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601 Public Reviews Given
603 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am a published author. That doesn't make me an expert reviewer but it does means I've learned a few things about good writing. You can expect me to critique storytelling, character development, plot, transitions and other building blocks of writing. I will point out grammar and punctuation issues when I notice them but if you are looking for someone to give that kind review, there are others who will do far better than I. I try to be honest and encouraging but if you're requesting a review, I'm sure you expect it to be thorough. Good reviews sometimes hurt. I can't spare you that and give you an honest review.
I'm good at...
Critiquing your storytelling skills, especially first chapter reviews. I'm also good at building believable characters and recognizing good dialogue. I can review whole novels but my time is limited and it has to be worth my while.
Favorite Genres
Action adventure, comedy, historical, sci-fi and well-conceived fantasy.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, Erotica, LGBTQ, Poetry. Some of this I don't like at all while the rest I am wholly inadequate to give a review on.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, first chapters, and complete novels if they are not astronomically long.
Least Favorite Item Types
Extremely long novels, poetry, random chapters from the middle of a longer story.
I will not review...
Horror or Erotica. I will also not give reviews on random middle chapters. I don't believe they can be adequately reviewed out of context. Please don't ask me to review Vampire or Zombie stories. The sub-genre has been beaten to death and I don't want to read another one.
Public Reviews
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151
151
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The funeral scene is bizarre yet believable. The contrast between good and evil here I believe works its intended purpose. It works. I do sympathize with the Gardyner family in the dark hour. I think you handled it well. Most readers at this point I think want to read of Lord Blackstones demise soon although they don't necessarily want it to be swift. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter.

Pico

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152
152
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Everything in this chapter follows along logically and realisticly.

The Gardyner family are portrayed as normal good folk. They are likeable and easy to sympathize with.

Lizzy in the last chapter seemed stoopid but changes that impression around in her scene with Albert. She's doing her best to survive. Albert's reaction is completely understandable.

Lord Blackstone comes across as having no redeeming qualities. So far that works. I just find it a little hard to believe that his unsustainable habits haven't already finished him off.

I don't see anything to technically criticize in this chapter.

Pico

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153
153
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I'm impressed with the amount of background work done to put your writing in an authentic setting. Much of the returning of the body paints a picture of life in that place at that time. I liked that.

The first chapter drew me into the story and this chapter serves to deepen the characters as the story moves along. Lord Blackstone continues to make himself completely unlikeable. One thought here is that many of the extremely evil people that have walked this planet have either a certain charisma or charm about them. Hitler for example was powerfully charismatic. Many notorious serial killers have been intelligent and charming. To this point Blackstone seems just bad.

I was disappointed with Albert. In the first chapter I kind of liked him but in the conversation in this chapter he comes off as a little bit dumber than he should be. Just an impression.

The Book of Judgment having blank pages really doesn't do anything for me at this point. I'm assuming that will become more significant later on. If it doesn't, I would have found unreadable script more captivating.

That's pretty much my impressions to this point. Actually looking forward to reading more. Now back to my rewriting.

Pico

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154
154
Review of As I Fought  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A nice little ditty. Kept it nice and simple. Rhyming and rhythm are all excellent.

I'm not much of a poet myself. Only occasionally come up with anything at all. No real criticism for you on my part either. Just keep on writing. There are a lot of good writings to spend time with on this site.

Keep up the good work!

Pico

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155
155
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
As a deeply religious person, I hesitated to read your book based on the title and the brief description. You might raise an eyebrow at that, but I'm not familiar with your work and I've run across a lot of weird and ignorant stuff in my time.

I also hesitated because I expected your stuff to be really well written. I wasn't disappointed. I generally try to review items where I think I might have something of value to offer. I'm not sure I do. You are obviously already at a level that I'm still aspiring to reach.

I liked your first chapter a lot. I will take the time to read and review further. I didn't see anything I didn't like. You no longer need a wasectomy. You did practice what you preach. I'm working on revising my fifth chapter with your review in mind. My daughter, who also writes here, is also trying to take your words to heart.

Thanks and keep writing!

Pico

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156
156
Review of Insolvent  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
The positive on this piece is that you have no problem with painting a word picture. You used a lot of imagery. Your use of the english language is excellent. That alone puts you well ahead of a lot of aspiring writers

The downside of this piece is this. Editors, publishers and frankly most readers need to have a reason to keep reading beyond the first few sentences. Description can keep them aboard for awhile but you can't wait too long to give them a real hook. Honestly, if this was a significantly longer piece, I would've bailed out on you about five sentences in. Don't abandon your imagery and description just make sure you hook us in near the beginning of the story.

Keep writing!

Pico

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157
157
Review of My Guardian Angel  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I thought the imagery in this piece was superb. I'm not clear on the structure but I'm not very learned when it comes to poetry. I don't understand why you rated it 18+ though. I would have rated E or at the very highest 13+. One thing about the 18+ rating is that it can prevent some people from reading it and some others might choose not to.

Excellent writing though. Keep up the good work.

Pico

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158
158
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I'm not much into this kind of dark prose but I think you wrote it well. I had no real difficulty understanding what was being talked about and the imagery was good. I think that's a big positive. I don't consider myself easily befuddled and I've read some baffling pieces of work in my time.

Only real critique is early on in the piece where you wrote "another suck filled day". I know what you mean but the phrase really hits a sour note when I read it.

