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601 Public Reviews Given
603 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am a published author. That doesn't make me an expert reviewer but it does means I've learned a few things about good writing. You can expect me to critique storytelling, character development, plot, transitions and other building blocks of writing. I will point out grammar and punctuation issues when I notice them but if you are looking for someone to give that kind review, there are others who will do far better than I. I try to be honest and encouraging but if you're requesting a review, I'm sure you expect it to be thorough. Good reviews sometimes hurt. I can't spare you that and give you an honest review.
I'm good at...
Critiquing your storytelling skills, especially first chapter reviews. I'm also good at building believable characters and recognizing good dialogue. I can review whole novels but my time is limited and it has to be worth my while.
Favorite Genres
Action adventure, comedy, historical, sci-fi and well-conceived fantasy.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, Erotica, LGBTQ, Poetry. Some of this I don't like at all while the rest I am wholly inadequate to give a review on.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, first chapters, and complete novels if they are not astronomically long.
Least Favorite Item Types
Extremely long novels, poetry, random chapters from the middle of a longer story.
I will not review...
Horror or Erotica. I will also not give reviews on random middle chapters. I don't believe they can be adequately reviewed out of context. Please don't ask me to review Vampire or Zombie stories. The sub-genre has been beaten to death and I don't want to read another one.
Public Reviews
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76
76
In affiliation with Novel Review Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a review from the "Novel Review Group"  and "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

*Sun* Title: The Dome

*Sun* Chapter Reviewed: Prologue

*Sun* User Name: ialbania

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* Plot:

Tim and Lynn driving on a highway in Kansas.

*Sun* Characters:

Not much time spent developing these characters here. We get a sense of what she looks like. Seems to be some kind of underlying conflict between them. She's a little inconsiderate with the Redbull. How is he supposed to fetch himself another one while he's driving. Haven't a clue about their motivations at this point.

*Sun* Grammar:

Two small things but otherwise to my eye flawless. I hope you're in this kind of form when my grammatical nightmare with lousy punctuation has its turn being reviewed.

*Sun* style/voice:

Nice mix of dialog and description. Looks like third person omniscient which is good. Lots of good writers use that point of view.

*Sun* Setting:

Very clear setting for this part. The reader knows exactly where they are.

*Sun* Overall:

I see one huge issue here. I don't see anything I would call a hook here. A book is often judged by it's first couple sentences. Make us want to read the story. Last week's The Legend of Richard and Anne had an awesome prologue. At the end of that I had to read about Anne Baux of Marseilles. Your writing is excellent just compel us with a reason to read your story.

*Sun* Line by line

It was Try to never start any story with "it was". I'm told publishers hate it. getting dark. Dusk had already settled down over the comatose – yet strangely serene – Kansas flatlands. A car softly hummed along the empty single-lane highway, heading toward the rising moon that for the time being looked nestled atop a thin, orange line that seemed to be burning through the sky with the precision of a high-powered laser.

The woman in the front passenger seat bit down gently on a lock of dark-blonde hair sliding it through her glossed lips as she looked out the window.

“So this is Kansas.”

“In all its glory. I’m loving the sky tonight, though,” the man beside her took a gulp of Red Bull, holding the bottom of the steering wheel with his free hand only.

“Right.” Subtle apathy rang in her cold honey coated voice. She grabbed the can from his hand.

“You know, there’s plenty in the back.”

“Then you can grab one for yourself.” Her piercing blue eyes "Piercing blue eyes comes off to me as very cliche. Sorry might just be me. I want someone to have piercing brown eyes some time just to be different. met his and she nodded ever so slightly toward the small refrigerator sitting behind them in the back seat.

She looked ahead and drank. He wanted to think of something to say back but nothing came to mind. So he conceded defeat and could only smile as he turned his attention back to the barren highway.

“There is something to this sky, I suppose, Tim.”

“Huh huh.”

“You know, I doubt this road is well traveled,” she put the can down in the cup holder between them, under the car stereo; “we have to christen it.”

“Lynn, I really don’t want to pull over right now.”

“You’re not.” She began to slide over to him.

“Lynn, I’m driving,” He objected as she put her hands on his cheeks and kissed him.

