially since it was so full of suspense and it was a wonderful play with words. I had no idea where the story was headed. Nice twist at the end too. Well done.

I just noted this though, "...and the boy and his mother will "leave" long and healthy lives..." I realised that you had a little typo with the leave here.
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Review of Safeguards  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A beautifully written poem Don. Thank you.
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Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Beholden,
This is a very very beautiful fairytale, back to the days of the brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson. Simply told, straight forward, and a delight to read to the end, and like all fairy tales it gives a bold message in its telling, and this one I think says not to judge by the clothes a person wears. I am going to see if I can write a good enough story to enter in this month's contest.
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Review of James James  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the story and the sweet innocence that it portrays. It's really well written and the dialogue so real.

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Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Lin,
I think this story is kind of sad. To give up everything so that you can do what you love, and then not being able to do it- frustrating and sad.

The story is well written and the descriptions are vivid. I enjoyed reading it,I especially loved the interaction between the coffee machine and Hooper.

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Review of Bob Loves You  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Bob,
First of all I think religious pieces can lead to much controversy especially when it comes to the use of right hand side and the left hand side of a supreme being. My interpretation of the seating arrangement is that the preferred ones are on the right hand side, especially since the devil is also on the left hand side.

I was also confused by the appearance of Bill O'Rilley, because he hadn't been mentioned previously in the seating arrangements.

If there was a deeper significance, I think I missed it, but then, that is poetry.

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Review of BOUNDING HOME  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You wrote this story like you lived through it, or probably did some intense research on it. You made me live through the war, through the eyes of Vince. DRSmith, I loved reading this story to the last end.
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Review of A good lesson  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Sielie,
Please remember, that these are just my thoughts and opinions. Since you submitted this story for honest reviews, I am going to be as honest with you as I would like anyone to be with my work.

First of all, I think that you need to read over and work a little more on the flow of the story. I noted a few of the places I feel you could work on.

- It seems impossible that amongst a group of twenty educators, she should have only two friends. Who does that? (the bolded part seems out of place to me or rather, a different choice of words eg, Pathetic!, will bring out whatever idea you want to express better)

-“What a great person she is, looking after other people’s children and taking her as their own, at her young age, and on top of her own two teenagers.” There is a kind of disjoint here. I think you should rephrase it to make it clearer to the reader.

- the next day Jessie takes her seat next to Denise, who squints at her from under long black lashes. “Don’t ask. I did nothing. Nothing.” Sammy takes a long drink from her coffee. “How did it go with your grading?”(I am wondering where they are now)

-No one responds He regards that as affirmation.” (Please check the punctuation)

On the whole, I think it has the potential to be a great story. It just needs a little more editing.

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Review of The Tempest  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Whitemorn,
I love reading poetry,and I do know good poetry when I read one. My comments on The Tempest:

- I like the the flow of the poem. However, I felt that it would read easier if some of the longer lines were broken down.
- I also found it a bit hard reading the poem since everything is in bold. I think you should remove the bold from it and only use it for parts you want to lay emphasis on.
- The spacing was also a bit too close.

On the whole though, I enjoyed it. Nice work, keep writing.

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Review of Hells Bells  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Congratulations on your win. It is rather amazing ow you managed to pull this off. One man talking throughout, and Charlie's silence throughout, yet it still came out like a dialogue of sorts, which revealed all that was happening. I enjoyed reading it.
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Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting. A very interesting poem.
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Review of My Candle  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love your story. I like your linking life's trials and tribulations to the flame of a candle. We all go through it, we know how it feels like. I am rating you not based on the technical aspects of your writing but on the content.