Keep writing,

Pico

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159
159
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm now a fan
160
160
Review of Snow Angels  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A sobering look at how adult relationship problems affect their children. I liked your writing and the way you expressed this. My only real criticism for this piece has to do with it written as if it was a poem. I read it as good prose because while it does contain poetic imagery, I really don't see it as a poem.

Keep up the good work!

Pico

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161
161
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked this. It gave me the feel of being there. I've been to major sporting events before and I think you captured the feel of fighting to get there and then being part of the crowd. I noticed the ratings were lower than I expected for this at this point. Maybe ya gotta be a fan to understand.

Keep up the good writing!

Pico

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162
162
Review of Tomorrow  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I kinda liked this. It is a sort of progression through life although in that sense I would have liked to have seen it start at the beginning of life and progress all the way through. As it was it starts at the beginning of a life with someone but progresses beyond that someone. It makes more sense to me to have the person begin and end the saga alone or start off getting together and then ending when they are parted. Hope what I say makes some sense to you.

Pico

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163
163
Review of Nightmares  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Your use of language is very good and I think you capture the horror element of the story well. The horror ebbs and flows which I think is a good thing. There are things that are missing though. We really know nothing about either one of the characters of this story. A reader is going to want to know who and just and importantly why. This piece comes off a scene in a longer story.

Horrify me but give me more!

Pico

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164
164
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely expressed. It's sad that so many people will work against you when you try to move forward and grow as a person. It's so often family and friends. It is encouraging on the other hand to find so many people ready to cheer you on. Your poem I believe expressed the feelings very well. Rhyme and rhythm are there although I don't find that it flows perfectly throughout.

Keep up the good writing!

Pico

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Review of The Brave  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A good patriotic poem. I think we should all have pride in the work our soldiers are doing. I speak as a Canadian. The American military works to the same purpose most of the time so we're on the same page.

I like the rhyming through most of the poem. The rhythm is a little hard to get into though. I'm not sure how to improve that, but that was the feeling it gave me.

Keep writing!

Pico

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166
166
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like your poem. I like it because of sticking to a recognizable structure, working with a single theme and then bringing it to a satisfying conclusion that relates it all to the reader. Some people don't like a lot of imperfect rhyming but I like the way your words work together with the rhythm of the lines.

Keep writing!

Pico

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167
167
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A well written poem with good imagery. "A metaphor for the challenge of the road to real love" was the introduction to this piece, and I don't think that, that was what was delivered. Your poem does describe the feelings on that "road" but it never actually brings us to the end of that road. I would modify the introductory statement to better describe what the poem is about.

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168
Review of Rescue me Daturas  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This appears to have a beginning, middle and end, which ties this poem together. I like that. It isn't just a bunch of random thoughts. Some of the imagery is superb. They instantly bring a picture to mind. That also is very good. Some of the images confused me as to their meaning. Practice will make you better. Don't feel bad about my saying that. Some of the great poets leave me a little baffled.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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169
169
Review of Faerie Magic  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm not much of a poet and reviewing poetry is not really my forte. It looks and sounds good to me. It also sticks to the subject and doesn't baffle me completely. The second verse piques my curiosity. I know that evening primrose is edible and that they have medicinal value but I'm not aware of their connection to faeries.

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170
170
Review of Ancient Enemies  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I'm impressed not only did you make a good acrostic out of this, you did a good job of rhyming along with it. I have been surprised at the number of acrostic poems that show up on this site. I was never exposed to them until I went to theology school. The bible it turns out is full of them. This was one of the better one's that I have seen here. I'd like to see someone add a rythmic element to it as well. Just don't look at me to be the genius writer to accomplish that.

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171
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Review of Rematch!  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This the first time I've seen any of your work. You obviously know your way around a sentence and you know how to make a story with a beginning, middle and end. The story starts with a certain kind of energy and maintains it all the way through without let up. It started to bother me about two thirds of the way through. I would try to vary the intensity of the energy to make this story better.

All things considered this is targeted at a much younger audience than myself. I will try and convince a couple of my teenage children on this site to read this and give you a review from their perspective.

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Review of "Free"  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I marked this as average but I do think you have a lot of writing ability. Your english and grammar are probably better than mine. I had a hard time really getting into the story and I think it has more to do with a very repetitive sentence structure throughout your descriptions in the story. If you would mix up the sentence structures more at those points I think it will improve the readibility of your story.

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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You obviously just had fun writing this. If I were you, I would probably be quite happy with it the way it is. It's positive it's carefree, and it probably says how you feel about riding horses pretty much exactly. That being said it could use a little work with the rhyming and the rhythm.

Keep writing and don't ever stop having fun while you're doing it!

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174
Review of how you say it  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I do like the shorter version better but I think the longer one has potential. I think it would need to be reworked some though. It gets out of rhythm in a few places and I think some of the rhyming could be improved. It is better than average though. One thing I do like is, what you are talking about is understandable.

Good work! Keep on writing. One last quick note, last line of the short version has what looks like a typo. I think you meant say instead of sat.

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175
175
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked this piece for the vivid descriptive writing. I think you succeeded in getting us into Corbins head which is not an easy thing to accomplish.

The very short paragraphs I found a little distracting even grating to a degree. I'm not sure I would change it though. I think the reader is supposed to feel a little unsettled, a little off balance. I like the effect and I don't. I'm sure that's clear as mud.

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