“And what? You’re going to hit a cow?” She backed away from him just enough to look at him and speak as she shrugged her shoulders.

“If one was around, yes,” he leaned in and kissed back.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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77
77
Review of Stars  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

Two nice little poems on related subject matter. It still would have listed them as separate items though. It makes it a little easier for reviewers. The first is lighthearted and the other more serious.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

Most of the imagery works very well.

*Sun* Suggestions:

"Funky and free" doesn't really do it for me.

*Sun* Overall:

I liked the rhythm and rhyming. Keep up the good work!

Keep on writing!

Pico

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78
78
Review of Dear God 3/3/2011  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

This is an interesting prayer. Nothing ground breaking but well expressed.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

I'm reluctant to pick out anything specific.

*Sun* Suggestions:

A couple things. I would stick with one method of emphasizing your words. In one place you write in a caps for emphasis and later you bold print. The other point I would make is that when quoting a scripture the way you did skip the word "says". It really is unnecessary.

*Sun* Overall:

Well expressed.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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79
79
Review of Lilac Time  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

There is a reason that you're doing this challenge instead of someone like myself. This is really good. I'm not a great poet or poetry reviewer so I occupied myself making sure your lines all had the same number of syllables. Thankfully I can count. I liked the imagery.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

Deadheading the family lilac bushes was one of my chores growing up each year. I love the smell of them so it was very easy for me to get into this.

*Sun* Suggestions:

none

*Sun* Overall:

Great job. Good luck with the Survivor contest. I'm going to go vote now. Keep up the terrific work.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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80
80
Review of Dark Spaces  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

I liked this poem more after I read it a couple of times. The images are very good and are easy to identify with and feel.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

Easily the images you used and the contrast between them.

*Sun* Suggestions:

I suspect that something more could be done with the rhythm of this piece. I think it could be used to create a stronger mood. I think it would have made a stronger impression on me the first time through.

*Sun* Overall:

Excellent work. I enjoyed reading and rereading this. I needed to, to really get the feel of it.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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81
81
Review of On Giving Reviews  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

This is a very helpful well written article. In fact, for the time being I've made myself a fan because I would like to refer to it now and then while I improve my reviewing skills.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

I like the clear well laid out organization. That is extremely important for something that would be considered reference material.

*Sun* Suggestions:

Colors don't thrill me much and I don't think it is really necessary. I didn't mark you down for that. I didn't like your opening sentence though. What I don't like about it is hard to pin down. I just didn't. The rest of the writing was excellent though.

*Sun* Overall:

Excellent work! Like I said early I will be back to refer to this now and then because I think the content was really good. Keep up the good work.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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82
82
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (1.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

I thought I'd give you the honor of being my three hundredth review victim. Like you planned this story was severely screwed up and for that reason we all loved it. I thought you should have won but of course you know that I'm biased.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

"Hutcha" Your Mom was suffering arthritic pain again and I tried invoking this but it didn't work. She laughed though. That's a start.

*Sun* Suggestions:

Are you kidding? I awarded you the one that you worked so hard to earn.

*Sun* Overall:

I'm proud of you. You entered your first contest and I think you came up with something that was at least considered for the prize. Let's see that portfolio of yours grow and your writing get better.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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83
83
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

I'm not much of a poet myself and what I know about Haiku is only a little bit of reading online.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

I do like the simplicity of this piece of work.

*Sun* Suggestions:

My limited knowledge doesn't show me anything wrong with it, so I gave you full marks.

*Sun* Overall:

There wasn't much in your port yet. There is a lot to do, see and read here. Welcome to WDC. I look forward to seeing you around.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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84
84
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

I thought this was a nice love poem that I could relate to. The imagery wasn't spell binding but it had a down to earth honestly about it that I liked.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

Your rhyming couplets were good. There were a lot of what we call imperfect rhymes but you carried it throughout so they didn't stand out oddly. In short they worked.

*Sun* Suggestions:

I think where this poem has the most potential for improvement is with the rhythm. I don't think it ever really gets to a recognizable rhythm and that may help this.