Nice piece.
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Review of Brutally Honest  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love it! The language, the descriptions. I laughed while reading the story. I am still smiling.
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Review of Interloper  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
After commenting on some of my works I couldn't help but visit your portfolio. If someone who writes poetry as beautiful as you do, takes the time to read my poetry and comment on it, I am honoured.
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Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Shaara,
I am saving some of your work to read later. I find that there is so much material to read on wdc, I don't know where to start. It overwhelms me. How do you do it?
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Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am copying these to read later. I got interested after visiting your blog.
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Review of Midnight Dance  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
I twirled through the dark night with her. Nicely written
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21
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Beautiful story. Really vivid. Noticed that it needs a few tweaks here and there though, the ones that you can easily overlook.


Your up early," she said with a yawn, "I guess your really excited about going to the mountains today.". (noticed it should have been you're)

" She said once she finally came down to the living room. "And really, why are you always watching weird documentaries?". "They're not weird, they're interesting" I replied. ( feel a comma should come after the She said. My thoughts though)

But me and my sister were already ahead of me. They both ran back to the patch of trees but I was too late. (But my mother and my sister, I think that was what you meant to write)


Happy writing!!!
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Review of Vision Of Beauty  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Margaret,
I am glad that you are following your dream, and writing. I am Thirty-five, getting on thirty-six. In 2007, I entered a writing competition because my mother had just been diagnosed with breast cancer, and we didn't have much money and I wanted the prize money because I wanted life to be easier on her. After the award, something happened. I couldn't write again. I can't explain, but I just couldn't write. I remember my mother telling me to write everyday because she believed in me. She died two years later, and I still regret not writing. Now to your story. I will try to review it as best as I can and I hope that my comments will be useful.


I had come to Colorado Springs, Colorado to live with my husband while he was stationed at

Fort Carson Colorado Springs, Colorado.

I had come to Colorado Springs to live with my husband, while he was stationed at Fort Carson, Colorado.

I got a job there on post working for the Army as a Civil
Servant, my job title was mail clerk. (How soon did you get this job after moving to Colorado Springs?)

I got a job there, on post, working for the army as a mail clerk.


One night when I was in my bedroom in bed that was situated off the living room and my young son
in junior high was asleep in his bedroom situated opposite the kitchen. My husband was currently in
the field at Fort Hood, Texas. So, we were alone in the house. I was laying, in bed on this particular
night waiting for sleep to take me, when all of a sudden, a bright light lit up the living room. Since my bedroom door was opened, I could see what it was. It was the most beautiful vision I had ever
seen in my life.

One night I was alone in the house with my young son aged…. (don’t really know how to fit in the Junior High here) My husband was away at Fort Hood in Texas and my son was asleep in his room opposite the kitchen. I was lying in bed waiting for sleep to overtake me, when all of a sudden, a bright light lit up the living room. My bedroom door was open and since it was located off the living room, I could see what it was. It was the most beautiful vision I had ever seen in my life.

A, elderly woman appeared in my field of sight she had white hair down to the bottom of her throat
sort of like a bob, but not quite the modern look of a bob haircut of today. She was immaculate not a hair out
of place, not a wrinkle out on her face, rosy pink cheeks, she walked with a hunched. Because she had no
wrinkles it was hard for me to guess her age. But her appearance told me she was elderly. She had an old
cane in her right hand and carried an ancient lantern in her left.

An elderly woman, with white hair down to the bottom of her throat, in a sort of bob quite unlike the modern look of a bob haircut today. She was immaculate. Not a hair out of place, rosy pink cheeks and not a wrinkle on her face; because of this, it was hard for me to guess her age. She walked with a hunch and something about her appearance told me she was elderly. In her right hand she had a cane and in her left, she carried an ancient lantern.

This lantern was ancient. I don't believe there is a lantern like it on earth today. Because I have done
some small research trying to find something similar on the internet with no luck.

I don’t believe there is a lantern quite like it on earth today, because later, I did some research on the internet, trying to find something similar, with no luck.

