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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pgoka
Review Requests: ON
38 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful poem that clearly speaks of the love you have for your wife.
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2
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kimberly. you did a great job with the prompt. I really enjoyed reading the story, especially since it was so full of suspense and it was a wonderful play with words. I had no idea where the story was headed. Nice twist at the end too. Well done.

I just noted this though, "...and the boy and his mother will "leave" long and healthy lives..." I realised that you had a little typo with the leave here.
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Review of Safeguards  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A beautifully written poem Don. Thank you.
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Review of James James  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the story and the sweet innocence that it portrays. It's really well written and the dialogue so real.

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5
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Lin,
I think this story is kind of sad. To give up everything so that you can do what you love, and then not being able to do it- frustrating and sad.

The story is well written and the descriptions are vivid. I enjoyed reading it,I especially loved the interaction between the coffee machine and Hooper.

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Review of Bob Loves You  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Bob,
First of all I think religious pieces can lead to much controversy especially when it comes to the use of right hand side and the left hand side of a supreme being. My interpretation of the seating arrangement is that the preferred ones are on the right hand side, especially since the devil is also on the left hand side.

I was also confused by the appearance of Bill O'Rilley, because he hadn't been mentioned previously in the seating arrangements.

If there was a deeper significance, I think I missed it, but then, that is poetry.

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Review of BOUNDING HOME  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You wrote this story like you lived through it, or probably did some intense research on it. You made me live through the war, through the eyes of Vince. DRSmith, I loved reading this story to the last end.
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Review of A good lesson  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Sielie,
Please remember, that these are just my thoughts and opinions. Since you submitted this story for honest reviews, I am going to be as honest with you as I would like anyone to be with my work.

First of all, I think that you need to read over and work a little more on the flow of the story. I noted a few of the places I feel you could work on.

- It seems impossible that amongst a group of twenty educators, she should have only two friends. Who does that? (the bolded part seems out of place to me or rather, a different choice of words eg, Pathetic!, will bring out whatever idea you want to express better)

-“What a great person she is, looking after other people’s children and taking her as their own, at her young age, and on top of her own two teenagers.” There is a kind of disjoint here. I think you should rephrase it to make it clearer to the reader.

- the next day Jessie takes her seat next to Denise, who squints at her from under long black lashes. “Don’t ask. I did nothing. Nothing.” Sammy takes a long drink from her coffee. “How did it go with your grading?”(I am wondering where they are now)

-No one responds He regards that as affirmation.” (Please check the punctuation)

On the whole, I think it has the potential to be a great story. It just needs a little more editing.

9
9
Review of The Tempest  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Whitemorn,
I love reading poetry,and I do know good poetry when I read one. My comments on The Tempest:

- I like the the flow of the poem. However, I felt that it would read easier if some of the longer lines were broken down.
- I also found it a bit hard reading the poem since everything is in bold. I think you should remove the bold from it and only use it for parts you want to lay emphasis on.
- The spacing was also a bit too close.

On the whole though, I enjoyed it. Nice work, keep writing.

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Review of Hells Bells  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Congratulations on your win. It is rather amazing ow you managed to pull this off. One man talking throughout, and Charlie's silence throughout, yet it still came out like a dialogue of sorts, which revealed all that was happening. I enjoyed reading it.
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11
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting. A very interesting poem.
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Review of My Candle  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love your story. I like your linking life's trials and tribulations to the flame of a candle. We all go through it, we know how it feels like. I am rating you not based on the technical aspects of your writing but on the content.

Nice piece.
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Review of Brutally Honest  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love it! The language, the descriptions. I laughed while reading the story. I am still smiling.
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14
Review of Interloper  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
After commenting on some of my works I couldn't help but visit your portfolio. If someone who writes poetry as beautiful as you do, takes the time to read my poetry and comment on it, I am honoured.
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Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Shaara,
I am saving some of your work to read later. I find that there is so much material to read on wdc, I don't know where to start. It overwhelms me. How do you do it?
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Review by Ametorpe
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am copying these to read later. I got interested after visiting your blog.
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Review of Midnight Dance  
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (5.0)
I twirled through the dark night with her. Nicely written
18
18
Review by Ametorpe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Beautiful story. Really vivid. Noticed that it needs a few tweaks here and there though, the ones that you can easily overlook.


Your up early," she said with a yawn, "I guess your really excited about going to the mountains today.". (noticed it should have been you're)

" She said once she finally came down to the living room. "And really, why are you always watching weird documentaries?". "They're not weird, they're interesting" I replied. ( feel a comma should come after the She said. My thoughts though)

But me and my sister were already ahead of me. They both ran back to the patch of trees but I was too late. (But my mother and my sister, I think that was what you meant to write)


Happy writing!!!
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