*Sun* Overall:

I thought it was better than the average rating I saw on it and have rated it according to how I feel about it. I thought it was a pretty good poem. Keep up the good work!

Keep on writing!

Pico

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85
85
Review of ONE DAY AN ANGEL  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

I liked the way this poem flowed right through to the last couplet. The rhyme scheme and the rhythm were easy to identify.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

This is hard to pin down. I like the way all the elements worked together on this one.

*Sun* Suggestions:

I trip over something in that last couplet and I can't quite say what it is. I don't know if it's something in the rhythm or the wording or a bit of both. I think it has to do with the last line being spoken to "you" but not saying so until the last phrase.

*Sun* Overall:

There isn't much to add. Excellent work!

Keep on writing!

Pico

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86
86
Review of Fairy’s Favor  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

I thought this was a delightful poem.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

Easily the story line.

*Sun* Suggestions:

I would have tinkered with the rhythm more. In some verses the number of beats per line in the same throughout in others it varies.

*Sun* Overall:

Great story line. Great rhyming throughout. I really like the poem. Keep up the great work.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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87
87
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (2.5)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

On reading this, it is obvious that English is not your first language. Writing in a language other than your own is very difficult. In spite of all that the purpose behind the piece is understandable and does come through. Kudos for that.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

The descriptive phrases you use. Behind the language mistakes I see a gift for observing little things and writing memorable images.

*Sun* Suggestions:

If you intend to write in English, don't give up. Keep working at building your vocabulary and improving your grammar. It will come through in your work.

*Sun* Overall:

I do not wish to discourage you in any way. You are young and appear to have potential as a writer. I could not write as you do in a second language even though I am multilingual. Not many people can. Keep practicing and your work with improve.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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88
88
Review of Sin City  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

This was horrifyingly well written. I'm not much into horror or writing about things from the dark side like this. I may include something like this in the broader scope of something I wrote but I won't make it the main focus of anything I write. There are elements here I learn from though when creating my own believable villains.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

Getting inside the head of your main character.

*Sun* Suggestions:

The weak verb was snuck in there and I think it could be written out. I don't believe you have to eliminate all of them. You did use quite a few of them in the middle of the story.

*Sun* Overall:

This was a FF entry and I was impressed with the quality of the writing. I'm still trying to reach that level in pieces that I've done a lot of revising. Keep up the great work!

Keep on writing!

Pico

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89
89
Review of Lingering Dreams  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

I was thoroughly impressed with this piece. I'm not much of a poet myself but I did like what I saw here.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

I didn't see anything I didn't like. I have a hard time picking out something specific to like more than the rest.

*Sun* Suggestions:

Outside of keep on producing excellent work, none.

*Sun* Overall:

Excellent work. It was a pleasure to read and ponder it.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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90
90
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

This piece has a small town newspaper weekly opinion column feel to it. That is not meant to disparage the work. I think it works.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

The personal experience included in the work.

*Sun* Suggestions:

The writing maybe could be better but I wouldn't mess with it. I think it accomplishes it's purpose the way it is.

*Sun* Overall:

Great job! I work in a call center and understand what you wrote here very well. Keep up the good work.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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91
91
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

I'm not much for fantasy or dragon stories. My kids read them by the wheelbarrow full. I thought the story was well put together and well written.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

I liked the premise of the dragon skin protecting the warrior. In places your description is superb.

*Sun* Suggestions:

"Noooooooooo!"...?? I don't think that really worked. Random thoughts: Does it really take several seasons to manage to build a meager hut? "Sodden face"? I also found that the concluding paragraph while logical was a bit of a leap from the rest of the story. My intention is not to poke fun at the story because I thought it was really quite good. My impression is that you wrote this quickly for the Cramp but never took the time to rework it afterwards. Been there.

*Sun* Overall:

I think this is a great draft and with a little tinkering would be a really great short story. Whether you have the time or the inclination to revisit this story is up to you.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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92
92
Review of Withered Bars  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

Nice to see other Canadians writers on WDC. I liked your poem. The imagery was understandable to my limited poetic ear.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

The imagery and the way it progresses through the poem.