I believe she knew I had seen her. I had wished I had gotten up, but I was like rooted to my bed in
awe! Now her gown was the most gorgeous gown I have ever seen in my life. The first thing I thought and
said to myself was, "Oh my God, It's my fairy God Mother!" She didn't say a word to me as she crossed the
room and went out the door without opening the door, as she did this the living room became dark again. I
got up and opened the door to the outside to see if I could see her again. She had completely vanished. I
quickly locked the door and went back to bed. Instead of spoken words she left me with and overwhelming
since of peace. Sleep then overtook my body.

She must have known that I had seen her. To date, I wish I had gotten up (to do what? Approach her? Talk to her?), but I was frozen, rooted?? (Can’t really make out if the original sounds better) by awe.
Her gown, was the most gorgeous I had ever seen in my life (care to give us have an idea how it looked  ??). I whispered??? (better synonym might be used) the first words that crossed my mind, “Oh my God, it’s my fairy God Mother!”
She didn’t say a word to me as she crossed the room and went out through the door without opening it (a bit confusing here. Did she walk through your bedroom? Was there a door leading outside through your bedroom? Which door was closed?)


As she did this, the living room became dark again. I got up, opened the door and looked outside to see if I could see her again. She had completely vanished. I quickly locked the door and went back to bed.
She had left me with an overwhelming sense of peace as sleep took over my body.


The next morning, I woke and thought about what had occurred last night and I wished I had gotten
out of bed and talked to her, but I didn't, a small regret there. It was not much longer that day or the
next day, I would get a phone call from Fort Hood that my husband had pasted out from heat
exhaustion while in the field. They told me that they were giving him IV's to hydrate him and that he
would be fine. I would find out from my husband on his return home on his pasting out incident that
he was near death's door.

I woke up the next morning with renewed regret. I wished I had gotten out of bed and talked to the woman. I would get a call later that day or the next, I can’t really remember, from Fort Hood, that my husband had passed out from heat exhaustion while he was in the field. They said he was being given IV’s to hydrate him, that he was going to be fine; I would later find out from my husband on his return, that he had been near death’s door.

Which makes even more sense why I had the visit from Archangel
Gabriel. So, now I know that this was the reason that I saw this vision. She was the Angel
Gabriel. The Archangel Gabriel's white light ray represents purity, harmony and holiness. This
description fits perfectly with the vision I saw.

This explained the visit from the archangel Gabriel (as I now believed the woman was). The Archangel’s white light rays represent purity, harmony and holiness. This fit perfectly with the vision I saw.


This beautiful elderly lady was dressed in a beautiful
white gown and this is why she chose to appear to me wearing white. Archangel Gabriel is the angel
of revelation. She is the same angel that told Mary in the bible she would give birth to Jesus Christ.
I have always wanted to see her again. Who would not want to see beauty like that. I considered
myself to be very blessed. I have so far in my life had four encounters with angels. Oh, I have had
encounters with demons too, but that's another story for another time.

This must have been why that beautiful elderly lady, dressed in that beautiful gown had chosen to appear to me in white. Archangel Gabriel is the angel of revelation. She is the angel who told Mary in the bible, she would give birth to Jesus Christ.
I have always wanted to see her again. Who would not want to see beauty like that. I consider myself to be very blessed. I have so far in my life had four encounters with angels… oh, I have had encounters with demons too, but that is another story, for another time although I prefer not to write about those.


One I don't really choose to write about. I am all about writing inspiring positive stories. I also want to clarify that all my encounters have been without seeing wings. I have always wondered about this too. When they
appear to you in human form, they don't necessarily show their wings, I guess. One encounter was
with Archangel Michael, I heard just his voice, he was invisible to me. That is one powerful angel
and that too is another story.
This story is based on a true story.

I am all about writing positive and inspiring stories. I also want to clarify that in all my encounters I have not seen wings, and I have wondered about that too. When they appear to you in human form, they don’t necessarily show their wings I guess. In one encounter I had with the Archangel Michael, I heard just his voice. He was invisible to me. That too, is another story.



I hope I have been helpful. I wish you the very best.
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