*Sun* Suggestions:

There was rhyming in this piece but I could not identify a clear rhyming scheme. It might have been stronger with a more rigid rhyme scheme. Might also tinker with the rhythm but I thought that was alright.

*Sun* Overall:

You're as new as new can be on this site. I would like to see more of your work here. Good job!

Keep on writing!

Pico

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93
93
Review of Max the robot  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

High marks for writing a fifty five word story with a beginning, middle and end. Well done.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

The robot finds a logical solution to the problem at hand.

*Sun* Suggestions:

This is tricky. Some of the wording in this is awkward. The trick is to rephrase things without changing the word count. Good luck...

*Sun* Overall:

I'm impressed with this piece. I'm not real good at hitting a specific word count. I have enough trouble making my stories either long enough or short enough. Keep up the great work!

Keep on writing!

Pico

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94
94
Review of Faking  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

This strikes me as a simple straightforward sound advice piece.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

I liked the second verse. Explaining why is difficult. Maybe I find it very original.

*Sun* Suggestions:

Double check spelling. Friends has a typo in the third verse. I don't have any trouble with the imperfect rhyme in the second verse with acts and back but I don't feel like the rhyme scheme change from verse to verse helps.

*Sun* Overall:

The poem is better than average and has a lot of strengths. It is clear in its meaning and purpose. It doesn't feel like something is missing and no feel that there is anything extra. It is a whole. Keep up the good work.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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95
95
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

Powerful piece of writing with a strong message.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

I thought you captured the feelings of the mother in the story well. You do make the story real.

*Sun* Suggestions:

Editors and publishers generally are not real fond of the weak verb "was". Take time to count how many times you used it in this piece. I think with appropriate rephrasing you could eliminate most of the them. It should make the writing even stronger.

*Sun* Overall:

Excellent work! There really is not a great deal that can be done to improve this work. Keep up the good work!

Keep on writing!

Pico

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96
96
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

I'm not sure how I would fare writing in one of these extreme limited word count story contests. Kudos to you.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

Favorite element here is easily the fact that this story has a beginning, middle and end. I've read other entries before and not all of them did.

*Sun* Suggestions:

I found the short choppy sentences a little bit distracting. I know it would be difficult to make the sentences flow more within the parameters you were working in but still. I found the word 'was' over used and maybe those two elements would help solve each other if you ever revisited this.

*Sun* Overall:

Excellent work. Keeping a story that short and writing something that could be defined as a story is a real challenge.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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97
97
Review of "A Man Among Men"  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

Always appreciate something written as a tribute to a parent.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

You stuck to a recognizable consistent rhyming scheme. It helps hold the poem together as a whole.

*Sun* Suggestions:

I think the rhythm in this piece could use some tweaking. It doesn't always flow as well as it maybe could.

*Sun* Overall:

Excellent work.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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98
98
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

One hundred words with no repeats, that was definitely a challenge. I'm impressed that you pulled off a complete scene within those guideline. Strange but the scene works and makes sense.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

The title. It's a perfect introduction to this scene.

*Sun* Suggestions:

"Psychiatrist—Yep. Appointment time!" Beyond the scene something definitely needs to be addressed. This scene mostly introduces a need that needs to be followed up on somewhere.

*Sun* Overall:

Deliciously weird. Keep up the great work!

Keep on writing!

Pico

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99
99
Review of FRED AND COCO  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

Nice little poem. We love our pet and always find the behavior of this member of the family entertaining.

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

The imagery of this is something that I can picture in my mind. I can see the action.

*Sun* Suggestions:

None. I can't think of anything wrong here or anything that could be improved.

*Sun* Overall:

Great job! Enjoyed reading about your pets.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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100
100
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

*Sun* First Impressions:

I liked this cute everyday family scene. A thought did flash across my mind of, who's watching the kids while Mom slips out to the convenience stores?

*Sun* My Favorite Elements:

I liked the use of dialog peppered with description.

*Sun* Suggestions:

Most of the descriptive sentences are excellent. There are a few awkward one's. An example is: "My mother pours me, a chubby 5-year-old, a modest bowl of Cheerios."

*Sun* Overall:

Great dialog! Great description!

Keep on writing!

Pico

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